Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Feb 2015 · 979
Further From Here
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
They found themselves in that part of the city by accident. Arguments and resentment can cause that sort of aimless wandering, but it's always strange when the two are too stubborn to pull away and wander as individuals. The smells and the sounds shook them out of their thoughts, nutmeg and incense, rhythm and laughter of an unfamiliar hue. In front of them was the source of the music and motion, dimly lit in a recess of the street, but with the unmistakable scent of life pouring out of it. Drawn forward, as if by some invisible force, they entered that bar we resident ex-pats call L'Serpent Rougue.

Cushions and carpets and hookah smoke, dim lamps and cinnamon and coffee, above all the beat of the drums. Drums of all shapes and sizes, Darbouka's most numerous, played by toothless old men and bare chested youths, pounding out sound that got into the blood and burned the heart. They had no words for it, this throbbing in the chest. Barely through the door and already they felt the urge to loosen clothes, remove shoes, partake of unknown sensations. They were seated in a corner towards the back by a middle-aged man who gave them that appraising look purveyors of delights save for those they recognize as novices. Hossam didn't ask their order, immediately brought strong Turkish coffee and a double hosed brass hookah. He also guessed, correctly, that both of them drank whiskey. They sat back in their cushions, closer than they had been for weeks, and drank of that place as they would have of a complex wine or the work of a master painter.

Faces gazed unclothed out of lamplight, shorn of the daytime business-as-usual mask, bidding the couple to do likewise and share in this freedom. This sheer, abject celebration of humanity was something they had never seen or truly comprehended, something more in the way of an abstract idea like physics or the Trinity. But to have it here, now, ****** upon them in such a place was such a shock that perhaps they may yet have shied from it and fled, but it was at that moment that the music changed to a new tempo. Hossam excused himself from the bar and, picking up the Oud propped in a corner, took his place among the musicians.

Simoom was said to be the most beautiful woman in the city, and to have seen her that night, anyone would have believed it. Eyes not quite midnight, but the kind of dark blue that comes just before the sun hints at it's rise. Skin that rich olive color which moves all people deep inside, reminding them in a round about way of the days when the abundant harvest was a reason for rejoicing. The very ideal of grace as she took her own sacred place within the circle of the drummers.

Hossam began a melody, so worn with time and use that one could see the years fall from his body, could see through time to the passion that had always driven his music. And the drummers, young and old alike, followed slowly, almost hesitantly in his wake, as if unsure that they should try and accompany the wellspring flowing from his fingertips. But Simoom, she knew this song, this timeless outflowing, and matched every undulation, every direction Hossam poured out of his instrument and his heart. He played like some Sufi dervish caught up in ecstasy, flames of music which she danced through as a Jinn of the Hejaz.

All of this, the two almost estranged lovers became a part of. In one of those mysterious and unquantifiable facets of human experience, their finite lives became something else. This warmth they had never known suddenly reached out its arms and embraced them. In the midst of that dark place they had found their love descending into, by some chance or will or what have you, they arrived at what some might call a...what's the term...oh yes, "Den of Iniquity". This is the miracle: the differences and petty quarrels, resentments hidden for months, the weight of mundane life, all of the pinpricks upon the heart that lovers unknowingly bestow upon each other fell away, just as the passion of the Oud shed years from Hossam.

They left L'Serpent Rougue with his arm around her waist and her hand in his back pocket, smiling and open to the world. The walk home was itself a new adventure. They danced arm in arm in the middle of the street to a homeless man who played the fiddle, sang the words to their favorite '90s songs as they climbed up the apartment stairs.

Who cares what the landlord says anyway?

She had one of those Chinese calligraphy sets, and she had practiced with it in the years since it was given to her. Practiced that art almost as if it was the only thing that truly belonged to her. As if her entire identity was composed of beliefs ****** upon her by some outside force save for this. Little did she know that this conviction about being an almost carbon copy of ideas not truly his own was a feeling also held by her lover.

That night at the bar and in the street, he saw something in her that he had never witnessed before. The moment when after they got home he took off his shirt and asked her to get the brush and ink was close to forcing him to recede back into a shell. The memories of a person he used to be, fallen far away. But then she smiled and pushed him back upon that rickety bed. She took that brush and ink, painted her soul onto his secret places, and he did the same in turn to her.
Feb 2015 · 452
Skins
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
Symbols of personal myth,
your transient biography
etched into your bare back.

Weeping burning tears
into long cold ashes
as if to rekindle the sacred.

****** footprints in the sand
accompany the path of
selves shed on your journey.

Take this breath from my chest
and take this flame from my hand
find yourself again in the circle.

There lay the skins of lions,
and the grey mantle of wolves;
comport yourself in them
and dance once again.
Feb 2015 · 411
Paper Man
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
Looking further into dusk
as the soft light fades;
looking backwards into time.

Oil lamp and india ink
an unmarked page waiting;
waiting for you to inscribe
marks of your being.

I want you to spill
words all over me;
let the ink get into
my blood.

My body is the paper
meant for your pen,
your heart beating out
the rhythm of brush strokes.

Strip off your care-worn mantle
and bleed your sadness into
the arms of a welcoming page.
Feb 2015 · 564
An Apology Beforehand
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
To my Dearest Readers, I wish to apologize beforehand for the things I'm going to start writing. I will offend many of you, I will probably lose many friends as well. I may in fact burn all of the bridges I have left in my desire to speak. I just want to warn you beforehand that there is no subject too politically incorrect, no logical fallacy too strange to address.
Feb 2015 · 402
Why?
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
I feel like an alien, descended from another planet and viewing humanity for the first time.

What dark tempest drives us to do the things we do to each other, and to the world we live in? We create monuments to our greatness while selling our children? What justification do we have to sell our own kind for our ****** pleasure? What lack of understanding drove our sadistic forays into torturing each other in the name of progress? Why do we do the horrible things that humanity is capable of? And at the same time, how are we able to create beauty out of nothing? What kind of sense does it make for some of us to turn inward and love, and others to turn outward and destroy?

