No one will ever know
The pain in your heart
The tears of a father
Falling all apart
Your the one who didn't run when the test said yes
Your the one who took your turn
Your chance to be the best
The baby knows your heart
The baby sees you tears
The baby says it's ok
Knows it's not forever
Till you will smile again
It knows you will never forget
The tears you cried
as a father

Loss of breath
Stuttered words
Not myself
My heart misses a beat
Who can this be
I thought I would never find you
You’re always there for me
You know just what to say
You help make the pain go away
Making the world alright
I will finally get some sleep tonight
Soothing words you speak
You make my heart so strong and never weak
The rough times you help me through
I learned every day is brand new
The way you hold my hand
When you kiss me so sincere
You put your arms around me
I feel your heart so clear
Nothing can express what you mean to me
You are you
And I am me
Together we are everything I need

A ******* is something I don't call many
Someone that prolongs pain
And what did you have to gain
You broke my heart
And you just don't give a ****
How could you do this
I finally gave my heart away
To someone who is an ***
I thought you really cared
But my heart you did not spare
So shut the **** up
There's nothing you can say
Leave me the hell alone
Just go away

Hiding in a dark place
Hiding due to fear
Not of the world
Or the people here
I am scared of one word
That word is LOVE
When this word is said
You can't take it back
It's there forever
You can't stop feeling it
And the people around you
All they want is to hear it
When my heart was torn in two
Due to this word
I never wanted to say it again
But then I felt it all over
I thought I could avoid it
That maybe it would just go away
But it won't and I can't
So one more time
I'll scream it to the world
I love you
But if you hurt me
Then I quit
I won't let anyone make me feel that pain again

A Momma bakes the bread
And cleans the floors
She opens up all you doors
Wiping off your silly face
Those are the things that make her day
You never think she will say goodbye
Her soul leaving for the sky
You will need her then and pray it’s not real
But she will but gone unable to hear
The days will be spent wishing for the past
That she had not left you quite so fast

Looking so young and healthy
The hardest thing i do
Feeling so weak and broken
All the pain I hide from you
My body attacks itself
Noone understands the hand i was delt

I was raised to never be weak
It was a sign of defeat
Silence the hurt locking it away
Just try to make it through each day

Walking makes me ache
Lifting makes me shake
Feet touching the floor
I have to make myself move to the door

Living in fear of flare
Relapse is part of the deal
Don't have a disease you can see
The battle is inside of me

Fighting every day
No pain shown on my face
You won't see my battle
I will fight with grace
Playing with my baby's
I will win this race
Working every day
I will match everyone's pace
Won't walk with my limp
I have earned my place

Holding my head high
I wont let you see me cry
If you see a glint in my eye
Just know i will flight not lay down and die

The battle i fight
It is one within
It is one that i will win

You put on your makeup
Then your cologne
You try to hide yourself
You don't want it to show
The insecurities
They seem to be endless
You cry at night because of this
With your head held high
You smile and walk by
Some say you’re beautiful
Others say you’re not
You only wish
Your heart would stand out instead
Then they would see
See your true beauty

I look in the mirror
I don’t see myself
I only see the pieces of what used to be
Every time I fall I get a little smaller
I always have had to leave some pieces behind
Only gluing the ones I could find
I have learned to stand alone
Fight the battles on my own
Survive but never thrive
It’s how I stayed alive
Leaning on someone else was never an option
They give false hope
I end up being the **** of all their jokes
I feel like I have to fight my demons
Then maybe I can give you what you need
Maybe someday I will find all the pieces of me

I'm scared
But I lie about it

I'm ashamed
But I act so proud

I'm mad
But I put on a smile

I am laughing to your face
But I am crying on the inside

I'm sad
But I Iie about it

I'm not trusting
But I act like I trust everyone

But I stopped putting myself through all of this

When I discovered the truth
And I won't lie about it

You see me
I see you
You turn away
I look and dream
You laugh
I cry
You go shopping
I go begging
You bathe
I wash
You play
I work
You want to live
I have to lie
The real difference between us is:
You are raised
I do raise

I got my license here today
I don't even know what to say
Where do I want to go
maybe far away
To find a job in a place with no respect
Maybe to church to pray for my next step
I could just go home and show off my picture
There's only one place I want to be
I want to see my family
They are the ones I want to show my picture to
Their the ones I want to say "I'm so proud of you"
Will they hug me
Will they cry
Are they drunk or are they high
After I see them will I just want to lay down and die
I don't even think they know that I love them so
I want to go to them
Show them who I am
Have their arms wraped around me
Holding me so tight
I want to be with the ones I miss
This is my birthday wish

