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Jun 2013 · 568
Let Yourself See
John Jun 2013
Walk this dark road
No lights, ***** lens
Look through the glass
And see, just watch
As blue turns to green
And green sizzles white
The beauty of chemistry
In the waters of our lands
Rid yourself of your mind's pettiness
And jump in
And let go
Say goodnight
To the cold and the snow
Open your blinds
Let the light in
Let yourself see
And you will
See
You will
See
Jun 2013 · 532
Known No Pain
John Jun 2013
Come on, little sister
Make amends
Let us know truth
Make it better
Tell us what we need
So now when we hear your words
We will no longer fall on scraped knees
Stand up like a man, sister
On those feet of concrete
And let it all out
Because I know what you think you know
But I'll tell you this
You've known no pain
Jun 2013 · 850
Paths
John Jun 2013
Get up
The minutes pass you by
Mechanically
They've no need to lie
To you
Passively watch as they wave
You're glued
To this path you've long paved
Your way has been set

In and out and out and in
Situations predetermined before you knew
There is no real way to win
Now, you find yourself turning blue
You were green at the start
Eager to get it done with ease
But now that that part
Is over you just want sleep
Forever in the menagerie of eternity
Heavy on your head and thoughts
Long is gone, the vanity of deceit
This is the life that your family has bought

Fearing a life of struggle and pain
Unsure of the path of least resistence
To join an organization, the same
As everyone won't give you a listen
To fight a war of secrecy
Killing innocents with a smile
Innocence is lost, you see
Might as well run your mile
But this life promised so much more
Your hopes and dreams scowl at your incompetence
Everything was so bright and white before
Now things continue to make no obvious sense
Jun 2013 · 483
I Know
John Jun 2013
Lonely, lonely, lonely
If only, if only
They'd know me, know me
Lonely, lonely, lonely

Don't get
What it takes
Might have
High stakes
They don't
Know how
I won't
Bow down

If you don't
Take the time
I don't
Have to whine
You know
How I do it
I know
How you lose it
You're gone, gone, gone
And I'm still here
Silently turned on, on
Cheers

Whoa-oh-oh
I don't have to go
But I can if I feel threatened
This lonely love is never lessened
By the sound of your breath
By the heat of the night
And the notion of peaceful rest
I won't try to fight
Because it's done, done, done
Jun 2013 · 624
Eyes
John Jun 2013
Gaze into it
See yourself
Looking back
Is it you?
Or an imposter?
You can never really be sure
The eyes in the skull
Staring back
Never seem to be honest
About where they've been
What they've witnessed
Who they've touched
Why they look so tired

You just sigh though
There's not much else you can do
For all you've been through
Gets imprinted in your head
Transmits itself outward
And onto everything you see
Into everyone who looks inside
You can try to deny
Try and try as you might
The underneath always seems
To find its way to the surface
Clawing and scratching until
It spills
Onto the cold ground
Jun 2013 · 430
Gold
John Jun 2013
When I step foot on the concrete
It seems to dissipate
Sliding back and forth
Everything is on vibrate
The world collapses in
And expands out
There is no peace, no sin
Every whisper is a shout
Echoing

Look up at the sky
And I don't see
I only feel
What is and what can be
Trees reach for me
And I touch them
With fingertips of gold
It's all made of solid gold

And then switch
There is no money
No future of life
Just like pouring honey
It all seems too sweet
Thank you, I think
To myself, no one knows
How grateful or enlightened
I am when reaching for those
Gold trees
With
Gold
Finger
Tips
Jun 2013 · 497
Severance
John Jun 2013
In nature
How the river flows
No rapture
A flower dies and it grows
Trust in my words
When I don't know what I'm saying
Trust is for the birds
As they touch clouds, they're flying

As is life, as are you
People come and go
You love me and I loved you
I would've done whatever you said so
I'm just another one of those people
Now I'm a ghost and more than before
Now you're weakening and growing more feeble
I gave you so much, now I'm gone and you want more

So this is me
And this is you
What to be
What to do
I'm set on go
And you're stuck on me
You never thought
You'd be so lonely
So you say
But you hold back
You always hold back
Jun 2013 · 533
Steady Hands
John Jun 2013
You steady your aim
**** back, ready to fire
Phasers set to brimstone
You're someone I admire
But with all the destruction you bring
You never allow a chance for wings
No, you throw your potential away

I found myself at the bottom of the river
Waiting and more than ready for a touch
What is gold when the soft embrace of silver
Is enough to help you out in times of need
Always was second best, unlike you
Never came out less than best
In my own head, at least you know it's true