To bring it back to a more personal level....

Why is it that I can take all the good and bad I've lived, and still make myself get up in the morning?

What is it that drives me to go to a bar knowing what I'll find when I get there? Why do I see so many lonely people, men and women, girls and boys, seeking...and not finding?
Feb 2015 · 599
Early Morning Interlude
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
Isn't that who you are baby?
Goin up town in your red dress,
face painted like a Goya,
clinking glasses with high life
at a fundraiser and older rich
men laughing at your ****** jokes.

You having a hole to fill,
a need to be more than where
you came from, no ***** trailers
to wake up in anymore girl.

Spent the money on this ticket
that coulda bought ramen for a week,
but you need this night more
than you need food.

I don't want to sound judgemental,
because I'm not judging at all,
just commenting on a life
so many women like yourself
have wound up living.

Least you're not turnin tricks anymore,
so I hear, and for that I'll thank
whatever deity is responsible,
hopefully you never need to sell
your perfect body like that again.

All those boys you thought were the one,
all those nights with a needle in your arm,
all those mornings waking to sadness.

When you get home tonight,
to an empty bed and dusty memories,
I hope somewhere deep down,
you know my heart goes with you.
Feb 2015 · 634
Hunger
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' "Jubilee Street" is playing as I write*

I remember, all those years ago,
the first time I moved to kiss you,
to hold your face in my hands,
an expression of tenderness,
and you telling me that you hate it
when anyone touches your face.

Had I been then,
who I am now,
I'd have recognized
that shutter closing
behind your eyes.

Had I not been a shell
of the man I should have been,
twisted and distorted
by the same horrors
that haunted you,
maybe I'd have been
strong enough to understand.

****, these days I'd laugh
in your Dad's face and wonder
why he had to hit you in order
to feel like a big man, why
he had to act like a drunk hardass
when I came to pick you up for homecoming.

There for a while,
you and I had something,
something that might be termed special,
but that feeling drowned
in a hot tub in a single night.

I heard rumors and murmurs
of you as I stumbled through
my life since that night,
drug abuse here and abusive men there,
and the random facebook messages,
the one ****** up phone call
when Rachael and I asked about your chickens.

And now, so many years and
memories and loves later,
I still wonder what I'd do
if I ever saw you again.

You're not that far away either,
and I promise you,
drunk as I am,
that if you called right now
I would in fact burn down
to Orlando for you.
Feb 2015 · 628
Portrait
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
Found written on a piece of leather in Arabic, at an excavation twenty miles outside of Samarqand. Carbon dating traces it to sometime in the 1400's AD.

Through the door lay possessions;
silver teacups and sumptuous carpets.

One golden tray upturned on a table.

Through the door lay memories;
clay oven and well worn utensils.

One can still smell the cooking fire.

Through the door lay love;
clothing discarded and bedding displaced.

One single feather on a pillow.

Through the door lay life;
oud* in the corner and child sized shoes.

One single moment of peace.
An Oud is a Middle Eastern instrument, ancestor of the Guitar but with only four strings (sometimes more, sometimes less) and a bowl shaped body.
Feb 2015 · 385
Dive In Deep
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
There it is!
Vague memories of a night
at a Brand New show,
when the truth hit as hard
as the ***** and the music.

I'm only good for the people
I love, and that love me,
when things get to the point
that crisis appears.

I can dance Irish jigs in the street,
but only when I'm drunk,
I can spit in the face of people
much bigger and angrier than me,
but only when I'm drunk,
I can live how I believe I should,
but only when I mix the right amount
of alcohol and/or other things,
and only for that night.

The rest of the time I am
a slave to memories and
intrusive thoughts, states
of agitation based on a
chemical and experiencial
**** up in my head.

When you need me to
pull you out of a crack house,
or be fierce enough to keep
you from shooting up one more time,
I'll be there of course.

But happiness and bliss,
when everything is going
exactly the way it should...
I'm bad at that.
Feb 2015 · 563
Union
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
The odd thing is that the words never stop.
Doesn't matter what time, nor how sober
I may or may not be.
I'll be at work in the middle of fixing
some poor fools situation he got himself
into by not paying attention to what buttons
he was randomly pushing and then all of
a sudden I can't really follow the rant he's
going on about windows 8 and Fannie Mae
/Freddie Mac and the whole corrupt housing industry.

Instead of paying attention to my customer there
are lines of Rumi or le Marquis de Sade or
(God Almighty) Dr. Gonzo pushing themselves
into my very frayed mind and demanding a voice.

It's at that point I decide that I have a need,
a yearning that I'm not able to fill,
subsequently I go home and drink
and write because it's all I've got keeping
me from going completely insane and
doing something ridiculous like selling
all I own and getting the hell out.

It's times like this that bring it all into
perspective for me I guess,
that moment I stop writing for the reader
and start writing for me.

Sure I'll be explicit, I'll throw my soul
onto a computer and worry about
what people think whenever I wake
up in the plastic morning.

I'm at the point now, where I'd
accept love from anybody,
my ideas (that weren't really mine)
about *** and morality, and the
strange connection between them,
really don't matter anymore.

If you want to touch me, do so.
If you want me to touch you, move my
tired hands to yours.

Amidst tangled lips and intertwined
hips, sweat and soul and heart
it's nothing but union I'm looking for.
Feb 2015 · 876
Here
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
So what face shall I construct to wear when the sun comes up?
Who shall I be on the morrow, what role is it they want me to play?
I guess it depends on the company I expect to find myself in.
It's a Tuesday and I have work so I can get away with being hungover but not drunk, slightly grungy but not full punk, though as the evening progresses and shifts change I can afford to let my hair down, so long as I don't lose it and curse at the callers or slur too hard.

