In my paralysis, you were a shaking fit
Beneath eyelids that carved out my silhouette
The drug that's just impossible to quit
My golden string for my all in bet

I'm off the edge, for the fall of faith
God said "Kid, you gotta carry that weight"

And I feel it heavy in my breath
This is my trust in love and my sudden death
I have your name written across my lips
And its spilling out like a sinking ship

I'm jumping in, I'm trusting you
You said "Kid, that's the dumbest thing you could do"

There was a young boy sitting on a porch swing
Thinking about the nest of wasps nestled under the gutter
He had been attacked by the nest after venturing too close
And his legs and his arms were swollen like a mosquito pregnant with blood

He was thinking of war and he was thinking of his father
Who had gone to war and left without a trace of him

His grandmother was calling out his name but he did not hear
As he was lost in thought

His grandmother had lost her legs to diabetes
And now was rotting in this house, in her final years
She would call out to him for help and he often wouldn’t hear
And she would berate him with promises of nothing for him

She would sit and listen to an old clock radio
That only picked up religious broadcasts
And she would listen to the gospel being barked distorted
Through the tiny speakers that garbled the words

He began to watch the wasps from a safe distance
To pass the time or for distraction
After her disease took his grandmother
He did not eat for three days

Not that he was traumatized
But he didn’t know how to cook
And nobody had noticed
That she had died

While watching the wasps towards the end of the summer
In a dry day
He began to wander and wonder about her
And he turned on her radio

All he heard was static

The hands of Mark David Chapman were set aside in seperate barrells
And the backbreakers carried them into the bomb shelter
The sky was raining black acid from a blue moon
Blackbirds picking at the festered wound of a ghost town

The children were dressed up as chinese dragons
And moved through a black hole made of pick up sticks
The domes of their heads were covered in sweat
Eyes wide as headlights in the haze

There was an old man who sat leaning against the barrells
Playing with an old kaleidoscope
Newspapers littered the floor with all the same story
Peace was coming

I have a closet full of spiral notebooks that contradict each other
Each one a piece of me that I don't want to remember
The chicken scratch of sleepless nights and unstable letters
And I have no intention of pulling them all together

My pencils are in fragments and my pens have all bled out
So I paint pictures with my self destruction and my self doubt
And while my star has burned bright but now its nearly burnt out
There's a fire in the attic and I'm spaced out on the couch

The black sheep is back in town and missed none of you at all
Accepted on himself all the cracks in that cell wall
His words sit collecting dust in a blackbird's drawl
Eyes wide open with a smile 'till the white horizon falls

I never wanted to fall in love because I always thought I'd die young
I never wanted to sing for fear of being unsung
I never wanted to watch my parents get old, because I know.

The paint is always peeling off my house when I visit it in my dreams
Its wooden voice and cold bones are the ceiling beams
I blame myself for letting it fall apart, because I know.

There is a beautiful girl lying in my bed, mascara on my pillow
And here I am with my troubles, a soundtrack of an old television show
I take my mind off of her words, because I know.

That's already my story
I could have been a better son
We're scared just like everyone else

We could haveve watched the giants fall
But we had no stones to throw
Yesterday was for the young
Today we buried them as the old
I miss your wild eyes
And the way you kissed me like Judas
This feels like a fever dream
And I'm struggling to live through it

I met a girl named Abigail
Who I spent with a couple of nights
She wore horse hair for her raincoat
And paper cuts for eyes
She was born in a manger
Beneath the donkey's bray
Then ran off with the sandman
That the inn had turned away

I met her in Nazareth
Weeping like a warring dove
Her sighs were angels dying
Her tears were Noah's flood
I never called her beautiful
I never gave her my name
For in the moment my lips had parted
My tongue had caught aflame

I became her Christmas ornament
Made of paper mache
But it'd been a cold Christmas
And she kept the cold at bay
She read the Bible to me
As I turned my blood into wine
Our idle hands locked in lust
Just sinners in our prime

She sewed me a crow
Her thumbs like Mistress Miller
But when the crow pulled out its filling
She became as tortured as a killer
The last thing about her I remember
Before that bird plucked out my sight
Was it before me with broken wings
And a crucifix cut in the dying light

When I took to my deathbed
She gave me a hymn from her harp
Her fingers moved like Lazarus
And her stories broke my heart
The notes were my gallows
The chords like a firing squad
But she waited with a smile
To deliver me to God

When I was walking through Violet's Way
And thinking of a good ghost story to tell
You were the cracking neck in my acid trip
The rabbit hole in the bottom of a wishing well
And I've cast so many pennies down to the bottom
Hoping that time might freeze
And I pray to a God that I barely believe in
That you'll never get sick of me