Fell into the dirt, had trouble rising up
You were there looking down to me
But you'd never allow me the luxury
To hear, to feel, not even to see
You keep me blinded
So deaf and dumb
And I can't find it
I'll never know if I won
Jun 2013 · 1.0k
Things
John Jun 2013
You're feeling kind of worn out
Things, they never turn out
Like you saw them
In your dreams
Things, they're kind of hazy
Things have gotten crazy
A convoluted mish-mash of what once was
Things are never what they once were

So on this rainy night, baby
Just hold me tight
Take me through the wind
Next to you in the storm
Things you never win
May turn out pretty nice
You've just got to hold out your hand
For things that just may happen
You can't let your delusions
Stray you from the truth
John May 2013
Back when I was about ten or eleven, the only friend I had was the most beautiful girl I knew. Her name was Jessica and her and I did everything together. In school we were inseparable, always chit-chatting before, during and after classes. So much so that teachers bestowed upon us the annoying, yet endearing, encompassing nickname of "Jackica" - a combination of our names; Jack and Jessica. I was so thankful for her companionship, and thinking back it might have been a pretty uneven relationship, emotionally. I was an overweight and awkward Harry Potter fanboy and she was a cute little auburn-haired thing who could've won any Miss America Junior competition in the world, as far as I was concerned. She had the most piercing powder blue eyes. The kind that made my skin tingle and mouth curl up into a stupid smile at any given moment. I felt like she saw me, like she really saw ME. Not the blubbery flesh that coated my muscle and bones but what I was made of, the real me. And I loved her for that. Along with Jessica's physical blessings, she was also given an insatiable appetite for adventure. She loved to go to the park at night, after the gates were locked and when everything was drenched in darkness. We'd hop the five foot chain-link fence and roam around the grounds. We'd go the water at the edge of the park and sit on the rocks, look up at the stars and take turns telling stories to each other with intent to scare the **** out of the other one. One humid night in mid-June, Jessica told a story that succeeded in making my skin-crawl. She always told decent scary stories, she was gifted in the art of fabricating tales of fright right on the spot, but this story really got to my core for some reason. I just felt uneasy as the words spilled from her mouth to my ears and with each sentence my muscles tightened and strained just from the mere tone of her voice as she told the story. She sounded serious, and she rarely did, even when telling these stories, but with this particular one it sounded like she really believed what she was saying was cold, hard truth. What she said was that she heard a story that her older brother's girlfriend had told her. It was about a house on the outskirts of town, placed just a few hundred yards from the mouth of the woods that lined our little suburban utopia. She went on to say that in the house was nothing all that scary. She said it was an old house, a very old house, as it was a log cabin that was built in the 1700s, when the town was first being settled. Supposedly, everything in the house was just as it was back then, little kerosene lamps sitting on home-mad oak tables. The maple-wood floors would moan and creak at the slightest hint of any weight being put on them. And then she said that no one had lived in the house since the man who built it died, around 1785. Needless to say, Jessica wrapped up the story by proclaiming that we had to find the house. And we had to go inside and see for ourselves what was so creepy about it. Being the scared, chubby little wimp that I was, I immediately rejected the idea. There was no way I was going to try to find a place that would only succeed in making me **** my pants in front of a girl, especially the one whom I'd placed the delusional label of "future girlfriend" on. But, as I subconsciously expected, Jessica talked me into it with just a few graceful words: "I'll kiss you if you come with me." The very next Saturday night, Jessica and I put on some dark jeans and t-shirts and took the bus all the way to the last stop, the edge of town. We hopped off and right in front of the stop the woods were already waiting, I took a deep breath as Jessica's eyes lit up. She took my hand and pulled me as she ran, me clumsily waddling along behind her all the way to a little dirt pathway that paved the only marked entrance we could see. She asked me if I was ready and I shrugged, saying something like "I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be." And so we started down the path. As the tall trees swayed in the wind, I dragged my feet with Jessica always about five feet ahead of me, as eager as ever. We walked for probably ten or twenty minutes before the foot of the cabin was before us. At first sight, it was a very old structure. I'd never seen anything like it outside of paintings in my history textbook and this Abe Lincoln documentary I saw on PBS. I never knew houses like that stood the test of time. But there it was before me, two stories high with wooden shutters clad in severely chipped paint and a big oak door that looked stronger than any door I'd ever seen. Jessica took my hand again, smiled enchantingly and rushed me forward. Once at the door, I was speechless. It didn't look as old as the rest of the house and whoever made it obviously meant for it to last a very long time, taking extreme care in carving it out impeccably and sanding it until it shined with a professional touch. Without a word, Jessica rapped on the door. Three hard times, and when no one answered after thirty seconds, she rapped again, and again. She shrugged and turned to me, asked if we should just go in. I said no and she frowned. "There's no way we came this far just to go back home with nothing," and then she wrapped her hand around the rusted doorknob and turned. The door opened with no hesitation as she pushed it all the way in. She stepped inside, and I followed. The first thing I