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277 · Jul 2016
showstoppers
John Jul 2016
i have nothing to do
with your issues with your father.
i'm just trying to melt glue
but it's hard when it just leaks further.
if you can find it in you
to let it all go.
i can be with you
and everyone'll know
that we came to stop the show.
276 · Jul 2016
swim meet
John Jul 2016
floating through the ocean without a care in the world
just a single glance at you told me you were my girl
there was something inside of us that guided us here
as you're sitting on your towel and caressing a beer
i noticed that spark in your eyes had caused quite a stir
your laugh was as cool and as clear as i've ever heard

so meet me by the ocean tonight
when the edge of town feels just right
when the heavy starts to feel a bit light
when the wings you grew finally take flight
John Apr 2016
Tripping, dripping, falling
Down this calm river
Sitting, wishing, hoping
I can always be your giver
Contemplating, over-thinking, sinking
On my rickety little boat
But I've got hope and hope is what I've always needed the most

I tend to get a little morbid
Forgive me if I say something stupid
Just always know
That I might be irrational
But I'd never take away the gift of breath
I will crawl on even when there's nothing of me left

So take my hand
And always next to me, please stand
Look me in my eyes
And remind me that I've won and you're the grand prize
I tend to forget to forget
Especially after all that I've left
276 · Jun 2016
sand castles
John Jun 2016
"I'll come back in the morning,"

I know you've heard that before
I know you don't wanna hear it no more
Acting like talking to me is a chore

And I get it, I really do
But I'm making this promise to you
I'll always be there when you're blue

I feel so basic saying it
But what we have between has always been lit
So close your eyes now, relax with me and take this hit

I'm trying to make it any way I can
I just need you to be there when I land
After I'm done building these castles out of nothing but sand
275 · Jul 2016
line stepper
John Jul 2016
walking ever so slowly
down the sloping, lonely ramps
like no one's ever stared at you
you ignore my signals and signs
i'm calling your name quietly tonight
lookin' like i got into a fight
dancing over too you in the middle of my mind
i'm just trying to wind up finding your old signs
hanging in the doorway of your head
would i be crossing the line if i said
"before i saw you, i was the living dead"?

it really seems like everything was set up
looking up, not giving up
thought it was a waste of my time
until i got the courage to step over the line

swaggering smoothly toward me
trying & choosing to smoothly sway me
though i've seen your kind
i trip into your trap with eyes wide
animated lilies spring up around us
digital wind moves the grass, and i must
say that i think the ground feels familiar
beneath my feet, the soil's loose, you're my killer
i try to find your gaze, but it's lost in the dirt
never believe the words "this won't hurt"
that might be the biggest lie i've ever heard
275 · Dec 2012
No Matter How Much Blood
John Dec 2012
We would walk
Down the dim
Moonlit path
Speaking of
Fantasies

Things we wish
For and others
We don't want
Dreaming

Loving each other
With every ounce
Of human flesh
And holy soul

Living for each other
Mending the others
Jagged edges ripped
Apart by that very life

Knowing that somehow
Someway we're going
To love each other
No matter how much
Sticky blood is spilt
273 · Jun 2016
she creature
John Jun 2016
you were the girl smoking cigarettes outside
the girl with nothing to hide
as you moved toward me
in a way that's clear to see
you knew what you were doing
i knew just from the way you were moving

a predatory creature who craves the blood
of innocent people, you've got them in your hand
with one swift blow you could **** ten men
legend has it they were never the same again
so ease up on me when decide to strike
i don't have the reserves to put up much of a fight
270 · Aug 2017
Awaken, My Love
John Aug 2017
Awaken, my love.

For the trees
against the sky
seem to free
my tired eyes.

Darken, my love.

For the black
contrasts the light
like the latch
to the high-flying kite.

Hasten, my love.

