I am just going to sit here
       in the quiet
              because I like it.
I do not mind
       alone sometimes,
              so long as it's alone
                     on my terms.
I do not want to be known
       and special
              to the world entire,
                     just to a few
                            who love me well.
So I will sit here
       in the quiet
              and watch the world
                     pass me thoughtless by
                            in search of glory
                                    because I like it.

How unfair it is
That I cannot do

HAIR MAGIC-

That my wispy locks
Won't listen to me,
Not even with the persuasion
Of a gallon of hairspray
And a million pins.

How unfair that I
Cannot look this good
Every day...

But there is some
Small comfort in my

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES-

(The ones that everyone raves over)
I shall be messy haired,
But happy.

Phantom kisses from
Imaginary lips
Ghostly fingers
Running across my hips
Chilled play-pretend
Tickles across my skin
The throbbing of my heart
Killing me from within
Warm and solid
Yet all in my head
Feeling alive
In a world of the dead

Staring at a screen
--Hiding in the library--
My brain... will not... move.

-1-
Hello?
             Hello?

I can't hear you anymore. Do you hear me?
I want to talk to you.
          …  see you.
          …  feel you.
          …  simply know that you're here,
that you're not slipping away from me.

That, right there, that is my biggest fear;
I fear your absence.
I don't want to be alone
in this crowded world.

-2-
Hello,
            goodbye.

I don't hear anything from you anymore.
I don't know if I want to now.
It's been so long, it feels like longer
since you and I last met.
                              …  talked.
                              …  anything at all.

It hurt, at first,
                         but now it's gone all


                                                  numb.
My heart, that is.

-3-
Hello.
            Yeah,
I guess it's been awhile.
I wish I was closer.
                …  stronger.
                …  more in tune with you.
But I don't know how.
And I'm scared to.
And I'm going oh so very fast and can't seem to make myself-
stop.

Help.
Please.

Distance.

There's too much distance in the world.
Too many shadows to hide in
and too many holes                    to swallow our souls.
There are too many love songs,
       but not enough love.

Pretty pretty princess
Stuck in her tower
Sighing at the window
Dying in her bower

Lonely little princess
Waiting for the day
When dashing Prince Charming
Will carry her away

Poor forgotten princess
Still all alone
Heart no longer beating
For she has turned to stone

Surprise me.
Come into my life without warning,
Sweep me up with a breathless wonder in my lips.

Delight me.
Fill the moments in my mind with giggles,
Little awkward moments of shyness for me to fill.

Adore me.
Tell me things I only half believe,
Make the thoughts behind the songs come true.

Kiss me.

I don't know you very well,
I don't know what you've been through.
I can't feel your pain with you--
But I can read it.
I read it in the outpourings of your soul,
The tough-as-nails ****-you facade (that's cracking) …
And I read your hurt, your heartbreak,
Your longing for something greater
Than what you have.
And I feel my own pain.

So let us hide behind a wall
Of kitty cat masks and cheshire smiles.
You can cry on my shoulder and I
Can hold you and tell you it'll be okay,
Someday.

Melancholy happiness
                      makes me content--

but restlessly so.
                                Patient yearnings mumble                         poetry in my heart,
                                                                                 (incoherent)

        and my soul:
                                it dances,
                                and laughs,
                                and delights in the goodness
                                                                                      that is


                                YOU.

I wait for my love
To return
To me
Like a boomerang
Tied with string.
I look for my love
To find a home
In another heart
Close to me.
And while I wait
And look
And dream
I revel in invisible
Featherweight caresses
And smile at the sweetness
Filling my ears
My mind
My soul.

It's like that moment
when you're about to sneeze…

Awkward,
and nothing happens.

How long must I wait?
How long until I discover
The truest meaning
Of truest love?

O my heart, it longs for thee.
I see thy face in clouds and in
The eye inside my mind.
I feel thy apparition arms
Wrap around me in ghostly embrace.

