I have spent all of the night searching
for the same thing I lost so long ago
it has never returned on home
so I shout through the falling snow

come back, come back home
just come back, come back here
come back, even if it's not forever
just come back until the sky is clear

I have spent all of the day searching
for the way the summer sun did shine
when you caught it inside your eyes
when I caught you and called you mine

come back, come back home
just come back, come back here
come back, even if it's not forever
just come back until the sky is clear

I have spent all of my life searching
walking through this snow now falling
finding nothing but another cold night
still, I know tomorrow I will be out calling

come back, come back home
just come back, come back here
come back, even if it's not forever
just come back until the sky is clear

The sound of my name
is different from the lips of a lover
like each syllable said
is a new sound to discover
the word floats softly
and lingers with a lofty hover
they penetrate my chest
and over my heart they cover

The sight of my world
has been restored to all light
what was once monotone drab
now shines with a color so bright
she is the steady sunshine
inside the darkest of night
and if I were struck blind
I know she would be my sight

The taste of the air
is different now with her here
it is the roses and dandelions
meeting my palette so clear
like the fever of spring
even when the winter is near
it is the taste of adventure
in the absence of fear

with just one glance
one perchance glance
she met me in my stance
I was enrobed inside a trance
in this trance my heart did dance
at once I understood romance
staring across the expanse
with that lone glance
a perchance glance

Sometimes I want to call you
and tell you that you were right
about so many of the things
that we said when we would fight

not to get you back
not even to make amends
not so we can be lovers
not so we can be friends

just to admit I was wrong

Sometimes I want to call you
and tell you that were wrong
about so many of the things
we fought about for so long

not to make us enemies
not drive you away
not to say that I was right
not to ruin your day

just to hear that you were wrong

maybe there is no wrong
maybe there is not right
maybe we knew that all along
things aren't so black and white

I suppose this is how the story goes
from mussed hair to your curled toes
from present skin and your absent clothes
this isn't poetry, this is strictly prose

it serves only practice and purpose
it is both malice and your bliss
with each well placed callous kiss
we both slide further toward abyss

bite and scratch like the animals we are
passion burns like the brightest star
but all fire will be reduced to char
I'm not a savior, but another scar

She snorts her Ritalin
she snorts her xanex
she snorts her *******
before she has ***

She loves her codeine
and her amphetamines
her world spins so fast
she needs some Dramamine

she buys and sells pills,
writes prescriptions
she skips most meals
to feed her addictions

light up a cigarette
gulp down a percocet
mix uppers and downers
hoping that they offset

she takes bottle after bottle
of pills and alcohol
she just tips it back
and swallows it all

a walking pharmacy
a waiting tragedy
a princess of pills
her Medicated Majesty

“I don't ever want to feel like this again”,
she whispered under bated breath
in the stage show that is her life
pain entered right, joy faded left

her eyes slowly permeated
by a gloss, which turned to tears
the pain slowly escaping
held contained for so many years

but she wasn't feeling sorrow
she was feeling something more
something I've never seen from her
or seen from a soul since or before

she wasn't upset at circumstance
but at her lack of a certain emotion
at least before she could yell
but now she didn't carry the notion

she was now numbed to it all
which scared her more the anything
she didn't feel the push to drive her
she could no longer feel the sting

she was now empty entirely
no sign of rage or elation
not leaning to one side of the spectrum
but in the middle, in a sad sedation

We never wanted to write a love story
we never needed a romantic allegory
it wasn't any grandiose revelation
but rather a gradual flirtation
not a tale of love, but lust
not a matter of thought, but ******

and on that fact we were content
nothing more intended, nothing more meant
but then why do you stare with lingering eyes
and I find myself swooning over your thighs
and why does this loneliness keep
when night after night in my arms you sleep
how do I manage to stay so cold
when you are here inside my hold

but we suppressed all that kindling
and in turn found our passion dwindling
we began to find hate in it's place
for we had grown tired of this chase
“How could you not act on this feeling?”
we thought of each other, eyes at the ceiling
and we go to sleep, for another day
side by side, but worlds away

