she's the girl that drinks too much coffee


the girl with the long skirts

she's the girl that looks through you, blankly
(when she's looking into the thing you don't want her to see)


she is the girl with sticky fingers.


the girl with honey love colored eyes



she's the girl that wonders who wrote all that mean stuff on the bathroom wall
who is becky?
why is she a gootch?

...what is a gootch?


she's the girl that has hair like
silk
halfway down her back

it covers up her spine
which pokes through her sweaters

and sometimes her overalls.


she's the girl that gets up early and stays up late
because she thinks sleeping is a waste of life



she's the girl

that begs you

with a single look

to love her



for as long as you can

and when you don't anymore,

let go


she's the girl
that will

understand.

coping mechanisms

like sleeping far too much

and distracting myself with anything i can get my little hands on




I wait for you
to pick me up
into you

into your warmth and your body

and hold me like a child



because this sweater doesn't smell like you anymore
and this house seems so empty


i only have the cat
and a melting snowman to keep me company

Your mother had given you
a few coins to buy sweets

and on the way you met Fay
and you said

do you want to come
and buy some sweets?

and she said
I haven’t any money

and you said
you can share mine

if you tell me what you like
but she said

my father wouldn’t like it
if I had sweets he says

they rot your teeth
but she walked to the shop with you

thinking silently to herself
and outside the shop

you said
are you sure?

she nodded and stood outside
while you went in

and bought sweets
when you came out

she was waiting there
her eyes gazing at you

her tongue running over
her lips

you showed her
what you’d bought

and her eyes widened
here take one

you said
your dad won’t know

if you don’t tell him
she hesitated

her fingers lingering
over the bag of sweets

but what if he sees me
or smells them

on my breath?
she said fear entering her eyes

her hands falling at her sides
you put out a hand

and touched hers
it’s only a sweet

it’s not as if
you’re having a drag of a smoke

or sipping beer
she nodded and smiled a little

best not
she said

if he finds out
he’ll get angry with me

for eating sweets and lying
and you remembered

the bruises you’d seen
on her arms and thighs

that time
and you sighed thinking

as if eating sweets
was a big deal or a crime.

Cedric followed you
around the playground
at high school

it seemed he wanted
to say something to you
but instead he just followed

you around until
as you stood looking over
at the playing field

where kids were gathering
in their break period
he said

my sister likes you
how do you know?
you asked

because she told me
he replied blushing
looking over at the playing field

isn’t she your twin?
Yes
he said

going red
gazing at his sister
standing with a group

of friends on the field
you looked over at the girls
at Cedric’s sister waving a hand

so that’s Christina
yes
he muttered

the one with the dark hair
and waving a hand
then he went silent

and looked at you
Mother said she’s too young for boyfriends
he said after a few moments

but she doesn’t listen
she does what she wants
so she told me to tell you

she likes you
and so you nodded
and waved your hand

back at the girls
and there was an explosion
of giggling and laughter

and waving of hands
and then they ran off
onto the field

and as they ran off
you noticed Cedric’s sister
had a cute ****

but you didn’t tell him that
you just turned and said
fancy a game of ball?

and he just nodded
and said nothing more
about his sister at all.

The long spindly legs
Of our Lord Centipede

Are raw and weak from
The way they’ve been dragged

Through unforgiving ground
It imprints them with sensitivity

Till each limb is trained to dodge
The earth that makes them weak

The slick land of jealousy
Or the unsuspecting pebbles of insecurity

If a single appendage trips up
On such emotional hardships

Lord Centipede crashes
Oh so brutally down

You followed Anne
and some others
along the path

from the large house
out the back gate
across a sidewalk

onto the beach
and stood looking out
at the horizon

and the sea
and Anne said
watch out those ******* gulls

don’t **** on you
and some of the other kids laughed
and you stood watching how

she stood there on the beach
on her crutches
the leg missing

and she pointing up
at the seagulls flying overhead
and the smell of salt in the air

and the sound of the sea
crashing on the beach and shingles
I used to swim until I lost my leg

Anne said
but I will again someday
get my ***** all wet

and she looked around at you
to see your response
her deep blue eyes

searching you out
her tee shirt tight
to her figure

and her skirt
just above her knees
but the stump not showing

what do you reckon?
she asked you
coming closer

as the other kids
ran down onto the sands
sure you will

you said feeling her breath on you
as she stood in front of you
her small but developing *******

pressing against you
I could kiss the lips off you
she said but didn’t

she nodded for you to follow her
as she crutched onto the sands
the crutch ends sinking slightly

but still she went onwards
singing if I were a ******* seagull
I’d **** on you all

especially Sister Paul
or Sister Gail
and her loud voice

carried along the beach
and blue and white sky
like an echoing wail.

Apart from the water tower
and the farm

and a few scattered cottages
there were no other buildings

for a mile or more
just you and Jane

and birds in the early morning sky
I like it at this time of day

she said
I like the fresh smell of nature

and the farm
and having few people about

you walked beside her down the lane
that led away from the farm

you noticed how her black hair
seemed freshly washed

and blew slightly in the mild wind
does you father mind

you being out with me?
you asked softly

he doesn’t know
she replied

he thinks I came out alone
for a morning walk

why didn’t you tell him?
you asked

he was busy writing his Sunday sermon
and it was easier to just go out

and not disturb him
she said looking around at you

her eyes studying you
as she walked on down the lane

would he mind you being with me?
you asked

I don’t think he knows you as yet
seeing as you have only moved here

a few months and don’t come
to the church

you stopped and took her hand in yours
it was warm and soft

and pulsed with life
she looked at your hand

holding hers and she rubbed
her thumb over the back

of your hand
you wanted to kiss her lips

or cheek just to feel
her flesh on yours

but you didn’t you just looked at her
and waited to see

what she would do next
she let go of your hand

and looked around her
there might be people looking

from those cottages up there
she said suddenly pointing up

at the rising bank which went up
to two cottages high up

if they see us they may tell Father
and then it would be awkward

and he might suspect things
and then she went quiet

and looked at the running stream
by the lane

but we haven’t done anything
we just walk out and talk

and hold hands now and then
it’s not what we do

it’s what others think we do
she said softly

and stood looking at you
waiting for you to speak

but you said nothing
just leaned in close to her

and kissed her cheek
and said

even Christ permitted kisses
even the one from Judas

and she smiled
and the early morning sun

pushed through trees
and shone on her hair

and there was the sound of birds
singing in the air.