I'll wind up at the local bar after and not really be concerned about my state of being since it's men's night and there's nobody there looking for a cat like me, not at that hour on a sandy road in *** **** Florida.

That's one of the things I still haven't been able to really understand about this place...basically there are young through highschool kids, then community college not yet oldenough to go out drinking, and then nothing in between till thirty year old professionals who are more cynical than the old retired people from up North who came here to die. Where do I fit in all this?

None of the above. The last woman who had feelings for me was a 27 year old single mom who bore my 29 year old co worker's child. The last girl I almost slept with was a 19 year old ****** I met at a 7-11. My best friend is my 20 year old cousin. I got to work and bars during the week and feel like a child, provide alcohol to my cousin and his friends on the weekend and feel like this rickety old man telling stories about how ****** up I used to get while falling asleep after one hit.

Make any sense? I hope not.
Feb 2015 · 669
Status Update
Jon Shierling Feb 2015
Right on the cusp of sleep,
warm and cozy and drifting off....

Haha, not happening

I'm an American
Caucasian
heterosexual male
and make more than
twenty grand a year.

Therefore,
according to pretty
much everybody that isn't
republican (God help you)
everything wrong in the world
is my fault.

So sleep is a luxury.

Let's proceed down the
strangely hate filled
and guilt slinging
reactionary list.

American: invades whoever
we want for whatever we want,
whenever we want.
We'll bomb you back to the
stone age and then station
fifty thousand ***** dudes
with guns in your capitol
and force feed you Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Caucasian: I may say I hate
racism in all it's disgusting
forms, but in reality I'm
just lying because I want to
buy your sister and **** her
because I have daddy issues
and think ****** was a God.

A dude who likes chicks:
I only pretend to be a gentleman
and sensitive because it gets
me in between hott hipster girls
thighs, but actually ****** is
just another commodity to be sold.

I make over minimum wage:
I don't really have to scrape to
pay my bills, I just live above my
means with money I didn't actually
make, at a job I don't deserve.

The point being that I can't sleep
because I can't decide whether
to believe what I'm told,
what I've seen,
or what I actually think is true.

Oh, btw I am all of the aforementioned,
but I've also never shot an unarmed
Muslim kid, or ***** a drunk co-ed
because she really wanted it, or bought
another human being.

In point of fact, people like me
are kinda despised by everybody,
since the white supremacist bigot
bible thumpers accuse us of betraying
them and their true calling,
and everybody else thinks we're just
going with the flow of progressivism
because we don't have the ***** to
be open about wanting to buy young
Thai girls and force them into a brothel.

Why can't I sleep?
Too much noise.

Hate in fact breeds one thing...more Hate.
In need of clarification, I am NOT A REPUBLICAN.
Jan 2015 · 419
What I've Done
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
Pulled out an old journal of mine,
on a whim to read empty words.
I found her pages inserted in the
front of my ten year old book.

She gave me her soul on paper,
and I was too much of a fool to read
the love that she wanted to give.
Jan 2015 · 641
The World According To Porn
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
Grab a guy's **** and he'll do whatever you want.

Put your **** in a ****** the right way and you own her.

Power equals ****** potency.

****** potency equals power.

Behind every powerful man stands a woman.

And behind every powerful woman stands a well hung man.

The problem that arises from this outlook is that love is nonexistent.

Love dies when all we need is a good ****.

That moment when we decide that who we are as individuals is our
own  choice.....that moment breaks what we were given.
Jan 2015 · 455
Ideas
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
What do you want from me?
Do you want my love or my history?
Shall you accept these pieces of a man
living a life made of rusted ideas?

Are you willing to make love to an effigy?

I can give all that I am to you in a
single moment of purple ******,
but when the dawn comes,
my body turns to ash upon your bed.

Waking and you find the pieces of my
soul I left for you...my heart a burnt offering.

I am not a poet, not a man, not a person...
not the idea of love you were given.

I am pieces of a broken boy left to give you,
a love shaped and broken by the idea of love.

Pretending that there is something worth
hunting for deep within what I may have given.

I have nothing to give save emptiness.....
nothing but the desert sands.

I am going to make you love me,
but it will hurt.
Jan 2015 · 756
Lament For My Father
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
It was windy when my father finally met the man who took his hopes from him. It's always windy in the desert during the day unless you're in a town or an arojjo. Greg had trailed the man from Tuson all the way to El Paso, a three hundred mile ride.  The story goes that the guy dad was after was just a bounty...but I know the real background.

My father may have been many things, may have had a dark streak in him, may have had a past he never spoke of...but so do I.

The ironic thing is that this man my father had been hunting over so many miles, used to be his best friend. This man, called Greene, taught my dad all he knew, and left Greg when he needed him most.

Word on the trail was that Greene and his boys cut up a couple workin girls, cut em up the way no woman ever should live through.

Greg found em, walked in on them when they weren't expecting anything, snuck up on them in their camp out of town .

My dad shot four of em down before they could draw...
and Greene was the only one left asking why?