You play love like a game
with an air of pretension
you have a real name
you'll never have mentioned

you made a new one your own
to show your quirky and creative
but you're not, you sit on your thrown
shallow and systematically sedated

you smoke each trendy cigarette
and drink your **** poor beer
you are nothing more than a marionette
with all those guidelines to which you adhere

so cut the strings, cut the strings
you little puppet on your pulpit
there is beauty in other things
beside your pretentious *******

I want to be your temptation
the one to make your knees weak
I want to be your dangerous disaster
the sin that you still seek

I want to test your constitution
to see if you do what's right
or you give into your darkest desires
and come and spend the night


I want to be your bad habit
the one that you simply can't quit
I'll be your dammed desecration
the one you'll never omit

I want to taste your skin painted peach
I want to kiss where the sun doesn't reach
not for the express intention of breech
but to reach, teach, and make you screech

you're eyes are as big as the sea
they have a habit of engulfing me
as do your legs, bent at the knee
entanglement has never felt so free

your lips too, grab me in their caress
fondly fit inside their finesse
your sweet words in my ears, fluoresce
your love causing my heart to iridesce

I want to taste your skin painted peach
I want to kiss where the sun doesn't reach
not for the express intention of breech
but to reach, teach, and make you screech

oh how love feels when it's right
oh how her eyes shine in the light
under those stars shining bright
as we proceed through the night

with every kiss I am speechless
unable to say how wonderful each is
like warm summers on cool beaches
or a bite from the freshest of peaches

I don't sleep at night
I wouldn't dream of it
I used to love those dreams
but I just can't recommit

we've become estranged
and I only grow stranger
I'm my own worst critic
and my own biggest danger

I'm wrecked and I 'm reckless
I'm flawed and I'm fearless
I scream into the night
I hope someone hears this

this is my will
my everlasting testament
so paint it on the walls
etch it in the cement

Everything seemed so much easier
a little less then a year ago
and since then I’ve been hoping
this feeling is something I'll outgrow

but so far it's staying strong
unlike all of my relationships
because I'm afraid of love
but addicted to flirtatious lips

I'm not even happy anymore
no matter the smiles fake
every night I lie alone
and every night I lie awake

I promise that I'll be better
or at least I swear to try
you can trust me this time
I couldn't bear to lie

so here's to this year
and who I'll be at the end
here's to this life
every lover and every friend

if only you knew
the way I listen when you scream
as you attempt to tear me
from my every singular seem

if only you knew
the way I wish I could still hold you
or fulfill all those dreams
and fairy tales that I told you

if only you knew
how I think about you every night
hoping you'll call
or visit, or at the least write

if only you knew
how much I mean it when I apologize
or how much it hurts
when you think it's all lies

if only you knew
how much I hate my many mistakes
or how with one word
my heart crumbles and breaks

but I hope you know
what ever happens, I won't go away
goodbye is the one thing
I simply can't manage to say

I wish you were in the night
as you are in the day
all I'm asking for is consistency
in the things you say

you message me late at night
to ask if you can call
so you might feel less alone
I agree with out stall

but in the day you're furious
at everything I do
at which point during the night
did you stop being you

then you reach for me again
in the dead of the night
to say that you miss me still
and we're not alright

but the next morning you say
you've had a new boy
he's been around for weeks
is it your intent to toy?