For I only have so much time
before the curtains fall so fast.
You've been more than kind
on the lake on which you cast
those little,
lethal
stones.
269 · Sep 2014
Teachers of Earth
John Sep 2014
I feel cheated.
Plain and
Simple.
The fact that
We, as a whole,
our entire culture
is based around schooling.
Being taught by people
who don't want
to be here.
Who don't
get paid enough
and don't
get any recognition
for what they do.
Teachers.
They're treated
as people who are
replaceable.
The same people
who shape us
from very,
very
young ages all the way
up to adulthood.
Molding and providing
framework that our
brains
form around.
They don't care.
Sure,
some do.
There are some really great
people out there
who study with a
passion.
A passion to help
others
on their journey to
enlightenment and
expanding the minds
of the young.
Helping them to see
and to hear and to experience
things with a
questioning disposition.
But then there are the
fed up,
the tired,
the angry,
the mentally strained,
who enter classrooms
with a mindset
that just isn't compatible
with what we,
as young people,
need to nourish our
minds and souls.
They don't think
about how our forming
psyches
can be affected
by people who
are unpleasant,
people
who are doing
what they're doing
just to get by.
No second
thought
of how their teachings,
and their way of going about it
is affecting us as whole,
as a society
and a culture.
Planting seeds
of dislike
and of hesitation
when they should be
preparing us
for the wonders
and the joy
and the expansiveness
that awaits us
on this organic,
floating ball
of water and of
Earth.
Hurtling through
space
and time
with no breaks
and with no real
comprehension
of what
is actually occurring
around us.
268 · Apr 2014
Problem 1
John Apr 2014
The problem with you is...

You always

                   Always

Love

The
       wrong
                  

Girl.
267 · May 2016
Consolation
John May 2016
things look
all twisted and blue-dark
I shook
the trees, I am the circle of sharks
you took
all that you wanted
not what
your whole soul needed
but, but
your conscience is heeded
266 · Jun 2016
you still matter
John Jun 2016
she stayed by me
she fought for me
she got high with me
in the convertible with me
looking at the stars, you'll see

I've been tripping on myself for too long
Time to get up and start new again
I always knew that I was strong
To her, all my love, I send
I know I was a **** the whole time
And you moved to New Jersey for that job
I acted selfishly and tried to reason my crime
But now what I did and I promise I'll stop

I've been tripping ******* my old girl
Trying to convince her to give me another whirl
But this life really isn't no video game
And she's dead convinced that I'm ******* lame
So now I'm climbing out of this dark hole
Running low so I shovel on some more coal
She's living her own life now
And she's got me wondering how

But it doesn't matter to her
She don't think about me
I don't matter to her
But she still matters to me
266 · Apr 2016
Fires
John Apr 2016
Fires burning in my heart
Burning in my dreams
Burning in my mind
Everything and nothing
Turns to powdery ash
Around me
264 · Sep 2014
On the Inside
John Sep 2014
On the outside
I seem
To not even
Try.
To not even
Care.
And I don't
Think I do.
For the most part.

On the inside
Fires rage
And it seems
They burn
Stronger
With each passing
Day.
On the inside
Planets collide
And burst
Like so many grapes
In my stubborn
Grip.
On the inside
I don't know
What the outside
Wants
Or needs.
On the inside
I am a
Lion
Watching carefully
Approaching
Slow...
...ly
Afraid
To pounce
To roar
To talk
The way that
Everyone
Seems prone to.

The lion lays
Down.
He shakes
Droplets of water
From his mane.
Tucks his big, hairy
Head
Between huge
Paws
And never
Ever let's his
Tears
Reflect sunlight.
262 · Oct 2014
It Takes Time
John Oct 2014
You can't grasp it too tight.
Don't wander so close to the light.
It'll burn your hands and eyes,
just as the truth clouds all the lies.
So just take one step at a time now,
and please refrain from cowering
beneath the moon tonight.