"Why Greg?" he asked. "You know why."
Jan 2015 · 282
Walking
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
I've had a car for years
but have been riding around with
somebody else at the wheel.
Didn't have a car yesterday
and walked the 8 miles home
through midnight wind.
Halfway there I realized
that I was the one driving now.
Jan 2015 · 372
The Edge
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
I just crossed over it.
That demarcation between
who I thought I was, and
wanted to be....and actually
have become.
Behind me now
is that person I
yearned to be.
In unfamiliar territory now
and expecting imminent
destruction.
Yet there is nothing here
on this side of oblivion
save a bottle of whiskey
and pure existentialism.
After having another drink
and putting on Led Zeppelin's
When The Levee Breaks,
I remember a similar rainy
night seven years ago,
stealing two bottles of
red wine from the Publix
in St.Augustine and drinking
said wine on the beach with
Lauren and Kiki as the storm
enveloped us in some sort
of human connection.
I never ****** either one
of them but I would have
liked to, but in those days
I had no confidence even
when drunk.
In those days I didn't
realize that I had something
to give besides money and
an averaged sized ****
(even though it's not crooked).
I believed in love and truth
and was eventually shown by
the world I find myself in now
that there is nothing but the
life we make for ourselves.
It is not up to me to change
the fetid world, it is not up to
me to hunt down that *******
who pumped a nasty load
all inside of a random **** victim.
I was raised to believe that
we actually had a purpose, a
mission given to us to do
all we can to negate human suffering.
I realize now that it was all
nothing but sheer false hope.
Jan 2015 · 475
Amerika, Das Ist Gut
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
Hmm, good ***** is what all you guys want right?
Yeah, ******* and a bubble ****.
Get her white girl wasted, twerk'n hard,
drunk enough so you can put it in her ***.

She never had it up there before and she's
drunk enough or rollin good and strong so that
she thinks hands and ***** equal romance.

Speak a lil French or German...just a couple words
Francais or Deutch and she'll be begging for you
to fill her up with your crooked sausage right?

Yeah baby **** me good but don't
*** in me because I don't love you,
I just wanna be ******* to take my
angry thoughts away.

We all have had that one person we
really loved, but that **** fell apart,
so go ahead and pretend that it wasn't
your fault or hers or his.....

Oh man when you *** it's magnificent,
but you leave her there empty,
while you think you've given her
the best lay of her young life right?

What you don't understand is that
she wasn't in it for the ***, she
wasn't letting you do what you want
because she felt good, no matter what she said.

She only wants what you want,
which is real love,
but you two are too scared
of what that really means.;
Jan 2015 · 503
Streetlights Once Again
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
The door to the apartment was unlocked when I got there, knowing I was minutes too late. The place was typical, exactly what I expected. Tiny kitchen with the basic bar and two swivel stools. TV on a stand and a floral pattern couch with the sliding door opening on the balcony to my right. Straight ahead was the hallway to the tiny bedroom. I gently closed the door and locked the *** and dead bolt. Walking straight ahead, noticing the bathroom door closed to my right in the tiny hallway. A queen bed in the one bedroom, red sheets and red comforter, white walls and an open closet. Fake flowers in a red plastic vase sitting innocent on a bedside table. No window and a single hanging print of Goya's Saturn Devouring His Son on the wall above a folding desk. The desk was home to a record player, circa 60's, vinyl still spinning, Brand New's The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me.
At least she died to something good I thought to myself. I didn't handle the torn remains of the acid green dress laying on the bed. She had put her shoes away and selected the vinyl before they arrived, probably had a glass of wine since there was one of those stemless glasses sitting empty on the bar. I doubted those who had come were the wine drinking type. Death was not unknown to me, neither was **** and retribution nor cruelty to make a political statement. But I did not want to go into that bathroom. I did not want to find what was left. I did not want to add her face to the long, long list of empty faces kept in record by my memory. I hate histrionics and false drama, but expecting to find the Countess gone, I reset the vinyl.

She was still breathing when I walked in. Naked except for her black hose, splayed out in the tub, a perfect 9 millimeter hole six inches above her left breast. It was two in the morning on the dot. In that moment, everything left me. All loyalty, all ideology, all thoughts of advancement, all regrets from the past. Gone in an instant. I gathered what was left of her in my arms.

It was hard carrying her down the stairs, but she put one hand through my hair and it helped. To this day I'm not sure how I found her car keys, but I do remember she whispering to me that her's was the grey Buick out front. She was dead by the time I got to the hospital.
Jan 2015 · 543
Reality
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
There is a point in some lives
when those living it
must accept that the
hope and the dream
which drove it
will only ever
be that;
a hope
and
a
dream.
Jan 2015 · 792
Say Your Good-Byes
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
I always forget
that Bourbon takes longer
to hit me than any other
type of libation, including
palm wine and fermented mare's milk.

This is possibly why I never
drink Bourbon when I'm in public,
except for those few major mistakes
which always resulted in near death.

The problem with near death experiences
when completely wasted,
is that you don't realize it at the time
so that you don't get the adrenaline
rush which you were looking for to begin with.

All that's left of that sort of night
are the moments of sheer terror
in between retching into the toilet
when you remember bits and snatches
of a bar fight or racing a Harley down
A1A in your beat up Honda.

It's moments like that when I wonder
if maybe I ought to have chosen some
other, less egregious drug to ruin myself
with, something mellow like ****** or
au'natural like ****, but the potheads I know
only ever spit up cheesy rap, and let's face it
****** just makes you nod off while ****** your soul.

We all have our vices, I've said before
and personally, I'm okay with mine sometimes.

Much rather have my own personal demons
than ones that I don't know so well.

I still think it's strange when people
tell me that I intimidate them,
always have and probably always will,
especially when women tell me that,
because by being able to say
exactly what I mean and how I feel
is threatening somehow?

I've been thinking about this lately,
the disparity between how I interpret
myself, and how others interpret me;
betting that if I could take a poll to
those that had some fire for me,
they'd agree with Angela that said she
cared for me mostly because I didn't judge.

Who am I to judge though?
It makes no sense to me, for people
to think that just because I stand up straight
and can speak well, I'm sophisticated or superior?
I know my own history, the things I've done
and more importantly not done, so then
how can I look down my nose at someone
whose shoes I've never walked in?

I guess I'm getting to the part that
should have been written about a
while back, should've been examined
and accepted rather than have the manly
thing done to it and buried like a dead dream.

I did care, I could have loved,
probably should have now that I
really think about it, could have had
something worth fighting for in a
place never expected or looked for.

But I'm good at walking away,
too good at cutting people out of
my life when things just get complicated
and frankly, complicated equals very painful.