Are you still love stricken
or fraught with pride
stuck in this never ending tale
of Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

I came to know you so well
your voice, every nuance
I knew every part of your being
I knew you better then you ever could

I would say things knowing your response
before it even passed your lips
sometimes I would mouth the words
along in sync with you

sometimes I would anticipate
your rebuttal as we fought
I would realize you were right
and stop in mid-sentence with apologies

I would day dream about you
down to the way your hair curled
wrapping it's arms around your face
as my fingers wish they could

but now that you're gone
a part of you still remains
the you that I have constructed
over the late nights and longing

that girl still loves me
that girl still says my name
like honey gently gliding over her lips
and turning into neon lights as it meets the air

that girl still loves me
she holds my hands when I cry
she makes me smile in spite of sorrow
she is the one I reach for in my sleep

but she grows more antiquated
every day that I am reminded you are gone
not because I don't love her
but because I know I shouldn't

Because I know you don't love
the boy still in your head
you have pushed him out and away
never to burden your heart again

maybe in some spiritual sub-world
where we share a subconscious
the emulations that we have created
will be able to live in love

I wish you knew me
but you see through me
straight to the other side

I wish you were into me
that you might peruse me
date until the day I died

I wish you'd come to me
but you eschew me
hate me with all your pride

but you're a beauty
who lives so cruelly
so fate just won't collide

being so snooty
and so very choosy
create ugliness inside

thank God you did exclude me
continued to elude me
you'd equate to an awful bride

so I found a new she
one who has renewed me
my mate forever by my side

I know that you are cross with me
but you've no right to crucify
to stab me with the sharpest of wit
and hang me here to dry

who made you the patron saint
to accuse me of such sins
we are the same person
set in different skins

so if you plan to destroy me
and all that I've became
then go ahead and turn the knife
unto yourself and do the same

I am in this adolescent phase
slumming through a depressant haze
plagued by these incessant days
smothered in their florescent glaze

I've had enough. I’ve had enough
screams the boy who has nothing to dream for
wake me up, wake me up
dreams the boy who has nothing to scream for

We all want what we never acquire
we all reject what should inspire
we have tarnished we should admire
in these day, these days our most dire

break down the wall, break down the wall
just to see to the other side
take on the fall, take on the fall
at least to say you've tired

I am in this adolescent phase
but I wish to be no longer
and with these incessant days
I can only plan to get stronger

no matter how often you fornicate
or all the positions that you create
he'll never be able to assimilate
the way that I used to stimulate

no matter the manuals he reads
he never plows when he sows his seeds
he'll never complete those ***** deeds
that your body so desperately needs

no matter all the skills you process
he'll always fail to impress
every time you two try to undress
it will be my name that you profess

You've always blamed me
and I've took it on most occasions
I've taken blame for our down fall
in it's many and vast variations

I've made you say all the things
that you've hated about me
uncensored and unabashed
as harsh as they maybe be

you've said you've hated me
and that's all you've felt as of late
you've called me a slew of names
but I want you to know what I hate

so you can call me an *******
call me a *******, a *****
but still, I feel the same
just as I did the day before

and that's what I hate most,
not you or the things you've said
but after all this, I still love you
and can't get you out of my head

I feel the summer on my skin
as I laze about in lush grass
my closed eyes colored pink
I lay and feel the the clouds pass

I open my eyes to see a silhouette
the sun masking her face from view
yet I could tell she was familiar
someone that I already knew

moreover some one I loved
quite deeply and quite whole
I could feel her smiling eyes
I could hear her shining soul

she leaned herself toward me
using my arm for a bit of brace
her soft hand upon my skin
was enough to cause my heart to race

she leans herself  in closer
still in her angelic eclipse
electricity rushed inside me
I feel my pulse inside my lips

our lips meet in slow suspension
in that moment love is concentrated
this feeling rushes to flood my heart,
our lips softly separate, I'm elated.