You've got to take your sweet time.
It's only sour when you force it.
Follow the path you've paved,
and the angels will let you touch it.
The angels will let you feel it.
260 · May 2013
I Am the Thick of the Night
John May 2013
I'm the thick of the night
When you can barely see
And the darkness
Encloses me
When you most afraid
And things seem too tight
I am there
In the thick of the night
So wrap your arms
All around me
And forget what
You're trying to be
Just remember
I'll always be
Right there
Up in a tree
In a corner
Of your mind
I am.
260 · May 2016
old love letters
John May 2016
from ripe to rotten
sitting on a filthy shelf
from remembered to forgotten
praying for some kind of help

mumbling through the forest
tripping on broken branches
stumbling through my brain
ripping up old love letters
258 · Apr 2016
the business
John Apr 2016
I'm in the business
of killing feelings
like swatting flies
I swipe and slap
and they dance about
effortlessly evading my grasp
258 · Sep 2012
To the Lost
John Sep 2012
To the lost and the
Broken and the hopeless to
The end of the ends.
John Feb 2013
In the Sun
The wind blowing high
You stood next to me
As everyone passed us by
I thought we were on
The same level, hand in hand
But I was wrong
I couldn't  have been more wrong

I never knew
A few words
To hurt so much
When uttered past my lips
You could say I expected such
When you said you couldn't
When you wouldn't repeat
I nearly broke down and weeped
Right there, right by your stone feet
John Nov 2016
in your darkest hour. on the doorstep of your despair
i will come for you with open arms. i'll always be there.
your touch had me realizing. your love, i was analyzing.
baby, you're so tantalizing. you've got me breezily rhyming.

now, i've gotten ahead of myself before.
so now i'm wary.
those eyes have reached my core.
it's almost scary.

i've never had someone even come close to understanding.
i never knew that could happen, but now here you are.
you know who you are, you wreak havoc like hurricane sandy.
but now it's not my house, it's my beating heart.
255 · May 2016
Snowden
John May 2016
Freedom
Taken from you before you see
Truth
Doesn't matter when they disagree
Honesty
They only want you to play the game
Justice
Only served when you're lame

Yesterday I had a conversation with my superior
I told him I believed in the right to privacy
He said "no," and now here I am and there you are
I am left with a lack of rightful clemency
But then again, I'm not owed a thing
In a world where we're all blindly judged
There's a difference between a shout and singing
All I'm hearing now is this deafening ringing
255 · Aug 2017
fifty other fevers
John Aug 2017
parting people
particularly
prowl
subways sounding
like their
suffering surfing
the things
they
thought
were wrong
with
withering
conviction counting
coins
callously
bouncing back
breezing
by
foreheads frowning
from
first
fostering
fifty other fevers.
#nothing
254 · May 2016
Boiled Down
John May 2016
Disillusioned to the umpteenth degree
Starting your engines as if you can be all you can be
Staring into the hearts of those with none
The darkness drips out of you and it can be fun
Train stations filled to the brim
To the Great City on a ******* whim

Come back around, come sit down
Hear the sound, feel like an emotionless clown
Fists and kicks abound, you flaunt your broken crown

Things seem to be clearing up
Like existential acne, don't get it ****** up
Trust in the formula and you'll swim free
Things are good but what does that mean to me?
Rising from the ashes and your broken back feels tight
These raw wings forming make you think of flying kites
Chemicals swirl and unfurl in your little bird brain
Making you think you've felt the extent of true pain
254 · Oct 2016
new york cares
John Oct 2016
new york cares
my thoughts laid bare
your penetrating stare
makes me wonder if it all ain't fair
252 · Aug 2014
The Valley and the Mountain
John Aug 2014
Up on a grassy hill
Electricity through my brain
Sky lights up
The crash is deafening

In a valley
Down low, lower
Than I knew I could go
The crash is deafening
The sight is blinding
250 · Aug 2017
Bruiser
John Aug 2017
Envisioning
From the backseat
The brutal heat
And burning concrete
Beneath
My bare feet
These stringent standards set before me

The goalposts are constantly changing
The white knuckling I'm always doing
Always moving, never choosing  
The deep, dark bruising
250 · May 2016
take it lying down
John May 2016
on the floor
wallowing in my own stupidity
i asked for more
but you couldn't burst my big head and rigidity
i am poor
but they say you're rich if you have your health
sipping a coors
and it's the single greatest feeling i've ever felt

