Full-time job
As a part-time lover
A fool fueled
By the feuds
That burns like the passion
Of a manic mad man
That manages to unmask
Conspiracies
Of secrecy
All the while
Spiraling
In delusion
Self-persecution
Trading sanity
For a truth
With no proof
Spewing his views
Over youtube
While you tune in
To a frequency
That frequently
Misses the point

The bigger picture
Is hard to see
When nit-pickers
Like I
Scrutinize the details
Then tell whats missing
With the audacity
Of a man with the capacity
To think critically
I mimic cynic critics
Then complain
When my views
Are challenged
Im challenged
Mentally
My retardation
Will eventually
Get the best of me
Hopefully
Before the worst of me
Becomes
The norm

This poem
Seems scatterbrained
Because my metaphors
Rarely connect
In the way
The reader
Is supposed to incept
I'd accept my defeat
In my attempt
TO prove my point
Except
I hate showing
What you'd expect

So as our     dwindles
To the sound
Of my favorite instrumental
As I write about
Myself
Hopefully
You'll see the bigger picture
Unlike me

... I just realized
I forgot to put love
Before the word dwindle
In the last stanza
And ****** up this constantly
Rhyming poem
To point out
The small details

And as a final
Desperate attempt
To redeem myself
I'll selfishly
Forget you again
And end
On a note
As a notice
That reconnects my first thought
Of how
Unbalanced my time is devoted

Socially suicidal
I say the wrong things
At the wrong times
To the wrong people
In all the wrong places
Face it
My face is the last thing
You want to see
On a day is as beautiful as this
Miss me with the *******!
I know you miss me
And the *******!
The scent is foul
But its fouler
TO have no senses at all
Since
Youve been gone
Ive been alone
WIth nothing
But a room full of family, friends,
Kinfolk, next of kin
Bad *******, X's,
Potential girlfriends
All in the whirlwind
Of indecision
....since you've been missing
Empty crowds
Full of people
I love
Sure enough
But what's love
Without you!?
Nothing much
I'm Nothingmore
Too much
Is not enough
Not a thing
Unless
Everything
Was the one thing
I gave you
Nonetheless
The lesson
Is none of this
Had to happen
It just happens
To be called
Fate
Rather fatal
****
Cupid'*****
Was supposed to nick
Not split
Me in half
I lost one side of me
ANd you
Replaced it
To make we whole again
And now
I have this hole again
You used to hold me
Now you *** me
As if I didn't
USed to be a ****
But "used to"
Doesnt do much
For this present
Feeling of being used
Too much
****
You used me up
Now Im left amongst
The bitter *******
That would bite a *******
For they let
The taste
Of Love
Eat them alive again
Im amongst the dead
No hopes to be revived
DOn't want to be alive
The pain
Isn't worth
The ability to feel
I gained less
Than what Ive attained
Since
They day I met you
I've haven't been
Myself ever since!

****,
I guess
The foul smell
Isnt worth
The Sense...

Numb
Is the worst feeling
It hurts
Without causing pain
Plain
And simple
It isn’t really a feeling
More of
A lack-thereof
Therefore
The fore front of
Motivation
Takes a back seat
To the final destination
Meaning
The destiny of all dreams
Vanish overnight
The morning welcomes
Emotionless intentions
Tension
Unbroken
Like the vials of time
As the last sand
Drops
That particular particle
Is peculiar
It lasted until the end
Just to drop like the rest
Unrest
Sleepiness vanishes
And the wake
Stays that way
And never dreams again
Numb
To the feelings of dissappointment
And unachievement
Unaccomplishments
Compliment
The lack of care
And the numbness
Which
Further dulls the pain

Oh!
What I’d give
To feel the pleasure
Of pain
Again…

Socially suicidal
I say the wrong things
At the wrong times
To the wrong people
In all the wrong places
Face it
My face is the last thing
You want to see
On a day is as beautiful as this
Miss me with the *******!
I know you miss me
And the *******!
The scent is foul
But its fouler
To have no senses at all
Since
Youve been gone
Ive been alone
WIth nothing
But a room full of family, friends,
Kinfolk, next of kin
Bad *******, X's,
Potential girlfriends
All in the whirlwind
Of indecision
....since you've been missing
Empty crowds
Full of people
I love
Sure enough
But what's love
Without you!?
Nothing much
I'm Nothingmore
Too much
Is not enough
Not a thing
Unless
Everything
Was the one thing
I gave you
Nonetheless
The lesson
Is none of this
Had to happen
It just happens
To be called
Fate
Rather fatal
****
Cupid'*****
Was supposed to nick
Not split
Me in half
I lost one side of me
ANd you
Replaced it
To make we whole again
And now
I have this hole again
You used to hold me
Now you *** me
As if I didn't
USed to be a ****
But "used to"
Doesnt do much
For this present
Feeling of being used
Too much
****
You used me up
Now Im left amongst
The bitter *******
That would bite a *******
For they let
The taste
Of Love
Eat them alive again
Im amongst the dead
No hopes to be revived
DOn't want to be alive
The pain
Isn't worth
The ability to feel
I gained less
Than what Ive attained
Since
They day I met you
I've haven't been
Myself ever since!

****,
I guess
The foul smell
Isnt worth
The Sense...

This journal
Is on the journey
Of a young man
Learning to run
After his first steps

Tried tricycles
For quite some time
Now riding
Without training
Free wheeling
And still in motion
By cycles
Of
Trial and error

New skills
Compensate slips
When quick hands
Can’t stop
The falling

No hands
On down hills
Still kicking
Not quite standing
Moving
While sitting
Still with it
With every minute
I’m lifted

Handling
My direction
Handle bars
Hold the
Reflection
Mirrors on either side
Eye’s focused
Front and behind

In line
Like skates
Though grinding
Set’s off a sign
Brakes
Wearing thin
No stopping
In my lane
Flying like
Hydroplaning
Off wet roads

Uncontrolled

The more you
Watch
The less
You’ll see

Nonsense
Sentences
Sitting still
And still
We feel the movement
Energize
Rise
From the knowing
With
Something
To give back
Ugh!
Enough knowledge
Can I please
Leave
I need
Recess
At heart
Rest
On my vein
Wane
Decisions
Don’t dwell
In the control
Undue your
Self
And make computations
On the bases
Of triangles
Squares
And spheres
If you don’t
Understand
Me
Thank god
It means
You're still here…

Amongst the bliss

Hallucinogenic eugenics
False beauty
Portrayed poorly
Because its unreal
Yet
The feelings pursue me
Persecution
Prosecution
Against this prostitution of emotions
I sell myself cheap
$15.00
Is the price for my soul
Sold
To the mass
Extinction of reality
Whose to say this bouquet
Of roses
Cant arise before
My death
I decorate
The interior
To design a mind
That’s perfected
In the opinions
Of those who know
No better
Drama setter
Setting the décor
For the setting
Letting the encore
Bring life
In the form
Of more roses
Atrocious Notoriety
From unwanted fame
Or
A poor poet
Starving artist
Projected as a failure
In this motion picture
Called life