I wanted to speak something
But am alone afraid
And while I wander on
I think to debts I've paid

I creak when I walk
I think while I talk
My eyes shine, But I'm lost
Stone smiles as you mock

Deep within this enmity
Holding onto equanimity
I've wandered off, a bit you see
my search for truths from history
Cloaked so deep in mystery
Oh, this pursuit, does call to me
As if this task was set to be
An ever worthy inquiry
that I would truly set them free.
I would do it purpose'fully
And clasp on to my destiny
Which I seem, to have been assigned
Nothing else that I have seen,
Could ever enrapture fully
The shambles of my mind,
I take this course on scholarly
And will stand, you all will see,
Upon the the name and mockery
Of my brothers honestly
Who have been berated, woefully
By those base and dastardly,
(And it has been a tragedy)
For this one gift used solely,
mind.

Numbness
Is
Steady

Droll and dreading
Stuck here sweating
Low, the bedding
Pillows wetting
But shadows getting
Close or far
Life regretting
As I wish to start again
Embers inside
Cause my fretting
Not like guitars
I am, your reflecting
And I'm betting
You're not getting
Close or far
A bursting star
Strapped unletting
Within a sinking car
So keep forgetting
On and on
The reason for your
Many scars
Flesh so shredding
Left you, just here
Close or far
Now we're sitting
In the clouding
Of this diving, bar.

Where is that road that I misplaced
The crumbled ruins hold in my tread
When I wandered for fruit to taste
I somehow got lost, inside my head.

Telling tales from other worlds known
Keeps at bay, the empty, so grown
I like to wish for pain, I've been shown
When I am but the nothing, I hold

I then attempt colors of skies there
I maybe strain beyond my fair share
But I cannot live with that blank stare
I am more than whispers, don't you care?
I so need that knowing, could I dare?
I just need a moment,
To free myself from ensnared,

But will there ample be,
And could there willing come,
An echo on the autumn sky,
From somewhere far above?

There are voices in the distance
Over hills that roll on beyond sight
The fog comes in slowly misting
And aromas of rich earth there dwells

The faint and hushed words echo
Shrill sounds contained therein
A radiance in the distance around
Speaks to hope fulfilled

It is in the darkness, some find their light

When everything feels muddled the next day, was it worth it to convince yourself that everything is better under streetlights when fire flies are dancing and the world is busy being busy.

Slowing down to listen to the world break and you know that for that instant everyone alive or not is aware ofYour actions alone, like you were holding the gun to their head.

A glass vase upon the floor,
Faster than it can stand,
Becoming evermore,
the likeness of it's impermanence.
The contents it can't hold,
Intermixed with its being,
Becomes a new truth.

We are that which we hold,
when we cannot let go.
Sometimes life lets go for us.

I am full of desperation,
But in a subtle way.
I, a mannequins reflection,
Stuck in trials of objection,
Record deeds in introspection,
to guess how much I weigh.

I look out through the porch above my nose.
and stare there wondering how far I'll have to grow.
To reach those flags I set myself, up in the cloudy grove.
And I just watch impatiently, I know nobody knows.
But in this mire , of a mind that I have built,
I hold to swallow dives,
And long, fast drives,
Mystic nursery rhymes,
although I grip the rope.

I push you away because my edges are jagged

If I could be the shadow
Quivering in your wake
I'd slither wide and narrow
To soothe you while you break

If these words showed me
To you for darkened flight
I would write more than these words
But who actually cares

oh that i were a winged bird
floating in the tres
living life brilliantly
oh that i were a creature
high up in the canopies
drifting merrily over foamy seas
calling all my brothers
early in the morn and eve
happily and free
maybe in my next life
a feather'd being id born be
so ever from this mortal coil
id be so ever free
wind currents id ride
and in clouds id hide
oh that i were thee

Skin beyond strain to tear
And the rips remind you to care
That pain makes you the same
So that is a reason to try
Remind yourself, repeating loaded words
That don't click as loudly
But who in the mirror holds that glare?

The worst part of hollow, is filling with non-nice things.

Some dance from necessity.

Water falls away as wind cuts
Trees that grow through are persistence
Effervescent like stars shine on us
Was I ever even here in substance
Eyes that see through like fog reaches
I am still wanting, but in different places

When my pen is on paper is yours, and is yours, too, a sword?

Do we hold the world together from equal pressure on both sides of the paper?

Who is it that I see in the mirror, is it even myself?

And when my blood flows into words an I changing the past to help?

Does my pain and toil and scarred flesh speak to you?

