Everything seemed so much easier
a little less then a year ago
and since then I’ve been hoping
this feeling is something I'll outgrow

but so far it's staying strong
unlike all of my relationships
because I'm afraid of love
but addicted to flirtatious lips

I'm not even happy anymore
no matter the smiles fake
every night I lie alone
and every night I lie awake

I promise that I'll be better
or at least I swear to try
you can trust me this time
I couldn't bear to lie

so here's to this year
and who I'll be at the end
here's to this life
every lover and every friend

if only you knew
the way I listen when you scream
as you attempt to tear me
from my every singular seem

if only you knew
the way I wish I could still hold you
or fulfill all those dreams
and fairy tales that I told you

if only you knew
how I think about you every night
hoping you'll call
or visit, or at the least write

if only you knew
how much I mean it when I apologize
or how much it hurts
when you think it's all lies

if only you knew
how much I hate my many mistakes
or how with one word
my heart crumbles and breaks

but I hope you know
what ever happens, I won't go away
goodbye is the one thing
I simply can't manage to say

I wish you were in the night
as you are in the day
all I'm asking for is consistency
in the things you say

you message me late at night
to ask if you can call
so you might feel less alone
I agree with out stall

but in the day you're furious
at everything I do
at which point during the night
did you stop being you

then you reach for me again
in the dead of the night
to say that you miss me still
and we're not alright

but the next morning you say
you've had a new boy
he's been around for weeks
is it your intent to toy?

Are you still love stricken
or fraught with pride
stuck in this never ending tale
of Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

I came to know you so well
your voice, every nuance
I knew every part of your being
I knew you better then you ever could

I would say things knowing your response
before it even passed your lips
sometimes I would mouth the words
along in sync with you

sometimes I would anticipate
your rebuttal as we fought
I would realize you were right
and stop in mid-sentence with apologies

I would day dream about you
down to the way your hair curled
wrapping it's arms around your face
as my fingers wish they could

but now that you're gone
a part of you still remains
the you that I have constructed
over the late nights and longing

that girl still loves me
that girl still says my name
like honey gently gliding over her lips
and turning into neon lights as it meets the air

that girl still loves me
she holds my hands when I cry
she makes me smile in spite of sorrow
she is the one I reach for in my sleep

but she grows more antiquated
every day that I am reminded you are gone
not because I don't love her
but because I know I shouldn't

Because I know you don't love
the boy still in your head
you have pushed him out and away
never to burden your heart again

maybe in some spiritual sub-world
where we share a subconscious
the emulations that we have created
will be able to live in love

I wish you knew me
but you see through me
straight to the other side

I wish you were into me
that you might peruse me
date until the day I died

I wish you'd come to me
but you eschew me
hate me with all your pride

but you're a beauty
who lives so cruelly
so fate just won't collide

being so snooty
and so very choosy
create ugliness inside

thank God you did exclude me
continued to elude me
you'd equate to an awful bride

so I found a new she
one who has renewed me
my mate forever by my side

I know that you are cross with me
but you've no right to crucify
to stab me with the sharpest of wit
and hang me here to dry

who made you the patron saint
to accuse me of such sins
we are the same person
set in different skins

so if you plan to destroy me
and all that I've became
then go ahead and turn the knife
unto yourself and do the same

I am in this adolescent phase
slumming through a depressant haze
plagued by these incessant days
smothered in their florescent glaze

I've had enough. I’ve had enough
screams the boy who has nothing to dream for
wake me up, wake me up
dreams the boy who has nothing to scream for

We all want what we never acquire
we all reject what should inspire
we have tarnished we should admire
in these day, these days our most dire

break down the wall, break down the wall
just to see to the other side
take on the fall, take on the fall
at least to say you've tired

I am in this adolescent phase
but I wish to be no longer
and with these incessant days
I can only plan to get stronger