(that's not saying much)
John May 2016
she doesn't know a thing about a thing but she doesn't pretend to
she dances dumb, can't really sing, but i don't care cause between is glue
she lacks a heart, a brain, a conscience, but it don't matter when we're together
she has no interest in the world around her, but then again nothing lasts forever
249 · Oct 2016
my bones
John Oct 2016
i was working day in and day out
to carve out this life we had in our heads
but when your whispers turned into shouts
the worst seemed like the best that i could get

driving in my car thinking about your face
you really could light up the darkest place
when we touch i think the end is close
you bring death, bring life, neither of which we chose
sometimes i think i could die with you
but i know you don't reciprocate
you break me and you dislocate
my bones
247 · May 2016
death and other disservices
John May 2016
I am beyond the womb
I am beyond the tomb
My life after the big and great flood
My life after being dragged through the mud
Where do you go when you have nowhere to go?
Where do you go when nowhere is all you know?

Shifting through space
Never staying in one place
My brain is the same
And my body is just lame
I tried praying to a higher power
Hoping some love, on me, He'd shower
But the emptiness just became more real
And the loneliness became all that I feel

I am not a solid thing
This has haunted me for years
Made of skin and bones, like you
But I just hear cries as everyone else cheers
Nothing ever seems to come to fruition
I'm improving and this pleases me
However, I'm afraid I may have reached my peak
I feel I am now one with the black, it is all I see
246 · Apr 2016
Grip
John Apr 2016
You hold death in your hands
Shaking so much you can barely stand
Gripping the gleaming, black metal
As you think of your broken, trampled petals
You just stood there as you watched them fall
One by one they left you, now there's nothing you can do at all
246 · Jun 2016
high in the sun
John Jun 2016
i wanna hop in the convertible
and drive down to the beach with you
what we had didn't seem that durable
but when we're getting high in the sun it's true
what they say that when you meet someone
and synapses start firing, you feel the weight
you can't even help but have fun
no matter what our ultimate fate
246 · Jun 2016
lemme know
John Jun 2016
let me know, before you go
keep it real and seal the deal
sign it with blood while you press my face in the mud
246 · Jun 2016
your tears
John Jun 2016
"i wanna stare at the tears, how they watered yr years..."*

how you laid there and smiled up
up at me, smiling too, while your heart was shut
i didn't get it at first, but now i do
your words trembled and were untrue
never thought i'd live to say i loved
but i did, and now i see from above
245 · Dec 2012
Coming/Going (10w)
John Dec 2012
How do you tell
If you're
Coming
Or you're
Going?
245 · Mar 2016
spiderbrain
John Mar 2016
these spiders crawl into my brain
and I can't really complain
as their venom flows and swirls
I'm a sucker for a sweet girl
with a like-mind and a welcoming smile
think i'll sit here and stare for a while
as she walks past me on the same path
in my head, I burn and I crash
John Jul 2016
can't seem to make you mine
cryin' in my bed all the time
cryin' in my head all the time
"I'm cryin'", you said, all the time

nothin' seemed so right
as when we met that night
i could see your face in the dark
you never needed no light

when the facts are shown to be true
the facts are: baby, i love you
but you don't think the same way
blacked out and you're givin' me the blues
244 · Apr 2016
Old Soul Blues
John Apr 2016
If there is one thing I'm proud of
It is that I can create
I might not be the sharpest knife
But use me and you can relate

School was never easy for me
My parents hardly pushed
That was a good thing though
I've never succeeded when rushed

My brain works in odd ways
I make connections where others don't
The light at the end of the tunnel
Is where I move to when others won't

I tend to think low of myself
For good reasons sometimes
But I know I will come out ahead
For I remix the reason and the rhyme

I also look past things
Where others tend to grasp
Holding my shallow breath
With eyes on the true task

What does lay before me
I will never truly know
But I'm building my barricade
To the sky and it will show

For by the end of the end
When my body is done on this Earthly plane
My soul will live on forever
An old man who needs not a crutch, nor a cane
243 · Jun 2012
The Will (Haiku)
John Jun 2012
Keep calm and keep up
Going and going until
You are a dust cloud
243 · Apr 2016
the sleeping
John Apr 2016
the living are
the envy of
the dead

the dead are
the mystery of
the living

the times are
the frustration of
the awakened

the awakened
the enemy of
the sleeping

the sleeping are
the friends of
the powers that be

the powers that be are
the bane of
the entirety
242 · Apr 2016
Headwound
John Apr 2016
what do you know about yourself?
rather; what do you think you know?

