You slept on the 3 hour drive home

I didn’t mind the midnight silence

Or the awkward rumble of the engine

The vibrations settled the dirt in our souls

Packed down the memories so we could make more

Like when our mothers used to put us in the car and drive

So that we could finally fall asleep

Sometimes

My mother placed a back massager underneath the mattress in my crib instead of driving

My body is practiced in the art of settling

Settle into this

So that your soul might fit into the smallest spaces

Like dust on a mantle

Or the sand underneath the sand

That holds up the sea floor

Settle into me

Settle into my passenger seat

The way you did when you were little

Know

That you always have a safe place there

While I drive a hundred

In the middle of the night

The roads are empty

And I am wide awake

Know

That one day we will be no stronger than breaths of air

And we will be dust in a box that those breaths can blow anywhere

And find rest in the smallest places

Know

That if you want to

You can always find rest here

I don’t feel like playin’

People already confuse me enough in person
Now there’s trying to convey emotion electronically
I know there’s always static in my nerves when you touch me
And the guy sending all these texts messages is trying desperately
To make you understand

Games are for people who have something to lose
You don’t lose people
I don’t want to lose you

Game is bar talk for getting your dress off

Keep it on
Why don’t you

Let me be me
And you can be you
Let’s not pass go and not collect 200 dollars
Let’s just sit here a while

Yes that is a pawn in my pocket
But this was checkmate the moment I saw you
And my battle ship is sunk
And if you let me take you home tonight
I promise not to yell

“King Me!”

So don’t send me signals
Radio or Smoke
My receptor is off
You obviously have been missing the Morse Code
I’ve been nervously tapping onto the floor

“Just Kiss Me”
“Just Kiss Me”

Right up front
This one card stud
Always plays the joker
And will play tag if you promise to touch me back
Might get nervous and make it freeze tag
But I won’t jump ropes
And half the time I’ll catch half of the things you’re trying to secretly tell me

So if you could
Let me be me
And you be you

No games this time

If loose lips sink ships

Then this buzz has unanchored the foot in my mouth

And now I really have some **** to say

Because the only time my mouth might look like it were about to launch torpedoes is

Now

Similar to blowing a bubble

Or anticipating a kiss

I aim to sink heavy metal devils with this drunken word stumble

I am done feeling lost in your sea

Waiting for your wind to take me away from unrequited

To simply sunken

Bring on your lovely devils

And apology notes

I’ll grit my teeth and bear it

I mean pretending not to care has never really been easy for me

I mean if I were an ostrich

I’d have my head in the ground right now

But thank god for beer

And best friends who owe you money

And the silence and patience it takes to decipher

The mental drunken slur of

“Stop hurting me like that”

Like Frank Sinatra said

“The best part about waking up with a hangover is

the only thing you have to look forward to

is feeling better”

I can’t wait to feel better

So bring on your jazz and work me up

And trumpet your lies

Mock love forgiveness

This headache was worth the trouble of forgetting

Sea foam

Beer foam

Either way I’m drowning with this ship

And either way I’m waking up

Missing you

And regretting everything I’ve said

I got your **** right here darlin’

My jaw is the hardest workin’ part of my body

And it never ceases to ***** chomp

Like premature bear trap

I mean lover,

I’ll sing you songs under the covers while you sleep

And wake you up

While standing over you lookin’ possessed like a bad horror film

The light from outside blinds you and blacks out my front

And maybe you won’t ever talk to me again

Been known to do that

Scare people off

With everything I do

This aint neediness love,

I just get so excited when you talk to me

Like a kid ready to run his mouth about his day

Me?

