you've left a footprint
in my mind.
/
you've left behind
the traces of the past
the memories
and a concave
wave
/
leaving curvatures
creating
those permanent
steps
across the
expanse of
my brain
/
upon the
landscaped
planes
valleyed
peaks
/
and the blood
vessel'd tributaries
/
I felt you flowing
in my veins-
within me
/
without me
inside upstream
outside downstream.
/
the currents quiet. the tides subside.
/
you've left a footprint,
in my mind.

/
I think you'd be
impressed
with the old
pieces
Ive kept
/
it’s a residual
effect. this left
consistent motion.
similar to erosion
/
changing, rearranging-
kind of like continental
drift.
but sometimes
there wasn’t any motion
just slow motion
/
but some emotions
picked up on all
four seasons
/
breathing an air of cold winter.
once sinister,
brought pure laughter.
the sun luminescent mirroring my skin
came spring and summer
/
I spread
em’ wings
-to be the bird
I’d always wanted to be
  /
peaceful.
unleashed.
free.
  /
riding the air.
it's the best
feeling-
being alive
to be redefined, unconfined.
/
you've left a footprint
in my mind
/
I was too blind and
  I’ll never
forget this
  /
I just
  felt the need
to disappear with
no dusted prints behind
though...
/
and so I crept out
the back
door slow.
/
because it didn't
feel like those
“traditional” goodbyes.
  /
wasn't chiseled in stone.
engraved in bone.
/
no handshake
no promise
we didn’t see-
eye to eye.
/
kind of equally analogous
to the sun rising
into the earth
/
  chaos turned
  to clarity.
-I left.
but I strived with
/
cold sweat,
with every stride
with every step
/
and the regret I carry
is something
I will never forget.
/
I was climbin’
to the top of
Mt. Everest.
/
except without you,
I fell off the grid.
it was all
plate tectonics
/
my world is
spinning off its axis.
and I haven't been
the same
since.
/
but it gives me a
hopeful glimpse-
when I'm lookin up
at those stars
  /
feels like bright day
in the middle of
night.
/
I’d like to
think you’re
lookin’ at the
  same stars
  /
wherever you
might be.
I hope you’re looking at
that same sky.
/
you've left
behind a
                       footprint
                              
   forever
in my mind.

these people.
these ******* people.
the ones on the subway
the ones revin'  their engines in their "sweet rides"

they stare
you're so ****** aware
that their eyes
burn a hole in the back of your
neck

it all about self respect
and you spit in the dust
with disgust
theres no hope for a better future
because theres no ****** respect left

it all got lost
in the melting ***
and we've got the whole world at
our finger tips
we've got a voice to spill out like *****

but this voice is beautiful and it comes from the
lips

and im talkin musically
the jives and the riffs
where you let the vibes sound right
and when the beats feelin tight
you sway your hips and you throw your arms in the air

you don't give a ****. you don't care.

these people.
these ****** people.
they stare.

you say some silent prayer to yourself
some **** like
keep those eyes away

see theres a whole lota **** you keep
silent
but you really want to say

i don't know
somethin like: how you use pain to mask pain
and everyday is the same
when the drugs in your veins

so cut it wide open
and let all run red
run run
run red

but wait.

you cant let this **** go straight to your
head

instead silence the thoughts
since they'll label you
crazy

maybe
maybe you're crazy
maybe you're insane
to the point where meds don't do jack
**** to contain-

they just unleashed
the beast

and that little voice in your mind
the one that tell you simple matters
as in "turn left here"
or don't forget to shut the light

is now stabbing at your brain with a
mother ****** knife

they say its alright
they said luvox and prozac, and kolonipin and vyvanse
will fix you
fix you.
get you through

it could.
it would possibly give you a chance.

to be normal

but what the hell is normal?
is normal conforming to society?
is normal facing everyday with a life of
sobriety

it cant be
theres no such thing as normalcy

theres no such thing as peace
or self expression
or that release
when you know that you've got it all at your fingertips

and then it splits-
it tears and rips
this world is cut wide open man
because of the people.
the ****** people.

as they try to decide
who you are,

and you laugh
because the fronts, the facades,
to cover up lies

the makeup or drugs
or those clothes
are just a disguise

and when you're weakened and worn
and no one will realize
how badly you've been tattered and torn
they don't give a ****. they don't even care.

