I was looking for:
          Forgiveness
          Mercy
          Grace

I found:
          Love
          Hope
          Faith
------------­----------------
I have turned my back
on the life I was.
Made up of lint
and a lot of fuzz.

I have set a direction
to the foot of the Cross.
Keeping the good,
Discarding the dross.

The regrets of the past
No longer control.
I'm free to live and LOVE
without yesterday's toll.

Looking forward in FAITH
not forgetting the past.
Lest I should repeat
The bad I did last.

With HOPE in hand
I am pressing on home,
To finish the race.
I'll never more roam.

I want to know You Lord
from the words in RED
"Forgive me of failures
as I forgive those who fail me."

( 2P or not 2P)

Poets and Pigeons,
two P's in a pod.
Some are very humble
Others think they are god.

Throw them a few crumbs
and they will peck at your feet.
They're a most grateful lot
That you will ever meet.

If the morsel is really great
They will eat out of your hand.
Wanting MORE MORE MORE
Pecking MORE than they can stand.

They jockey for position
on the feeding chart each day.
Numbers, NUMbers, NUMBERS
Is there any other way?

Some pigeons stand afar
not risking  getting close.
Others land on your head
In hopes they get the most.

There are those who flutter by
and leave deposits in your hair.
"There are better morsels just ahead"
As they develop a pigeon stare.

They envision better food ahead,
like cows at the wires.
It's always tastier over there
Turns out more like briers.

And so it goes in pigeon world
Juking along making their mark
  (or is that leaving their mark)
Showing others where to find
Crumbs in the vast poet (pigeon)park.



So there you have the 2P order
Oh! I think this could be me.

Or not.

She was blind and smiling
cruising down the mall,
arm-in-arm together
so she would not fall.

No worries, no concerns
betrayed on her face.
Her life made better
through Love and Grace.

Her Trust in the other
to lead her along
to not let her stumble
as they listened to song.

I listened above
to the music of love
Sing softly to the ear
So pleasant to hear.

I thought of the song
That sings in my heart
I thought of the Master
who tunes my heart
        From above
        Each day.
        With love

This Journey called life
Racked with danger and snare.
Can be filled with Peace
New life, more life to share.

When bleary eyes are opened
and ears allowed to hear
All...  comes into focus
His Presence ever near.

When my vision fails
When my eyes are dim
My trust carries on
Always found in Him.

He takes me by the hand
with love and a song
All is well...
It is well...
As we journey along.

"I was blind
but now I see."
Still cruising...
Arm in arm with Thee.

Going through my life
Looking for something different.
Going through the motions
Out of focus... badly bent.

Trying hard to be
someone else, you see
Not facing my demons
Not loving my self.
Searching, searching
with "ME" on the shelf.

Dark, invisible bars
always holding me back.
They're of my own making.
There seldom is a lack.

If I don't soon stand
on my own two feet
Where will I end?
What end will I meet?
      Will I be gone?


( the rest of the story


You picked me up
from the muck I was in.
You cleaned me up
I'm forgiven within.
You picked up the pieces
of my shattered life.
You put me together
without pain or strife.

I'm going, going, still going.
I'm going, going, still growing.
I'm going, going, gone,
To my Father side.
Where I reside.

This was written and posted on a friend of mine's web site 2008.
-----------------------------------------------------------­--------------
I had a defining moment in my life when I was a teenager. It involved a dark night, a coyote, and a barbed wire fence. (Don’t they all?)

I grew up on a farm in Western Nebraska. I drove cars, tractors and trucks from the time I could navigate the pedals. When I was 12 or 13, our neighbor (who was out of town on ‘farm business’) asked me if I would come down to his house when it was midnight and drive his pickup to the local canal and turn off his irrigation system. I went to the farm in the early evening and settled in to watch TV (my family didn’t have one at the time). Midnight came and there was just enough moonlight to make out the path through the tree strip and to show me where to cross a five wire barbed wire fence. Just as I was about to push down the gate to close off the water flow, a coyote let out a blood chilling howl just across the canal. My hair stood up (I had hair then) and I took off running full bore. I hit the barbed wire fence, immediately creating a few extra holes in my skin. I bounced back and landed on my posterior. This very rude awaking to reality caused me to think, “that was stupid.”

I calmly walked back up to the gate, closed it, crossed the fence the proper way and went on home.

I think about that time often. That was the last time I ever reacted like that in my life. It was a lesson on what could happen if I let fear take control of a situation. I never wanted to go there again.

About 12 years ago, I was sitting in the VW garage at 8am getting the oil changed in my van. I heard a ruckus and subsequent running coming from the showroom and soon a big guy came my way and ask me if I knew CPR. Well, I thought my “card” is expired, but I said yes anyway. We ran back to the shop and there lay a friend of mine, flat on the deck. He apparently fell over backwards while cleaning my van's windshield.

There were more than 6 people standing around. No one else was doing anything so I checked him out and started compression and breathing. A couple minutes later I was joined by someone who did the compression part.

I remember having a strange thought, “if he throws up while I am breathing for him I will just throw up in the floor drain, by his head.” I was as calm as could be through the whole thing. It seemed like hours until the medics got there but it was 15 minutes. They “jump started” him three times while I kept on doing the breathing. He restarted and miraculously I walked with him to the ambulance where upon I turned and collapsed in the arms of a big guy standing there. The job was done, I could ‘let go’.  He lived two more years, gave his daughter (14) two more years, set down by a tree by the walking trail and died.  No one to help him.  I missed him.

People have commented how calm I appear in a time of crises. But what they don’t know is, I am like a little duck on the water. On the surface things look calm. Under the water I am ‘paddling like crazy’. I always feel God knows what I can and can’t handle and carries me through even the toughest situations.

I am John Stevens, that is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Current Stats:
I currently play music in a group called Magic Valley Jubilee.  I retired in 2007 from Agricultural Research Service with 39+ years at the same location. From 1967 to 1980 he worked on micro-climate studies assisting in developing irrigation scheduling equations. From 1980 to 2007, I was an IT specialist working with a group of scientists and engineers.  I received a degree in physics from Bethany Nazarene College 1967.

I have been married (43 years) and have two children and two grands. I am a published author of several scientific papers. I served on the church board for 23 years and did lots of work with teens.  10-12-10

We still hear
your voice on the
       phone:
compelling
comforting
compassionate

My wife and I talk
about you
        often:
sweet man
concern for you
could be our son

She read the poem
"To: Letter Four" and
        cried:
still crying - from time to time
she cares for you
so do I

She said; you are
the reason I am at
        Hello Poetry:
I am here for you
how can we help you?
I am writing again - because of you

God leads us in the
path we are to
        travel:
I listen
He nudges
I follow

Forgiveness of my self
begins with accepting
        "ME":
*as I am
not as I want to be
God takes care of - the rest

I wandered in a vast desert
  of misinformation
Looking for answers
Looking for help
  To resolve my hurts,
                my addiction.

I looked to the tree
              but
There was no help for me.
I looked to the rocks
               but
It smelled like homeless socks

From the smartest man
     of all the world
     came no relief from the pain,
That permeated my inner most being
     all seemed Lost,
     there was no gain.

Nothing satisfied
      nothing filled the hole,
      in my soul.
There was always doubt
      always fear.
      What did the future hold?
There was nothing to hold dear.

The Higher Powers I found
Were causing me to drown.

When hope had faded
       All seemed jaded
To a point of deep despair
God, if you are there
   touch my despair.
    Make me aware.
--

I looked to the Cross
of long ago, still stands
high on the hill,
In the minds and hearts
of the people who do
His, not their own will.

I saw what my soul
      was yearning for
I saw Love freely given
      as never before,
In the drops of loss
      at the foot of the Cross.

There, the chains I had on
that dragged  me down,
fell off. The load was gone.
I was free to soar
in new found love
as never before.

Glorious freedom
      as never before.
In His Love
      I soar.
         Forevermore.

Where function once was,
Had from the start.
Now,  a missing part.
Gone now.
Some how.

Where feeling once was,
That used to serve.
Now a broken nerve
Dead now
Some how.

He looks out the window,
out the door, down the hall,
to pass the time of day and night.
Seeing the pain reflected
from the faces of others
not knowing how to handle their plight.

Feeling their hurts and sorrows
as are his own – crushing.
He knows pain, up close and personal
It takes control, seizing the moment
                                               the day.
In the midst of suffering...
In the place of indignation...
Pens the words of sadness and sorrow.
Pens the thoughts of encouragement and love.
Giving hope and smiles to others
Trying to not let pain win - maybe tomorrow.

What more can we do
when a brother is down.
To encourage a smile
to let go of the frown.

“There is no shame in
doing the best you can
with what you have.”

“Have mercy on Letter Four.
Take away the pain, for evermore.”

