-Joelena Saldana
11/30/14
My dreams are getting bigger and my eyes are refusing to open.

I want to do so much more.
I want to be seen.
I want people to see me for who I truly am.

I want them to see what I'm capable of.
How strong I am,
I can only imagine how underestimated they would be.

I want them to see how big my bravery, heart, love, care, and protectiveness is.

If only they knew, they'd stop using me.
If only they knew, they'd stop trying to control my life.
If only they knew, they'd stop trying to take advantage.
If only they knew, they'd stop using me to try to make themselves look better.
If only they knew, I would no longer stay in the corner, the dark, be the sidekick.

But the thing is, the only reason why they don't know is, obviously, because of me.

I put others before me.

It may be my light, but I'm willing to give it up for another.
I know I shouldn't.
It's a waste of a good life.
But my soul.. It's as if it ONLY carries love.
It's nice, but it's not good.

My soul holds more value.
I just need to let it explore, way more than I let it..

-Joelena Saldana
11/28/14
Foot steps.. Breathing.. Movement..
Believe it or not, it all creates music. Every sound you hear. Whether it be annoying, irritating, boring, catchy, interesting.. It's all music.
Every living and non-living thing creates music.
Whether we know it or not, it's most definitely there.
It would be completely impossible not to discover music!
You see, people mistake music for just sound. It is rhythm, vibration, nature. Music is not only sound. It is touch and sight as well. Texture...
And if it wasn't humans or creatures that had discovered or started music, it would have been nature.
The wind, of which blows across or through. The rumbling from the landscapes and landslides. And the rain, of which eventually lands or touches something that soon makes a noise.
Whether we like it or not, we are surrounded by music...

-Joelena Saldana
8/26/14
My strength and power has been clouded. I no longer have control. My blood holds still as my heart has lost the easy rhythm.
Keep it in my mind, don't blurt it out. Let my soul stay, mustn't let it show.
The sun looks warm, but I'm frozen cold.
I scream ad plea, can't let them see me.
My imagination is full of steps, chances, and bravery.
I wanna let go, I know I'll explode, but I must do what I'm told.
The silent tears feel like a drum. I just wanna be heard, like lyrics that must be sung.
Just need to breath, I must find the meanings of being me.
I'm a broken ***** glass that's only been cleaned. I am rose that has been painted black. My petals begin to think it's real, they fall one by one cast under a spell.
My arms and legs shake, I want to let them know. I repeat, " Just breathe, it's okay. Just let go.".
I want to unfold, like a creased paper that should have been rolled, and let the things that must be said, be told.
The dark scary spikes pull at my skin hoping that it rips, bleeding out from within.
His presence is a shudder. I try to stay hidden, but no matter where I go he grabs me by the arm and commands that I stay with him.
I was an artifact that should have been released, but was stolen.
I cry and beg, "Please don't hurt me!". I kick and claw screaming, "Stay away from me!".
I open my eyes and look around Thanking God it was just a dream.
I lay back down upon my pillow, and smile at my love who lays next to me. I look closer and see that he's the dark fellow.
I sit up, I breathe, " It's okay, just let go.". He's gone forever, and now I know freedom. Imaginations become reality.
All I had to do was Just Let Go!

-Joelena Saldana
?/?/?
Why doesn't dad call when we call him? Why doesn't he mean it when he says, "I love you.". Why doesn't he see us like he used to? Why doesn't he care about us who we care about him? Why does he pretend to love us? Why does he never pick up the phone to call? We give him everything while he gives us nothing. Why does he trick us into caring? Why didn't he call to say, Happy Birthday? Why are all these questions unanswerable? He thinks by loving him and caring about him makes him a greater or better man. Why can't we just meet him and not his character? I just wish I could meet HIM! Why even say, "I love you.", when there's no love involved? Why break our hearts? I wish YOU were here!!! When will my wish come true? True to see you.. Why Dad.. Why?

I don't know where I would be if I didn't have poetry. Poetry, I think, saved my life. It's the only place I could stick up for and defend myself. Say what I want and have to say. I can say what I feel, and nobody can say I can't. The reason why I can't just say what I want, when I want, where I want is because I'm scared. I'm too shy, too nervous, I put others feelings in front of my own. I think about others before myself. People say that I'm too nice and that I just need confidence. You see, I live by the saying," Treat others how you wish to be treated.". And by that, I'm afraid that what I have to say would be mean or rude, so I just don't say it at all. And I don't want to get into any trouble, so I just keep my mouth shut and mind my own business. And that's why I have poetry. I can write what I want, when I want and no one can tell me different. And that's how I'm confident.


I may not say it with my words.. But I say it with my writing.

-Joelena Saldana
Rap
8/11-12/14
How can you call your place a home when your trapped in a dome, having nothing but the feeling of being alone.
You see, I never really was the type to have something. Always glad or lucky if you had the chance not to be worth nothing.
It's hard when your scarred by the one man who was supposed to be your bodyguard till the end of the yard.
Tryna think of the place of where you made your first mistake, felt like a heartache stabbed with a stake.
Creature of the night, tryna find the light. Understand the one man you took by the hand.
All of the secrets and shadows, how could you hold me down? Feels like I'm under water, someones tryna make me drown.
I lost the breath to breathe. Baby, please, I'm on my knees help me find the peace that we once had before you mistreated me.
I'm all alone. Nothing but these scars and injured bones.
How was I supposed to know that you were a thrown rock tryna be nothing but a still stone.
It's funny when you think you know someone, then you run, next thing you know, they use you till they're all over and done.
Nothing but an act. Tryna beat the rat. All they wanted was to be the fact that you had.
As this led meets this paper and these tears meet my chin, I'm tryin so hard. Tryna make this frown a grin.
It's all over and done, I should be happy not sad. No really but it shouldn't be this bad.
I'm free!
Someone help me. Its been awhile since I've been on my own. Feels like an episode of The Twilight Zone.
No wait, I can do it. I'm feeling free.
After all this has to start with being me!

-Joelena Saldana
7/31/14
I can feel starting to slip away... My passion, my strength, my muse. The only thing that makes me me. What will I do? Where can I go? It's the only thing that can keep me grounded, keeps me here where I am today. I can't leave now, I can't be distant. I must keep writing. My poetry has gotten me through everything. All the drama, the hurt, the pain, the happiness, excitement, crushes, love, my anger, irritation, moments of disappointment. Its helped me through the deep deep pain my father had put me through. My bullying that I couldn't stick up to, because I was too scared and had no confidence. The love that I have for my family that was to frustrating to say that I would just put it on paper. It's amazing how much a piece of wood and led can help me and get me through. I can't stop.. I can't give up. I must find my desire once again. What ever happened to that one happy, loved, but injured child? I fear for her disappearance. Please do not leave.. Where am I without you?.. Without me. Poetry is my memory that I keep on paper. Poetry and writing defines me. Where am I without it? What am I without it?.. Do not leave my happy, but wounded heart, soul, and mind.
Please! I beg you... Stay.