Do I write for looking back or for moving through?

mountains to climb
lo paths so high
starting out empty packed
air upon my back
nothing before, except empty sky

stones and earth crunch under heel
and the terrain was an oil painting
the breezes bend my soul of steel
I was glad to be tired of waiting

I feel like air, abundant

Haunting again are sounds in the background.
And lights of shape and shadows exist around.
Closing eyes against the wind, to make it disappear.
But resounding chills, I am forged from,
Remind me I am here

In spite
I became the world for you
So I could grow and show for you
I hope you'll one day know it too
You'll see it as you're starting to,
But I have grown, so up and through

It's sad to say I died for you
A lot inside my mind for you
And tears ,
Know that they dont flow for you

But in becoming all for you
I've lost my path, it was so true
I'd be in the clouds like you
but this I guess, will have to do
As I have naught a choice since you
Made my mind and left me to,
This life im living blind
Feeling out the darkened hues
As I am not this aching through
It was but a gift from you
And I am stuck and wanting too
But where,
I wear on through these shoes
With who,
I smile to think it's not with you

to run would be bliss
but of you, who would miss
the me i am inside
censor myself to survive
ad what of stability
when everything gets locked in
losing my ability
to keep it within
losing my mental awareness
as i fall apart again
losing all of my hope
and staring to give in
losting my love again
as if id had any more to give
to losing all i once knew
desperation setting in
and here i thought id grew
and here i thought id grew

The breaking makes you,
I sometimes disdain this.

Yearning

I have too much compassion for all of this dark.
As if within the turmoil, someone's playing a harp.
Like Beethoven in the most horrorshow happenings.
I try to re-sort things but amidst the chaos, I can't help just laughing.

A person is a silly thing.

Burkowski had a bird, I think I may too. I feel my true smilings, it has to be true.

I hope you are feeling right
Like blazes overwhelming
In a fire fight,
I'm here to see the quelling
I rage in out of sight,
Like buzzards nearer dwelling,
Twisted arms from might,
But now I'm just upselling.
Follow me into the night,
If you feel right rebelling,
I've room within my light,
You can use it like a shelling
In case you catch a fright
From all the shadows melding
Into minds that fight,
Like drowning, pressure mounting
Though it isn't right,
Watching without helping
And you could call me trite,
But I am more revelling

The silvery strings that hang about
Call within the pulses out
Cling to sides as waters do
But within eyes through and through
Spectre'd forms and thoughts swirl
Marbling ebony as wings unfurl
Lightness consumes all you knew
And speed replaces walls you grew

Sing songs of silence wide eyed
With feelings that could never die
Feel air where you stay
And hope again to never lay
You are but a vapor trail
Off in air like stranger stares

Ill keep this spot
As you remain
In thought

When you whisper light into my being
With soft touches that call unseen
I hearken to the floating I become
Where waters in air so twirl
The ground is then, nothing known
When I spark and do unfurl
And all I have is all but me
So will you try again to see
With those orbs that stand out
Like a blaze in this world
You are currents so beneath
Where wind nor Sun could ever dare
I attempt a stammer
As you float by,
moving matter in your wake

It's funny when you remember
times passed by and misery filled,
The bile in your throat so testing,
limits to your will.

And years go by,
And rain, it rains
And new life grows,
You forget the pain,
And how you died,
And knives so stained,
And (k)nights so low,

But the sharpness in your eyes
The darkness in your lies
The hawk-ness in your strides
The spark-less kiss goodbyes
Speaks honest of your trials
And shows how hard you tried
You broke me, I survived
Now scars show on my hide
But I'm not plotting your demise

I'm stronger from your betrayal
That wound barely opens now

I'd fill this page with you but my ink isn't black enough

You are awesome.

To think of feels
That cause those chills
Bruised and Swollen heels
From far rolling hills

The embers that burned out
And the dreams therein
Shivering strained shouts
From woe locked within

And dust is what we are
But lo nobody sees it
Stretching selves so far
Hoping, no you needn't

Pray to lay and soon decay
At least you have the tickets
Mourning on for brighter days
An arrow flown, you missed it

Some pious be
And others filled with rot
Always better be
Or sowing filth, let's not

Lights like, nights fly by
Dreams to make us, wonder why
Flames that flicker, nearer skies
Ample dawns to, ripple high

Winters, wonder
Here I lay
Wanting ever
Just to say
These eyes tremble
Worlds away

I thought you knew,
How you said
The mystery there
Was but, my dread

Embers smoking,
Wisps float on
Ever needing
Just the sun
Someone to climb with
You're on the run

You could be there
For me so dear
Beyond, through this strife
But maybe in another life.

Here again I seem cyclical
Fear within hence so cynical

The sadness of earth and souls and fears
I guess is what I'm tapping
Though I have forever grasped it
I wonder waking wanting shaking

Why I have these
Why I am these

The wind shakes leaves

When I scream with those loud, fast songs, it's acceptable.

Calm like atom bombs
Burst to fly