This is the life I've made for myself,
much as I may hate it, I have nobody
to blame really, since we all have our
choices and we all have to live with them.

So I'll take another shot
and smoke another Camel
hoping that I made the right
decision to walk away once more,
but knowing deep down that
the only reason I ever did
was complete and utter *******.
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
"Mary, why is it that thee comfort me so, when mine twelve
and the multitudes of Judea, plead for me to grant them
aid and succor in this world, when I can only promise them
peace in the next? Do ye not also wish from me things I have
not the power to give?"

"Ieshua, I have loved you all the long years of our lives, since the
moment we played with sticks and sand upon the shores of Galilee. We were children and even then I knew that my love would be filled with sorrow and longing for you. Your Father, even in those gentle times held sway over you. We were very young and I sought to kiss you when your earthly father and mother were away at the market. Our lips touched and our hearts turned to fire, and you lept away, banishing me from your sacred heart."

Years passed and Jesus the carpenters' son, Prophet and Savior yet to be
never forgot Mary of the Magdalene, she who held sway over his heart
while his Father in Heaven guided His Son upon a path unforseen.

The moment that Jesus of Nazareth, and Mary of Magdalene
may have indeed lay down together as man and wife,
matters not at all, in spite of what those angry priests say.

She and He, their Love, guides me.
Jan 2015 · 462
The Procession At Night
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
I.
Quid Nomen Est?
Thus spake skeleton eyes to we upon the forest path,
the long woe of you and me and we upon that gravel path
with those tired trees baring their naked selves to us
in dead questions all the crooked way.
Lo the **** shall crow thrice indeed on the morrow morn
but for now we who have not yet forgotten
must needs cleave to the bidding at hand,
must make do with cobwebs in our eyes
and the ashes of the Archbishop in our mouths.

II.
"Torches, torches! Have we none, for long
grows the hallowed eve and our task not yet done?"
Indeed no light have we, and our destination lying
still somewhat far off among the ancient oaks.
Haven't forgotten have you, those skittering stories
from bedtimes long ago, warnings to travelers by night
through ragged copse and brooding glen?
Yes, those whispers old of those gone further into
twilight never to be seen again by mortal eyes.
Quid Nomen Est?

III.
Up sprung the pale lights all about us,
yes the torches of those unaging.
"My name, my name, you shall not have it
for given by others to me it was!"
Silence greeted us with open arms and a
light snowfall as we, trembling and withered
continued toward our loathsome errand.
They did not try and delay us nor lead us into sorrow,
merely followed with us unto an open hollow.

IV
There the stones, the faery ring standing older
than the memory of a time when the world
was young and beast and man lived as one.
Not a dead leaf stirring, nor cold wind blowing
as we and our silent companions tread upon the sacred earth.
At last our destination reached, though the journey not yet done.
One thing left to us before the peace of sleep.
No longer cold, no longer withered and old
but become again the man who loved you once.
We lie down together there between the sky and the earth,
with none to bear witness save the standing stones,
the silent torches and always the naked questioning trees.

V*
To the din of Thunder and Battle I awoke,
still within the ring of iron grey stones.
There above the wailing trees the Huntsmen and
Hounds rode reckless, beckoning me as expected
to join the Wild Hunt forever away from Love.
I held up my hand and at once they stormed toward we,
a curse riding forth, fierce and fell till the end of time.
Lo before they caught my upturned hand for me to join forevermore,
I searched one last time for your face among the faery mound,
and found no memory of you in the bones scattered upon the ground.
The Burial of Loves Long Dead
Jan 2015 · 423
A Thought from the Office
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
There are some people who like history as an interest or read it for a hobby, maybe go to reenactments and museums and such. Interested they may be in it, for those people history is still an external thing, dead and gone, merely entertaining or knowledge giving. For others, we experience the history and it becomes a part of who we are, the flavor of what we learn imprints itself somehow. For us, there is no such thing as an attic full of "stuff". There are attics full of stories, of connections between ourselves and what brought us here. The stories and pasts of others, are also reflections of our own.
Jan 2015 · 536
Eureka Moments
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
Public Service Announcement: Don't read "Women In Love" for the ***. Read it for the bleak, cynical examination of human experience in an industrial wasteland.
Jan 2015 · 969
Unadultured Irritation
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
So they're building yet another gigantic marble city hall right next to my office. Where does the city get the money to build all this useless crap when we DON'T EVEN HAVE A CHIK-Fil-A!?!? Oh wait, I forgot about all the old people that retired here to die.
Jan 2015 · 547
Going Home
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
Where can I find people like me?
Do they actually exist somewhere
out there int the vast expanse of the world?

Or do I sit here bemoaning my self made exile
in the same vein that a child does when placed
in the corner as punishment for some transgression?

Even if there were some community I might
feel welcome in hiding with at some far
flung place pledging true freedom, still I would
suffer the pains of having a broken soul.

It's been a long time since I opened up
my shoebox full of pictures and saw myself
five years old and wading barefoot through
a cold creek....loving every second of it.

There's another polaroid of me feeding a mint
to that angry old donkey, dead years now,
but that ornery ol ******* and I had some
sort've understanding, him knowing his place
and me trying to discover mine.

Most of my life has been spent clawing my
way toward some ill defined future I thought
I had to travel toward in order to live well,
and now I find myself willingly going backward.

My Dad achieved his dream of having land when
I was fifteen, and when I came back to live with him
again, his land became my own, his cares for our place,
became my own, hauling rocks and worrying after fences,
being a part of something that we built from our hands.

The world changed quickly though,
and if I had been older and wiser I
would have expected that the eventual
break would appear when most we all
needed something of peace.