How long must I wait?
How long until I discover
The purest meaning
Of purest love?

Patiently I wait, impatiently--
Knowing full well the logic of my case
"Eight and ten and almost one
Is far too short a time to expect
Forever-love to come to be."
But yet this space beside me
Which thou and only thou shalt fill
Is perilously vacant.
Where is my other half? My self, my heart?

How long must I wait?
How long until I discover*

Love?

I am a mirror
Reflecting back to you

Yourself

Yet hiding my own image
In an unexpected fragility

I thought we could do it.
I thought we'd have a chance.
But then you left
And it shattered my heart.
You dropped out of my life
And I had to rethink myself.
And you.

I thought I was finished with you.
I thought I'd let you go
Once and for all.
But then…
You show up again,
As if you'd never disappeared
And all the things I thought
Get turned on their heads again.

I think
    that
      it's
   time
to                     you  
                let               go
                                            now.

Wishes
    Wrapped around my
        Waist
            Waiting for that moment
                When
                    Wisdom takes the lead and
                        Wondering
                             Why it takes so long to
                                  Wish

I sing.
O, I sing.

I sing of heartbreak and loss,
Of romance well ended.
I sing of heartstrings
Soaring, suspended.
I sing of the day
When freedom will last.
I sing of the future;
I sing of the past.
I sing into moments
Where silence would ****.
I sing into spaces
Otherwise still.
I sing of great battles
That in fighting were won.
I sing of the laughter
That pours from the sun.
I sing of the Muses
Who tell me their stories.
I sing of great caverns
Which hold hidden glories.
I sing of my people,
Of women and men.
I sing of their proofs
Shown to me yet again.
I sing of my Saviour,
My Father, my King.
I sing for all graces,
I sing for all things.

O, I sing.
I sing.

Tomorrow I see you
Perhaps for the last time(
But definitely
The last
For a while)
So I am a whirl of things:
Happy to see you
Sad to miss you
Afraid to say
What needs to be said-
Someday-
And wondering why
I continue to listen to
Love songs?

Fingers tapping.
Brain racing.
Eyes roving.
Thought misplacing.
Toes stretching.
Legs itching.
Lungs sighing.
Mouth--

I bend words to my will
                                           with ease.
I coax them into               shapes-       and       -phrases
                                                        that are pleasing unto
                         the-ear&the-eye;
I twist them until
              they suit    what I want
                                 and then      I set them

               free

You sing your love songs to someone else now
And I miss them like the desert misses rain
My life is not so bright as it once was
When into my lonely life you came
I lie in my bed at ungodly hours
And I wonder why you're gone
I'm waiting for your whispers
I'm listening for your song

Your time is up
We had our chance
And now I'm moving on
Man up baby
For the next girl who comes along
Don't run away
Let the love out
You don't have a reason to hide
Be brave baby
And maybe your dreams will come alive
Say if you love me
Don't hold it in
I can't see into your soul
Say it baby
And maybe we can give it a go

I opened up a box
With Pandora written on the top.
I did not know what lay inside
When I unlocked my pretty box
With a What If? sort of question.
I opened up a box
And a million thoughts came swirling out.
They buzzed around my brain
Sowing discomfiture and confusion
Without even the comfort of hope.

Whether they
King us or crucify us
The end remains the same
Revered or feared
We stand up against the world
With no-one at our backs
Except the wild and roaring wind
And the ocean rushing free
Few against the million strong
Yet we have the advantage
We can take the slings and arrows
And wear our thorny crowns with pride
No matter when the end draws near
Whether kinged or crucified

When I fall asleep
Your eyes are in my head.
They are smiling.
Or maybe…
That's just me.

i put my hand upon my head
i am perplexed
my eyes are shut as if to hold against
a sea of troubled consciences
stomach and mind
churning it over again
from nothing to everything
in a moment's surprise
and i suddenly find
myself confronted with
unforeseen possibility