noticed inside the cabin was the creaking floors. They creaked louder and longer with each step, affirming that part of the story, making my blood run cold. We looked around, going from room to room with wide eyes. We were amazed that we made it, that we got inside and now we were actually investigating a place that no one else supposedly had gone before. Truth be told, though, it was nothing special. There wasn't much at all to see, save for a few tables, the creaking floors and some very old paintings on the wall. We were just leaving when we noticed something on a table nearest the big oak door. It was a metal box with a small lock fastened to the front of it. "We have to open it," Jessica proclaimed after a second of curious inspection. "There's no way were going to find the key," I told her. "So we'll break the lock, Jack. Duh," she replied in her sassiest tone. I just shook my head as she grabbed the box and began to furiously slam it in the wooden table. The sound echoed through the house, exacerbating it and making me shiver from head to toe. "I don't know if you should keep-" but my sentence was cut off my the lock flying off the box and clinking onto the floor below. Jessica smiled again, very pleased with herself and looked to me. "Wonder what's inside...," She said, lifting the top half of the box open. After an initial and cough-inducing puff of thick dust subsided, the contents of the box were revealed. It was a letter, written on old-school parchment in heavy ink. In neatly laid Victorian script, the likes of which I had never seen so simultaneously neat and scattered, like it was written in a hurry or during a time of distress, was a love letter. Well, a kind of love letter. It was addressed to a woman named Tania and it was signed by a William. It told the story of how William had loved Tania since they were children, and Tania was now to be married to a Pastor named Hensley. William told Tania how he couldn't bear the thought of her ever being with anyone else and that the fact that she could never truly be his was killing him. Literally. He ended the note by confessing his plan to **** himself. I took a step back, but Jessica just stood at the table with her eyes glued to the crumbling parchment in her hands. "I'm leaving," I said after a few moments, mulling over the sorrow that this poor man must've felt. I headed out the door, Jessica following. The walk back through the woods to the bus stop I couldn't get this feeling of dread from subsiding. It seemed like I felt what William felt, but not in a sympathetic sort of way. It felt like I was William and the pain he felt was actually my pain. And then I noticed that, rolled up tightly in her fist, Jessica had taken the letter with her. "Why'd you take that," I said, sounding thoroughly upset. "That's not yours to take, go bring it back!" "No way. There was no way I was going there and coming back with nothing to show for it," she said, gripping the letter tightly, her knuckles almost whitening. I knew how stubborn Jessica could be and I knew whatever I said probably wouldn't even phase her in the slightest so I did what I did best and just shrugged it off. I found myself wishing I could shrug off the terrible feeling the letter put deep inside me just as easily as I could Jessica's stubbornness. Over time, Jessica and I lost touch, as kids of that age often do. I grew up, lost weight and opened up, making more friends and acquaintances, no longer hanging onto the thought of Jessica being my only love. I didn't talk to Jessica all that much. Just once in a while we'd meet up and have a chat over some coffee or pizza. We had both changed and morphed into young adults with different agendas and dreams and I had no problem with that. But on one such meeting, Jessica began to worry me. She said that every now and then she'd open her desk drawer and take the piece of parchment out and read it. Over and over again. And lately, she had been opening the drawer more and more, she said that she felt drawn to it. Like something about it made her feel this deep-seated dread that no horror movie or scary story had ever made her feel. She said that she felt like the letter was beginning to take a toll on her. And, by the look of her, it didn't seem like she was lying or kidding around like she always used to love to do. She had dark circles underneath her once striking eyes, which were now darker and had taken on an odd and ominous color. I was scared for her. And I told her so but she hugged me and assured me she was alright. I wanted to believe her, and I tried to, hugging her back and telling her I'd talk to her soon. But when she turned her back I knew something was very wrong. I'm writing this now because a few weeks ago Jessica's mom gave me a call. When her number came up on my cell phone, I think I knew, deep down, e actor why I was getting this call but I pushed the thought away and said hello. Jessica's mother called to tell me that a few days before Jessica had gone missing. The only indication to her whereabouts was a note she left with the words "cabin at the edge of town", and below that, instructions on how to get there. Her mother said she took the note and hopped in her car immediately, and made it to the cabin. She said she was breathless by the time she got to the cabin but forged on and barged inside and looked around. She said she found nothing and was about to leave when she noticed a small door behind the big oak door she had swung open to get inside. She opened the little door to find a stairwell. She climbed it, calling Jessica's name all the way, sobbing and wiping tears from her eyes. At the top of the stairs was the attic. And she said she almost died herself when she saw Jessica. She was hanging from a wooden rafter on the ceiling. And next to her was a severely decayed skeleton, dangling from a rope only a few inches away.u
Originally wrote this as a reddit.com/nosleep thread. Hope you all enjoy it nonetheless.
May 2013 · 374
Through My Teeth
John May 2013
She said
Why don't you go to bed
With me?
It'll be
Like nothing
You've ever been
So I said back
You give me heart attacks
I just can't
Can't put myself through that

