Hesitating to answer the question "would you ever go back" is as bad as being unsure about what you currently possess

For the sake of our own sanity we convince ourselves that everything happens for a reason although we may not know that reason. In all truth and honesty things happen because they happen. **** knows why.

LOBOLA
Let me drift you away from the idea that lobola is buying your wife. No! It isn't. As black families, we believe that parents raise kids and once the kids have grown and are independent they get to now take care of their parents. Now! We know that once you get married, that might change because now you will be having your own family to take care of. We know that as men, that never really changes...you still get to take care of your parents and a family of your own hence there is no lobola for men. Now as women, we acknowledge that you are going to get married and go live by your in-laws or some place else and traditionally it is believed that you are never to come back home since you have been "taken". Understandably so because you are now part of a certain family and have broken the cord from yours. Fast forward to lobola therefore as a man who is taking away a woman from a family which she was taking care of, you ought to leave them with something so that they may continue living or surviving since you are taking away their "bread winner". Back in the days lobola was paid by cows, because with livestock you are rich and can survive for many years. The idea of lobola started being an issue and misunderstanding when it converted to hard cash. Which shouldn't have because it is still the same concept...with a certain amount of money you should be able to take care of your family and survive. How lobola got misinterpreted as buying your wife is not well understood however it could be presumed that it is because of the attributes that contributes to the price tagging. Your behaviour, achievements, ability to reproduce etc are what contributes to the billing. Which honestly shouldn't be an issue because parents know that with the achievements that you have you were going to take care of them well...very well. With the manners that you have...you will respect your husband and be obedient towards him. You will bear kids for your husband and gave a big family. Everyone is happy. All in all to able to understand the concept of lobola you have to understand culture and tradition but you are going to say "times have changed" and you are now modernised.

BLACK TAX
Having given birth to you, having raised you....there is a need for our parents to be taken care of "in return" once you are well groomed and independent of them. Ideally it was more of common courtesy, a reflex need to care, a way of saying thank you for raising me but no! As new age kids we call it 'Black tax'. Why black? Because black families are the only ones that practice it(as compared to white or other families). Why tax? Because we feel we are being charged for the support our parents gave us from birth until our independence. You think your parents called it "pregnancy/birth tax" when they had to feed you, bathe you, pay for your school fees, buy you clothes until you got to where you are now? No! I don't think so. It was out of love. We feel it as a burden because the rest of the society is not doing it. We feel it's a drag because we have associated ourselves with people who know zilch about our backgrounds and culture and therefore tell us it is wrong. We feel it is uncalled for because new age motivational speakers told us that we are our parents' responsibility and not the other way round. It is disappointing that we feel this way about having to take care of our families, people who wholeheartedly raised us and made sure that we had everything we needed. We ought to be reminded that "charity begins at home" ergo we may not drive lavish cars, live in fancy houses, impress our friends and partners with expensive gifts while our families back at home are struggling for a piece of bread and living in shacks. Although some may be coming from rich backgrounds there should still be something that you could do for your family not because they cannot afford it but because you can and most of all want to do it. We should spontaneously take care of our families without dread. It should be a reflex and something that you enjoy doing. I acknowledge that you get your own bills to pay but if you care enough, among those bills should be appreciation bills to your family. But then again you are going to tell me that "times have changed"

INDEPENDENCE
In black families, as products(children) of our parents we are allowed to be under their wing until whenever we are "ready" to fly on our own. By that, there is no time limit, it depends on so many things but nonetheless it could take you 21 years...35 years...sometimes it may never come to pass. Independence is something that never used to bother, we were fine with dependence and so were our parents. In this new age independence seems to be what everyone is aiming for and and such you hear words like "You can't stay with your parents at this age" "You need to get your life together" "We not always going to be there". I don't blame those who crave and/or achieve it, I blame the society and r/evolution which are disguised as"growth". We have now succumbed to the pressures that are put unto us by comparison and therefore feel the abrupt need to fly away. Who said our parents cannot take care of us our whole lives? They are our parents we are their responsibility, it is never gonna change it shouldn't change. But then again, "times have changed"

Did you **** her last night? Coz when I made love to you this morning I felt closer to her
When I rested my head on your chest, it sounded just like an Xbox
Got me thinking you heating it off with your past
Tell me, do you still love her?
Perhaps you were still trying to cross her bridge when I came and offered you a ride in my boat
Do you really like me?
I'd say I'm likeable but I'd rather not gloat
*So do you?

Story of my life....
My criminal offense
I did 2 years in a cage
Got sent away for loving you
I participated and didn't call it off
I was an accomplice to love
I was there for you, with you
Played a part in your love affair
Then you trapped me in your circle of promises
Broken promises

I went to jail for your own sins
Dishonesty, untrustworthy, alcoholism irresponsible, careless, self-centeredness sexist, ungrateful, unapologetic
Should've known better
That **** got me locked up
Got released but am on probation
Had to do a little bit of snitching...introspection
Got lucky, things could've went pear shaped
Pulled myself together now I got to testify
Tell the whole world how you molested my trust
How you emotionally ***** me
How you beat my heart to a pulp
How I couldn't stop you though I tried
I have to confess all of that
Else I am facing a life sentence of abuse, brokenness and loneliness
I have to testify against you
and set myself free from binding chains
So help me God to tell the truth
And finally get to walk away