Watching homemade ******
from a girl I used to date
for whom I've lost affection
now all I feel is hate

I know it's not my place
I don't have the right
to wonder where she is
or where she spent her night

I hope he's treating her well
better then I could mange
I hope he compliments her
and won't take advantage

it's not that I'm jealous,
well, truth be told, that's a lie
but it's more I want to protect her
make sure she's with stand up guy

so maybe I don't hate her
perhaps it's quite the opposite
but we still have one thing in common
we're both tired of my ****

I want to bite
the buttons off your blouse
like an earthquake
I'm shaking up your house

I'm here to make you move
I'm here to make you tremble
to watch your moral fiber
strand by strand disassemble

I'll be your regret
I’ll be your desire
I'll make you forget
I'll make you perspire

I'll make you weak in the knees
for weeks at time
I'll ****** you ever so slowly
rhyme after rhyme

Your eyes anchor me to the earth
when they’re staring mine
the waters might be getting rough
but with you here I feel fine

I’ll be your sail, if you are my wind
you make a sailor, forget he has sinned
if you’re my north star, I am your sky
we can go far, a pair like you and I

your love is the lone reason
I still believe in such a thing
you are my reason for being
my reason to sing

I’ll be your sail, if you are my wind
you make a sailor, forget he has sinned
if you’re my north star, I am your sky
we can go far, a pair like you and I

your heart is precious treasure
your mind a world of riches
I swear to you that one day
I will make you my missus

I’ll be your sail, if you are my wind
you make a sailor, forget he has sinned
if you’re my north star, I am your sky
we can go far, a pair like you and I

I can’t see a cat
without thinking of you
the way they curl into my lap
just like you used to do

I would scratch your docile head
until my arms were sore
I’d lift them up and away
just to hear you meow for more

you’d nudge at my torso
with wide asking eyes
I’d return to scratching
your head resting on my thighs

You’d roll over on you back
your head leading the motion
presenting your soft stomach
hoping that I got the notion

I’d scratch your stomach
as you'd smile and purr
faster and faster still
till my hand began to blur

but now these are memories
long gone and past
though the moment is gone
with each cat the idea is recast

but my kitten is gone now
she has gone and run away
never could she be replaced
by some traveling stray

I asked you if you still loved me
you said of that you aren’t sure
of all the feelings you have for me
I know the one to be the most pure

I can tell it in the way you speak
punctuating sentences with force
barring the romantic semantics
one word answers, delivered coarse

I’d like to apologize for my mistakes
and say I’m sorry to this day still
I’d like to say I understand, I know
but I don’t, and I never will

I have broken you so ruthlessly
I have given you a hurt so deep
I can’t forgive myself for this
nor blame you for the hate you keep

If you were to love me
and I were to love you
think of all the things
we two could do

we’d eat sushi in our underwear
watch horror films in black and white
we’ll rest in the windowsill
and sing in the pale moonlight

If you were to love me
and I were to love you
think of all the schemes
bound to ensue

we’d draw on one another
making false tattoos and notes
writing our obscure thoughts
and scribing our favorite quotes

If you were to love me
and I were to love you
think of all the dreams
that we’d make true

we’d lie around our apartment
staring at the high ceiling
listening to our favorite record
there’s nothing more appealing

so say that you love me
and I will say to you
darling, my darling
of course I love you too

The snow on the ground
slides away into the earth
flowers make their ascent
the world is in rebirth

the moon descends
the larks raise voice
the world alive in light
all hearts rejoice

we have braved the cold
this is our reward to reap
the world is slowly waking
from its seasonal sleep

so taste the wonder
of a world in revive
with so much beauty in life
it’s beautiful to be alive

Those green eyes
that penetrate and burn
I’m instantly smitten
you think that I’d learn

nothing good ever comes
from a girl with beautiful eyes
they know how to deceive
and make me believe their lies

but the endorphins flow
my heart is racing away
maybe I’ll learn my lesson
but I won’t learn it today

Hair like mint
lips like lust
cries like thunder
with every ******

Eyes like diamonds
heart like coal
but I fell in love
with her phoenix soul

her body like grace
transcends from above
the light to my life
with a lust like love

I am my own biggest critic
second thoughts; parasitic
with eyes harshly analytic
leave my hand paralytic

my pen has become sedentary
words won’t come as necessary
what used to be so elementary
no longer comes as secondary