No, I won't subject myself
To you
I can't do it anymore

I tripped over
To her apartment
That night
Against my better judgment
Came through
Knocked on her door
What could I do?
I knew I shouldn't anymore
So when she said
That her nights been crazy
Her heads a mess
Barely balanced on her shoulders
I realized
That enough was enough
Told her
It would all be alright
It'll all be alright
Don't worry
I'm not in a hurry
As I walked out
It was all a lie
**I let slip happily through my teeth
May 2013 · 1.5k
Lastnight
John May 2013
I don't know
Things just don't go
The things seem so
So
I don't know
I just don't know

Take me by the hand
Yeah
Please just lead the way
I'm not one for
Confrontation
Elation
However
Is what I seek
Always
Anyways
All ways
John May 2013
They say to go your own way
And then they say not to take chances
Be an individual
But don't be too weird
Because if you're too far out there
Or if you dream too much
They tell you to grow up
And when you do
If you listen to them
They tell you to loosen up
Undo your tie
Take a breather
So right now
I'm stuck
Between
Deep
Breaths
And
Self-induced
Suffocation
May 2013 · 719
Sheets
John May 2013
These things that make you say
Lets go
The same things that make you go
Whoa, whoa
Sinful little pretty girl
Your skin is just Heaven
Think I can take you for a whirl
As long as you promise to keep beggin'

In the night, as the rain hits the roof
You're waiting for me in shadows
All the lights turned down too low
Never knew this is where we would go
There's not an ounce of apology
In your soft, seductive, *** tone
You used to feel ashamed about this
But not anymore because we're alone

Nothing can stop the flow of blood now
Dripping from limbs and into the floor
You're pretty crazy, I won't lie
But when were through it I'm always wanting more
It's all because you are an animal
A being outside of what most people know
When I'm with you I refuse to let go
You're dark power lies within your sheets
May 2013 · 531
Not Cut Out for That
John May 2013
I don't want to run
I don't want to shoot
I don't want to run from the police
I don't want to loot
I don't want a gangster's life
I don't want to have to look over my shoulder at night

Growing up in the big city
Born of a family in the dirt
Never much money to anybody
But it seems none of my cousins really learned
But I'm not like them, I'm not about that
I never was keen of violence
Always hated hate and loved love
Never got how they all missed this
Never understood how they could want that kind of life

Because I'd be a *** on the street
Begging for a penny or two
Before I was to go out and hurt someone who didn't deserve it
Or trick someone into thinking something false
I don't like to deceive, I hate it
But do many people think it's right
Crime doesn't pay, you can't win
There's nothing to a life of sin
At the end if the day you're left with ****
Your hearts turned to an empty black pit
May 2013 · 533
Christopher's Hole
John May 2013
He was walking round the party
A scowl planted on his face
He just wanted someone to hear him
But all his words fell on drunk ears
He went outside to find the smokers
Even though he quit a year ago
The girl weighing on his mind though
Pushed him back through the smoke

She was a scattered girl
A one track brain in her head
Every other guy took her for a whirl
And she didn't think to think twice
But still he thought her beautiful because she was nice
To him
She was nice to him

And he fell for it
Deep down the rabbit hole, he fell
Asked all around for her
After all they only broke a day ago
He just wanted to talk to her
To see her face, hear her laugh
But instead his best friends shirt
Came into view as he walked up
Black makeup stained his shirt
In the shape of eyelashes
Dripping dark tears drowned in years
And years and years of connection
But now it's gone into a new section
Filed under "not enough conviction"
For my friend Christopher. He had a rough time at a party the other night and I wish him all the luck in the world.
John May 2013
Love consists of over-estimating the differences between one woman and another.
This quote.
May 2013 · 626
And They Say
John May 2013
Things don't
Seem so hard anymore
I've got
A way out, now, and more
When she comes
Strutting down the street
I know
Past problems have been beat
When she says
When can we meet?
Squirming in my seat
Tripping over my own two feet

Everything is hit or miss
And they say
That everything's worth a try
And they say
Someone out there is worth you to die
And they say
Just keep carrying on by
Never let slip past your guard, a lie
Just fasten up your ties
Don't you dare be shy now