I’ll ***** talk your head off

And dance naked in the daylight before I leave

Make you coffee and eggs in the morning because

I can never sleep

Two eggs over easy, a sausage, and some hash browns

I call it my ******* continental

Please laugh for me one more time before I go

Thought there’d be more humor in my breakfast

That’s when you tell me that you can never be with somebody who can never take life seriously

Woman,

I’ll take you so seriously

Like the clap and the ***** we might’a traded

I don’t put people on pedestals because

I like things I can actually reach

Actually hold at night while they fall asleep

Let’s make a baby

Name him Norman

You know I am serious

About the name

not the baby

I’m not a father figure even though my figure aint good for much

Got it in sad clown college

It’s the one people go to when they want to make people laugh

Not because they want people to be happy

But because it’s the only way to get anyone to like them

Just when you tell your friends later

About that one time that I was your lover

Remember

I never wanted to be anywhere close to the best you had

I only wanted to be your favorite

The guy who can make you laugh and moan at the same time

And pluck your heartstring like a frustrated lullaby

The only guy who can actually make your breakfast *****

And then write you poetry

I wasn’t exactly sure how I got home
I surprise myself that I haven’t smashed angels into the pavement yet by my carelessness
For the first time in my entire life I prayed
That I might understand what it is to be a man

That night I dreamt and God spoke to me
While I stood in the center of a wheat field
Frozen like a scarecrow on a cross

I just wanted answers
For why so much is wrong with me

God,
Why are there so many things wrong with me?

His voice was as gentle as the onset of rain
And as convincing as the rumble of thunder in the distance
He said this:

*Of all the times I’ve birthed this world and let it crumble
There have been millions of versions of yourself
Each one lived and breathed and finally died the same man
I don’t expect much from you
Mostly because I designed you to break
Just do me one favor
Don’t hurt anyone
Especially yourself

I didn’t mean to frighten you
When I walked towards you with part of a broken mirror in my hand
I wasn’t going to cut you
I just wanted you to see
How your smile makes me feel when I am able to make you laugh

You asked me where I was gonna be when the world ended
I said I was going to be livin’ in the woods somewhere
Making pancakes for my new forest friends
And you laughed again
I watched your lips move in the reflection of the glass

We forget how not to take things so seriously
We forget that skin
Is not synonymous with a cutting board
I don’t splinter
Not anymore

When the world ends
If you’re not in my arms
I’ll be six feet under

Remember how I want to be buried?
Naked and directly in the ground
I want you to fill my mouth with seeds
So that my body might finally grow something beautiful
Even if my soul’s not here to enjoy it

I’m done singin’ songs for heartache
I just want to watch you laugh
I promise
It’s the only way I’ll ever bring tears to your eyes

We forget how not to be so scared all the time
I can’t stop every stray arrow
Headed directly at your heart
And I don’t have a time machine to go back and fix everything

But if I did
I’d go back and meet your mom and dad
And tell them
Your daughter
She has her mother’s smile
And her father’s sense of presence
I’d say
Don’t let this one walk away from me
And then I’d ask where they were planning on being when the world ended

We forget that the future is supposed to be a mystery
I had no clue where this was headed
But before I left and while you were in the bathroom
I wrote you a poem on a bar napkin:
                                                              “I know I never really have the words
                                                                    And your lips make me nervous
                                                            And your laugh makes me want to kiss you
                                                                      So that I can feel it in my chest
                                                                           I’d recycle your laughter
                                                                                           Also
                                                                                  I really like you”

I
It is your birthday
The drool stains on your shirt have not dried yet
Your jaw hangs slack from the weight of the ******
You remove the red tissue paper from the blue gift bag
Blue is your favorite color
When the paper is in your hand
It mocks the texture of your skin

II
I used to be afraid of those hands
They used to move
Until I hung slack from the weight of your terror
I promised myself
that anger
Will never carry out through our bloodline
I lose myself some days
Trapped in the process of patience

III
You never needed me to forgive you
Cleaning up your blood is forgiveness enough
I am humbled by the weight of your helplessness
Forget the fear you caused me
The window you threw me through
The constant tests to keep my hands in my pockets
To be the better man
Forget that today is your birthday
Your memories have smashed
From the weight of this disease

IV
You pull out a pair of pants
And some t-shirts
You probably don’t want them
But you need more
“Oh,” you say.
“Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. This is good,” you say.

V
I finally forgive you
For everything
Because at some point
I promised myself to become
A good man

“Happy Birthday,” I say.