As I sit outside “Motherhood Maternity” store
in the comfy chairs.  Waiting for sticky buns,
writing thoughts of what some call poetry.
The little mothers-to-be go in,
smiling and happy.
Some waddle in, others still may have
that FUN coming in the future.
They are fun to observe
all expectant like.  Anticipating
the new life growing inside -
BOY?  GIRL?  Of course some
wanting it OVER - NOW!
And I can see why.

Then, occasionally there is a parent
passing by, ragging on their child
over nothing.  Making life miserable
for all within hearing distance.  
Destroying the young spirit.
I'll bet they were not smiling like the others
going into “Motherhood”.  Maybe they
are looking forward to eighteen and
want it to happen – NOW!  Poor kid.

That “Grand Idea” of traveling
         going with the Snowbirds
                                     as in herds
Changing with the Seasons...
For what ever reasons...

Changed when seven pounds
               of squirm and delight
         was cradled in my arms-
          five years ago that night

Instant Love as from Above
Never to cease, never to release
a 24/7 little boy, Tony Boy,
             (and Lucy too)
     Filling my life with Joy.

I wondered at times
      how it would be...
Retired...
     Just my wife
         and me.

And when I weighed the cost
Thought of the loss
Someone else called “Grandpa”.
The little voices saying “Grandpa!”, “Poppa!”
Rang louder still, louder beyond all measure
than all the sites and sounds the world could offer.

No other decision was possible to make
Than to spend my life raising my “children”
Building memories, building lives.
Instilling character the only way I know...
   Loving and living,
       and when necessary -- using words.

My “children” will live their life,
        living memories,  
        giving memories,
        creating memories,
of times when they were young
Saying,      “I love you Grandpa.”
                    “I love you Poppa.”
Hearing,   “I love you too my child.”
Knowing, “See you in the morning.”
                      Refers to Heaven.

“The greatest love you can show
is to give your life for your family.”
     (It is a paraphrase but
     consider the original Author.)

Opportunities
    Lost and Found

Circumstances
    Abound

Turn me Bitter
    or make me Better.

The choice is mine
    My life define.

I choose Life
    Not Death.

I choose Giving
    Not Taking

I choose Love
    Not Hate

I choose His way
    Not mine.


The choice is Mine
The choice is Mine.

10:55
           The lights went out
                  in church today.
           The Sun light flooded
                  through the open doors.

           Voices raised in sweet song
                  in a natural way.
           The Son Light flooded
                  through the open doors...
                         of each heart.

11:30
           The lights came on
                  in church today.
           The Son Light reflecting
                  on each face!
                        In every heart!

           The "Sounds of Praise" rising,
                  The Son Light's shining
           An experience  reborn
                  of days of long ago.

later:
           The  memories stored
                  in each heart.
           "Remember the Sunday
                  when the lights went out?"

Author: Kristen Stevens
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I was not aware of that.
Current mood:  amused

Just the other day I had a confused customer call on the phone. [side note: why do people say that "call on the phone"... how else would they be calling?] Anyway, this none to with it lady called the store (ah, that's better) asking about nifty books like "riding a silver broomstick" and "book of shadows".  It took me more than five minutes to divine that these were the books that interested her. Then another short yet seemingly infinite amount of time passes while I get my crystal ball working. She wants us to mail them to her. Great, I can do this. So we get the books ordered. Then she starts explaining to me that I could send them and she would pay for them on the 1st. HUH? you want me to give you product and assume you will remember to pay me in 2 weeks? Also how do I get the order released when they haven't been paid for yet? I explained several times I can't do that; while she countered with promises to pay when her paycheck arrived. Why did she need the spell book to make money magically grow on trees? All in all she was funny.

Author:  Kristen Stevens
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Words are wonderful
Current mood:  amused

So last year for Christmas I bought myself a dictionary. The Oxford American Dictionary to be exact. (psst it won out over the others because it maintains that "irregardless" is NOT a word and thus remains improper...hooray!) Anyway back to business. I was going to buy myself a thesaurus this year but didn't find one I liked. Oh, there was a pocket version that was entirely suitable but I didn't find a hardback one that really worked.

I really think people should have to read the dictionary then they might speak with more precision. One of my favorite sayings, and I am being facetious (sarcastic for those who don't know what "facetious" means), is "I think I unconsciously knew that." NO YOU DIDN'T! You can't unconsciously know anything; you can subconsciously know it. if you are unconscious you aren't thinking anything. It is your subconscious that prods you. sigh

On a semi-related topic, etymology is fascinating. I would be willing to bet most people don't know the roots of the word "unanimous". Un (one) and animus/anima (heart, soul, mind)  So it's not just about people simply agreeing about something but putting their soul into it as well. Handedness is very prejudicial. Grrr you rights!! All words dealing with being right-handed are good skilled (droit, derecho, recht, etc), but lefties all seem to derive from the Latin siniestra (sinister)  or a imply "clumsy". Just look at "ambidextrous" ~ right-handed on both sides. 'ambi'-both + 'dexter'-right (side note: no wonder Dexter is a serial killer) It's opposite word is "ambivalent" that means 'left handed on both sides'  I love learning new things.
So as a left handed-American I feel constantly belittled by the daily assault on the way I was born. I can't help it. Hahahaha. No, just kidding I'm tougher than that. I've learned to cope and no longer fear the right handed scissors.


Last interesting thing:
The French mer, Italian mar, Spanish mer, etc all derived from the Latin word mare ("sea"). Latin derived it from the Sanskrit MARU, which meant desert, sterile element where no vegetation grows. I am going to find out how lifeless desert became an ocean teeming with a plethora of life.
MARU would be also the origin of the latin morire (to die).


OK wow lot to read, congratulations if you stuck with it. reading skill has increased +5 Ah-hahahaha I couldn't resist. If your game you get it; if you don't, how sad. Oh wow look at the time why am I still awake? sighstupid insomnia

e3Author:  Kristen Stevens
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
happy thoughts
Current mood: blissed out

Going to try something new for this one. I'm going to be happy or an approximate facsimile of it. Now you may ask, how does one go about getting into a happy frame of mind?

-Well, I find browsing the bumper sticker app is a good way if you are using your computer as a sole ***** of happiness.

-Watching the HMV hell video on my main page makes me giggle like the school girl (let's face it I was never a giggly school girl but the metaphor works)

-Thinking about how few people will actually survive the coming zombie apocalypse due to their utter stupidity finally catching up with them. (oh, I believe I’m getting giddy now)

-2012 because whatever is/is not going to happen people are going to lose their minds and well, I call it culling of the genetic herd.

-Milk, it does a body good. (I know, I know for any grammatical stickler out there it should be “does…well” but that’s not the line)

-Dr. Who, although I’m still waiting for my TARDIS boarding pass one day my doctor will come



Ok I’m going to quit now. If I get any happier, I might do some permanent damage to my cynical synapses. *contented sigh

Author:  Kristen Stevens
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Current mood:outside the loop

And yes I know that's a plagiarization (real word??? no matter) of a stupid show...but you shouldn't watch it anyway so there.

ME! Last week, as you may have heard was not of the fun, so this week in comparison rocked! And, yes, I am going to end every sentence with exclamations! (it's for the sarcastic effect don't panic) As such I’m going to let YOU write my entry…you’ll see.

Once upon a time there was a _ (adj.) girl. She loved her xbox very much. One day an evil _(noun) descended on the precious object and smote it with the fury of _(name of a god). The girl __(verb) for many minutes staring at the remains of her once beloved box. She promptly went to the other, less amusing, magic box and asked for _(noun). She__(adv.) navigated her way through treacherous and distracting destinations. As she approached the official site, a most __(adj.) thing occurred. The destination was _(noun). Much like the construction in her hamlet, it prevented her from registering her distress. Days _(noun) slowly, with still no relief for _(pronoun). What’s a girl to do when  _(frustrating situation)? In her profession the customers would not appreciate it if she came after them with__(weapon of choice from popular video game).

It had been one week, since the demise of _(object). She no longer was _(emotion). The days were literally _(color). Rain fell _(verb ending in –ing) the streets. There was still no reply from the xbox deity. Thus ends the tale of piteous woe.

This girl has been considering swearing fealty to another more worthy gaming god! There are three systems and I own two of them! Don’t make me get the third! This is a threat! (not you guys, the ___{insert favorite utterance} at Microsoft) goes away quietly muttering to self unkind and unpleasant things that should be done to xbox distributors

By the way, how was that I figure, if you’re going to take the time to read it. I should give you something fun to do at the same time. Who doesn’t like madlibs? Huh?

Author:  Kristen Stevens
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Current mood:rather put out

So I've been on vacation...wait that should be capitalized it was of great importance. Allow me to begin again.*So I've been on VACATION. Which was great, by the way, thanks for asking. I returned to work with admittedly less enthusiasm than I should have had. However the news that awaited me put the smile back on my face.

