What if only there could be a way
to know what lies ahead.
What if only I knew how to say
the things I've left unsaid.
What if only this was meant to be
and fate was on my side.
What if only it was clear to see
there's no reason to hide.

Digging out from under
everything that I've become,
trying hard to separate
the pieces from the sum.
A difficult solution,
but one long since overdue.
I just hope I don't collapse
before I can break through.

Heart and mind racing,
still pacing my cage.
Blindly retracing
each step just to gauge
the odds that I might
get through this in one piece.
Too tired to fight,
yet unable to cease.

Thrown over the cliff
by a billion what ifs,
because I simply couldn't be sure.
A shadow of doubt
was still lurking about
and had rendered me too insecure.
Grasping for certainty,
scared of what could be.
I'm rapidly turning obsessed.
I just need to know
how it's going to go.
Maybe then I'll be able to rest.

Just a little bit more
is all that I need
to satisfy these demons
so desperate to feed
on the few remaining pieces
of my peace of mind
and then maybe I might
be able to find
a more permanent solution
to the problems I face
and all of those scars
that time can't quite erase,
but until that happens
I'll just have to endure
and try to make do with
just a little bit more.

Compelled to self-destruction
for the sake of novelty,
an alarming deconstruction
of my flawed ability
to handle the monotony
of mundane repetition
and an irrational tendency
toward personal sedition.

You may not believe it now,
but in time you'll feel the sting
of all of the contempt
that familiarity can bring.
Once civility erodes,
predictability gives way
to recycled, stifled conflicts
left with little more to say.