This is a very difficult thing to say. I’ve never had these words fall out of my mouth before so, don’t think I’m odd, strange, creepy or anything like that. Okay..phew..here it goes..
I fell in love with a mascot

A year ago our High schools played each other in football
And I didn’t know it back then but
I saw a wolf doing cart-wheels 50 yards away and I thought
It was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen
To be honest, I thought it’d be a guy
Not to be sexist or anything but it never occurred to me
That the physical manifestation of beauty could find itself
Wrapped up inside the costume of a wolf
Your school won
And I figured that was a metaphor for how you took my heart
When you pulled off the wolf head
Slid brown hair away from your face
And batted eyelids at me like you were shooting guns
Bulls eye

Lead the crowd to cheer
Your motivation is like a beam of light in this dark 20th century stadium
I just want you to be around as long as possible
I wished the game went into triple overtime

If I learned anything that day it was courage
Because I asked a wolf
For her number

Who do you think about when you *******?
Crazy blonde *****
***** girls
Girls you can’t have
With ***** stamps
Really hot but uncomfortable looking *******
Ankles behind ears
These un-breakable girls
How they howl and moan
Showing that you are the ultimate dominator

That’d be nice but…

Who do you love?
Timid brunette
Loves Christianity and her family
You can have her if you show her
Not an autographed copy of your heart
But the real thing
She has no tattoos but her pierced belly button
Is cute enough for me
This girl is breakable
Fragile, handle with care
And I will be careful

In a certain sense, you’re right
I led you on
I pulled the strings that guided your actions
Upon movie dates and way too many dinners
I could feel your feelings flail at me every time I drove you home
You were happy you found me…
Then the conversations slowly stopped
I stopped seeing you
I stopped answering calls
I stopped responding to texts
I stopped existing in your life
I stopped becoming a name in your daily sentences
You were sold on the idea that once I had *** with you multiple times
That my quest was over. My Journey was complete
Now I can fall down this empty pit
And be open to all the slurs and hatred you flail at me like used-to-be feelings
This is how you feel

This is how I am..
I stopped the war in our relationship
So I could focus on the Genocide that was constantly raging in my brain every time I was with you felt your heart beat and noticed it wasn’t in rhythm with mine
Like hers used to be…

Once upon an October I lost love
Regained it
Then was murdered by it in the summer
Although my name wasn’t in the obituaries
If there was a news paper for body parts
That’s where you’d find my heart

When she left I took her face
Like a serial killer
I ripped it off and tried to mask it over
All the girls that wanted to show me love on the weekends

They couldn’t fit her dress

They couldn’t fit her shoes

They couldn’t fit her smile

They couldn’t fit her body
You beautiful girls mean nothing to me

In the end
Yeah, I left you
Because I’m not a kid
I can’t keep playing pretend

You cried, yelled and slapped me
Yeah, I wanted to hit you back
For not understanding

So,
This goes to all of you
When you see me out about swept up in the nightlife that this town brings
Focus on the different girls that are at my side
And crop them out
Take a copy from my past and paste it on my present

Call me a man *****
Sometimes I can’t take it
I try and find  lost love in pointless ***
Call me a ****
That’s what you think I am
I haven't told anyone how haunted my brain is because of her
Call me an *******
Because I left when you needed me the most
Which I guess is worse than being connected to a lie detector
And asked the question, “Do you love her?”
Do you want proof on paper
Made from scratches about how much I don’t love you
Call me insane
Because I can’t let go of the past and everything
In my brain is pulsing because I still picture her in dreams

Or you can call me a child
Because I still like to play pretend

I see a girl with pretty eyes
Smile at me across the party
And I know she’s thinking
“I hope this guy has the ***** to talk to me”
Which, I do

Just another name in my phone book
And another conversation that’s somewhat worth having
I’m not forcing myself but somewhere deep inside me
I want to

I compare her to you
Make a strike in my head every time she
Fails doing what you accomplished perfectly
She’s way easier than you
Which I believe is equivalent to five marks already

To the untrained eye
At least what we’re doing in this bed
Looks and smells honest
What I’m lacking is the tactile emotion
That makes bodies, hearts and minds bond

I won’t answer the next time she calls
She isn’t you and that’s something
I wish not to be apart of
Her and the past girls will cry themselves to sleep
While I sit on my bed and read letters you gave me
Hoping if I combine all the letters together
You’ll fall out of them
Sit next to me on my bed
Now, I’m all out of salvia
And that’s the only way I’ll hallucinate you tonight
I’ll just fall asleep and hope I see you else where with my eyes closed


