You changed me

Although you’re not here now
I’m disappointed you can’t see who I’ve become

I started growing the first time you hugged me
The force of your arms
Wrapped like a ribbon
Around a birthday present that is my body

You controlled everything
With that universal remote on your wrist
I’m surprised my emotions wouldn’t flicker
Each time you pressed a button

You had so many faces
Often times I felt as if
I was looking in a mirror
Not to say I love my own reflection
But those who know me well will say
“I look like my personality”

You know,
Headphones nowadays are two ear buds
It’s not meant to go in both ears
Both rather so you can have
Someone to share your music with
Some songs are harder to listen to than others
But I’m getting better

Do you keep my heart in your *****-pack?
Unzip it like a pulse
Keep it next to other unimportant things
Cell phone, money, gum

I can’t walk gravel roads like I used to
Or see lightning bugs the same again

I know it’s not right to do
But when I’m with a girl
I compare her with you
Needless to say they never size up
So here I am single, which is funny to me


People give me compliments like you used to
My dimple, the smile and how I act
Living with laughter on a mountain
You were the echo
That made me think
Someone else was trying to talk back
Now that it’s gone
I’m talking to myself

I’d take a rocket to the moon with you
If you fell,
I too would faint

And now,
Every time I smoke
Upwards Into the night sky
I am surrounded
By a billion ***** of light
And they scream your middle name

Tonight
I just want to get ******
And lay underneath the night sky
So I can take stars
Switch them around
Like puzzle pieces till I complete your face
Proceeding, I ask multiple questions to the heavens
And wrap myself in the warm blankets of true sentences
You kindly whisper down to me

Sitting by this creek
It’s 10 p.m. on a Wednesday
School night
Our 6-pack of Bud Lit being
twisted within the twigs
dying grass rustled beneath the feet of us
Two young eager friends

This is what we do with our memories
Take photos from mind drips
Paint it on paper
Made from the years
“Good Times” carved in my walls
Our walls

Now this ain’t some,
“I’m gonna miss you so much!”
“Please call when you can!”,
*******.
Man you’ll be in my head
In my dreams
We’ll go outside
Pick up my old ball glove
Dust off the smoke
Although I was never that good
Man this is what we did

Childhood friends
Roommates in college
You’ll be my neighbor when I’m 45
And my roommate again at Timber Ridge Retirement Home
I’m looking forward to
Harassing the nurses with you

You’re my friend dude
I do have lots of friends
But you’re only one I ask advice from
I swear if I ever murdered someone
I’d ask you to help me hide the body

Now let’s enjoy this
Count stars like high school gossip
There’s only one thing left to do
“Let’s destroy this beer”

I’m just going to stay here.
In this very spot.
Yes, in the Arby’s Parking Lot
Because I remember on June 30th 2010
Close to eleven o’clock
On my 19th birthday
You kissed me…
In this very spot.

I also won three dollars
On a scratch ticket I purchased earlier
That, in complete truth, was the best day
Of my life

I’m just going to stay here.

I’ve been around the block a time or two…
Hell, I never quit
I never cared
Reckless
Burning the rubber of my tires
Radio at max volume
Speeding up
Sharp turns
…and then I met you

First I rolled down the windows to see if it was real
I turned the volume down…
Shut my car off and got out
I walked barefoot on this gravel road
Got to the top of this gorgeous hill
Blue sky with clouds hugging air
And said to myself…
“So this is what breathing feels like.”

I’m just going to stay here.

We froze time
Every word you said could paint
Canvas upon canvas in my mind
My skul, swimming with hues
Sometimes I get you confused with Picaso


Told you about my Cobblestone path
Where other girls dissolved away
You sat down next to me and said
“What else…?”

You looked at my tattoos
With such adventure in your eyes
My fingers through your hair
And on your skin
Could be a treasure map
I don’t care where the ******* X is
I don’t care where the ******* gold is
I just loved getting lost
And retracing my steps…

I’m just going to stay here.

I’m an atheist
You’re a catholic
Sounds like a sitcom
I know sometimes we didn’t see eye to eye
But I could put my glasses on and then
You’d try with your glasses
We’d try and try and try and try and….
Then finally our pupils would align.
And I was just so happy.

“Tell me what you think…”
You said I could play guitar well but,
My voice needed work
I know I don’t have much of a singing voice
Then I see you and…
I get angels in my throat

I’m just going to stay here…..

You said goodbye to me
I didn’t care to remember the date
Because then every time that number would
Crawl up on the calendar, I’d just be irate
Very abrupt
Train de-railing
Break the rib cage, through the skin

I can’t breathe life into words
That would showcase how I am
Something of that magnitude
Could end the world
And I don’t feel like doing that
Because somewhere, someone
Is having the best day of their life
Who am I to ruin that?

I planted that feeling,
Along with the red pop tab
From your Rock Star energy drink you gave me,
In my backyard
I used to carry it on my key chain
But when I saw it, I felt like
Falling through cement or tiles

That feeling will grow into an ugly tree
Bark the color of granite
Branches twisted like a sociopaths personality
But in the spring…how beautiful
Bright hues would cover the contorted branches
Roots tangled in dirt
How we hugged
Purple leaves
A bright orange glow
Magnificent flowers would….Can flowers even grow on trees?
Never mind, I don’t ******* care, I want flowers on my tree

I shouldn’t stay here
It’s nice to look back and smile but…

I shouldn’t stay here
Leave this world
Let go
Let go
Let go
Move forward
Drop this world
The story is over

Perhaps in five….or ten years
You’ll come back here to this very spot
In the Arby’s parking lot
Pick up my book
Whip away the years
Flip through torn pages
And by the time you collide at the end of this line.
I’ll capture sunshine in my spine

I thought I heard you today

I was on my couch when I recognized your voice
Something struck my ears
I picked up on it
Quick
Then noticed I was by myself and the TV was off
The seat next to me on the couch started to vibrate
The fibers began to wrap together and grow
Slowly they took upon a large form
A body
Your body
With that body sprouted your face and smile
Fully clothed in that black dress I saw you wear
In a picture
To a dance
That you didn’t invite me to
Then you put your head on my shoulder

I only took one hit of salvia and already
I have what I want the most next to me

I wished someone had seen me
Just watch my ****** express drop and stare
At something that, in reality, isn’t even there

We talked; it was great
You said these funny jokes that reminded me of the time we
….never mind let’s skip that part
Tricking my brain to see you for not even 20 minutes has become
The best part of my day

That’s why I’ve stopped with hallucinogens
I can’t just watch you take your head off my shoulder
Sit up perfectly straight
And start to fade away back into the fibers of my couch

I swear, an hour went by
I swear I was done tripping
Then I saw
A long brown strain of hair on my shoulder
I plucked it out
And played with it
I thought I heard you today