In just a few days time, our one year anniversary will arrive.
I still can hear your words resonate in me, your pure joy expressing why the 4th was your favorite holiday.
Reflecting on those moments makes my heart stop; my body tingles and I become bombarded with flashbacks of our endless nights kissing. The ones when neither of us would be tired, regardless of our exhausting days and lifestyles.
I begin to think about how in love we were; the way the color of your blue eyes exploded with passion and pure joy. My eyes have not been able to see vivid colors like that anymore.
I recall your scent; the way your luscious hair bounced around your heavy shoulders and that way it used to fall upon me as you listened to my heart beat so fast because for five years being with you gave me butterflies.
I think about listening to Beatles albums with you as we dissected lyrics and I watched the freckles around your nose dance. I fell in love with you all over again every time I was with you, regardless of the hard times and pains we endured together.
In a few days we will be celebrating our one year anniversary of not being together. You will be spending it with your new mate, and I will be thinking about all we still had left to experience and create. I can picture the enthusiasm on your face and then I look at mine and see the result through my bloodshot eyes and quivering lip.
After you decided for both of us it was time to say our last words to each other, and gave me my last glance into your eyes which had become my sunrise and sunset, I knew I would never be the same and I needed you more than a growing garden needs heavens rain.
After all we created together, from starting as two complete strangers and over time turning into best friends and hopeless lovers - after 5 years of thinking about one another everyday non stop, you were able to turn that off without hesitation and become someone else's world.
The life I remember and the person I yearned for was left next to my empty pint of Blue Moon at that bar in Chicago on that Fourth of July summer night.
I will never understand how if you promised it was all real and true, you were able to move along without a speed bump detouring your journey, like a freshly fueled jet on a one way destination equipped with no rear view mirror in an endless sky with no turbulence.
I hope the eyes I see in my dreams look to the sky and see those fireworks explode brighter than ever. I hope that the smell of gunpowder is more potent then before. I pray that somehow you will be reminded of the kisses we shared under my maple tree. And I hope that one day again, you will be able to call me your baby.