But those minutes in the clear creek,
and that grudging comraderie with a donkey,
getting off the bus when seventeen and having
horses recognize me as I walk down the dirt road,
hoofed friends meeting me at a gate every day;
that is the home I need...and one day will return to.
Jan 2015 · 418
The Border
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
Long ago I crossed the sweet river
that marked the outer border of your heart.
I filled my empty skins from that river
and sang the song for going away.
In that cold water a part of me was
carried from my shoulders by the current.
Perhaps you watched me slide from the back
of my weary pony and gaze across the years toward you.
Mayhap the wind carried some of my
long forgotten words to your ears.
I have not spoken the old words aloud
since that day I crossed your border
and disappeared into the waiting day.
Jan 2015 · 442
A Heart
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
At one time, seemingly lifetimes ago,
I felt as if I could take the pain experienced
by those who crossed my path and
somehow, maybe by empathetic magic or
good old fashioned love, turn it into
something useful to them...but now
I admit that I know better.

God or Allah or Buddha or Luck
placed people in my path and also
placed me in theirs, sometimes for a
few minutes or a day or months or years
but the mechanism and the time are irrelevant.

Knowing now that no matter what I do
I will never be the person that the few I've
loved actually need is a cold, cold understanding,
the kind or understanding that makes a person
age ten years in a month, yet it's something
worth realizing for it's own sake.

Look at this mountain of empty sins piled
around me, these bottles full of regrets,
you see now why when she looks at me
I wave and pass her by, knowing that
all I have to offer is a mere attempt at love.

I have nothing to give to anyone but my heart,
here take it please this beating wounded thing,
take it from my own keeping and do what you
wish with it, for I no longer wish it to be my own.

Take that heart given, and keep it close, but not
too close, for it won't help you when you're happy
and life is grand, no that heart is only in your
keeping for one purpose and one only....
as Dante said, eat of it and take strength for your own.
Jan 2015 · 250
Fragment Number Whatever
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
Never again will I make the mistake of thinking that someone in love with what I write is the same thing as being in love with....the rest of me.
Jan 2015 · 303
Waves
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
All my life I have lived
next to oceans or mountains,
and at one time both.

I have lived with people
in these these places as well,
some of them beautiful
and some made terrible.

I see my bookshelf next to my door
and I hear the waves crashing with my
window open, but it seems to
mean nothing to me anymore.

I understand now that my
essential fallacy was in thinking
that me, being broken, could
somehow heal myself by
healing others.

The realization that my
entire way of looking at life
is entirely superfluous,
may be more than I
am willing to accept.

I go to bars with the
intention of putting
assumptions behind me,
of seeing people without
the judgements laid upon
me and without the judgements
I in turn lay upon them.

But  know that it means nothing,
that all of my writing and
all of my talk about God
and Morality and the search for
Truth is merely a cover, a charade.

All I have ever been looking for,
the only thing that I have ever really
wanted more than money or talent
or prestige or power, more than
anything...is for someone to
tell me that it will one day be ok.
Jan 2015 · 281
Dirge
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
He is used to waking most
mornings, and there is nothing.
No fluttering heart,
no breathing other than his own.
It is better in a way,
knowing what to expect,
come time to meet the day.

At some point in life,
he decided that it was
easier to stop longing
for things that once
made waking something
worth looking forward to.

Those tired hopes and
those memories aching
with romantic sentimentality
never did serve any real
purpose other than to
foster eventual solitude.

Writing is all that he
allows himself now,
the only recourse back
to that ancient past
full of magic and great
soul-shattering loves.

He both loves and
hates the nothing of
these mornings,
just as he loves
and hates this fire
that has almost gone out.
Jan 2015 · 269
Canto X
Jon Shierling Jan 2015
I have now gone from this place,
this running river
this journey seeking a farce.

I shall walk no more
those tired paths
leading nowhere.

The desert has been my
companion for so long
and I do not know how to
leave her embrace.

Nor do I know
how to put your
bare shoulder behind
who I once was.

You have left signs
and messages written
in the sands, upon rocks
at the shores of those oasis
we once made love near.

Yet I cannot read them,
I cannot understand these
portents drawing me
further toward a love
that I know I am unworthy of.

Perhaps I may get up and go
body as well as spirit,
I may answer this call
felt since I was fifteen.

I shall get up and go
I shall go to where you live
that place you call home.
Dec 2014 · 391
A Moment
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Sometimes there are only the small things
left for us to cling to when all else
has receded into the folds of the past,
or the mists of an uncertain future.

Merely a moment remembered perhaps,
or a burning hope for what may come,
but it is in this, the power of the heart
to derive what strength it can,
in which I place my life.

It is always Autumn in that moment
for me, golden leaves falling
and making the raking of them
an almost daily chore.

But I wouldn't trade the trees
they fall from for anything,
their beauty being worth the work.

Nor would I trade the journey
that has brought me here by
so many crooked paths,
painful as it may have been.

It has all been worth it,
every wound and every tear,
all those nights spent empty
and searching, looking backward
and in love with memories.

This is worth all the pain I
could ever suffer, all the money
I could ever make, all the
great adventures I may have had.

This moment, looking up
from raking leaves in a yard
and thinking long thoughts,
to see her watching me.

She was pouring love into her
garden, lavishing it with care
as if it were the height of May
and the plants were exploding
into bloom all around her.

It's overcast today, and quiet,
that quiet right before a light snow,
the first snow of the year a few
days before Thanksgiving.

She told me last night about
a Buddhist concept that I had
some trouble wrapping my head
around, something called
loving-kindness, which I have
been thinking on as we go.

I think I understand what it means
now, when our eyes meet in that
moment during a pause from routine.

I'll have to try and ask about it later
when we go inside and eat supper,
but for now, with us as we are, in this
moment I understand.
Dec 2014 · 381
Canto for a Promise
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
There are some moments
which bring true clarity,
whether by song or by
substance or merely by
the warmth of a human
touch against fluttering
fingertips grasping.

Those moments after
the heat of good ***
lying quiet and perhaps
content or maybe not,
staring at the ceiling
and listening to the
perfect rise and fall
of your lover's breathing.