Someone that I did not really get along with quit. (Oh fabulous day!) That is the thrilling part the dismayed part is upcoming. A coworker pointed out a flaw in my joy. I now need to find a new lure for the apocalypse that feels like it's coming any day now. If you have any suggestions I need a new applicant, because the people I've agreed to see to safety probably would not like a change in their status.

Author:  Kristen Stevens

Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Current mood:  feel like breaking the rules

I have this friend, we'll call her Kat,that insists I be social at least once a month. As per her request she wants all the Sept. birthdays to go have dinner. I think it's an excellent idea. We are fun girls. Although that many of us in a public setting together might make people run for cover. In addition to the social dinner, I went to a Pampered Chef party where Kat was also attending, yet she says it doesn't count as my social event for the month. She won't even count my upcoming trip as "social". Phooey on her! She has said "if I'm not there it doesn't count." I say she was there so it should count but apparently that rule is flexible.  So I will have 3 if not 4 outings in Sept. I don't know about this. I might go into overload.

I should try to make the point that any isolation I'm trying to achieve is merely training for the inevitable day when ___(fill in the blank) happens and we who are left are living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
[ASIDE:wow that sentence was long and overly complicated and run-on as well] I wonder if she would accept that response. " But Kat I'm trying to simulate how alone I will be when the majority of the people are dead, mutated, or the walking dead. I need to train, 2012 is fast approaching." Nah, she'll never buy it. sigh

Oh also there's a new training manual at work I think it's next month's staff rec. Everyone needs to supplement their Z.S.G. knowledge.

Author: Kristen Stevens

Current mood:  contemplative

That would be my nephew. When I came home from work the other day, I sat down in the chair and from out of nowhere Anthony pops up and yells "I'm Ironman!" complete with mask. then I hear a giggle and and he pulls the mask off and says "don't worry Nini. It's just me." (Cause you know I looked worried ;) Anyway, he started asking me what I was going to be for Halloween and could we get candy like we did last year. I assured him that yes candy would be forthcoming. As to the costume, I had no clue. Still don't. I've been thinking snowman 'cause it's bound to be cold that night. If you have any good ideas...well they are bound to be better than mine.

Author:  Kristen Stevens
Current mood:  frustrated

Anthony got a firetruck Lego set. The packaging says "ages 5-12". It also makes the claim "designed for easy building and instant play." Now I know he's only 4 but he's smart and not that far from 5 comparatively. I on the other hand am 28. Well outside the parameters age wise. Yet, this smallish box of tiny toys baffled me for over an hour. I have the directions, I've dug through the pieces, and am still mystified on occasion. As I'm searching for yet another microscopic piece of siren or whatever it was, I'm thinking..."5 years! I can't see any 5 yr-old sticking with this for this long without losing his mind. Then Mom would take it away because of the temper tantrum and never gets built. This is stupid! Where did that tiny loopy thing go?...etc" What part of an hour is "instant play" do they not own a dictionary? I could tell them.

Then once it's together, somehow Anthony keeps taking the windshield off. He's not  actively disassemble it. He's just rolling back and forth on the floor going "whoo-whoo!" Lego's the most touchy toy on the planet. Maybe he'll get some more when he's 15.

Beware of Roses in
      Little Boxes
Given to you by
      Little Foxes
To turn your head
      Their way
With the sly words
      They say.

Little boxes turn to
      Little caskets
Burying you in
      Was not ask it
To rip your heart to
      Little Pieces
And feed you to
       The WOLVES.

This was written in 1998 by my daughter as a comparative study in her 11th grade English class. Her instructor said it was the best piece she had ever received in the thirty some years of teaching.
-------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------
Beowulf or Christ?

by
Kristen Stevens

Two Standards are raised on the field of battle. The armies rush forward knowing there can be no middle ground, no halfway assault. Each knows only one can leave the battlefield the victor. In the epic tale of Beowulf , good and evil clash in the forms of Beowulf, Grendel, Grendel’s mother and the dragon.

Beowulf journeys to Herot in order to free King Hrothgar’s kingdom from the grip of the monster Grendel. Beowulf is a problem solver and Grendel is the problem. “The monster’s thoughts were as quick as his…claws: He…snatched up thirty men, smashed them…and ran out with their bodies” (119-122) Beowulf portrays Christ. He leaves his home for one purpose; to withstand evil. Christ left Heaven and went out into the wilderness to withstand the devil’s temptation. Beowulf and Christ both wrestle with the dark forces but in different ways. Beowulf used his hands “That mighty protector of men meant to hold the monster til its life leaped out”(791-792). Christ uses scripture to beat back His opponent.

Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word
that comes from the mouth of God (Duet. 8:3).

Do not put the Lord your God to the test (Duet. 6:16).

Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only (Duet. 6:13).


Neither opponent could break free without losing something.

Beowulf and Christ are both more than human. Beowulf has phenomenal strength and Christ is God’s son. Christ “came to save the world” (John 3:18). Beowulf leaves his home of comfort and peace to save his neighbors. “Beowulf…heard how Grendel filled nights with the horror…proclaiming that he’d go to …Hrothgar”(194-200). No man alive could match Beowulf and no man can ever match Christ.

Both of them go through a change. Each is “baptized”. Beowulf is baptized twice: once, when he jumps in the lake and once again by fire. When he comes out of the lake he is a changed man. He initially goes for fame but not the reason anymore when he heads home. “So…proved myself…guarding God’s gracious gift” (2177-2181). He is baptized the second time by fire from the dragon’s mouth. The first baptism is a wash or a cleansing. The second is a purifier. Fire refines. Beowulf is refined into a better man for eternity when he fights his last battle. “Beowulf fell back; its breath flared and he suffered, wrapped around in swirling flames” (2593-2595). Christ was baptized so that He could begin His work on Earth. “Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John” (Mat. 3:13). Before Beowulf’s baptism people see him as just a great man, but after people see him as a king. Christ was just a carpenter’s son, until he was baptized and became the King of Kings.

To compare Beowulf and Christ’s last battles, you have to look at what they were fighting. Beowulf fights the dragon. The dragon symbolizes death and our own reluctance to die. “The gold and jewel she had guarded for so long could not bring him pleasure much longer” (2239-2240). Dying means man has to leave behind all his material wealth. Beowulf is old when he fights the dragon. He is coming close to his death and it frightens him. He wants to protect his people. He is willing to lay down his life for them. Just like Christ laid down his life to save us from our dragon. When faced with death, Beowulf and Christ rise above human expectations. Beowulf defeats death - he killed the dragon. Christ overcame death and rose three days later. Both act as an intermediary between danger and their people. Beowulf stands before the dragon. He blocks the path to his people. Christ stands between humans and God. Through Him God sees us as pure. Christ blocks the judgment that mankind deserves.

The last similarity between Beowulf and Christ is what happened after their deaths. After Christ died and rose, God’s chosen people went into a decline. They rejected Him and brought misery upon themselves. For two centuries they were persecuted by Rome. For two millennia they have been shoved aside and animated many times. Beowulf’s people took the treasure and the curse that came with it. “The spell…solemnly laid…was meant to last…Whoever stole their jewels…would be cursed” (3068-3070). Beowulf’s people have misery awaiting them.

As the army retreats, their brave general having fallen, they know they have won. The cost is great, but it had to be paid. Even today the battle rages on and the war will not end until the last enemy falls. Beowulf and Christ, both paid the price for their people’s protection and freedom. The enemy exacted its toll, but it was not enough. The hero and the Savior live on today.

Written by my daughter in Honors English Class

By Kristen Stevens

As I stared, transfixed by the TV box, a smaller drawer caught my eye. I leaned nearer to read the title, but could find none. I stared in wonder, pondering if this box was really mine. Inside were hundreds of cards. My hand began to shake as I sat on the floor and began reading the cards. I was astonished at what the cards brought to mind. Had I really done that? Did I really say that? These things had happened years ago.

I must have spent days pouring over this one box. Some of these things I remembered. Others were barely saved from the brink of the chasm of forgetfulness. There was one certain card that I couldn’t recall at all. Try as I might, the memory would not come. Nowhere did I find it hidden away in the dark recesses of my mind. This bothered me a great deal.

I came to another card. This one I remember only too well. I closed my eyes and I am reliving this memory. It saddens me a little, but I would not trade it for the world. I pressed my back against the cool surface of the cabinets and just relived that day. I hear the sounds and the voices. I smell the breeze and taste the sharp aroma of the long forgotten time.