Just walking
Sidewalk cracks passing
Thoughts of you are fleeting
Time I've spent just keeps on leaving
Nothing I do is helping
Guess I just have to start accepting
What they say may be true
But thinking of you
Don't do nothing but turn me blue
May 2013 · 927
She Traces Water
John May 2013
She traces water
Through the river
Into the
Cold, hard ground
Where secrets lie in wait
Her past is
An enigma
And I
Don't know what
To do with her
Anymore

She speaks words of
Wisdom and curiosity
Her ears flinch when
Things unsaid surface
She grows uncomfortable
At the thought of it
She can't handle
What I think of her

When I have time
To sit back and think
Lemons and limes
Inside hard earned beers
My mind never stops
Coming to these conclusions
Back and forth
With the wind through green trees
She walks through valleys
Untouched by cruel weather
Comes out unscathed
Though completely unclothed
I am always in awe
At her pure endurance
Spanning time with nothing
But the smile of Joan of Ark
May 2013 · 324
It Is Midnight
John May 2013
Here it comes
And there it goes
The moments gone
Before you'd like to admit
You thought too much
But not enough
You talked too much
Gotta shut your mouth
Some things are best
Left unsaid
Just leave it alone, babe
Please leave me alone

It is midnight
And I sit alone
Not another soul in sight
Contemplating complicating
Things don't need to be this way
Mulling over, tossing over
Things that should really be
What I really want
Is for you to come to me
As you are, just like that
I don't need eyes, don't need to see
Just need to feel you
And your lovely vibration
Touch my hand
Sit, don't stand
As I land
In the place I love the most
May 2013 · 309
I'll Go
John May 2013
She doesn't know
She doesn't know
That I'll go
Gladly go
With a straight face
I've picked up my pace
Trees pass by
Sidewalk cracks
Is it wrong
To move on?
Let go
You have to
Or be dragged
You will
Until your skin
Is scratched to bone
Until your face
Is unrecognizable
She doesn't know
She doesn't want to know
That I'll go
May 2013 · 528
As I Lay Breathing
John May 2013
In and out
Oxygen/c02
Up and down
My beaten chest
Through and through
Heart still beats

Triumphant or defeated
Eyes still weep
In thoughts and dreams
Still unsure of the difference
In rain or in Sunshine
Head always held high

In talks or in whines
Points still foggy
Pulling up/down blinds
Body always groggy
In and out
And up and in
You can't ever always win
May 2013 · 418
Likening
John May 2013
I like to liken
What we could be in time to
Earth, wind, water and luck
John May 2013
Things never seem right
When I dream
And when I awake to the same sane me
I'm not so sure you can see what I mean
But what I want is to dream, dream, dream

Forever gripping the rails of sleep
Because inside of it I can do as I please
Lurid visions, fascination
A welcome break from monotony
Everyday seems so dull
Compared to when I'm in my bed
When I awake I am struck with wonder
How could my brain take me so far under?

The things I see
The things I hear
Some weird combination
Of hope and fear
If sleep has taught me anything
It's that anything can be anything
And everything isn't what it seems
Turn it around and upside down
Then look it through a telescope
A microcosm of possibility
Shame and humility
Oh, the things, the things I've seen
In my sleep
I just love dreams, I guess.
May 2013 · 584
In Vanity We Thrust
John May 2013
Now don't get me wrong
I believe in vanity
And you're vain as ****
Haiku
May 2013 · 782
Attached, Apart
John May 2013
"We'll meet again. In another time. Another place."*

Her hair blew gently as the wind picked up just slightly. The setting Sun peaked out shyly through each and every strand of hair. She tilted her head to the ground. An inkling of a smile turned up on the right dude of her lips. A sort of butchering of Mona Lisa's own. It was an even sadder version of that look. One that told me *"I don't know exactly why, but we have to be apart."
May 2013 · 727
Where You Come From
John May 2013
God damns you in the sweetest way
With those six inch heels
You're on so much fire
The smoke drifts through the steering wheel
Lit up like the strip
Where we go on nightly field trips
You know what's good for you but you don't care
You're a ******* wild one and I know it
You know how to get things done
And you keep the place jumped up and lit up
With those green, green eyes you light it up

You clearly got no worries
Nothing really gets to you
It's the way you grew up
If you had let it get to you
You would never have made it through

So I condone such mischief
Keep doing you like you do it
I ain't got no complaints
Just make sure you stand before you sit
Taking things too fast is never a good thing
All you know is fast life
Never back down from no fight now
You're just the realest
They're just the weakest
It's the way it goes
Nobody really knows
Where you came from
No, they never even ask
Where you come from
Been listening to a lot of new r&b; lately. So this is the type of stuff that comes out of it.
May 2013 · 436
Here I Go, Again
John May 2013
Here I go again
Oh here I, here I come again
I've got no right to say the words I want to
But they're the words I need to
So here I go again
Again and again