characteristics, attributes, talents...
were they ascribed to you
by you?
or by those around you?

do you feel it in your heart?
does your brain tell you they are real?
do you believe it?
do you question it?

have you ever bored a hole
into your own skull
just to see what poured out?
to see what was actually in there?

perhaps someone did you the favor
to spare you of doing it yourself?
the stuff that comes out, however,
is always different when it is done by the hands of another.
242 · Jun 2016
dumb rich/dirt poor
John Jun 2016
she's the sky when it's purple and red and pink
she's what i think about when i cant think
just hope that she sees me and she hears this
always thinking i'm owed one last kiss
always hoping you'll give a ****

i know i could've helped you when you needed it
when i was in that black cave, my torch you lit
i should've been there when your tide shifted
should've focused less on getting lifted
you really showed me what i was looking for
you made me feel dumb rich when i was dirt poor
240 · Oct 2014
I See
John Oct 2014
Bombs drop like fat gum-*****
Exploding and killing it all
And all the while, I eat my words
I feed, I feed, I feed

I talk and you can't hear me
Speaking on some other frequency
You mumble something weird
You see, you see the sea

In my heart and in my eyes
The changes aren't hard to see
I look up at dark grey skies
And I see, I see, I see
240 · Jun 2016
steady legs/straight face
John Jun 2016
walking through hell with steady legs & a straight face
then i laugh my face off when i realize it's my favorite place
nothing you say can stop me from becoming what i'm going to
been losing forever but i don't mind winning every now and then too
playing the underdog is something i'm quite used to
just like i was everyday when i was kissing you

so baby, just maybe this wasn't a mistake
maybe this grave you dug turns into a lake
a lake of fire and lake of heartache
headaches, stomach aches, it all molded & shaped
who i am but i'm ready to pop like a grape now
John Sep 2015
I've got this feeling
That I can't put into words
But I'll try my best
As these thoughts come in herds
Circling 'round my head
And landing in my heart
While I'm laying in bed
Thinking just of you
239 · Jun 2016
i wanted you forever
John Jun 2016
i've spent ******* weeks
looking through the new hole
in my ******* head
like finding a new mole
on the skin you thought you shed
like making your downfall your goal

i wanted you forever and ever, babe
going to parties and acting like nothing mattered
i never wanted you never, babe
my love for you was fully formed but now it's shattered
238 · Sep 2017
springtime blossoms
John Sep 2017
when we first laid tired eyes on each other
flowers were blooming like the love in our hearts
they blossomed in the dark
and that was the most beautiful part

we both had enough of the things in our lives
bringing us down without hesitation
but then we were struck by love's invitation
and swept so strongly by that sweet sensation

and now its hard to even put into words
just how grateful i am for your presence
in my life, in my soul and in my heart
and i can't wait for our life together to start
238 · Jun 2016
hope in the moonlight
John Jun 2016
sleeping through the night
is a thing of the past now
i've been fighting the good fight
but these days i'm not sure how
these aches cut deep
reverberating through my spine
the blood continues to seep
what's yours can't be mine

the pain wakes you up
all hours of the night
at sundown, the moon comes up
and i'm finding hope through her light
John Mar 2016
These walls have so much to say.
Bleeding through the color and the grime.
That sinking feeling when you pray.
Hands clasped, eyes closed tightly.
With tears streaming down your cheeks.
Cumulating in a sick puddle on the floor.
I've been shipwrecked for weeks,
now, at the bottom of my brain.
All I see are these old bloodstains.

In times of duress,
4 AM and I'm stressed.
Backtracking and I guess
all the times that you pressed
me to express something more than ***
made me all too aware of my inadequacies.

Limping down the path with my shoes untied.
What I thought was the way of least resistance
turned out to be a farce, a joke, a big ******* lie.
But now I'm on the mend at the end of the road.
Kicking up dirt and choking on erratic words.
Now is not the time to offer your verbal guidance,
it's not like they're something I've never heard.
In search of something more stable and concrete,
I start to feel them growing - the wings of a big, black bird.
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