I have been in the room for weeks and still no end to the box. I have forgotten what the title was. The first card I couldn’t remember still fascinates me, even though it was followed by many more I couldn’t place. I flip back through the ever lengthening file. I take the card out and close the drawer. I carefully examined the front. A corner is barely visible under the dust. The title on the box is “Other People’s Impression of Me”. Now, I understand why many of the cards I came across, I couldn’t recall. Some of the cards were thoughts of people I have passed on the street. Others were of people I have just smiled at when it looked like they were having a rough day. Some are from children I have helped or people in cars to which I have waved. All of these people were affected by me and their impression of me has been recorded. They were secreted out of their minds and into my vast file.

All at once, I am back in my bed, wondering if it was all a dream. No, I still clutch that first card in my hand. From now on, I will be cautious of what I say and do to people. Call it a “wake-up call”, if you wish.

The diaper fell to the floor
assisted by a tiny hand.
A grin spread from ear to ear
“I am free and here I stand.”

Freedom is short lived it seemed
On it goes, “I must have dreamed.”

“I try so hard to be cool.”
“They said something about a stool.”

Sixteen months and training for,
The  Riviera... “I'm out the door!”

A wasted life, from fog of use.
Scars untold, years of abuse,
Bends the mind, from right to wrong.
Life out of tune, no longer a song.
Scars so deep, it covers the heart
no hope shines through, no point to start
to erase the pain, it seems insane
To a life gone wrong,

Through the fog, a point of light
Shone bright,
At first, then to fade, to die
from self pity and pain, from the lie,
Can not forgive the pain of past.
Can not forgive myself, to last.

Through the fog, a hand reached out.
Took my hand, I had my doubt.
Been there, many times before
The hurts and hang ups, seemed to soar.
The voice said, “You are forgiven.”
“It's time to trust, to start livin'.”
The chains fell off, I was free.
To start anew, To trust, to BE.

A wasted life, in years of fog    
Now Forgiven.

The years have flown by, it seems like
yesterday we met, quite by chance.
Me, a backward country boy,
You, a beautiful girl in a red coat...
And a walk that made my heart skip.
Little did I realize that moment
would last forty five years.

As we grow old together
As we we stand at each others side
in happiness and sorrow,
in sickness and health,
May we always remember what
brought us together.

“John?” “yes.”, says I
“You are supposed to take Pennye,
in the red coat over there, to the party.”
Being backward and stupid in the ways of
“setups”, I said,  “OK.” and
walked over to you and said,
“You are supposed to go with me to the party.”
“Ah, OK.” you said, looking a little shocked.

I fell in love with the “girl in the red coat” that night.
A love that has not wavered,
Has withstood the test of Time
A love built on God's love.

Here we are, raising two grand-kids
who puts a smile on my face and
sometimes a frown..
You remind me, “He's only five.”
“Yes, but, but, I think he is fifteen.”

Then,
I must remember how much God loves me and
try to do the same for those close to me and
not so close to me, who irritate me at times..

Your love for me is amazing, Babe.
I would be a most miserable, old man
without your love.
It shall forever be mine and
My love shall forever be yours.
Oh, and that little blue dress with the white strip
at hip level?  Sigh. They don't make those any more.

Hope arrived... limping severely.
The journey had been quite long,
Searching for Something to hold on to.
Hope was weak but would not give up,
There is always hope, no matter how small.
For: ”Hope springs eternal”.

Faith was greatly weakened and vulnerable,
Wounded by the words of discouragement.
Naysayers of the day were chipping away.
Faith needed help to overcome Doubt.
Lurking close by... and closing in....
Keep the Faith Baby!

Love felt lonely and threatened.
In need of some friends to lean on.
The days were long and dreary with
Hate knocking at everyone's door.
Love glimpsed Faith approaching and knew
Hope was not far behind.

Hope, Faith, Love;
Together, they formed a bond and
Began flourishing once again!
Together, they opened the door
of the heart in need of repair.
Together, they rescued a heart,
Filling it to overflowing.

Love began to grow and  blossom,
Bringing Light to the darkened heart.
Hope, walking tall and standing straight,
Began to breath  deep again.
Faith leaped forward with renewed vigor
to guard the Heart's door
The Three Musketeers... together...
Unstoppable...  Conquer the world.

Goats and grapes on a ten acre farm.
They both get squeezed with little harm.

One lets out milk, the other a small whine.
The milk for the “kids”, the wine is MINE.

So there you have Heather's life today.
Poetry, goats and grapes, what can I say?

Children....   is a given.

The Little Bird came a hopping up
And flew into his arms.
She cooed and chirped and occasionally burped
As she snuggled from all harms.

Her eyes so blue and so inquisitive
She searched his face for a smile.
Then saw what she  was waiting for...
Spread across a country mile.

Her feathers so fine and very blond
Flew around when she did move.
As the music began to play and sway
Her body began to groove.

Her love of music, things so fine
Came naturally to her.
When Papa  played his old guitar
It caused her feet to stir.

She laid her head upon his chest
And let out a great big sigh.
All was well in little bird land
That, you could not deny.

Her eyes fluttered closed, her feathers a muss
The face of an angel shone.
Asleep in the arms of her grandpa
Little Bird and him, alone.

Good night Little Lucy Bird.  Sleep tight Princess.

I was having grand ole time wading about in my newly found Kiddie Pool. The water had a slight blue color against the beautiful white pool sides. My life had kind of been going down the drain lately but this seemed to be a rather fortuitous find.

I happened upon it one dark day when I was not seeing well and decided to stay awhile. I had let some things cloud my vision and dull my senses. I was so happy in my Kiddie Pool just doing my thing. Not a care in the world and I was very contented… life was easy. When all of a sudden the bottom fell out of my nifty Kiddie Pool. I soon found myself trying to stay afloat in the middle of what appeared to a vast ocean. The smell was not so great, actually it was down right awful! I was alone it seemed at first but I could hear the cries of others somewhere just beyond me.

Despair set in. I felt very broken. What happened? Life happened but why me?

Something or someone had pulled the handle on my Kiddie Pool that I so enjoyed. I had become accustomed to its “ambiance” but now I was really feeling flushed.

I discovered my Kiddie Pool was connected to a greater pool that went by the first name of Cess. The things I thought were water toys floating about me were not and they were killing me by degrees. The things of pleasure were dragging me down and my future did not look so grand any more. I cried out in the darkness hoping someone would hear me. “Oh God”, I screamed, “are you really there? I am lost. Please help me!”

I was going down for the third and final time when the Ship of Life appeared out of nowhere. I was hauled aboard by the Captain of the Ship. Rescued from the “flushing” I had endured after getting in the Kiddie Pool of Life. My feet were now on the Ship of Life. The Captain washed me clean. My head became clear and I could finally see where I had been and it was NOT pretty.

“I once was lost but now I am found.” How wonderful it is to be found.

He was a young lad and in the fourth grade
Struggling hard for the grades he made.
Everything he tried seemed to vanish in the air
For he could not read and there was no one to care.

The teacher made fun of the young boy’s plight
No compassion, understanding, was ever in sight.
The days were filled with doubt and fear
He was told to repeat grade four next year.

Starting the fourth the second time around
A new school, a new teacher, made his heart pound.
For the world to see, on the card it came
The very first day he had to spell his name.

J - E - E - R - Y came out of the pen
The letters did appear to be correct just then.
The teacher bent close and whispered in his ear
“One E and two R’s, I think you meant dear.”

He fell in love with the teacher that day
She knew his heart and just what to say.
She knew the pain that the young boy felt
And all the embarrassment the past year dealt.

Miss Hagness, the angel, had come to his aid
He sensed her love and was no longer afraid.
Like the gentle Shepherd, reaching down from above
She taught him to read by her affection and love.

He went on to college to prepare for a life
Giving to help others with trouble and strife.
Pastor Jerry’s the Shepherd of many a heart
With love and compassion from the fourth grade did start.



===============================================
Teacher­ Part II
The story told in verse is about my pastor. It is about the struggles of a lad who was ridiculed in school because of a reading disorder called dyslexia. It is about how the system would have let him sink into oblivion but for the personal interest of a young teacher who came into his life the second time he went through the fourth grade. A teacher who had compassion in her heart for the boy and helped him discover the talents that lay hidden deeply within him. The talents that allowed God to develop within him, developed a compassion for others and a giving of himself first as a youth pastor for many years and then for the first time as a senior pastor.

It is also a story of how indifference toward others can lead to destruction of a young mind to the point of total loss of self worth. It is about the deep wounds that can be inflected by the harsh words we speak. Such words can never be retrieved from the abyss of time. How many times do we fail to see or ignore what we see because it does not conveniently fit into our schedule and in the process, contribute in the destruction of a life?

If we are teachers, mentors, leaders, or just breathing, we can share the pain of others to ease their burdens and encourage them in the difficult times. As we share the pain of others, we gain the right to share the joy in their triumphs and successes.