The tree is tall
The branches grow wide
Some reaching side by side
Unconditional and scared by life
Each leaf has more than on side
Without the leaves
A tree grows bear
Each leaf is a testament
Showing love that has been shared
This tree was planted at the dawn of time
No one knowing how tall it would become
Or how much life would grow
The day that the first two became one
The tree may die one day
The leaves will fall and decay
But the love that was shared
And the memories that were made
Those will last forever
Until the earths dying day

One more hit
No one cares
One more night
Nothing matters
Lost everything
It's all gone
Role a blunt
Fill that pipe
Light it up
The headaches leave
I see one
Nothing in twos
The blurs are gone
I'm focused in
God can't help
People can't either
The fight is over
Till the end

In this world we have rights
Does any one care
In this world we have laws
Does any one follow them
In this world we have fun
Does any one think about this
We have a constitution
No one abides by it
We have choices
Does no one pay attention
In this country we have many things
But who cares
Not one person
We go on living
Working
Breathing
And sometimes sleeping
We live with no purpose
We work for cash
We breath to sustain life
We sleep for rest
But we make choices
We live in America
So we are free

There is so much pain inside of me
Things that you can not see
I hide my heart from your face
Because there's things that you cannot erase
There is a wall between me and you
I'm so afraid to let You through
I want to show you who I am
Maybe there you will find answers
A sign to point in my direction
I want to stop this wall from growing
But I can't without knowing
Will you hurt me
Will you stay
Or someday will you go away
I love you with my whole heart
Even when we are far apart
So maybe someday when I'm ready
We can make this wall go away

I give to you my heart
The one you can get to know
Promise me one thing
When you have ths heart of mine
You will treat it like gold
Please don't throw it away
Or put it on a shelf to stay
I hope you treat it as your own
Don't break this heart of mine
Then I will only have pieces of memories you left behind
Broken dreams of what can not be
I love you
So now you know me

The distance is killing me
My body is screaming out

I want to be there
I am so ready

Baby I want to get close
And show you things you have never seen

Touching my body
Looking into my eyes

I want to yell
I want to scream

Saying my name
Yelling it louder

Baby show me what I missed
I want to feel it to my finger tips

Don't stop
Don't tease
Please make me scream

Where am I going to end up
My future is decided
Mom or Dad

My dreams don'tmattter
A drunk
A rejector of family
I have to choose

Why try
A town ***
A **** up hyprocryite
I have to choose

I can follow
Fly with God
Sink to the devil
I have to choose

I can live
Love and rejoice
Serve and pray
I choose you lord

Nine years old
Not yet a teen
Not quite independent
I couldn't stop the noises
I couldn't help the pain
Why can't I disappear
Why can't I leave
I need to breakout

All grown up
New family
New friends
New everything
The noises are still there, with diffeerent people
The pain won't stop for anything
I'm still in fear
I'm still crying
Down on the floor
Knealed by the bed
Begging God

Why don't things ever change
No matter where I go
In my teens now, yet still a helpless nine year old

Mom, why did you bring me to this earth
You had to know that I'd get hurt
Can you see the pain I'm in
Feel the pain I feel
Feel it deep wihin
I know you taught me to brush me teeth
You helped me learn my ABC's
You kissed my elbowhen I fell
You made me smile when I wasn't feeling well
We've gone through alot in this life
Been places we never wanted to be
No matter how hard life got
I thought you would stand beside me
Since you are gone now
I need your help
I want you to show me how to love
Teach me how to care
Tell me life gets better
When my life dosen't go some where
Give me back my smile
Take my tears away
Help me embrase my life
Take it on, grab it by the horns
Show me where to turn
Help me to avoid the hurt
This is all I want mom
A chance to live to the fullest
Show me how to do this
Point me out the way
Let me live my life, day by day
I'm sick of crying
There's no one to wipe my tears
I'm sick of being me
I have to many fears
Help me mom
Get me through this
I know you can
Try your hardest
Do it for me
... your daughter

My life is like a rug
I pile everything on
I hide my secrets on the bottom
Hoping no one will see
All of my insecurities
I don't want them to know
The only things that love me
I am afraid that when they find these things that I hold so deep
They will use them against me
Sometimes the weight is so heavy
Sometimes it is light
When I don't know what to do
I turn to fight
My fist won't help me
There's nothing that I can do
They know my secrets now
How do I get through
I hate relying on others
It is when I am weakest
They tell me it's ok
They say it will get better
They pull and tug on this rug
Just to get a reaction
I lose my balance just for a split second
Now this person has control of where my rug goes
And I am the only one who cares or knows
I know that if they pull the rug to hard
My world will fall and crumble apart

