I live you
And breathe you
And when we are apart
My skies shatter in rapturous calamities.
I am effort and strain for you.
I am sleep deprivation and sorrow for you.
I am the sweat stains on my collared shirts, and the aching in my breaking self so through.
I am the stress prints dented into my monster cans,
and I am the scars on my knuckles existing deep within.
I am my shaking when I always hold back, and I am the fuming I swallow and pack.
I am the thinking and goal setting through shaking and rain.
And know that I gladly go through these days,
and know that I'd gladly live this again. Know that I'm happy to press through to refrain.
And know that without you, I'd still think this a game.

You are my eyes, tugging in smiles.
You are my laughter, your vibrant clever wiles.
You are the comfort I find in my dreams. You are my sustenance, from juices I squeeze.
You are my sanity when i exist here.
You are my brightness, battling my fears. You are my serenity when I can't hold still. And you are my reason when I can't think clear.
you are my heartbeat, I'll move on, no matter the feel.

And would that you before me lay unbreathing, my son.
I'd pull the gods from the clouds until my last breath unceasing, every one.

I'm driving under the bridge
Gray skies above
Music doesn't enmesh in me
Like heat from the asphalt does
The ground is breaking
And here I cannot see
These leaves I weave between
Are lacking saturation
And I cant feel them breathe
Maybe speed will set me free
Maybe speed will set me free

Sometimes I get a suggestion
It's not so much a sentence
As a nostalgic pull or presence.
Kind of like a good pain
Like pressing a bruise.
And it's the same
But involves pressing out the Sun
And dialing into your depths
And the clouds are many
And things there exist.
And you can sink so low
And you can appreciate horror
And there are no scary movies,
Once you have met your darkness there.
And you get those eyes
And a darker grin,
And shadows exist in the Sun
But you need those eyes to see them.
And ****, does depth exist
All you need is to let go
But, there are maggots in the smiles of friends.
And it's hard to get back if you do go low.
And aching doesn't do justice to the feeling
It's more a rotting, but in a good way
Like pressing a bruise.
And when you laugh it's different.
A deeper laugh, one that lets you appreciate a cackle.
And maybe nothing is real or pure
And maybe you are dead
And maybe nothing matters
And maybe you're in bed
And maybe life is useless
And maybe you'll know dread
And maybe you'll become stuck
Within a mind, that's fire fed.
and sadness feels amazing
If you get far low.
And smiles are for the ignorant
within their blissful shows
And cuts don't matter, as you feel
The numbness match your soul.

you may forget how to be alive
And driving fast is synthetic
Overdose with caffeine to revive
In hopes that you will get it


But there is light in darkness
if you delve, forever deep.
Though ever wary you should be
As demons pull you, while you weep.

There is something to say
For worn leather shoes
Creased from the effort,
And also abuse.

Old leather shoes
don't complain when worn loose.
Nor do they break after bending.
Solemnity,
Ah, black shoe shine glistens
Tread long since used,
it's abhorrently smooth.

They don't fall apart
when broken or battered.
They will lace on,
Though life left them tattered.
mud filling the cracks, tears, scratches?
They keep on, why should that matter?
Finally this, my mind matches.

they drudge on because they don't know how to quit.
I wear worn leather shoes, mine are a perfect fit.

Droll and dreading
Stuck here sweating
Low, the bedding
Pillows wetting
But shadows getting
Close or far
Life regretting
As I wish to start again
Embers inside
Cause my fretting
Not like guitars
I am, your reflecting
And I'm betting
You're not getting
Close or far
A bursting star
Strapped unletting
Within a sinking car
So keep forgetting
On and on
The reason for your
Many scars
Flesh so shredding
Left you, just here
Close or far
Now we're sitting
In the clouding
Of this diving, bar.

I touched the presence of warmth on my pillow
it made me feel sure that I was safe,
went back to sleep smoother than my heartbeat.
Then I awoke to find myself hidden
behind memories of you.

Standing on the corner of never say no,
my feet are firmly planted
in I cannot say I am sorry.  
Will I be the rock laying here asking myself
where I found this bitter pill
under my tongue?

Did I sleep while it rained on everything we ever had
until nothing but sand existed
inside all of these silent moments?
When bluebirds sang
about how the stars laugh
was I here drowning
in my pride?

I touched the presence of warmth on my pillow,
then I reached out to yours
felt the cold.
I lay here and listen to the rain
falling smoother than my heartbeat
I have never felt
so alone.

When you found pleasure
walking on the bridge of night
you did not breathe in the eyes that cried.  
You gave your heart to the dreams of midnight
all for the want of sighs.

You lived beside the cause of never
in a garden beautiful as the reasons why.
I never mentioned the winds of all your years,
always trusting,
one day you would fly.

You searched for sleep
by haunting ways that no tear
first had been. Time passed
left you singing an endless song
of dreams of midnight on the bridge again.

Your world had no time
where rain fell in crystal showers.
So in vain you burned to become part
of the skies that whispered words of honey
into your every hour.

When you found pleasure
walking on the bridge of night
you found the hand of sorrow.
You gave your heart to the dreams of midnight
while the eyes that cried,
found your tomorrow.