The few minutes of
the workday paused
to take in the grandeur
of a sunset over a lake
with the simple open
happiness of a smoke break.

That one point in a
song when the world
dissolves around you
and there is no past
nor a future but truly
the here and now filling
you up with all you
feel has been lacking.

There's that singular
point of intoxication too,
when all things that
seemingly make no
sense at all when sober
suddenly come together
into one complete whole
to be lost upon waking
next morning hungover.

There are some people
who say that love is a
mere illusion, the same
as an acid trip or the
endorphins women
experience during birth,
mere chemistry that makes
us all that we are.

And there are also
those who preach
that all we are is
simply an experiment
by some divine personage
to see if free will works.

I don't have it in
me to believe that all
we are is anything that
can be quantified by
any singular theory
or description encompassing
all of human experience.

I don't have it in me to hate
anymore either, though I
have been given many reasons
to do so, it just seems so
adverse to everything I
have ever been taught by
people who loved me.

Yes there has been pain
and yes there has been suffering,
personal as well as that of
our nations', as well as that
of our understanding of
what humanity is as a whole.

We have done terrible,
unspeakable things to
each other in the name of
some rancid idea or another
and yet, others of us have
given all that we have
in the name of something
called empathy, maybe passion?

All I know for sure is
that I should have been killed
two years ago by my own
idiocy and yet I was not.
Dec 2014 · 311
Falang
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXCPaCr4pdc&spfreload;=10

And we in the Occident thin we're superior?
http://www.thethailandlife.com/interview-jordan-clark-producer-director-bangkok-girl
Dec 2014 · 512
Canto IX
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Following you all these years
thinking that perhaps I would
one day overtake you on this
wandering path travelled so long.

I never did make it to Bethlehem
nor kept any other of the
hundred promises that I've made
to so many, some spoken aloud
and some made silently.

Of all the lives these other
pilgrims say I have touched,
I never could seem to
touch yours.

I am old now, and weary
of the sands and the winds,
beautiful as they are I
am sure that they also
have tired of me.

Where is there left to go?
I know now that I will never
find you, will never
be found by you,
weeping on the edge
of some oasis.

I have no answers
to my own questions
nor do I think does
anyone else upon this
road that leads where
all others do.
Dec 2014 · 494
Confluence
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
There are two rivers within my heart
one flowing toward the future
and one toward the past.

There are two worlds I live in
one of the everyday materiel mundane
and one of something I have no words for.

Did I not bathe in the sweet waters
of both rivers flowing?
Do I not live within both worlds,
paying bills and yet loving with all my soul?
Dec 2014 · 495
*Oratio I*
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Ladies and Gentleman, esteemed friends and collaborators, we find ourselves beset once more by a particular individual's overwhelmingly perverse actions of self-aggrandizement. Yes indeed, there is a stranger here among us, a purveyor of hate and dismissal, lauding his own horrifying mimicry of poetry as the makings of a legend. I will not foul my words by speaking his thrice-accursed name, and in truth, there is no need. Any one of us who has found our heart-wrought pages smeared by the childish, aristocratic and may I say it, disgusting blabberings of this ill-begotten rake shall know exactly of whom it is I speak. And I speak in ernest, terrible ernest, against this self-proclaimed genius against whom we worthless ants are compared as to a god. And in the name of humanitas and libertas we tolerate his vile ravings and insensate curses thrown toward us as if we were nothing but cattle. Why? Because we believe in something that he will never be able to understand or appreciate, the very concept of a community throws him into confusion and fear. People are dying in the streets in the name of everything that we here stand for and he has the audacity, nay, the pompousness to assault my friends in the only haven some of them have ever known. Some of you may retain your hope for him and your patience in light of his narcissism. I however, have lost my patience and will tolerate it no longer. I consider it my duty to counter his message of hate wherever I find it. I urge you all to do the same.
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
You turn away from me sometimes in the night and cry silently into your pillow, not wanting to wake me. But I always wake when you weep like that, and I can see the outline of your slim ivory shoulders shaking with each stifled sob. Your dark hair cascading around you in a soft halo as some unspoken sadness carries you so far away from me, to places I can't follow. Once I would like to just cast aside the hesitation and enclose you in my arms as I do when we make love. But I know that I would be invading a private moment by doing so, would somehow hurt you more, even if I don't understand why. Is it some secret shame you carry within you that causes you so much pain? Something you think I would recoil from if I knew? I would not, I swear. I would kiss away your tears as I did that day I found you in the bathtub with a bottle of whiskey and handfuls of oxy. I pulled you up out of the cold water and you clutched me like a drowning person. I never told you that it was I who really was drowning before you found me and brought my dying heart back to life. It was that night that you baptized yourself in my bathtub which gave me the courage to really love again. I played Szerelem, Szerelem and you pulled me into the bed, just wanting me to hold you. It was you who were really holding me, though you didn't know it. And when we make love, your hands in my heart and myself moving within you, it is you who are pouring your strength into me. I know that we can't last like this though, with secrets and shadows between us. Whichever of us leaves first doesn't matter. Only that it was beautiful while it lasted.
Dec 2014 · 373
Et Finito
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Tonight
I took the last
vestiges of my
faltering morality
by the sweating hands
and led him
out back
to be
shot.
Dec 2014 · 351
Going Somewhere
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
I wish I knew why I stay here,
knowing that I should've quit
a long time ago, should've
thrown that ***** towel in
and taken off for someplace else.

And yet, maybe I've drawn the line
here, maybe gotten sick of packing
up and moving on whenever the urge
takes me to be a nomad again.

In the same vein though,
God what a good feeling it is
to just pack up an take off into
the sunset or sunrise, depending,
either way it's the freedom of
starting over that I know I'm addicted to.