And I've been patient, I've been kind
But I never get the chance to exercise
The best I can do is shake off the dust I'm wearing
I've been naked before but never not ashamed
But you kept your gaze, never looked away
When all I recall is my ex's with x's over their eyes glaring

Some of my favorite times with you
Are when we drink so much that whatever we say
We can pass off as alcoholic rambling
Even though it means so much more than...
Three months and fourteen days?
I've skipped plenty of rocks into rivers
Barely counting it past three times
But what I've seen in those small ripples
Can only be spoke out loud in the language of mimes

All I can hope is they set our tone to music
And I just hope that I can hear it
My awkward little steps with a walking stick
I love this dance, but my knees are shaky and unfit

Even if the world would end, and we'd be the last people alive
I'd still pull the covers over us while I take the dive

Maybe you could be my Maria
But maybe my Maria is all you'll ever be
Am I alive or is this just a vivid dream?
Or am I just making up stories?

If I grew wings I'd stay out of the air
'Cuz I've knocked on Heaven's door but nobody seems to be there

Sleepwalker, I've been chasing you for days
Its been 'round twenty two years since I've seen your face
I want to dance with a question, I'm through with talking straight
Sleepwalker, I want to change your name

All the highway signs are painted with your name
Oh, the way you love me could be just a car up in flames
But as white as my knuckles get
I'm pushing down, I'm flooring it

And the streets howl of lost love caution underneath my wheels
But these cold streets couldn't ever understand what I feel

Sleepwalker, you're no dead end avenue
A morphine dream from a concrete point of view
I follow the chalk outline of a kiss to your castle in the air
My salvation found in the tangles of your hair

Oh, I've been chasing you for days
Sleepwalker, are you finally awake?

Once I dreamt I was a cross
A lonely cross, leaning on a hillside
Born from an olive tree

There came a march towards me
And a man's soul was woven onto me, and splinters
And I, a lonely cross, drenched in spit and sweat and blood

The body astray but the spirit stains
A lonely cross soaking in splinters spit sweat blood and rain

When I dry my roots will be cut
Will I return to where I came?

Do I have a soul?

Or am I just firewood not yet aflame?

Come down to the harvest with the dancing dead
The skeletons from our closets will crack and break
When their hands hold each other
Past the party lights I'll show you what the party lights hide
The mesmerizing pattern the stars cut into the sky

Upon the water frozen over there are people I used to know
Carving figure eights but all I see is our names engraved
My lover, my artist please paint me upon your soul
You can rest your weary in the bags under my eyes
You can stay here past the party lights
You can stay here all night...

And when the sun rises, just know
When you decide to open your eyes
There'll be no more skeletons, my dear
Just you and I alive

I picked you up
And set you back up in the sky
A fallen star
My love you've nearly lost all light
I picked you up
I put you underneath my wings
I held you close
And softly you began to sing

I took you home
Sat you down upon the pew
You slept like the dead
Could not take my eyes off of you
I should've known
I should've averted my gaze
Now I'm nearly blind
And I feel nearly twice my age

I fell in love with the setting sun
It fell too fast and I felt alone
But I still had my hope
I smiled at the big unknown
I was too stupid to know
How much God could prove me wrong
Fated lovers never last
I know, I know, I've known all along

I woke to the sound
Of your heart beating in my ears
I felt it deep
Wise, in love, beyond my years
Ignoring the sinking feeling
That this was pre-determined fated to fail
We're still those puppies in love
But now with knives jammed in our tails

Finding Heaven in a beautiful girl
Well that's the biggest ******* lie
Don't tell me I'm taking this too hard
Until you know what its like to want to die
I don't have to miss the way you taste
'Cos I got my lips wrapped around a gun
Fated lovers never last
I know, I know, I've known since I was very young

There was a time
When I had faith in only us
But I got so sick of you, celestial
I wanna watch you crumble into dust

We are the fury and the greed and the filthy hearts of fishermen
Wrapped necks in their own line fed on by the fish with milk white eyes
We are the rotten apples plucked off the tree of the divine
We are the rotten apples plucked off the tree of the divine

Our father breathes diseases, our father breathes diseases through his fingers
Blows them out from his hands like hot ashes sticking to our eyes

We walk the paths wolves fear to pray but for what reason or a reason at all
Our love is in violence and our love is in pain and we love that we feel this way
We are the rotten apples plucked off the tree of the divine
We are the rotten apples plucked off the tree of the divine

Our mother breathes earthquakes, she breathes earthquakes from her lungs
And the earth will open us and swallow you whole, and it will and it will

Rumor has it Joan of Arc used to play guitar
That she sang songs similar to me
So what's that say to you about my masculinity?
I'm a parody of who I used to be