The story came from a message delivered on Sunday morning May 1, 1999. The poem wrote itself from the words spoken in that message. Can we do anything less than what the young teacher did for the boy? As God leads us, let us listen to the still small voice. The voice may be the voice of a child pleading for help, the voice of our Father directing each of us in the path we must travel. Be ever aware of the opportunities that God lays in our path. Maybe just doing only what is required and not seeing beyond ourselves we miss seeing the potential of a young mind. Could this be the greatest disservice we could do to our Father?

Oh God, give me the wisdom to see the promise and potential in others and be led by Your hand in molding the young mind.

It is written, “Though you have done it unto the least of these, you have done it unto me.”

I will leave this tent for the mansion
That is built for me over there.
I will close the door..
Be welcomed evermore.
Where the Saints have gathered on the shore.
—————————-
I will praise the name of my Savior
On the day this tent is taken down.
I will praise the name of Jesus
When He calls
To take me to the room He prepared.
—————————
Do you hear the rushing in the wind
It’s the wings of angels coming near.
They are coming for me..
To carry me home.
To my savior where I shall ever be.
—————————
I hear the voice of my Savior calling
Call my name as I fly through the door.
All the Saints are there with
My Mother and my Father.
I am home now… I see His face now.
—————————
Hallelujah to my Jesus
Hallelujah to His name
Hallelujah to my Savior
Evermore.
I am home now.. I see His face now.
————————–
Praise His name for evermore
Praise His wonderful name.
Praise the name of Jesus
Evermore.
I am home now. I see His face now

(Ends with light drumbeat)
9-24-2003 Finished

Her hair was beginning to grow back. She looked so alone even though she was standing in the midst of a crowd. No one was within six feet.  Would someone close by care?  Would someone give her a moment of their time?  Would there be a helping hand? A hand of friendship?

When the service was over, Jesus appeared in the form of a lady who had been sitting behind her.  The smiles, the head nods, wrote volumes in the passages of love.  The touch of someone who cared was a touch from Jesus.

I stood in the foyer of a large church I visited from time to time when in the area, trying to make eye contact with just one person as they passed by.  Not one smile in my direction.  Not a word of greeting to a visitor - nothing.  I left wondering where Jesus was in this church.  Time after time over a number of years I sought Jesus in just one person in this church. People came and went in their own little world that did not include anyone else. They brushed on by without even a smile.

It is the little insignificant things that we do for someone that makes a large difference in someone’s life.  We think, ‘what can I do? Oh that is nothing.” and then we don’t do anything. A smile, a touch, a moment of caring does not cost very much but the benefits to someone that may be feeling a little alone in this world can make a difference. Many  little things can add up to a big “something” that can make a difference in a life.

Can people see Jesus in us?  Can His love flow through us to be Jesus to someone that is lonely, in need of a friend or a kind gentle word?  We are His vessels that others see.  We may be the only Jesus someone has ever seen.   When I look into a mirror I want to see Jesus.

I was lost in this world from doing my will,
My need was great, impossible to fill.
Then someone told me of Your love divine,
How You came to earth to save mankind.
I called Your name Lord, not knowing the cross.
Would You be there, for me - the lost?
Would I be worthy to call Your name?
The deeds I had done, had caused You shame.
——————————-
Your forgave me Father as I knelt to pray
I gave you my life that glorious day
For in desperation I had reached for you,
Oh love divine, I found You so true.
With love and forgiveness You died on that tree
Your grace and mercy, is abundant and free.
Oh precious gift, from God above.
You waited for me with arms of Love.
————————————
You were there, oh Lord, waiting for me,
With arms open wide for all to see.
You lifted me up from my deep, dark sin,
And gave me peace, such peace, within.
I sought Your touch for the love I’d missed
From the times of doing, what I thought best.
I sought Your presence to receive Your love,
And found such joy, God’s gift from above.
—————————————
Your love covered me, in all my need,
I saw the cross where You did bleed.
I felt Your love growing deep within.
Your touch cleansed me from where I’d been.
You cleansed my soul from inside to out
By Your love divine, I have no doubt.
Your love surrounds me, all my days,
As I walk with You, learn your ways.
————————-
Lord, I call your name, now knowing the Cross
You are always there, for me - the lost.
You make me worthy to call Your name,
So the deeds I do, won’t cause You shame.

My faith is in my Jesus
My anchor is in Him.
When turmoil comes my way
His power is still within.
He keeps me through the bad times
And guides me through the good.
His love is always with me
On His promise I have stood.

My hope is in my Jesus
My life is in His hand.
The hope of life eternal
On His promise I will stand.
The hope of Joy in heaven
The hope of Glory above.
The hope that fills my soul today
Is because of His great love.

My love comes from my Jesus
And fills my heart today.
His love is overflowing
I have love to give away.
His love is still within me
His love is so divine.
I kneel before my savior
Grace and mercy’s always mine.

It’s by Faith, Hope and Love
I have come to Him today.
Can’t have one without the others
There is no other way.
My faith I keep in Jesus
My hope He will secure.
His love is always with me
With all three I will endure.

The greatest of these is Love.

They said I was hen pecked
How could that be?
Just because...
Every time she said jump
I jumped, what the heck.

So...
The next time she commanded
I said, "NO WAY!."
I didn't  see her for  three days.

On the third day
I saw her just a bit...
Briefly...
Out of my right eye.

My Dear Sara,

From the moment the doctor placed you in my arms June 29, 1986, just a few hours after you were born, I fell instantly in love with you. You were so beautiful. As I was gazing into your eyes you were looking at me as if you were studying my face as I was yours. What I felt for you was the same as I had felt five years before. I could not have been more proud of you and loved you more if I had been your biological father. This time I knew how to care for you from the very beginning since I had five years of practice under my belt. It was such an honor to have been chosen to be the one you would call Dad when you started to talk. To be the one to care for you when you were hurting, to share your smiles with the world which would brighten any grouch’s day.

I have thanked God so many times that He allowed me to be your Dad. I had received my dream of another little girl that I could love and watch grow up into a fine young lady. You are almost there and I am so proud of you. I know the teen years can be tough. I was there once and it wasn’t that much fun. The hurts you are feeling, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them go away but I am so powerless in that department. Dads think they can do everything but now I know that is not true.

From the time you were a baby, in the wee hours of the morning I would find us sitting on the sofa. Actually I was sitting and you were being held by me. I preferred it that way. I would hold you, sing to you, and pray for your birth mother. She made a great sacrifice in giving you to us. She was a teenager who found herself in trouble and did the right thing carrying you nine months instead of ending it. I will be forever grateful to her for this act of courage. Over the years I have prayed for her many, many times. There were not many days that would go by without a prayer for her. I wondered what she was doing at that moment. I know she has a picture of you that she has been carrying with her all these years. That is one thing that she asked for - was a picture. I know her first name is Marie. We honored her in giving her name to you. Sara Marie - a very beautiful name for a beautiful young lady.

When you were bigger I would come in your room while you were asleep, bend over and kiss you, and pray that God would take care of you where I failed as a Dad. Together, with His help, we can overcome this and anything else that life throws across our paths.

I am so thankful you are my daughter.

Love you always Sara,
Your Dad,
aka Father

Jan.13, 2004 It has been almost 3 years now and I am still thankful you are my daughter. We have been through a lot together and I am stronger because of it. My prayer for you Sara is that you continue to grow into the fine young lady you know you can be. You have a lot to offer the world and you can be a great help to others. Love ya Princess.

You go to church and feel His love
All is well in heaven above.
Then Monday comes.
Then Monday comes

The problems you face on the first work day
Seems to last forever and won’t go away.
For Monday’s here.
For Monday’s here.

The real world’s there staring you in the face
How you going to manage without God’s grace.
For Monday’s here.
Is God near?

Relax and trust God, He can take you through
Give Him your trust in what you do.
For Monday’s here.
But God is near.

Is your peace deep enough for the real world now
Can you trust Him enough to not have a cow.
For Monday’s here.
And God is near.

Let His peace settle over you in the quiet of your life
Open faith’s door and let out the strife.
He waits at the door.
Go open the door.

Now don’t you feel better since you’ve talked to God?
The stress level’s down, you can feel it in the ***.
For He’s with you now.
So now you know how.

There's a place to go on Sunday morn
A place to meet good friends
Where you can laze around with cup in hand
And curb your latest bends.

Satisfaction comes in many forms
You can bet there is no lack.
All you need to do is go
But first get out of the sack.

See you at St. Arbucks.

When Mom died in June of 1991 Dad was rather lost,
like the rest of us. I started writing little letters in
big print so he could read them. He would not talk on
the phone so this was the only way to make contact.
I found out later that he carried them around in his
bib overall pocket and pulled them out from time to time.
Occasionally they would get washed and when Sharon
let me know I would run off another copy and mail it.
It became a means for me to remember the past and help
Dad at the same time. My kids loved to hear stories of
when I was a kid so I would recycle the stories between
the kids and Dad. Now as I read them it is a reminder of
things that have become a little fuzzy over the years,
also a reminder that I need to fill in the gaps of the stories
and leave them for my kids before it is too late. So here it is,
such as it is, if you are interested.