Whispered words
Full of love, full of hate
Sadistic smile
Help comes too late

Final breath
****** in, shuddered out
Ecstatic thrill
Dangerous to flout

Screaming sirens
From far, from close
Open bottle
A fatal dose

Nightmares coming
Slip in, steal away
No more light
No new day

It falls.
Beautifully,
  Finally,
   It falls.
    Delicately,
     Unfeelingly,
      It falls.
       Slowly,
        Gracefully,
         It falls.

darkness is coming
do you feel it
                        closing in?
i dont know how long to wait
                                                        before i scream
******   ******
                                ****** with   dripping
                                                        sticky
                                                        red

i can feel it closing in
around   my (
                         barely beating
                                                        )heart

what               do you taste like?
                        i wonder.
sweet,     i suppose, with maybe

a hint of orange: just enough.
                                                or…
spices,    intoxicating and rich
        on my tongue.
your lips                so soft and sweet
        press against mine
in
        my
                dreams.

I tell myself to stop looking for him.
He won't come. He won't come
But there's not much else to do when
I've reread my notes already again.
Besides, the song that fills my ears and head
begs me over and over "don't stop."
Even though my brain has thrown in the towel
my heart still drums a hopeful beat.
Stop churning, my stomach-
butterflies, be still!
He won't come. He won't come.
He won't come- yet.

Thou art beautiful because I love thee
Not because of eyes or smile
Thou art the true epitome
Of grace and pure lifestyle
Thy beauty is no fretful mask
That fades away with age
But full of love in which I bask
That man could never gauge
Thou art beautiful because I love thee
In this my eye is true
And thou dost turn more lovely
Because thou lov'st me too

It's only "what if," but O! what an if,
my dear, you have given to me.
Catapulting my spirit to fabulous heights
to float with white clouds and the like.
How often does dreaming turn into reality?
and so far, it's looking so good.
A spark in my eye that wasn't just there
sets off a grin in the crease of my mouth.
It's only "what if," but most marvellous if!
I take hold of the possible fast
and run with it only as much as I can
and collapse in joyful reverie.

The wind
caresses my cheek and
strokes my chin and
blows into my open smile,
wrapping itself around
my kitten's tongue.
It loves
as I love,
with playful dancing
around and around
the object of
its sweet affection--
me tonight.
I get sent on my way
with a gentle nudge
and with a smile
I acquiesce and
saunter swiftly home.

Your soul you can keep, but your heart is mine
(not that souls are for keeping, they go to the heavens
(or hells, as it were))
Your heart I shall steal, to replace with mine
To live with the heart of another beating in our bosoms
With my eyes I shall
        capture
        ensnare
        and seize
What I claim here and now is mine
                                                        But to be fair
I'll give to you an equal gift
Only slightly cracked&fixed;
Which you have rightly stolen for yourself
With naught but
        a look
        a smile
        a word
And yet have not laid your claim to
BUT
When I steal your heart with my
                        dangerous eyes
You'll have no choice but
to
take mine
too

Ah, the silent drops of dew
Resting on blades
Of ever-green grass
Soaking into my feet
Through layers of canvas and cotton

The sun is warm
Upon my rounded shoulders
Burning into the back
Of my oh-so-drowsy head
Setting my hair alight

O, the birdsong
Of a thousand different tunes
All juxtaposed as one
Filling the summer air
With the sound of silence lost

miming whispers in the dark
as we speak into each other's hearts
and wait for hours for day to break
with all the promises it hides away
clutching hands and holding close
the only comfort that we know
looking fearful at the sky
we pound our ******* demanding why
the hurt and sorrow that we feel
can only hide from us the real
i feel your breath upon my face
its warmth gives life to dwindling faith
i need your arms to stay around me
stronger than the vilest army
protecting me from despairing darts
that sneak into unsuspecting hearts
if only for another night
between us we'll keep up the fight
never letting fall the pieces
of our broken heart diseases