I can't let myself think about you anymore
Or your hands
Or where you put your hands
Or the way it felt when you put your hands on me
Or the gentle sighs I exhaled because it felt so good
Oops
I'm thinking about how it felt
And That's Not Allowed
I can't think about that day at the amusement park
Or us getting lost
Or why we got lost
Because I put the map in my back pocket
And told you if you wanted it you had to get it
I can't think about the photo booth there
Or the reason it took us twenty minutes to take one picture
Such a bad picture of such a good day
Oops
I'm thinking about it again
And That's Not Allowed
I can't think about the car ride home
I can't think about when we stopped for dinner and your parents went inside to order
We stayed in the car
I can't think about that
I can't think about the countless movies we pretended to watch while our eyes were too busy getting lost in the moment
Or how it felt to have your lips pressed against my neck
The stubble on your chin tickled in a good way
Your neck tasted good
I hope mine did
I can't think about you telling me to be careful
Don't leave a mark
And me ignoring you
I wanted to leave a mark
I wanted a piece of myself with you
I can't think about the long hugs when your hands wandered down from my waist to my hips
And sometimes (every time) even farther
Or the way you pulled me closer
And closer
And c l o s e r
Until I could feel you
Really feel you
For the first time
I can't think about the first time I fell asleep on you
You were explaining the origin of your last name
Your stupid last name that I thought would be mine someday
Oops
I'm thinking about it
And That's Not Allowed
I remember where I was sitting when you told me you liked me
I remember what I was wearing when you said I was your favorite
I remember it
But I'm not allowed to think about it
I can't think about the way you smelled--
Like sweat and febreeze and something spicy I could never place
Or how soft your hair was
Or how rough your hands were
Or how I got lost in your eyes
Those big brown eyes
I loved them
But ******* I can't think about them
That's Not Allowed
I can't think about your voice
It was my favorite lullaby
Or the goofy side your never let anyone see
Anyone except me
Why me
Why did you need to break me?
I miss you
I love you
But I can't think about you anymore
That's Not Allowed.

The World is at your feet,
The days just couldn't be better.
You have friends, foes
And momentary lovers,
You have the words & the letters.

You can see the sunshine.
You can see the blooming moon.
You can scale the mountains high.
You can hike and walk the dune.

You feel indestructible.
You may feel proud.
You may feel conquered,
Maybe, on top of a cloud.

Then with a sudden ****, you face that demon.
The world calls it - Reality.
It shatters your existence,
Confuses your life with duality.

Those momentary flings help less,
Cause much more distress.
They do have their charm, but then passion isn't the sole fodder of the soul.
You think of the thing that would bridge that hole.

Like a boomerang, you've oscillated.
Physically & inwardly.
Some benevolent and some ended bitterly.

Then.
KABOOOOM! The epiphany.
You realize a thing is amiss.
A really petty thing that was taken away, that was dismissed.

The World calls it 'Love'.
I call it - 'YOU.'
----------------------------------------------------------­----------------------------------
*Time has been interminably long. Minutes became years. I never get addicted easily. I’m an island of independence. But I wanted to leave it for you.
Meet me in another universe, one far different from this one. I’ll gladly show you what 150 words failed to convey.

I had cigarettes
and diet coke for lunch
because Speedway was out
of pizza and
half an hour is not
enough time to wait in
line in this town.
I have too many hours
until I get to go home
and all I want to do is smoke ****.
A sandwich would be nice too.