I don't get it
I don't understand
How can someone who birthed me
Not love me
How can someone who loved me
Not care what happens to me
How could my father figure who wanted me
Just leave me behind
How can someone who took me in
Just let me go
How can people make promises
Then just to break them

I have staied up on sleepless nights
Not even thinking of all the sights
Only of the things that hurt
While wiping my eyes with a shirt
The pain is unreal
I go numb at the thought that it might not heal
I sneak from place to place
I cry at every face
The pain will not be leaving
I keep on heaving
I can't breath
I can't see
It's going dark
Now it's black
Where did you go
I want to come back

I am isolated
From life
I am traped
By spite
I am hated
With all their might
I am loved
Only at sight
I am faced
Only in the light

The one's I loved
The one's I needed
Their all gone
Away from my sight they had to go
I wonder if they even know
Did they see the pain
The mask that I put on
Did they know the hurt
Or where they always gone
I wanted to wake up
Seeing the jail again
It felt like a dream
Nothing could help me
Nothing could send my pain away
I had fallen astray
The will of God was not there
I made myself go numb
Never wanted to feel
I was almost gone
When I finally made myself kneal
The sight of God will be glorious
Until the day I see his face
The pain I let hurt me deep inside
I can never erase

You’re the one I want to tell my secrets to
I want to share my dreams with you
There are things that you don't know
A past that I never let show
When you ask me a question
I sometimes avoid the answer
That's when words seem so empty
They won't explain how I feel
When you ask me about the truth
And the things I hold so dear
It's going to be hard to open my heart
For someone else to see
I know that I can count on you to see me through
All this pain inside of me
You have to understand that it's so hard to just let it be
It will take some time to let you in
I hope that you understand
I want you to know me
And what made me who I am
So ask me any question
I think you deserve an answer
For you’re the one I can't lie to
So here I am
An open book
For only you to see

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You hurt me baby
But I still love you

You look in my eyes
Search for my soul
You don't look deep
So you let go

What do I do
How can I make you see
I look back at you
But you can't see through me

I know you will leave
If not now then soon
I just want you to see
Who we could be

Never mind
Maybe it's not meant to be
I am done
It's always just me

I don't want to hurt you
I don't want to feel any pain
I'm sorry for what I have done
I really didn't mean it
You deserve better
You need so much more
Please don't cry
Baby wipe your eyes
I know it hurts to hear the truth
That’s why I didn't tell you
I'm sorry you had to hear
From someone else’s mouth
I love you
That you will always know
Keep that in your heart
Don't ever let it go
I hope you will come find me
Search in every direction
If you look for me
The one you cannot see
Then I will always be
Looking back for you

I run my fastest
But I still get beat
I land on my head
When I should be on my feet
I try to move forward
But I am stuck in rewind
Why do I keep at it?
I won't be left behind

The harder I am thrown
The higher I bounce
I give it my all
And thats all that counts
In first place
I seldom ever find
So I push to the limit
I won't be left behind

Some people tell me I can't
Some say don't
Some simply give up
I reply, I won't

The power is here
Locked away in my mind
My perseverance is my excellence
I won't be left behind

Make the best of each moment
The future is soon the past
The more I tell myself this,
The less I come in last
Throughout my competition
I've learned what winning is about
A plain and clear lesson
Giving up is the easy way out

So every night before I go to bed
I hope in some way I have shinned
Tomorrow is a new day
And I won't be left behind

What do you do when your life is built on a lie
All you want to do is lay down and die
You can't change, because everyone will know
The true you will then show
You can't be who you are
The pressure is to strong
Even though inside you feel all wrong
No turning back
Your too far gone
Might as well be the person they see
They don't want anyone else
But I want to be me
How can I change, when they are always looking
Trying to point out my faults and failures
Trying to hurt me with the words they say
They think they know me
But they don't know the half of it
I wish I showed them
Now I can't
It's too late
I'm sorry I missed my chance

What’s the point of my life
What’s the point of all this strife
What’s the point of living life like this, day by day
What’s the point for this pain, that makes me want to run away
What’s the point for people lying, when they say my life will turn out fine
What’s the point for any of this
When all I wanted you to say was, have a nice day and give me a kiss
If you read this don't have sympathy
Try your hardest and don't turn out like me