I never pay no mind to shooting stars
Wishes just remind me that I'm missing out
So what's that say to you about my dreams?
Their edges burned and tattered at the seams

They've always said you gotta know yourself
But the only thing I know about myself is
That I don't know myself at all

The moon is hanging over my sleepy little town
I'm wide awake with whiskey on my brain
Daydreaming, daring to place myself with you
Do my best to kiss away all the pain
And you smile in your sleep and I'm turning over Autumn
The type of man I'd never thought I'd be
Its funny how the slightest sigh can take my breath away
Now the last thing I wanna do is leave
But its just a dream

Baby you're a story but you're hardly an open book
You're all the whispers in my ears
Of a language I've never ever heard
I hold the hopes the hopeless hold

Now I'm dancing around the questions that I'm too afraid to know
Instead of making eye contact I'm dancing poetry
I'm not ashamed at all to waste my thoughts on you
If your arms are open I'll come running, I'll come running

Just let me say what I want to say
I'm sick and tired of this dream
I swear to God my eyes are open now
The clumsy steps I try to take
Let me say what I need to say

And I'm back to my daydreams
Silent but god I wanna scream
Your name through these moonlit streets
But the night is ready to leave
And I toss and turn over to face
The empty space where I wish you would be

I hold the hopes the hopeless hold
I hold their hopes in high regard
I hold the hopes the hopeless hold
We drink to what we'll never ever know

Stars will frown and so will the moon
But they'll be as beautiful as you

The scene is an old boathouse on some forgotten lake
A sleepy memory that reminds me of my great mistake
My inspiration for self hatred and obsession with cause and effect
But I ain't smart enough to figure it out, at least not yet

My biggest fear was never dying alone, I wouldn't mind that at all
But hating the company that has to watch me when I fall
'Cos there ain't no way in Hell I'm gonna end up in Heaven
Maybe I never had a spirit and I am not my Father's son

When I finally break in two and they strap each piece into a chair
They will curse my wretched name they will cut off all my hair
My last words to my one and only a girl from way down South
We'll meet again my love I'll see you in the Devil's mouth

We were primates swinging from the branches of skyscrapers
And our cooing come ons lost in translation
Sharing body heat to keep us warm inside old office buildings
Where the ghosts of typewriters flit about the ground floor
And we let our blood vessels ebb and flow
We became cynical at the thought of falling in love
Like hard tack candy caught in the teeth of giants
We're getting older but our mouths still tastes like strawberries

We'll build our home on a mountain of shopping carts
Our children will be the hum of the generator
And the occasional sunburst we get through the grimy window
Can be the laughter of a family board game
Unconscious of our own bodies, not knowing our own
Only the ebb and flow you, the sky, that falls
Upon the roar of I, the wild ocean
With our bodies building a sanctuary for the sparrows

Will you still love me when the bomb turns the cities to snowflakes?
The sky is on fire but at least I know you're warm

These walls are paper thin
And I'm the kid trying to draw on them
But I keep tearing them down
So embarrased that I decided to skip town
******* my crayons in a grocery bag
On a stick thrown over my back
I left when my mother was at work
I figured when she came home she went berzerk
But I was long gone and three blocks older
Never even looked over my shoulder
Humming anthems for my tortured ambition
Five years old and no restrictions
Until the winter came and I was exposed
Naked metaphorically from head to toe
Written off by God and left for dead
I started questioning the type of life I led
So I returned to my home with my tail tucked in
But it was abandoned long ago when the snow rolled in
I sat and looked around and saw the walls were still intact
Pulled my crayons out of the bag, most were old and cracked
I started purposely pushing as hard as I could
Turning scribbles into holes in everything I understood
Soon enough that place was shredded, tatters carried away by the breeze
And I looked upon my masterpiece

I float like a ghost through the hallways of this house
Trying to pick up the words that fell from my mouth
I was too high and too drunk to know that you had walked out
But now my best friends are used up and I'm drinking my doubt

Tonight the angels of mercy owe me one
Ive been running this town Ive been running around too long
Thirsty as the desert sky and with water in my hands
I let it slip through my fingers swallowed in the sand

Your eyes are the ocean switching colors
Trapped inside this lazy eyed summer
Driving through the streets of small town rumors
And they had the nerve to call us the late bloomers

So we may have fell behind
But we never were lost we just like taking our time
But drinking doesn't do enough to unwind
Screaming vengeance in the burbs of a broken mind

So when you're sick of the city and the neon seems too bright
We'll head down to the country run away into the night
But I always thought that stars looked more like
Cigarette burns on the skin of the sky
Than sleeping satellites

They say you're the kind of girl to treat like an exit wound
******* all the sugar off your silver spoon
Let me show you I'm a black sheep, let me show you to my room