I see a girl with pretty eyes
Smile at me across the party
And I know she’s thinking
“I hope this guy has the ***** to talk to me”
Which, I do

We wasted summer together
Shouldn’t use the word “wasted” because
It was the best time as a period
Printed on a timeline labeled my life
But I should use it now
That’s how I feel

Why are you so quiet?
Tell me
I try and try and try and I know I get through
Tell me at a sunset so I still feel warm
Tell me when I finally get a job
Tell me when I look at the stars
So I can transform constellations into love poems
Tell me on the best day of my life
I am an open door of a warm house
Cold as your actions outside
The only thing I’m looking for is closure

Coffee shop with friends
“I can’t wait to meet the boy”
I hear them say
Girl, I’ve bee standing here long enough
If it takes this long to recognize
Time after time after time after time
My nickname is impatient
Try try try try to drown you out
But every time I hear the beginning letter of your name
My heart goes one way
And my body opposite
Making my organs fail like my liver
That one time I tired to drown you out
They will call it suicide
But I know its eyes and a smile
That’s what looking at you does to me
You
looking at another human being that isn’t myself
Your eyes
wide; reading a body with interest
Your Smile
Coating this atmosphere with a layer of ecstasy
You
Looking at another human being that isn’t myself
Now, I believe in reincarnation
So hopefully someday I can be born again
As the man you’re so in love with right now
Euphoria will be a synonym for my life
And I’ll laugh at the man who can’t be with you
I’ll laugh while he’s alone and drunk. Constantly writing love poems about a girl he describes so beautifully that it will make me thankful for running into you.

****  

I see your arms thrown around a body that isn’t min

I treat her like running water
Vital for my life
Dowsing myself completely in her like
Her hugs meant going for a swim
I can be as large as the world
But I am still, 70% her
The next time I go hiking
I want to fill a water bottle up with her liquid kiss
So, when I’m at the highest point
I can look at an abstract painted sky and drink you in
I will drink and feel her like palms
Pressing down my throat
I carry you inside me
Like you were pulling
The rip chords of my bones
Making my lungs breathe
Vital for my life



Her name is a heartbeat
Pumping hope into my stream
Making my body filled with parasites
Whose only intentions were to
Infect my body and make it better than before
You build me up
Her voice is my narrative
Reading me stories so I know
Exactly how to approach all situations: fact or fiction
I want to publish an autobiography
But I want you to write
You’re that voice in my head that
Helps me make decisions
And it shakes because
Her name gives me migraines
Pills can make it quiet
But I can’t ignore the fact that
I have been convulsing in my core
So hard it feels like skin touching

She slips into four-inch heels
Crafted from my body
And the backs are extensions of my arms
Holding her up from this world
Because she belongs four-inches
Above everyone else in this world
She wears such a **** black dress
It reminds me of all the high school dances
That I never invited her too
And it’s sown together by a tailor called
“I wish I knew you back then”
And the brand is “Would life have turned out different”

Her name is a superhero
I jump off 30 story buildings daily
Just so she can catch me
And I can see her
She’s got heat vision
And it makes me ignite when it’s
Five degrees outside and I’m standing in
Half snow and half corn field
She has incredible strength
To pick up my past and hold it
So I can forget about it for a while
And just enjoy being alive
She has the ability, to tell me to close my eyes
And it feels like flying

So let me drink you in
Become 70% me
Tell me a story
And infect me
Wear that dress and
Dance with me just once
Catch me all the times I jump
Because baby I’m not suicidal
This is just how I feel

Although I’m on hydro’s
Its not enough to pick me up and
Lay me on the pavement like
Your warm arms used to

After all I’ve drivin’ miles upon miles
Halfway with my eyes closed because I dream
Of that exact moment most often

I run a marathon like that finish line
Is laying on a bed with you
Please, return the favor
By waiting

Giving prayer a purpose
I believe that God has the power
To make your arms surround me again

I want the road to twist
And even with a seat belt
Break right through the glass
Breathing is a wreck
For this brief moment suspended
In the air; due to how fast I was traveling and gravity
This feels like flying
It scares me that I could beat my wings
Although it’s already too late
You’ve taken what’s left of the hydro’s