When I knew you,
You could do anything
I sat at your feet like a small child in awe
Looking up at  you with eyes opened widely
You were magical.

I lost you along the way
And I just heard your voice on the phone for the first time in a while,
I don't hear the magic anymore.

The passion is gone
Perhaps it is hidden behind clouds of smoke,
Under the *** bottles your cousin brings.
Behind your brother's hospital bed
Masked by the beep of the monitors
Or the screech of the halting 2 train.

I wish that you would promise that you won't waste away,
That you won't waste the powers bestowed upon you by the gods
But you would never.

You were my immortal,
My Ambrose.

I just want to scream
    You don't listen
          I feel all alone out here
                And this is the day you choose to keep me at arms length
                       Hardly a coincidence
                          As is always seems to happen this way
                          
                               Me,
                                   You know,
                                     The crazy one
                                       Is left to internally scream into the unknown
                                         Alone
                                              Under the daunting full moon
                                                     How can this be love?
                                                         This can't all be in my head
                                                             or the changing lunar tide

                                            
What is point of being with someone if you feel  and are alone at your lowest points, when you need them most?

Echoes through the marble halls,
I find the ghost of you,
Looking at a single photograph,
I come to find a love oh so untrue,
I gave you all there was to give,
but you still left me blue,
I’ve packed my bags,
You’re off to love someone new,
But I’m still smiling,
Because  I know

Long after I’m gone,
You’ll still have your memories,
The moments that we shared will echo through
To find the ghost of what we once were,
So no matter what life brings
You’ll still have your memories of me

Even if today, I’m not on your mind,
As you hold her in your arms,
There will come a day,
When you will look back and think,
and wonder what it would be like,
If you had more than just memories of me

Sometimes I wish that my sleep was eternal
So I wouldn't have to face him tomorrow
So his sharpened tongue could no longer slice against my back

Sometimes I believe that only death can break these chains
Or maybe a nice padded room that his words couldn't penetrate
Because I cannot do this on my own

So I write my secret poems
In this little corner
A mere whisper

Someone help me
I'm drowning

He wrote of the scars he gave her
Despite the fact that they have never met
He never spoke of the scars he left on me,
Still saying that it was my fault.
The night he drunkenly kissed me and then called me her name
He never talks about that night
Just laughs it off

He drank over losing her,
He cried over her,
As he played their song on loop.

                                                  But me,
                                                          I am his dispensable second prize pony

Do you think if he knew how bad it was, he would hold me closer?

If he knew about laying on the bathroom floor,
So angry that I could not speak
So bitter that my blood turned to venom
So broken that I was not a being anymore

I could not even escape it in my sleep.
Waking up in tears
Like a soldier dreaming of the battlefield

The  battlefield was inside me
My enemy,
The shadows that resembled him
There were no bombs
Just whispers that wrapped around my neck
"You.
Are.
Nothing."

                                      ­                                He left me alone.

As I laid on that arctic bathroom floor,
He was planning a life with her
I was the suicidal skeleton in his closet

                                                         ­             He left me alone..

At the lowest point of me
Among dreams of flights off of roofs without an umbrella

                                                       ­             He left me alone...

Now he says that he loves me
And wants me to smile as if nothing ever happened
His second stepford wife

A little piece of me is still on that bathroom floor
Looking up at me
Like a gruesome funhouse mirror

But he doesn't see them
He doesn't want to
I want to scream,
                                "Look
                                       at
                                         them!"

Mere acknowledgement like penicillin
Antibiotics eating the gangrenous, festering wounds he left

Maybe if I looked like her,
Spoke like her
He would see
                                           But alas, I will only ever be me...


                Do you think if he knew how bad it was, he would hold me closer?

Let me out of here
Caught in this vicious cycle                                             I'm stuck in this loop
I cry                                                              ­                       I scream
I try to scare the monster away                                        Raging in the darkness
I tell it that I love it                                                             I tell it that I hate it
But it does not falter                                                           It only gets stronger
Maybe there's a trick to this                                             A simple slight of hand
Like a card trick                                                            ­   Or a rabbit from a hat
                                      Where's the trap door?
                                       The show is over
                                       I want to go home