You once meant the Earth and the Stars
To me, in my head
You were the beautiful white light
At the end if the tunnel
You were my strength and might
Until you pummeled
My beating red heart to bits
Now it's scattered all over the floor
Like so many pieces of a tainted puzzle
And I'm left here wanting more
But you have disarmed me, fastened a muzzle
And I can speak nothing but nonsense
Nonsensical musings upon a schizophrenic backdrop

I feel like world has turned on her head
And my stomach feels sick
Like some hellish, black pit
And now I feel like a ****
I don't know why but it's the way it is
The way it has to be?
Well, I'll never know
For sure, it's the way I see
Things when they're altered inside my own mind
Someone needs to tell me to just calm down
But when I have enough time to think things through
I just want, I mean need, my wishes to come true
Oh, please just let my imagination break through
May 2013 · 724
Nowadays
John May 2013
Back in the day
When the rain hit the roof
Pitter-patter didn't seem like much
But along with it came the truth
That nowadays things ain't so right
Nowadays, everything is a might

When you used to tell me
That I was the only one
Your sole source of confidence
All we had was lighthearted fun
But now, now it seems like a joke
A sick and twisted turn of fate
For the worst or the best I don't even know
But all I have now us this disgustingly clean slate
Hanging on a hook like writhing, live bait
May 2013 · 911
Work
John May 2013
So I start my shift  
At 10 AM
Hours upon hours
Of nonstop movement
And running down to the basement
Bringing up boxes
Of candy
And cups
And popcorn bags

Constant flows
Of people
Customers
"guests"
So we have to call them
"You don't call over the next CUSTOMER
To your register
You call over the next GUEST."
So says my manager
OK, *****
"Next guest, please,"
I utter with a smile

Can't wait to leave
It's around 5:30 PM now
A solid
7 1/2 hours
Through
My 8 hour
Shift
I'm helping my manager
Satisfy guests
Not customers
Filling bags
When they say popcorn
And filling cups
When they say soda
"I'll just have some nachos,"
A man says
His wife stands next to him
She smiles at me
I smile back
He looks at me then
"And John, too,"
He says
"John looks like a nice kid."
I can't help but beam
Some type of dumb grin
I look down at my nametag
Adjust it a bit
The next guest steps up
And then I remember
How much
I just want to leave already
True story.
May 2013 · 266
I Am the Thick of the Night
John May 2013
I'm the thick of the night
When you can barely see
And the darkness
Encloses me
When you most afraid
And things seem too tight
I am there
In the thick of the night
So wrap your arms
All around me
And forget what
You're trying to be
Just remember
I'll always be
Right there
Up in a tree
In a corner
Of your mind
I am.
May 2013 · 331
I Am the Thick of the Night
John May 2013
I'm the thick of the night
When you can barely see
And the darkness
Encloses me
When you most afraid
And things seem too tight
I am there
In the thick of the night
So wrap your arms
All around me
And forget what
You're trying to be
Just remember
I'll always be
Right there
Up in a tree
In a corner
Of your mind
I am.
May 2013 · 289
Waking Up to Love
John May 2013
Now, I don't know about you
But I know why they play love songs on the radio
Now, I don't know if it's true
But when you're riding down the highway
With the windows down
The air hits your face like water
Waking you up
John May 2013
19
***
Slurpees
Good music
Stunted moral judgment
Good friends, good times, good fun
May 2013 · 391
No Chance in Hell
John May 2013
Because there's no chance in Hell
Fires burning for a hundred nights and a day
No future as far as I can tell
Inside my warm bed where I lay
So just leave me alone
Yeah just walk on your own

Things broke in the morning
When everything was cool
I thought I was yearning
But your touch just makes me shudder
I had to leave the spot
And just let it die where it was
Because when things get too hot
I'm not one to stick around
No, I'm gone without a sound
John May 2013
I'm only 21
And I'm already due
To go
In another 50
Or so

We're not designed to last long
So it's very easy to become overwhelmed
If you look at the timeline
For everything
Living, dead, or inanimate
The length of existence they hold
Is so pitifully short
It makes you sick

It's like
A joke or something
We spend out lives
Preoccupied
Stressed
And
Filled with doubt
And by the time out end is near
We finally want to realize
That the life we've lived
Was not a life at all
More like
A compilation
Of horrible jokes
Fun that lasted mere seconds to minutes
Emotions that mostly
Meant nothing
When it comes to the final
Scheme

I'm not inherently pessimistic
In fact
I've been much more optimistic
Lately than ever
But still
These things surface
When I have a few milliseconds
To philosophize
With myself
I don't know. Just putting that out there.
May 2013 · 1.9k
Put Me In, Coach
John May 2013
Maybe I'm playing the wrong game
With the wrong attitude
Things just ain't the same
Throwing curveballs to the dirt
Feeling, soaking in the hurt

