-Joelena Saldana
12/13/14

A face is precious. Its beauty holds deep value.

So wipe those tears and wash those scars. Your
eyes carry secrets from street to land.

Drowning your mouth in poisons and narcotics.
Knowing that it deserves less, but more.

Trusting that nose that can taste a day's
lies and defeat.

And the ears sense of witnessing a worlds horror
and pain, and a lands honor and tender justice.

A face's truth and lie, faith and leave.

No matter what they say, a face can hold true honesty.
Depending on the one who knows how to read.

A face is a vineyard.
Holding great tastes of different wines.

Like a face, holds great mystery, all kinds of crisps,
and a soulful tune from a waves crashing water meeting a stomach,
but slithering down the throat like a rushing waterfall.

-Joelena Saldana
12/9/14
I should have known what you'd do. I'm sick of your mind ****. I'm so ******* sick and tired of your **** period! Just leave so I can forget your lies, your *******. I have better things to do. I no longer need you. Stop leading me on with the things you promise, but never do. I loathe you, I deeply and most definitely hate you. But the fact that I'm supposed to love you makes me hate you more. And the fact that deep deep down I love you makes me hate myself. I know what you do Father. I know all your mind games and tricks, so don't pretend that it's nothing but the truth.
They all end the same. The disappointed, sad, and crying in bed. Hating you for leading me on, hating myself for knowing what you do, but thinking that that time it would be real. It's like I'm setting myself up for heartache, misery, and ******* shame.
So just be gone. Stay away and out of my life. If you're not going to be real and stay true, you're nothing but a fake and a liar.
I am so **** ashamed of your emotional abuse.

-Joelena Saldana
10/4/14
Let me loose, I feel confused, cut the cord that frees me from your abuse. I'm not your slave, I'm not one to be taken or given away. I am no trick, I am no longer a fool. Set me free or you will see what kind of a child I can be.
I am not scared, although I can not say the same for you.. You are trapped and I am free, are you prepared to see the real me?
The consequences will be paid for the actions that you have made. You clearly underestimate the girl I am, but now you know I can't be tamed. This is the girl I should've made.
You no longer have control of me. I will fight to the end, not knowing or caring where that may be.  This is for me. I will take back the time you've taken, you think I'm trapped, but you've clearly been mistaken.
You may be the maker of this game, but now I will decide who will win or have pain. And from how I see it, today is not your day.
You must read before you play.
Choose the game that will be played, be prepared for what comes your way.
I am a grenade, I should not be played with. Don't underestimate the girl I am now, somehow I am here, and I am prepared to take on your fear.

You no longer can hurt me, are we officially clear?

-Joelena Saldana
12/3/14
I can't get him out of my head...
He's surfaced my dreams, I can't stay focused.

Every single morning,
I wake to the memory of him and fall asleep with his face in my head
and his words crawling under my skin speaking,
not singing,
but speaking in a sweet sweet melody.

Why can't I forget?

He's so many miles away.. States away.
Could this be love?
Could this be the thing I've been waiting for all these years?

Everyone tells me,
"Let him good.. You could do better..
He's not good for you.. We don't wanna see you get hurt Jo-Jo..
It's just lust.."

I feel like I'm going crazy!

Out of my mind trying to forget him.
But the crazy thing is,
me trying to forget
is me remembering every little thing we did.

Every single time we laughed,
every moment we wanted to be around each other.

He's always put a smile on my face.
Craved his kisses,
something we never did, but regret and wished we had.

It felt as if I was lost without his presence.

My day was never fulfilled without getting at least something from him.. His words..
A hug..
A laugh..
A smile..
Just one look towards me and my day would be final and complete.

I've never felt this much,
whatever it may be,
about a guy before.. About a person..

It scares me.

Now that I am not around..
Now that he is not with me,
because of these awful miles and states away.

One hundred and forty three of my days have not been complete.

Without his words..
Without his hugs..
Without his laugh..
Without his warm warm smile..
Without his glance.

I have been lost..

Confused of these days and what they might hold and mean.

I miss his touch,
I miss his sound,
I miss my eyes holding witness to his presence,
I miss his flowing intoxicating aroma that I could've kept forever.

And only one thing,
one thing that I fully regret not giving or receiving.

One thing that does appear in my dreams,
but wake to the unpleasantness of the morning rise.

A kiss..
A sweet, gentle, loving, caring, fulfilling kiss.

The taste of his lips.

All of our deep feelings would fall into that kiss.
And this kiss wouldn't have been just any kiss.

It would've been a fully remembered,
cherished for all these years,
first kiss.


Oh, S... What you do to me..
What spell you've casted.

-Joelena Saldana
11/12/14
Where am I? One minute I'm happy, I'm here, I'm safe. The next I'm paranoid, their eyes find me and they lie still. Why do they reach me? Why do they watch?
No, not the attention. Please don't watch me. Their eyes are still locked on me, I want to run, but where to go? I'm lost, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I am.
They wait, attention on me. What do they wait for? What are they expecting? My life is stuck, I am at a halt. What am I doing? Where am I going? Who am I? What am I? What do they expect from me?
All I do is give and give and give. Not once have they asked for me. Not once have they wondered... Not once have they wondered, not once have they questioned what will happen to me. I give and give.
I beg of thee, please, notice me without having to be told. See me so I am visible.
I am not good nor bad. I am not a hero nor a villain. I am no fairy godmother nor a wicked step-sister. I am here as me.
I give everything, but take nothing. It get's under my skin. I want to take, but can't be greedy.
See me... See me...
What do you want? What do you ask for? Why have their eyes been stuck on me? Why do you watch me?
I am lost. I'm a fish on land. I am a young woman caged in a man's world.
Find Me!
Find Me!

I want them to find me. - I take.

-Joelena Saldana
10/4/14
Let me loose,
I feel confused,
cut the cord that frees me from your abuse.

I'm not your slave,
I'm not one to be taken or given away.
I am no trick,
I am no longer a fool.

Set me free
or you will see what kind of a child I can be.

I am not scared,
although I can not say the same for you..

You are trapped and I am free,
are you prepared to see the real me?

The consequences will be paid for the actions that you have made.
You clearly underestimate the girl I am,
but now you know I can't be tamed.

This is the girl I should've made.

You no longer have control of me.

I will fight to the end,
not knowing or caring where that may be.

This is for me.

I will take back the time you've taken,
you think I'm trapped,
but you've clearly been mistaken.

You may be the maker of this game,
but now I will decide who will win or have pain.
And from how I see it, today is not your day.

You must read before you play.

Choose the game that will be played,
be prepared for what comes your way.

I am a grenade,
I should not be played with.

Don't underestimate the girl I am now,
somehow I am here,
and I am prepared to take on your fear.


You no longer can hurt me,
are we officially clear?

-Joelena Saldana
12/4/14
I'm tired of your act, trying to be better.

Just don't!

Since when is anyone better than others.

We are all unique,
every single one of us.

So how are you, or someone else, gonna say who's better and who isn't.

How are you gonna judge another human being who is
completely different,
completely unordinary.

No one is ordinary,
we don't live the life of The Brady Bunch.
We are Misfits,
we are Shameless,
we are Family Guy.

So enough with the act,
different makes every single person
extraordinary,
fun,
interesting,
amazing.

Embrace who you really and truly are.

Don't waste your life trying to be perfect.


This is an imperfect world.