From dreamy sleep I feel cold feet
Pressed against my knees
Little toes search for warmth
And beckon me from slumber

Moonbeams disclose the bedroom guest
Sweet angel at my side
A perfect mix of heaven sent
Wrapped in blankets, cuddled nigh

What I once felt for you was so deep
Deep enough to dream
Deep enough to hope
Deep enough to reach out to my soul
And now I see that depth fading away
Wondering
What made me so hopeless?

"Niti"

I would rather be addicted
To much less poisonous stuff
Something along the lines of
Drugs or violence
But you, never you
I am never okay
With or without you

I am never satisfied
With a simple hello
And an ordinary stare
Will never be an acceptable fix
I cannot see you because
My soul will perpetually suffer
But my heart jumps frantically
At the soothing possibility
Of a once again

And I don’t know why
My body loses its balance
As this craving reaches the limit
And it will not be fulfilled
By the thought of you
And how things once were

I would rather erase
This bittersweet taste
This memory of a high
I used to experience
By being your only source
A source of life and power
By being the sole owner
Of a feeling of completion

I would rather fix myself
If only temporarily
But you keep dragging me
Back to your colorful trap
And so I am never okay
With you I am not fine
And without you
I am equally condemned
Because I need
Your most insignificant reaction
To walk through my day

I would rather not be tempted
By your poison
But you continue to lure me back in
There is no escape for me
Because I will never be okay
With or without you

I wait for you
In the moments of restlessnees,
I trace the sun beams that fall on my legs
I imagine you
The stroke of your soft skin,
The curve of your back.
If I tilt my head to the wind just right
I can hear you whisper my name
See it carry through the canyons
Whistle through the leaves on great oaks.
I feel you in the water,
Taste you in my dreams.
You're beyond my reach,
But coming soon.
I wait for you.

My last memory of you,
running naked in the rain.
Even though it never happened,
I'd like it to again...
To feel your gentle touch relax me,
and never leave my side,
is the thought that slips into,
every void in my mind.

Growing old with someone else
is blasphemy at best,
because your wrinkly raisin skin,
is the extent of my interest.
I'll fight until the end,
to make this dream come true.
Do anything it takes,
to share it all with you.

there was a time when everything
was important
things that were huge, ginormous,
in proportion,
importantly huge..

then there was the little things...
like the walks in the summer rain
where you never cared that I was wearing
my best dress, you preferred me naked anyway
Dinner at Antonios,
getting caught in the snow
I didn't have gloves to warm my hands
you didn't either so you tucked me inside
your jacket and held my frozen fingers
to your chest, I didn't protest
but you told the passerby's that we were
conjoined
and when we were caught on the train
without a ticket you closed your eyes
and I lost my voice and confusion reigned
We walked home for miles after being evicted
you couldn't stop looking at me
and I couldn't hold my tongue
Then you left...
just upped, to walk another path
one you said you swore an oath to
but solitary a road still
but you may come back for me
but it doesn't matter, you see
Everything that was important
is no more
and everything you taught me
about Love
doesn't matter anymore
because you aren't here
to share the unimportant moments
with me

well,* she said,
and there she took a
pause and a breath and shuddered

a little.
well, I don't really know, I don't
really want to know, I

don't think.
and I knew it wasn't a matter of wanting
but a matter of needing and

she needed to know.
she needed and I said,
I'm sorry;

I didn't mean to--
and she cut me off;
I found myself daydreaming

of you in class and I noticed
she was saying, I didn't know, I
didn't want to know, but it

happened, anyway.
and I wept for her
that night.

I didn't tell her.