You spit in your palm
And look deep in my eyes
Put your hand behind your back
And keep spoon feeding me lies
Well it couldn't hurt to try

Please just hold tight
While I **** back to swing
Pulling for the fences
While mending my wings
To fly through these clouded, muddy things

Knowing my sordid past
When it comes to this game
Making us last
Won't come without pain
And it's a **** shame
May 2013 · 485
Fooling Myself
John May 2013
I write these things
To make myself feel better
And most of the time
I fool myself well

But sometimes it doesn't work
John May 2013
I sat there beneath the big Maple tree in the center of Sunkenwater Park. I leaned back onto my hands, peering over the compendium of countless smaller trees that littered the grounds like so many cigarette butts and beer cans. The Sun hung high, looking down at me with a smile you could only see if you were staring directly at it, which I did for a moment until my vision became bleached with Godlike light. I sighed, scanned the grounds again and then slowly descended onto my back. I stared straight up into the spider leg set up of branches above me, hanging there indifferently and silently. I sighed again without even noticing, this time completely unintentionally.

And that's when her head found it's way into my kind of sight. She was standing over me, looking down, eye squinted like she was examining some microscopic and otherworldly specimen.
"Hey," slipped from her pretty pinkish lips.
"Hi," I replied, staring right back.
She smiled slightly and sat down next to me, descending slowly and gracefully into her back just like me, right next to me.
"What's up?" I turned so I was facing her ear as she refused to face me yet.
"Nothing, just thinking."
"Oh. About what?" I narrowed my brow inquisitively.
"Us. Me and you. And why."
I cocked my head slightly. "Why what?"
"Why you love me so much."
I pursed my lips. Turned my head back so I was staring at the spidery branches and breathed slowly out if my nose. Then I pointed up, aiming my finger at the the beams of cut up Sunlight that was finding its way through the branches above our heads and onto us, the source if all life.
"Because you remind me of the Sun."
"The Sun, huh?"
"You give me what I need. You give me my reasons. You give me movement. Physically and emotionally. And you do always fund a way. A way through. A way out. You're a resilient person. And you do it without even trying. I love you because you are who you are. And who you are is pretty **** ridiculous in the sense that I've never net a soul quite like you. For lack of a less cliche term; you are my light. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world."
She kept her gaze upward for a long time. I did the same. Soaking up the Sun's rays with a dumb grin like I knew it was the last time is be able to take part in such a miracle. It didnt matter in that moment that she didnt love me. All that mattered was that I loved her. And would continue to do so, unapologetically, until her rays of light stopped finding their way into my heart, which had been growing increasingly dimmer and dimmer until I met her. I was thankful and I felt dumb but I was too proud to care.
She turned to me, but I didn't turn back. She lifted her hand up off of the grass and found mine, interlocking her fingers and turning again to face the sky.
John Apr 2013
I love and I love and I love, I love
But I don't get nothing out of it
I've got no issues with a kiss and hug
But I'm always, always yearning for something more
I just want your heart
But you just break mine apart
And expect me to walk in a straight line now
Well I can't
It won't happen when my heads a mess
Nothing calibrates correctly when you
Say that you need me and then you
You go, you leave, you're gone, you go
Oh, why do you go?
Why do you push me away every day?
I'm not the desperate kind
So I won't push
But you're always in my mind
Swimming in seas of blood red roses
When the veil lifts and the colors change
I'm not sure if I want to stay
I don't know if I can stay

I can't stay
Apr 2013 · 527
To My Muse
John Apr 2013
"All walk the path of life,
But only fools attempt to walk alone"
My thoughts echoed as I sat
In my head a little light shone

It grew until it was blinding
And then I realized I was a fool
More so than I previously accused myself of
I was on the right track to lose

Up until now I thought only the weak
Needed others to use like crutches
But the older I grow, the more it is known
It is nice to have someone over for brunches

Not just a friend or a confidant
But someone with which to share a deeper comfort
That slick combination of chemistry and attraction
It's always two more than one that life is fun for

To share and to care and to be there
For each other when the darkness rears it's head again
And for when the light decides to show it's face
I've said it before and I'll say it again
Won't you stay here, with me, in this ever-changing state of place?
Apr 2013 · 430
Love Noise
John Apr 2013
You hit that note with grace
Every time, every single try
It puts a big old smile on my face
And you never ask, never ask why
Now I don't know exactly where it comes from
And I don't care to even try to find it out
But when you're here and your vibe starts to hum
You induce a phase of long lasting doubt in me