because these people,
these ******* people.
will stare

stare into space
stare right through you
stare into an abyss
stare straight into nothing
into nowhere.

you know its not right
you know its not fair
but what do you know?

you're just one of them too.
you cant deny it
or hide it

we haven't evolved
were still monkeys and apes
running wild...

see were still running wild...
just on a monotonous and mild
frontier

its the people.
the ******* people who stare.
trying to figure you out.

size you up

but they always happen to
catch you
when you're stuck in the rut

when you look like ****
when you're in a manic state
throwin a rant or a fit
and hey thats great..

but they always scope you out-
i didn't brush my teeth today
just stuck a piece of gum
in my ******* mouth

its those days
those people.

when you want to scream and shout
those ******* people who size you up in a
  minute.

but if they'd just lived it.
man if they'd just been in it.
and experienced the *******.

the people
those ******* people

who have used and abused
this world and this land

we stand and demand
peace and freedom
an some say
**** it

we don't need em'

but some recite it like the bible or the koran
raise their palms to some higher power
and some fight it

because these people need to
wake the **** up
stop starring
and get a grip.

these ****** people
need to understand this:

the whole worlds at their fingertips.

I am color blind-
to reds greens and blues
curious of what colors
appear in your dreams or visions too

I question the
spectrums of
your perceptions

in the midst of the
differentiations in
our walks of life,
thoughts and insights

there are many shades
of black and white

so how can you
possibly see with
those eyes
shut tight

as if lids were pressed,
superimposed
with eyes blurred
or closed

when you say my blue
is not your blue,
I ask why they
cannot be both.

from day
one
it was spoon feed
ME

and from then on
it was bite the hand
that feeds thee

feed me
fear
eat me
taste the blood
sweat and tears

a hearty meal
of violence

from the silent weeping
when no one
will fill the cup
of silence
for the thirsty

to the unsharpened
outspoken fork and knife
a voice calling
fill my stomach and
serve me

a three course meal
for the needy
pleasing but still
hungry and demanding

hand em
the entire platter
cause it don't matter
a second helping isn't
enough

the server
the waiter
or the waiting
on unsatisfied beings

feed me
something easy
to digest so
I can't rest easy

seizing the cook
the butcher
or the maid

mouths watering
for the after taste.

the words of
a lie
were true.

they truthed
uncertain territories
backtracking forwards
through the blurred
clarity of certainty

the words of
a truth
were untrue

and they too
believed facts which
made fallacies
masks and surfaced this-

these ties twisted
into lies so they created
straight lines
geometrically

doing the undone
connecting synapses
making constellations
for mapping the brain

asymmetrically, star gazing
blindly when similarity
fades boldly, what is
indifferent to the the same

what is more contradicting
than comparing
the insane to the sane?

yet this tangible diversion
is simple and complex
in validity

and so. truth be told.

a lie to be,
is a truth to me.

a truth for me,
is a lie to be

what is this?
an abyss of the mind?
lost in translation.
lost in space, lost in time.

an evolution, a change, the hurt fills your veins
it's nothing like rock- so fluid the brain
only memories, and thoughts
like granite deeply ingrained

it is difficult to remain
internally
externally
and mentally sane

unravel the pieces
of an unsound mind
apprehensive to do so
fearful of what you will find

the worlds four dimensional
-which dimension's your own?
pressures, expectations
have you consumed, and lost in your zone

we each harbor pain, and hold depth in us all
only it's too hard  to swallow or follow
so broken, mistaken and misunderstood
we pretend to understand, to comprehend,


-yet with an unsound mind there is no end.

just pop
another Xanax

right behind
his back

he doesn't
like the
way

they make
me act,

he doesn't understand
the anxiety
attacks
flashbacks,

or
lack of
the feeling
of security

it seems to
me theres
no safety

doesn't matter
how you
hold it
turn it sideways
or mold it

there's no way
to control
it

I finally
saved up
enough trust

but told
me they
were completely
sold out of it

and every time
I try to build
repair
and believe

somehow the
foundation just
rots like wood
and crumbles like
stone

I'm so alone
I need relief

reflect on
myself
just help...

underneath my
sleeves
I hide
my scars

- I wear them
and some have
faded

some remain
like I'll never be
able to erase them

a daily
reminder
of the loathing
and perpetual self hatred

and they say
I'll make it.
but I see how
it's wearing them down
so I'm just going to fake it

till my smile breaks it
just wishing they would
understand all of this...