=======================================

    Letter­s to Dad

    Nov. 14, 1991

    Dear Dad,
    Your grandkiddies, as you call them,
    send you a big hug from Idaho. Sara is
    five and in Kindergarten this year and
    doing very well. Kristen is in the forth
    grade and made the Honor Roll list the
    first quarter of the year. We are very
    proud of both of our girls.

    Do you remember when toward late
    afternoon you and I would get in the car
    and “Drive around the block” as you
    always said? We would go up to Cliff’s
    and go east for a mile then down past
    Cleo Mae house and on back home. I
    remember you would stop at the junk
    piles and I would find neat stuff, like
    wheels from old toys, that I could make
    into my toys. I think of those times often.
    It was very enjoyable.

    I will be writing to you in the BIG PRINT
    so you can read it easier.

    It is snowing lightly here today. Supposed
    to be nasty weather for a while.

    Bye for now.

    John

    ——————————————————–

    Dec. 3, 1991

    Dear Dad,

    Just a note to say we love you. I miss very
    much talking to Mom on the phone and
    having you play Red Wing on your harmonica.

    I remember quite often when I was very
    young, 4 or 5, and we would go out to the
    field to change the water or something.
    The sand burrs would be so thick and you
    would pick me up on your back. I would
    put my feet into your back pockets and
    away we would go.

    These are the things childhood memories
    are supposed to be made of. Kristen and
    Sara love to hear the stories about when I
    was a kid and what you and I did
    together. I try with them to build the
    memories that they can tell their kids.
    Thanks Dad for a good childhood.

    Bye for now.
    Kristen and Sara send you a kiss and a
    hug.

    Your son, John

    —————————————————–

    Jan. 12, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    We went to Oregon for Christmas and
    had very good traveling weather. Do you
    remember when you and Mom went with
    us once to Oregon at Christmas and
    there were apples still hanging on the
    tree by the Williams house? We made
    apple pie from the apples that you
    picked. Turned out to be pretty good pie.
    There weren’t any apple on the tree this
    year. I thought of you picking the apples
    and bringing them into the kitchen in
    your hat if I remember right.

    We have had some pretty good times
    together. I was thinking the other day
    about a picture that I took of you about
    12 years ago. It captured you as I will
    always remember you. If I can locate it in
    all the stuff, I would like to get it blown
    up and submit it to the art section at the
    Twin Falls County Fair this year.

    I hope this finds you feeling well. I love
    you Dad. Kristen and Sara send you a
    kiss and a hug.

    Oh yes, I would like for you and Tracy to
    sit down sometime and talk about when
    you were a kid and record it on tape. I
    would like to put your remembrances
    down on paper.

    Bye for now.

    Your son, John

    ———————————————————

    Feb. 11, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    Happy Valentine’s Day!!

    Spring is on the way and soon you will be
    85. Just a spring chicken, right? I hope I
    can get around as well as you do by the
    time I am 85.

    Thanks for the letter. I will keep it for a
    very long time. It is the first letter I have
    received from my Father in 48 years.

    Talked to Ed the other day. He said he
    talked to you on the phone and that you
    were wearing your hearing aids and
    glasses. Great! Mom would be proud of
    you.

    Talked to a guy last week who is
    president of the John Deer tractor group
    here. He invited me to bring my “M”
    John Deer to the County Fair and
    participate in the tractor pull contest.
    Might just do that.

    Well the page is filling up using these big
    letters but if it makes it easier to read it is
    worth it.

    Bye for now Dad, I love you. Pennye,
    Kristen and Sara send their love too.

    Your son, John
    —————————————————-
    April 13, 1992

    Dad

    Though the years have past and you are now
    85, you are still the same as when I was a
    child. The memories of going with you to the
    field, when you were “riding the ditch”,
    surveying in a lateral, loading up the turkeys
    in the old Ford truck and taking them to the
    “Hoppers” - is just as if it were yesterday. I
    think of you playing Red Wing on the harp. I
    remember when during the looong cold
    winters we would play checkers. You would
    always beat me. I learned to play a good game.

    Not much has changed except we are both
    much older now. The values you did not speak
    but lived out in front of me has helped make
    me what I am today. I pray that I will be a
    good example before my children to help them
    on their way through life.

    On your 85th birthday, I want to wish you a
    Happy Birthday and thank you for being my
    Father.

    Love
    John

    April 13, 1992

    ————————————————–

    June 10, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    I hope this finds you well. The Stevens
    family in Twin Falls Idaho is having a
    busy summer. Kristen just finished the
    fourth grade and was on the Honor Roll
    for the entire year. Sara will now be a
    big First Grader next year.

    The other day we went out to eat and
    Kristen had chicken and noodles. She
    said, “This tastes just like Grandma
    Nellie’s noodles.” I hope they can keep
    these memories fresh and remember all
    the good times we had back in Nebraska.
    It is difficult to accept that things have
    changed and will never be the same again.
    We miss the weekly phone calls to Nebraska.

    It is clouding up and we might get rain
    this week. It is very dry around here.
    Some of the canals will be cut off in July.

    Bye for now.

    Your Son John

    Love you Dad. I think of you often.

    —————————————————-

    June 22, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    Hope you had a good “HAPPY PAPPY”
    day. This note is to wish you a late
    “HAPPY PAPPY” day.

    I was thinking the other day about the
    times you would take me roller skating
    out at the fair ground on Sunday
    afternoons. I really enjoyed those times. I
    remember how you could give a little hop
    and skate backwards. For me staying on
    my feet was a challenge.

    Sara will be 6 years old June 29. Seems
    like yesterday when she was born. Time
    has a way of passing very quickly.

    Love you lots Dad. The family sends their
    love too.

    Bye for now.
    John

    —————————————————

    Aug. 11, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    Just a note to let you know that your
    Idaho family love you. It was good to talk
    to you for a minute or two the other day.
    I miss the harmonica playing you would
    do over the phone.

    We are all well even though the place
    was covered with smoke from all the
    forest fires last week. It got a little hard
    on the lungs at times but the smoke has
    moved on now. Probably went over
    Nebraska.

    Talked to brother Ed the other day. He
    had just returned from from Nebraska.
    Ed said you looked good for 85.

    Bye for now.

    John

    —————————————————–

    Sept. 10, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    I am sending a copy of what Mom sent
    me a few years ago of what she
    remembered about growing up. I wish I
    had more. How about sitting down with
    Tracy and Sharon and telling them some
    of the things you remember about
    growing up? They can record it and I will
    put it on paper. I would really like that.

    We are ok here in Idaho. Summer had
    disappeared and it is school time again.
    Kristen is in the 5th grade and Sara is in
    the 1st grade. The family went to the
    County Fair today for the second time.
    One day is enough for me.

    I think of you often and love you Dad.
    Thinking of the good times we had
    together while I was growing up always
    makes me happy. You and Mom raised
    four pretty good kids.
    God Bless you Dad. We love you from
    Idaho.

    Bye for now.

    John

    —————————————————–

    Oct. 11, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    We are fine out in Idaho. We are having
    beautiful fall weather. It has not frozen
    enough to get our tomato plants yet.

    Kristen and Sara are doing very well in
    school. They brought home their mid
    term report cards and are getting A’s
    and a B or two.

    Remember when we would go out in the
    corn field and pick the corn by hand? I
    would drive the tractor and you and Ed
    and Wayne picked the corn and threw it
    in the trailer. You guys kept warm from
    the work and I was freezing on the
    tractor. Before that we used the horses
    named Brownie and - was it Blackie?
    The one that kept getting out up north by
    the ditch was Brownie. He figured out
    how to open the gate.

    I remember the times that you were
    hauling cane or sorghum from the field
    east of Mercers and I would ride behind
    the wagon on my sled.

    I had a very good childhood really.
    Thanks for being my Dad.

    God Bless you Dad. We love you from
    Idaho.

    Bye for now.

    John

    ——————————————————-

    Nov. 10, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    It is snowy here and cold. I have a hole in
    the back of the house I must get sealed up
    to keep the cold out. We are redoing this
    part for the kitchen.

    Kristen and Sara made the Honor Roll
    this quarter in school. Kristen’s teacher
    said he wished he had a whole room full
    of Kristens to teach.

    Sorry the phone connection was so bad
    when I called the other day. It was good
    to here you say “hello hello….” any way.
    Glad you are feeling better.

    Your account in the credit union is about
    $34,000 now.