Because you're too good at what you're doing
Don't know where you come from, baby
You're too fine as you walk that pencilled line
Do t know whether to go or come now
That sound, the sound you make
That buzz, that hum for God's Sake
Apr 2013 · 4.7k
Bitch
John Apr 2013
You're a *****
And I love it
You're a butcher
And I want it
You're the worst
And I love you
Apr 2013 · 1.2k
Waterfall Eyes
John Apr 2013
When you speak
Like broken glass
Makes me weak
Cuts me deep
When you creep
Up on me
Acting like you're lonely

Don't come to me
Crying all the time
You're so pretty
With your waterfall eyes
But I want none of it
I did at one time but
I just can't handle this ****
So if you'd be so kind
As to step back
Take the tape and rewind
To the way it was
Before we were we
Before the love buzz

So just please
Do me this
Move with ease
Up on out
I don't want
Your hopeless pout
I just need
You to let go
Apr 2013 · 624
Purgatory to Paradise
John Apr 2013
From purgatory to paradise
I'm just trying to escape
To get to where I won't have to think twice
About touching you, about being a little forward
I'm a reserved man and I take pride in that
But I've got to take the reins sometime to move toward
Where I know I should be, I could be
Timidity is for the meek
And the meek shall inherit the Earth
But am I still meek if I dare take a peek
At the future in order to alter the water
That flows through the bridge underneath?
I don't know, but what I do
Is that I think it would healthy
To take a stand in order to make myself a little more wealthy
In all aspects, I'm not talking about currency
I don't need it, I'm past that
Even though it's nice to get that
What I need is fulfilment
What I need is intelligence
On top of some diligence
Trying not to tear any ligaments
Doing what need be
Getting what I want
Running as far as I can
Hitting home runs instead of settling for bunts
I'm grown now and it's time for me to realize it
A man is only man enough to go where he can dream
And if I can dream of blue skies, high rises and top prizes
Then I have to take it upon myself to tread that road
To **** up the negativity and spew gold
Spinning diamonds out of dust
Getting silver from rust
Turning distrust into trust
Being brace enough to weather the storm
Through the unrelenting swarm
John Apr 2013
Now
I don't normally do this
And
I wouldn't normally say this
So I'm writing this
The idea hasn't elevated to speech
In my head
It is there
But I'm not sure it'll ever reach my lips
But
I've loved you so long
And
Again I don't normally do this
In fact
I never do this
But
I pray and I ask and I yearn
For the day
When everything is natural
And
We are united under the Sun
Or the Moon
Preferably the Moon
Because the Sun is nice
But the Moon is beautiful
And
If we were to be something
That is deserving of unification
Under such a wonderous thing
The gentle light bouncing off your unreal grace
Your aura radiating through your space
And invading my body like disease
I would probably fall to my knees
And die right at your feet
Because
I'm a sucker
And
I'm a fool
And
I know nothing else
But to buckle at your words
Your beauty
Your face
Your energy
Your grace
Our chemistry
This place
This closed and open gate
This disgustingly fulfilling state of mind
Apr 2013 · 557
Knights and Queens
John Apr 2013
I want to earn it
Like the knights did the queens
Your love, heart and soul
Apr 2013 · 400
Slip
John Apr 2013
On the winding road
Where thoughts become words and things
I slip so often
Apr 2013 · 358
Rising
John Apr 2013
Easing, gently down
To where origins lay flat
Rising up again
Apr 2013 · 738
Illuminated
John Apr 2013
I jumped off the pier
Splinters grazing my feet
As my toes lost their grip
On the ancient wood
I intended not to float
But to sink
Deep down
Into the nightblack sea
And I did

But as I sank
With thoughts swimming
As my body refused to
I suddenly knew
That everything
All of it
Would be alright
For at the end of the last tunnel
And at the tip of a burnt match
It all gets finalized
With time's official stamp of approval
To move on
To go forth

But still, I didn't want to swim
I ached for where gravity would lay me
So, sinking farther and farther
I grew more and more content
With the way things were
With the way things are
With the place where were at
At this very moment
And then I turned
Flipped my body so I would be facing
My ultimate destination
The floor of the deep
At first there was nothing
Blackness and unknown
Clouding my vision
Unceasing and all knowing
All at once
For a long
Long
Time

But then
Out of the black
And the blue
There was white
A white light
Small as a pinpoint at first
But then it grew
And it kept at it
Inflating from that pinpoint
To a golf ball
And then a baseball
And then a basketball
And on and on
And on
Until the light
Became what the dark once was
Flooding my eyes
Skewing my vision
So bright and luminous
But I didn't close my eyes
Or even lift a finger to shield them
Instead I stretched my body out
And opened it wide
Embracing this beautiful revelation
Eyes wide open
Body splayed out
Heart beating calmly
Blood flowing gently
Soul sitting happily
And

Just like that



I was awake
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