everything was fine
what changed your mind?
I wanted to see you
but I guess I'm just too blue
for you to handle all the time.

you made things so much better
and made them go away
what can I do to make you stay?

I am sorry for bothering you 24/7
I just want to go to heaven
no one else could see that
or understood
but I knew you could.

I just wish I knew why..

-te

Let's stay away from the edge of the bed,
Roll inward toward one another
So that we can stay closer together.

Your chest, my head-
You can just be my lover,
Fitting me better than my favorite sweater.

See, the edge of the bed
Is the diving board for all the things
I'd rather not remember.

Some nights, everything I've never said,
All the mistakes, insecurities, faults ring
Through my mind, lighting an ember

That sets fire to things I'd rather forget.
But I don't want these thoughts to bleed and spread-
I don't want to relive all of those best-forgotten thoughts

Because when my mind lets
The memories roll through my head,
I sincerely wish they would just not.

And I don't have to will the memories away
When you're holding me close
In the middle of the night-

The thoughts don't relay
Because I'm too busy feeling myself doze
Off into your arms, until tomorrow's light-

You're holding me from the edge
Where there is no possible opportunity
For whatever lurks beneath my bed

To resurface and climb up my bed post, perch on a ledge
And jump back into my mind; You're my immunity,
You're what keeps it all from reentering my head.

So your fingertips rolling down my spine
And your soft breaths rolling in and out of your mouth
And your body rolling over, closer to me

Is really a barrier that lets me sleep in peace, I've come to find;
I don't have any doubt
That you make me feel as safe as I could be.

But I don't know what your dream girl's like
And what she writes
And how she walks

Is she a happy one?
Because I feel so alone
Is she lovely?
Because all I know is I'm lonely

Will she read you books
Because I will write you poems
Every day when you come home
Will she give you love
For I will never leave

And when she walks away
Look around because I stayed

For many years we were planted in this soil together.
We grew from seeds to saplings, our roots entangled.
Now there are thick forests separating us,
and I have been replanted into such foreign ground.
Sporadically I catch your leaves on a gust of wind.
They tell of how you are no longer a young seedling.
They tell of  how you are thriving in our soil,
even with my roots no longer intertwined into yours.

We have learned to blossom in our own earth.
And someday we will become only stumps of what we once were.
We will no longer flourish with fruits and flowers on our branches.
But my roots will still know yours,
and they will remember where they were once interlaced in our beginnings.

At 11:43 pm, you are strong and confident.
(Now its 2:00 am, and you're screaming into your pillow.)
You smirk at fools and tell me everything i don't know.
(Now you're trembling more and more, the bed is shaking.)
You tell me to think logically and i will be fine.
(I can't see your smile, please, tell me what to do?)
I listen intently and hold on to your every word.  

Its 9:15 am, and you are smiling.
(Now its 1:56 am, and you scream in my arms.)
You tell me that you love me,and thank me.
(Now you're kissing my neck softly.)
I ask what I've done, and your eyes soften.
(I can't see your face, but i can feel you smile on my neck.)
I listen as you tell me that no one has ever stayed for you.

Its 8:12 am, and you are so excited, for us.
(Now its 12:35 am, and you are smiling.)
You hug me tightly, and kiss me, its our day, you say.
(Now you're lightly petting my hair, telling me about your past.)
I ask how someone could ever hurt someone as wonderful as you.
(I can't see your face, but i feel your blush in my soul.)
I listen to you as you recite your vows to me, and i say mine.

I read once that
people who can’t
sleep are either
in love or lonely.
And some nights
I can’t tell the
difference
between the two.
Feelings only
become real
after 2 am,
While everyone
sleeps and I
lie awake
trying to hush
the swirl
of churning
thoughts and
memories that
still linger.
when the only
solace is sleep,
I find my peace
in the daylight,
the drinks, and
the medications
that make the
memories stop
showing inside my
skull and help
the darkness
drift In with ease.

I recognize her and run
but she chases me into the darkest
corners where I cower and feel the
anxiety thrum like musical chords in
a restless tempo. She drowns me but
I still seem to be gasping for air. I try
to scream but the clenching in my
stomach won’t disappear. She shields
me in her sensitivity as she consumes
my mind—forcing her way into my
unsuspecting thoughts. She captures
my attention for her own use. She’s
everywhere I look, she’s the only thing
I feel deep inside. She becomes the
blood rushing through my veins and the
skin covering my trembling bones. She’s
the monster under my bed and the one
living in the depths of my closet. She has
become the darkness of my life, and
I can’t seem to escape.