I read and re-read obsessively
I write and re-write aggressively
until a poem forms progressively
until a poem forms successfully

I wish I could make you see yourself
they way I see you every single day
a glowing figure of absolute radiance
holding more luster than the milky way

I wish I could make you hear yourself
the way in which you meet my ears
with one word you hold all emotions
you speak to my joys, and my fears

I wish I could make you love yourself
in the way I adore, ever devout
don’t let them tell you you aren’t glorious
you are perfect, never have a single doubt

A hint of strawberry on your skin
the sent soaked into its softness
my body is forever willing
but my heart has grown cautious

But I find myself falling again
It’s growing hard to resist
or noses circle one another
until our lips defiantly kissed

I had came as no surprise
for our lips built electricity
and grew attracted to each other
they came together by gravity

my blood rushes like flood gates open
smiles spread like wings on a dove
and before I know of what’s occurred
I find myself falling in love

The dreams are never what I need them to be
these eyes aren’t seeing what I need them to see
something reminiscent of the summer sunlight
when my heart was alive, in love, and beaming bright

but now the winter decay has set in my soul
a once blazing fire has been reduced to coal
so here I lay, wondering aloud to the ceiling,
“Will I always be entrapped inside this feeling?”

I stay awake watching the clock count away
slowly winding down until the hour, the day
when the sun settles into warmer skies
I’ll breathe it in with these weary eyes

Winter is full swing
but when I close my eyes
I see her and I in the grass
staring up at blue skies

“You look so peaceful.”
She gently giggles at me
“I just feel right, you know?
Like this is where I was meant to be.”

She turns and she pins me
quick as a whip
I wrap around her
and we flip and we flip

we come to rest
covered in loose grass
I smile at her
she smiles and then laughs

we stare for a moment
and she gives me a kiss
she pulls away slowly
while biting her lips

let the winter wash away
that horrible cold thing
so I can be reunited with you
two lovers in the spring

I stay up the whole night long
hoping she might call to say
that she’s been dreaming of us
and wouldn’t have it any other way

she’d tell me that she’d loved me
for more months then she can count
and all that loving for so many months
has built to quite an obscene amount

I’ll tell that I feel the exact same
and I have as long as I can recall
if only she would have seen
the love note I used to scrawl

I stay up the whole night long
hoping to hear her rap at my door
I’d open it to her saying, frantically
that she can’t take the tension  any more

she’d shoot her arms around me
holding onto me ever so tight
and give me the biggest of kisses
that would continue all of the night

we’d maneuver to the bed room
through the blinds the sun beams
I’d take her hand as we rest our heads
and I’d fall asleep with the girl of my dreams

The memory of your skin
almost close enough to touch
making my hair stand on end
when the tension was too much

I moved a micron closer
hoping you might do the same
I just want to get closer
not quite sure of my aim

I just I hate the distance now
if it’s millimeters or miles
how I hate living on day to day
in the absence of your smiles

that perk up at the moments
when I need them the most
and make my smile peak its head
and then stretch coast to coast

but now you’re too far gone
for me to have anything more
than a box full of memories
and a forever open door

I keep thinking about a girl
I only see when I dream
with eyes like electricity
and thighs colored cream

her thin hands are soft
and tend to catch mine
butterflies flutter so hard
they send shivers to my spine

her lips pressed against mine
and entire world is gone
speaking from the dead of night
until we see the break of dawn

In the dreams I see our future
a lovely life and a loving home
I wake with a start, I’m alone
I wake with a start, I’m alone

The rest of our lives
seem so far away
where will we go
and where will we stay

when home grows old
and the city is breathing
when we pack all of our bags
and tell our parents we’re leaving

do we spend a couple grand
to get ourselves an education
do we settle into a job
or find a vibrant vocation

what do we want to be
when we are fully grown
a husband or wife
living in a lively home

or a traveler of the world
moving from town to town
never stay anywhere too long
and never settling down

what will become of us
in this life that awaits
I’ll close my eyes, and make a wish
and leave the rest up to the fates