    I was just thinking back when we were
    cultivating corn with that “crazy wheel
    cultivator”. The one that you drove the
    tractor and I rode on the cultivator and
    used the foot pedals to steer it down the
    rows. I remember sometimes it cleaned
    out some of the corn row. Cultivator
    blight, right? It was kind of hard to keep
    straight. Those were the days.

    I keep remembering little bits of things
    while growing up. Sometime I will put
    them all together for my kids to read
    about the “good ole days”.

    God Bless you Dad. We love you from
    Idaho.

    Bye for now.

    John

    ————————————————
    Dec. 17, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    The snow has fallen and the kids stayed
    home from school today. The wind is now
    blowing so it will begin drifting the road
    shut. Besides that the whole family is sick
    with a cold.

    We are putting together a Christmas gift
    to you but it won’t be ready for
    Christmas. It is something that you can
    watch over and over if you want. So
    Merry Christmas for now.

    Last night was the kids’ school Christmas
    program. Kristen started playing the
    flute this fall and played with a group for
    the first time this week. She did very well
    and I got it on video.

    Time to get this in the mail. Love you
    Dad.
    Bye for now.

    Kristen and Sara send you a kiss and a
    hug.
    Your son, John

    ——————————————————

    Jan. 11, 1993

    Dear Dad,

    We have a lot of snow on the ground
    now. I was telling the family about the
    winter of 49 where the snow covered the
    door and you had to scoop the snow into
    the house to dig a tunnel out then haul
    the snow out through the tunnel. That
    was a 15 foot drift wasn’t it? It sure
    looked big to this 6 year old. Then the
    plane flew over the house for a few days
    until we could get out and signal an OK.
    Those were the days! What I do not
    remember is how you took care of the
    cows and stuff during this time. I
    remember being sick and Wayne took the
    horse and rode into Broadwater to get
    oranges and something else. The big
    white dog we had went along and was hit
    by a car. Wayne had to use a fence post
    to finish him off. I remember feeling very
    sad about the old dog.
    We haven’t had this much snow in 8
    years.

    I trust you are feeling well. Our prayers
    are with you all.
    Bye for now. Love you Dad
    The family send a BIG Hi!!!!

    Your son, John

    —————————————————-

    Feb. 9, 1993

    Dear Dad,

    When the kids go to bed they say “Tell us
    a story about when you were a kid on the
    farm”. So I tell them things that I write
    to you and a LOT that I don’t write to
    you. The other day going to school we
    were talking about one of the first snow
    falls we had this year. I spun the van
    around in circles in the parking lot and
    they thought that was GREAT fun. Then
    I told them about the time that their
    Grandpa cut some circles in the Kelly
    School yard and hit a pole with the back
    fender. Do you remember that? I
    remember Mom bringing it up every now
    and then. Then there was the time you
    got a little close to the guard posts along
    the highway just west of Broadwater and
    ripped the spare tire and bracket off the
    old Jeep. Of course none of US ever did
    anything like that. HA.

    It is good to remember back and tell the
    kids about the things we did “in the old
    days”. They find it hard to believe there
    was no TV and I walked through rattle
    snake country to go to the neighbors to
    play. It WAS a good time for me and I
    had a GOOD Dad to help me grow up.
    Thanks again Dad. You and Mom did a
    very good job on us four kids. Sometimes
    we don’t show it often enough but I for
    one thank you and LOVE you.

    Soon you will have another birthday.
    Before you know it you will be 90. I
    should be so lucky.

    I trust you are feeling well. Our prayers
    are with you all. Bye for now. Love you
    Dad
    The family send a BIG Hi!!!!

    Your son, John

    —————————————————–

    Mar. 9, 1993

    Dear Dad,
    Time has a way of disappearing so
    rapidly. I was going to write you a note
    two weeks ago and now here we are.

    It looks like spring is just about to arrive.
    I am ready for it. I’ll bet you are ready to
    get out side and do something. Do you
    miss not farming? I think often about the
    farm and the things we used to do. The
    kids always ask for stories about being on
    the farm. I tell them about raising a
    garden, rattlesnakes, floods, the BIG
    ONE in 49, anything that comes to mind.

    The family went to Sun Valley about 70
    miles north of here Sat. with Kristen’s
    Girl Scout troop for a day of ice skating.
    Pennye used the VCR and played back
    their falls and no falls. It reminded me of
    the times you would get your old clamp-
    on skates on a cut a figure on the ice. I
    never was very good at it. You could hop
    up and turn around. I couldn’t stay of
    my back side and head. I still have a big
    dent in the back of my head from the last
    time I tried. Nearly killed me. So much
    for that.

    Next month you will have another
    birthday. 86 years! Before you know it
    you will be 90.

    I paid your insurance for another year
    I trust you are feeling well. Our prayers
    are w

April 17, 2008   (it has been 7 years since I stood here)

Anna Bell Williams

It is morning in Heaven for Anna and the angels rejoice.

I have known two great women in my life time.  The one who raised me and guided my life to become the person I am today and the one who allowed me to marry her daughter who helped me get over my backward ways.

There has not been a mother-in-law joke that ever fit my mother-in-law, Anna.  She has been a sweetheart to me for more than 40 years.  I particularly liked Anna’s attitude toward me; you see,  my wife said her mother thought I could walk on water.  Well, I most definitely can not accomplish that feat, of course, but I was not going to tell her that.   There were times I did good just to keep from drowning from time to time.

Anna has always been a caring, giving lady.  When she saw a need in someone’s life, she would give assistance in what ever form was needed.  When her neighbor and friend became terminally ill, she spent many hours, days and months taking care of her, making her last hours tolerable.  In the process Anna led her to a relationship with Jesus.  This is just one example of how she spent her life.

She became a surrogate mother to a young lady who was dying of cancer and was there for her when she died.

She was there for her sister, running errands and helping around the house, just doing what ever was necessary to lift her spirit.  There are numerous stories, I am sure, many of you have, as you remember her life and how she influenced your life in some way.  Success in life can be, and should be, measured by the difference you make in another’s life as you pass through this short time we have on this earth.  She was very successful in life.

One thing I noticed over the years, Anna was always on the go.  She only had one gear and that was “fast forward”. The only time she was “in park” was when she was asleep.   She loved to go to the coast.  Just mention going to the coast and she was out the door and ready to go.  Well, maybe not quite that extreme,  but close.

It was difficult for her the last few years to accept slowing down.  And even more difficult, accepting help instead of giving help.  The last time we sat at the kitchen table having a cup  of coffee, she talked about how hard it was to not be able to do the things she wanted to do.  We got a little misty together that time.

Over the years I have written a number of pieces which I gathered together and gave her a copy.  That morning she said there was one piece she read over and over when ever she was down in her spirit.  She said the words restored her spirit every time.  I never found out which piece that was but I was deeply touched and honored that she found the words a source of inspiration.

She has run the race and finished the course.  The long night is over and a new morning has dawned for her where no pain or sorrow will ever again touch her body and spirit.

To paraphrase a small piece I wrote about what my life has been and I hope will be: and I believe she experienced as well—goes like this
————————————————
Here she stood as the evening of life drew near
She tried to follow the paths found dear
Paths of love and honor,  from examples she did see
From those before her, that she strove to be.

Here she stood, asking, “did I make the right choice?
Did I follow the loud or the still small voice?”
Now, she understands the power of love.
It’s the power given by our God above.

Here she stood to survey her life today.
She began and ended, on the edge of the day.
The choices she made, Jesus was always near
His Grace and Mercy has brought her here.

Now she kneels in His presence, the race is run
His grace sustained her, the journey is done.
He brought her through, the dusk, the night
To a brand new day, what a wonderful sight.
————————————————
We rejoice with you Anna.  You are home now.  You are in his presence now.

Goodnight sweet lady.  See you in the morning.

May 18, 2001
Wayne M. Williams Sr. slipped the bonds of life and is now in the arms of Jesus.

For death is just a change of address.  We go to a place of freedom.  A place that is free of pain, free of sorrow, free of doubt, free of uncertainty.

Saturday night, Dad Williams moved from Denver Street in Turner, where he left behind the earthly possessions,  to Jesus street in Heaven where there was a room prepared and waiting. Jesus said that He would go and prepare a place for us that we may be there also.   To paraphrase the Apostle Paul, “Wayne has run the race, he has fought a good fight, and now he has crossed the finish line."

Wayne’s father, Harrison Williams, raised his family to know God.  His Father started school for the first time when he was 16 and had a total of 23 months of school.  He had a deep desire for knowledge that he passed along to his children.

He was a self educated man.  He studied Greek and Latin. He knew the Bible from cover to cover.  He preached the word of God in Texas to any and all and did so until the day he died.

He had God’s promise that his children would come to know the Lord.

Well, it took some time for Wayne to come back to his Godly heritage.  But come back … he did.