Comfort in his arms
Safety in his words
Peace in his hands
Love in his heart
These things I have found
I'm looking for specifics
Can I hold him forever
Listen to sincere words
Hold on to life
Live forever in love
I've never gotten this
Ask for anything
Answer every question
And finally changed my mind

She stands here in this place of emptiness
Red is all around, is it love or hate
I see the tears flowing down her face
She is sad like the empty sky on a cold day
No one sees or understands how much she is truly hurting inside, while watching everyone else living their lives with a smile on their face
The tears flow faster and faster
Her shirt is soaked and she doesn’t care
She cries while wishing that someone would open their eyes to her pain
Her soul tries to fly like an eagle or soar like a dove
But it falls down drowning to deep
How can she show them, without saying a word, but tell the truth to her past
She asks herself if she will ever be able to walk away from the confusion of the red
Her face has turned as red as the place that she is in
Her tears tare through her heart draining on the floor
She only wants to find the love that can break her out of this horrible place
But no one sees

One thing mankind will never know
Should you follow your heart and let it show
Or follow your mind and what you know
Your heart can be hurt and feel like a curse
But your mind can deceive you and make it worse
If you follow your heart you might end up broken and sad
But following your head leaves you confused and mad
Love is felt by the heart
It can be hidden by your mind
But when your alone your love is what you want to find
How can you know what to do
All you can do is try to get through
Don't look back
Or regret your choice
Because you had to decide
So which is better for you
I chose to follow my mind
And leave my heart far behind

You can't have him
He's the one I love
You can't take him away
He's the one who wants to stay
You don't know the things we've been through
He's the one who holds me
The tears I cry
His hand wipes away
The smile on my face
He has always put there
The grin he gives me
The look in his eyes
You will never have
The love I have for this man
Could raise an army of ten thousand
He's my blessing from God
I gave him my future
He has my spirt
He is my love

I know I have an angel
She's watching over me
She's way up in the sky
The one place that I can not see

I can see hell
It is where it should not be
Hell has come to earth
It has come to torture me
It has taken over this place I call home
When the world is falling apart
I know deep in my heart
My angel will have something good to say

I call up to my angel
I ask her to tell me about he one place I can not see
She tells me it is beautiful
All the streets are gold
There are mansions all around
One of them will be my true home
She tells me about a man
The one who died for me
She says he is not a superman
He is so much greater then me
He's the alpha
And the omega
He is my lord, and my savior
He is the creator

A tiny little heart that never beat
Feet that never really grew
A beautiful little person who never got to know
The pure love you mom and dad never got to show
Instead of seeing your first smile
We had to let you go
There will be no kisses on your sweet little face
Only pain in my heart that no one can ever erase
We wanted to hold you so tight
In our arms full of love where you would have fit just right
Instead we said goodbye to someone we never met
If only and what could have been are all we will ever get
A baby book was never filled out
But our love for you never came with doubt
Mommy fought, begged, and prayed
Daddy sat silent hoping you would stay
Tears fell to the ground so hard
But god just dealt you the wrong card
Your brothers would have loved you and taught you so much
The little bitty baby they never got to touch
To be parents to you would have given us such pride
If only you didn’t need to go flying in the sky
I hope you have beautiful wings
And you get to hear all of the angels sing
Goodbye to our tiny little love
Goodbye to my baby, fly like a dove

I have had my heart broken
Stomped on and torn
It has been a rough ride
But I chose to take my own side
Even though I felt blind most of the time
I didn't know where to turn
But it didn't matter as long as I stopped getting burned
Things were not always easy
In fact they got pretty hard
But a long as I could be happy
I think it is worth it
Love is not easy
And hurts most of the time
But I wonder if I did what was right
By turning out that glimmer of light

Looking in my eyes
Seeing who I am
Holding me so close
I want to have it known
I love this man
I want it to show
With every tender kiss
With each beat of your heart
I will tell you I love you
Over and over again
I love no other man
Other than this one
The one who has my heart
And repeats the words I love to hear
So if it were my last day on earth
I would only want to say one thing
I love you
The special part is
I know you love me

Pain was my life
Drugs were my pleasure
Alcohol was on my breath
Secrets were in my ears
Theft was in my brothers hands
*** was in the next room
Love was non-existent
Speed was in everyone’s feet