So when you're sick of the city and the neon seems too bright
We'll head down to the country run away into the night
But I always thought that stars looked more like
Cigarette burns on the skin of the sky
Than guiding fatalistic lights

Playing kiss and tell with a broken speak n spell
Like a backward broken record, needle dug into my nerves
Slurring love into a verb, I'm drunk on your curves
I'm broken into black and white and you're a piano tuner

I play warped and out of key but together we make hushed harmonies
My goddess of the vinyl sky, the crack and pop of our bodies
I used to trace you as a chalk outline of my favorite hobby
But its the way your fingers play over the bubbles and hammers

Your face is a face
Your lips are like lips
When I look into your eyes I see pupils and corneas
My heart beats at approximately seventy beats per minute
When I'm around you it beats faster
Because you have amazing *******

When I lay in sheets of satin
Upon a bed of thorns
The wind howls like a woman
Cradling her baby, still born

With ****** deep in my heart
And hate smothered in my fist
The rabid rain cuts like razor blades
On the edge of a five fingered kiss

And I held the company of angels
Sorrowed by the weight of their halos
If Heaven should burn, nobody'd know
'Till the ashes blow through Desolation Row

Inside these prison walls
I made good friends with the ghosts
But good friends don't last, and sick of death
Wrapped their chains around their throats

There's a storm in the East coming quickly
I can hear Satan's stomach growl
I was told to wait here for salvation
But my soul is emaciated now

The world is the taste of steel
Lips wrapped around a revolver
Despair to dust, and no collector
All your precious prayers no longer matter

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
I bid my faith in you farewell
So I will walk alone through the ice and the cold
Kept warm by the fires of Hell

I woke to the sound of my heart beating in my ear
And a dry taste upon my tongue
I've got an hour to get back to sleep
I'm much too old to feel this ******* young
I always say I can't wait for sunken eyes
To be on the cover of magazines
But if I ever slept at night
I would never have any dreams

Fated lovers never last
I know
I've known all along

I found God naked in a bathroom stall
Writing my epilogue by running his fingers
Through the dried tobacco spit on the wall
Embarrassed by his nakedness
And in an effort to save his grace
Drinking his last swell of coffee
And choking up the dregs
With a gesture fit for a trucker's romance
He wiped his nose with his hand
And offered a shake fit for a ticket taker

"Its nice to finally meet the man
That made me feel afraid to die"

Remember when we thought we could burn the world down?
And now we can’t even manage a spark
We aren’t bored with passion or refused it
We just never knew it
And we’ve all become compliant
Being stale gasoline in gallon drums

We could be virgins or saints but we’re liars
And we wouldn’t have it any other way
Are lilac fields are wilted
And covered in swarms of honey bees
And we walk hand in hand through the hives
And come out swinging

Putting our trust into mapmakers who’ve never seen the world
Their limbs have all been broken
Now treading water with their hearts
This could be the most meaningful turn of the world
And you’d never ever know it
Until it came like a tidal wave crashing through your front door

We’ve been screaming at the sky until our throats are raw
And all we hear back is silence, not even an echo
I swear to God I haven’t felt like myself in so long
‘Cos all that’s left of me is confusion
We’re all mad here in this wasteland
With our dead cowboys and our dead spacemen

Forever Peter Pan in a business suit
Forever Peter Pan when my spine has doubled over
Forever Peter Pan on a morphine drip
And forever Peter Pan in a casket
And all that’s left of a name
Is what’s chiseled on your gravestone

My star is shines so brightly
It illuminates the night
With the blue hue and the bloodshot
That's leaking in my eyes
My star it sings so softly
Over beautiful machines
That keep my star still breathing
And me from bursting into screams

My star is burning whitely
Skin that's withered to the bone
I can almost see right through you
I wonder, are you already a ghost?
They say your heart's a time bomb
And I'm curious to why
You stay here with me in this body
When you belong up in the sky

And if my heart became a graveyard
Your ghost will be here someday
The years you will have wasted are caving you in
And I'm doing my best stuck in the middle
Nothing to do but wait for your walls to collapse
And I hope to be buried there
In the middle of your fall
Cursed to sit by the phone and wait for you to call

I want you to say it even if its a lie
I want you to say the words you don't really mean
Then I will dance on the grave of someone
Who used to be me

And if my heart is a sinking ship
Your body will go down with it
The years you felt it and you'll feel it now
And I'm doing my best not to drown
I can't afford to think about it anymore
And I hope to be baptized here
In the belly of a whale
And darling, we'll have such a great tale to tell

I want you to mean it more than anything
I want you to mean it more than anything
I want you to mean it more than anything
I want to dance with you until the sun doesn't rise