This poem I am about to read captures Wayne’s spiritual journey.  The love of God and the price Jesus paid on the cross captured his heart.

The theme of the music Wayne wrote and sang had to do with the Cross.   The title is “Arms of Love”

Arms of Love
(Love Divine)
———————–
I was lost in sin from doing my will,
My need was great, impossible to fill.
Then someone told me of Your love divine,
How You came to earth to save mankind.

I called Your name Lord, not knowing the cross.
Would You be there, for me - the lost?
Would I be worthy to call Your name?
The deeds I had done, had caused You shame.
———————–
You were there, oh Lord, waiting for me,
With arms open wide for all to see.
You lifted me up from my deep, dark sin,
And gave me peace, such peace, within.

I sought Your touch for the love I’d missed
From the times of doing, what I thought best.
I sought Your presence to receive Your love,
And found such joy, God’s gift from above.
————————
Your love covered me, in all my need,
I saw the cross where You did bleed.
I felt Your love growing deep within.
Your touch cleansed me from where I’d been.

You cleansed my soul from inside to out
By Your love divine, I have no doubt.
Your love surrounds me, all my days,
As I walk with You, learn your ways.
——————–
In desperation I had reached for you,
Oh love divine, I found You so true.
So find Him now, oh dear one I pray,
Give Him your life, do it today.

He is waiting for you, with arms of Love,
The precious gift, from God above.
There is grace and mercy, waiting for you,
With love and forgiveness to see you through.
————————-
Lord, I call your name, now knowing the Cross
You are always there, for me - the lost.
You make me worthy to call Your name,
So the deeds I do, won’t cause You shame.
———–
John Stevens 2-13-2000

Sometimes we can carry around a lot of baggage in life that is totally unnecessary.  We can harbor resentments of things long forgotten.   We can let the opportunities for knowing the Savior slip through our fingers like sand.

If we wait until we feel we are good enough to meet Jesus, to take Him as our Savior, we will not make it. We will be lost.   He wants us just as we are with all the warts of life, problems, fears and doubts that life can bring.  For you see, it is never too late to seek the face of Jesus and give Him our lives as we transition from this state of the flesh (which as I get older is not so great) to the state of the spirit. Even when life is mostly over we can place our life and trust in His hands and it will be secure.  Even when we know Jesus, when we feel we are not close to Him at times, we can have the assurance, that blessed assurance,  that He is always near, ever present, holding our hand, leading us to our destination. For without a doubt, according to Romans 8:38-39 “Jesus is our eternal security”. Nothing can separate us from Him.

I have known Wayne for over 35 years, nearly 34 years as his son-in-law. He has always been a man of high integrity and honesty.   He has been the best father in law a man could have. Anna already knows this.  She is the best mother-in-law a guy can have.   Over the years Wayne and I have talked for hours and days at a time about various subjects.  I have seen him grow in his walk with God.  Some may have thought he was a little unorthodox but his heart was right and his love of spiritual things was evident.

At Christmas times when my family would visit for a week… when everyone had gone to bed…. in the wee hours of the morning, he would be strumming his guitar and singing hymns.  I could hear him in the quiet of the night.  It was a comfort to me to know that the Lord was on his mind. That he sang of God’s Love.  That he knew of God’s love.

It has been a great privilege to know Wayne and listen to the stories he had to tell about WWII when he was an MP and many other stories throughout his life.  I never ceased to enjoy the stories… just as I enjoyed hearing the stories over and over from my father who got his new address in 1996.  My Father came to know Jesus in his late sixties.  He knew and rejected accepting the Lord as his Savior until one Sunday morning in church, he walked down and knelt at an alter and said, “it is time”.

My father and dad Williams saw each other only once many years ago at Christmas time.  It was fun to watch them talk and reminisce about the old times.  Now they both live on the same street - for there is only one street name there….  Jesus Street.

Dad Williams had a lot of questions about life.  About things in the Bible mostly, for he studied the word.  Many times he asked me questions year after year. I apparently did not get any smarter from year to year because we went over it again and again.   Now he can get the answers he always was trying to figure out.

He will be missed by his family and friends.  I believe his angel came and escorted him into God’s presence.  Home at last.  The angels are rejoicing in Heaven today because another one made it home.

—————–
(This was delivered at my father-in-law’s funeral. He was rough on the exterior but on the inside… kind, gentle, loving man.  I am a better man because of knowing him. )

When my Mother died this summer in June 1991 I felt set adrift in a vast ocean. Things would never be the same again. My mother would not be there to pray for me in the middle of the night. How would I survive this world without her praying? Maybe worst of all, I couldn’t go home again.

The home as I knew it growing up and until that day, had vanished in a moment’s time. The pain of the loss was not real, it seemed like a dream. I did NOT want to finish the last bits of paper work that needed to be done. That would make it all final.

I heard a county western song by Kathy Mattea, “Where’ve You Been” on TV in November. Five months after Mom died that song brought the total grief to bare that I must have suppressed all this time. It brought back memories of Mom saying “Where have you been” when I was over due to return home. She was concerned about my safety. Up until then I had not shed but a few tears. It finally hit. Hard.

Today, Sunday, Jan 12, 1992, I realized that I will be going home again. That the home my mother made for her children on this earth was not the home she had prayed for all these years. The sacrifices she made to raise four kids in adverse circumstances were made with love. They were made with a final destination in mind that few realize. The most important goal in all of life - to give your kids the love and understand of who God is, really is. Jesus went to prepare a place for us – the home coming of eternity. Mom is at home with Jesus and waiting for her children to come home. “Where have you been” may be on her lips again but I rather think it will be “I am so happy you made it home. Welcome home to stay; I want you to meet Jesus”.



Post comment 2010
My mother had the ability/curse of knowing when something was wrong with one of her kids.  I remember in 52 when my brother was in Korea.  We received a letter from my brother and my mother was happy. Two days later, it looked like a cloud had descended on her and she went around muttering, "something 's wrong with Eddie, " over and over.  This went on for three days and then the cloud lifted.  Later we found out the POWs working in the kitchen had put poison in the food.  My brother was close to death for three days.  My brother has the same curse.  He is 78 this month.

Today... June 6 2018
Mom is at home with her son Edwin, daughter Lois and son Wayne. I am the only one left to go home.

It was spring time after a long hard winter in Idaho and my family and I went to Nebraska to visit my folks.  This was more than 20 years ago but in my memory is as if it were yesterday.  I remember this time because when we arrived the weather was warm and my dad was still wearing his long underwear.  He had not been taking very good care of himself and I offered to give him a bath.  The long underwear came off leaving patterns on his skin where the underwear had pressed against his skin for a long time.

While the rest of the family and visiting family were talking in the living room, Dad spent some time soaking and getting the winter’s accumulation off.  He was rather pink when we were all done.  I noticed that his toe nails had grown long and down under, it could not have been very comfortable.  After getting him dressed in clean cloths we went into the living room.  I prepared a wash basin of water to soak dad’s feet some more and  got out my trusty nail clippers.

At some point in the 30 - 45 minute process all the conversation going on around me disappeared in the background and I was left with the feeling of being at the feet of Jesus and washing His feet. It was one of those moments in life that defines something in your life that you haven’t noticed before.  Even now, I can sit and reflect on this moment, which happens many times throughout a year, and imagine Jesus washing the feet of the disciples.  It is difficult to describe in words the emotions of this brief time in my life.  It had a profound effect on how I looked at those around me.  The opportunities were there all along.  I just had to open my eyes and “see” what God placed before me.  We see what we want to see most of the time.   Some place along the line, life changed from being “about me” to being “about Him”.  It was so liberating and freeing in my spirit.

Did anyone in the room realize what I was experiencing?  No.  This was something that was between my Lord and I and for a long time I kept it to myself.  If I remember right, the day I relayed this moment to my wife, she had tears in her eyes.  Maybe you have experienced moments that could inspire someone to be open in their walk with God.  Tell them.  You will be glad you did.

The love a mother has for a son
is without measure.
From the moment that life begins
a mother’s heart is our heart.
Her heart is our life,
until we are born.
Then she carries us in her heart
and in her prayers.

Her love for us is over shadowed
only by God’s love.
As we are in our Mother’s heart
We are in the heart of God.
He carries us in His heart until the day
we are joined once again with Him.

His love knows no bounds,
His love has no limits.
His love is with us
even in our darkest hour.

May God’s love and blessing
be with you in this hour of need.

Oh where oh where has my binky gone.
Oh where oh where can it be.
With its ****** so clear
It gives me much cheer.
Oh where oh where can it be.

Did you say toilet? Oh no!

The chirds are burping,
the blowers are flooming.
The droys are beaming
Of firls so gine.

The dees are boing
what dees bo best.
So loys bet's do
what dees bo best.

Hind the foney.