Now

Pain in not so often
Drugs are not needed
Alcohol is a turn off
Secrets are funny
Theft is stopped
*** is saved
Love is all around me
Speed is slowed
I am finally at peace

No blanket of tears
Honesty finally preserves
I am who I want to be
No one is trying to stop me
My family is starting to understand
My friends finally know my plans
No more lying to myself
No more hiding the pain I felt
I can finally move on
From all the things that went so wrong
No more secrets in my ears
I'm not in some ridiculous disguise
I am me
That's who I want to be

Trust is fake
There is no true meaning
If you trust someone with your heart
Their hands will get tired
They will drop it
Then they will not watch their step
Instead of letting you find it
They crush it
Making you pick up the pieces
Faith is not everlasting
It can only be pushed so hard
Eventually it will be blown out
Easier then a candle
Love is not eternal
Someone will always find a way to make you doubt it
Doubt then washes away any existance of the painful feeling

Holding me down on that bed
Making me cry
Banging my head
In and out
That’s all I felt
Blacking out
Stuck in my head
I know I had too many
It gave you no right
I was passed out
When you got on top
Took off my pants
You never thought
Taking advantage
Why didn’t you stop?
Let me go
Let me free
I blocked it
And years went by
One day it came back
I went numb
Can’t be touched
Don’t want to breathe
I have to come to terms
With what you have done to me

A home is some where you feel safe
And no one can take away
Where you are comfortable
You are who you are
You don't have to keep up appearances
Or hide the unknown
A home is something you can call your own
You aren’t ashamed
You never have to run
Lay your stuff where you want
Rest and relax
And know
This place is your home
I know the meaning of the word
But I have never truly experienced it
For I know that when comfort comes
Disruption is not far behind
No place has ever been forever to me
I have lost everything
Therefor I have learned
If you expect nothing
Then nothing can be taken or lost

The words never left
Just got locked behind
A door so black
No one shod find
I put it all away
Feeling that I hide
The ones that scare
Locked in a book
Held inside
Opening wounds that never heal
I hide them away so I don’t feel
I can reveal my secrets
But I hate the looks
The pity I see
When they open my book
I hide my pain on the pages
But they never leave my side
It will not judge or force regret
Taking me as I am
Flawed and broken but held together with bindings
These pages are my writings

We feel it every day
When our parents get that divorce
It comes up
When a friend stabs you in the back
It's there
When you leave some place and know you can't go back
It peeks out
When you lose someone who's so close you can feel their mood
It shows through
When your only true love lies and leaves like a coward
It larks near
When you find yourself the one who departs, stabs, goes, becomes lost, and breaks hearts

Are you sick of all the games
It never changes
Always staying the same
First the lieing
Hiding things from your face
If they betay you
Don't let them ask for another chance
Never agin will they be yours
Trust is something hard to give away
Why do they take advantage
Throw them away
Make them pay

What is with pictures?
What do they mean?
For some
They show all the special times together
For others
They show the happy moments
For me
They show the times that were there and are now gone forever
Pictures are never taken during hard times
But the ones taken are ment to help us get through the har times

When can we see the truth
Why do people lie
Say things that aren't real
Why do people cry
Hiding the things they feel
Why do people leave
Do they have something to gain
Why do people die
Leaving others in pain

Where can we see the truth
Not in the words people speak
Not in the smiles people seek
Not in the suitcases we carry
Not inthe things left behind to burry

How can we see the truth
Not by opening our ears to hear
Not by hiding all our tears
Not by running in a fight
Not by fading away with the light

Why are people so mean
Why can they not just see
Are they scared of what they do not see
Is opening their heart just to hard for them
Is their opinois that slim
The damage may already be done
The scars may be to hard to mend

How do you tell the truth from a lie
Or is the truth just one big lie

Dreams, hopes, and prayers
Brought to my knees right there
Tubes were giving you breath
All of my fears lead to death
Nurses all aroundwith this look on their face
I thought it could be my last embrace
I held you down for each blood withdrawal
Everytime it broke off a piece of my heart
You were just so tiny and small
You could hear my heart beat all down the hall
The doctors looked with sadness in their eyes
So many little babies had fought and died
But you are mine
You were made to shine
Fighting is in your blood
I gained more hope hearing your hearts little thud
You are as strong as a fighter must be
So I will be strong and pull out the mother in me
I took you home with every medication in hand
This will not be our last stand
You will grow and be brave as you must do
Because my heart would die without you
So fight little boy
Keep breathing on your own
God can not call
I will not let him call you home