I close my eyes and I’m there
sitting in a rustic country home
the wall paper, yellowed and peeling
I look around, I’m all alone

there are photo albums strewn about
full of faces I can’t quite recall
but still I know each person in them
I spew tears  staring at them all

the sun slips through the windows
it shines gold as it’s slowly setting
I sit in it’s  amber glowing haze
there is some one that I’m forgetting

I can feel the hole inside my heart
which they used to fill so tightly
as the sun sets in the west
I think about you nightly

If I played piano
I would write you a song
but I don’t, so I won’t
it’d just come out all wrong

If I knew how to dance
I’d swing with you all the night
but I don’t, so I won’t
my feet wouldn’t move right

If I sang beautifully
I would serenade you to sleep
but I don’t, so I won’t
I won’t utter a peep

If I could paint or draw
I’d picture you and I
but I don’t, so I won’t
I won’t even try

If I could make you fall in love
then I’d make you fall for me
but I can’t, so I rant
about what’ll never be

Is this is what I was destined to be
fighting with you in the dead of night
saying all of the exactly wrong things
in a feeble attempt to make things right

You’re tired of the “I’m sorry”s
they have gone stale in your ears
they’ve been said too many times
in choked voices through thick tears

I just want to stop the fighting
I just want see that smile of yours
the one that pacifies my screams
the bright one, the one that always cures

but instead I just dig in deeper
until the tears start their stream
I wish I could just wake from it
like every fight was just a bad dream

crying ourselves to sleep nightly
push it out and lay my head to rest
Hoping that I’ll wake to a new dream
Take a breath and hope for the best

I want to taste your skin
and see how it makes you shake
you'd think that I’d like you more
with all the love that we make

I’m just here to ease my mind
of my own lonely lowly life
I’m not looking for a mate
I’m not looking for a wife

I’m in it for something primal
for each urge and utterance
I’m here for selfish reasons
for my ego’s own exultance

I’m here to make you quiver
just to show that I’m capable
turn you in to putty in my hands
just to prove that you’re shapeable

I want to taste your skin
and the spirit that lingers under
I want to be a flash of lightening
and leave you alone with the thunder

My lips call your name
with no instruction to do so
my tongue whispers the words
I didn’t want you to know

love, love, love
that four-letter word
the one that came so quick
that I hope you hadn’t heart

“What”, she says quickly
is it out of her not hearing,
or hearing and protesting?
it is the latter I’m fearing

“Oh no, nothing, nothing”
I so quickly, so sadly utter
“I love you too” she speaks.
my heart is instantly butter

I want to taste your anger, your fear, your worries
your lies, your cries, your demise
I wanna taste your heart, your skin,
your thighs thighs thighs
those black skies in your blue, blue eyes

I want to make you sweat sweat sweat
I’ll spend your soul and send you the debt
a girl out in the rain, soaking wet

I want to ruin your form,
your reason for being,
freeing all that’s screaming.
under that skin skin skin.
sin sin sin.

Going out and coming in,
going out and coming in.

I’ll be your debt your death,
your bet your breath.
I’ll be your debt you death,
Your bet you breathe.

If you only let me be.
Let me see. Let me see.
We could be, we could be.
Quite the catastrophe

Where on earth do I begin
in this, my ten-page apology
I have messed up everything
because what’s most messed up, is me

I apologize to the hearts I stole
in an attempt to fix my own
but it was always to no avail
for I still feel so alone

Page by page is now filled
describing this **** disposition
because this bud of heart
won’t seem to reach fruition

here it is, a ten-page apology
written, read, and signed
then burnt to little ashes
to get the thought off my mind

the ashes and embers float off
as I drift away to stolen sleep
no one will read the things I’ve done
or those apologies I choose to keep