So many times I've needed to just
collect whomever I'm in love with
at the time and burn off into the
night with nothing but a hope to
act as navigator toward the future.
Dec 2014 · 624
Ally
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
I find it quite ironic that certain things
have now become certain taboos here,
especially since trangenderism is a
fact of human experience that existed
many long years before our current
conception of gender roles and morality.

It simply astounds me at our capacity
for hatred and fear seemingly powered
by those who are so different in outlook
and attraction and orientation......
yet those outside of my own ******
preference are in fact those who've
visited the least judgement upon me?

I feel like an alien descended from some
other planet simply flabbergasted at the
unrelenting tide of supposed social norms
you people ****** upon each other full
of such self righteous indignation.

So many divisions and separations,
more than any sane person would be able
to keep track of honestly, and all the while
the real heart of the problem falls by the wayside.

Aren't we all looking for the kind of Love
that puts our nightmares to shame by looking
into our eyes the next morning and whispering
that it's not real, it's just a bad dream?

How are any of us mere humans different in that?
And more to the point, why are we so adept at
pointing fingers at our supposed differences,
how skilled at saying "Yes, it's their fault that my
own life is less than I want it to be, it's those ****/
******/blacks/hispanics/whites/asians/straights/
republicans/democrats/hippies/fascists/christians/
muslims/etc's fault?

Why are we so terrible at looking inward,
so unskilled at throwing that eye of judgement
upon ourselves when in fact, not one of us has
anyone to blame for the life we've chosen
save ourselves.
#cantbreathe #handsupdontshoot #1916inyourhead #zombie
Dec 2014 · 1.2k
If You Love Me
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Some few things you should know about me
if ever I manage to capture your love.

To me, there is no such thing as casual ***
nor casual relationships, nor casual love.

It may not seem like that on the surface,
I may be able to act the part of what society
has told you to expect of a man...boy...thing.

But in truth I sit awake writing about everything
that touches me so deeply that it hurts.

Things that make me happy come with a price
called guilt, and that guilt drives me to abandon.

Stupid reasons and stupid logic born from
things done and almost done that I watched
so detached from myself that I couldn't believe it was real.

If you love me, don't ever tell me
don't do that to yourself.
Dec 2014 · 351
Andy
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Another soul gone elsewhere
life taken by their own hand
perhaps a kindness they showed
themselves at last to depart these
erstwhile longing shores.

I won't do his memory disservice
by attempting any sweeping ode
nor pretend that I knew him better
than some few others in my life.

But I will pray for him, though
prayer is not something I often do
nor believe in as a certain substitute
for actual action in the direction of suffering.

Had I known how deep the extant
of said suffering I would have done
more though that is indeed the paradox
that we as humans share: namely, we don't
know anything, really, about the people
we see every single day, unless we ask.

Never again will I not ask how someone is,
never will I turn a blind eye to that shuffling
gait or those hunched shoulders nor will
I ever forget that my own pain never has
been and never will be an excuse to not
be a reasonable human being.

Good-bye and Godspeed Andrew.
Put in a good word for me please
to whoever it is that runs wherever it
is that you have gone. And please know
that it wasn't indifference that kept
me from asking after you, merely ignorance.
Dec 2014 · 1.5k
Fuck Off
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Ain't it what it mean when a girl
tell you she like you an all she
really mean is she wan you to **** her?

Is that what I'm really scared of?

Am I writing garbage, still awake
at 5:23 in the ****** morning,
worried about what kind of a man I am?

Do I wake up and go to work,
with this secret fear that
all my beliefs and all my hopes
amount to jack ****** ****?

You bet your *** I do,
because I was taught and accepted
a long time ago that love
has jack **** to do with who you
are, and everything to do
with how well you ****.
Dec 2014 · 335
Small Things
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
What may be marked as times full of
hate and inequity, of racial scorn and
social injustice, of a seeming end to
the world of green and good things,
perhaps a falling away of what each of
us hold dear in our hearts.

I honestly don't think that this
division is what will determine who
we are as people, I don't think that
the color of our skin or our political
beliefs or standpoint on religion
is what really has any bearing in
the long run on what we choose.

We all want to be accepted yes?
We all want a safe place to raise
a family and we all want to be able to
be able to provide for them?

Whatever the composition of our family,
however it is that we find loved ones,
should it not be that we are able to do
so in peace, in acceptance?

I was taught that it isn't where we
come from or what we appear to be,
but rather, the quality of who we are
that determines who we are as people.

And maybe I'm wrong, maybe I do
live in a nation that was "born of genocide
and slavery", but even if that is the truth,
I believe in the idea of who we are.

I believe in a place that may not exist,
a place where all are welcome, peoples
of all backgrounds and all colors and
all faiths, a place where it doesn't matter
who your father was, but who you are.
Dec 2014 · 213
How Many
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
How many?
How many dreams have died?
How many hopes have withered?
How many loves have faded?

How many futures have been shortened?
How many voices have been silenced?
How many friends have been lost?

How many shall have left us wanting?
How many shall have left us needing?
How many shall have left us empty?

Too many.
Dec 2014 · 666
The Drunk Tank
Jon Shierling Dec 2014
Miller High Life and/or PBR: for getting drunk for cheap.

Steel Reserve: for getting drunk for cheap and going to jail.

I remember that day,
complete loss of control,
feeling more than just drunk
more than upset at the position I found myself in.

I remember the self destruction
and the understanding that it was an experience
that I needed to have in order
to have something called legitimacy maybe?

Handcuffs are very, very uncomfortable
but so is waking up on a couch in
a building full of cockroaches
to realize that everything that brought
you there was your own fault.

I will never know why I was so angry
will never understand why I was such a monster that day
unless I give myself the excuse of thinking
that I had lost all hope in anything.

All I can say with any certainty
is that if somebody ever dares tell me
ever again that because I'm white
I don't know what it's like to be
picked up off the street, they are
sadly mistaken.
Happened in April 2013.
Next page