Where on earth do I begin
in this, my ten-page apology
I have messed up everything
because what’s most messed up, is me

I apologize to the hearts I stole
in an attempt to fix my own
but it was always to no avail
for I still feel so alone

Page by page is now filled
describing this **** disposition
because this bud of heart
won’t seem to reach fruition

here it is, a ten-page apology
written, read, and signed
then burnt to little ashes
to get the thought off my mind

the ashes and embers float off
as I drift away to stolen sleep
no one will read the things I’ve done
or those apologies I choose to keep

I never imagined it ending
much less ending like this
No warning or big fight
No final loving kiss

but it is in fact ending
even as you and I speak
what was a day without you
Is now suddenly a week

I still hear your voice
poking gentle fun at me
My heart is still buzzing
like a hyper active bee

You’re still in my dreams
whispering secrets to recall
When I awaken to the day
But it seems I’ve forgotten them all

I miss the ear lobes between my teeth
nibbling ever so gently
I miss the music in my eager ears
From the tapes you had lent me

I miss you nose pressed close to mine
tickling ever so slightly
I miss the bed we made and destroyed
with our rustling, nightly

I miss your eyes staring into mine
they were glowing gold
I miss those Sundays we’d talk
about us growing old

I’ll miss it until the day that I pass
I won’t ever forget
a single second that we have spent
Since the day we met

You still wear your favorite sweater
Even thought it’s littered with holes
you wear your doodled on high tops
Even though you’ve worn out the soles

Sometimes you forget to use a brush
And your hair becomes a matted mess
and you spilled your cup of red kool-aid
all over your favorite white dress

But in spite or because of these things
you just became all that more stunning
not a single clumsy goofy thing you do
Would ever send me off running

Because I know you keep them around
for the sentimental value they’ve gained
so even when they got worn or broken
inside your heart they still remained

I’d love to be that newly stained dress
or to be that sweater or that shoe
because no matter how old I get
I always want to be important to you

Don’t say it
if you don’t mean it
don’t do it
If you didn’t dream it

Live for love
and love the life you live
give your all
because it’s all you ought to give

Don’t be it
if it isn’t who you are
don’t go
unless you plan on going far

Laugh loudly
for every laugh you’re allowed
if you vow love
make those words lovingly avowed

Don’t sing
if you don’t do it loudly
don’t be you
unless you do it proudly

It was the last day November
The ground was shroud in snow
When you took me for a walk
telling me that you had to go

I let tears slip out, weird and warm
I was young and didn’t understand
all I wanted was you to stay with me
to be here to forever hold my hand

I thought my love would keep you here
Or be enough to bring you back
but the weeks turned into years
Was there something my love did lack

my mother sat me down to explain
sometimes people, they have to go away
that grandma had gotten sick
and in this world she couldn’t stay

that it wasn’t a matter of love
she loved more she I could define
that just because she went away
it doesn't make her any less mine