I always told you how sweet you are.
I guess too much sugar causes diabetes.
So now I'm just slowly dying,
Still craving your sweetness.

I'm not quite sure why,
But I'm extra depressed tonight.
Talking to you usually helped,
But you're no longer there for me.
Now you get to be some other guy's comfort.
So what do I have now?

Family?
They don't care.

Friends?
They wouldn't understand.

God?
I don't feel him anymore.

So that leaves me with nothing.
Nothing to comfort me when I feel like this.
So all I can do is pray to die in my sleep,
Because I'm too much of a coward to do it myself.

I broke last night.
I put on my boxing gloves and beat myself up.
I laid in bed and cried.
I prayed to God I would die last night.
I even wrote a goodbye letter to my family and ex-girlfriend.
But I'm still here.
I guess God has a reason for that,
Although I don't know what it is.
I just wish that plan involved the love of my life.
Why can't I just die already?

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to scream myself to death.

I feel like crying,
But I cant.
Am I out of tears?
I already cried so much for you.
Maybe I finally just reached the point where I can't feel.
Where I can't feel the pain, the sorrow, the hurt.
Where I also can't feel the joy, the happiness, the love.
I feel like crying,
But I can't.

You tell people that I'm emotionally unstable.
What do you expect?
I gave you everything I had, all of me.
And you broke my heart and left me for dead.
Am I expected to be able to just pick myself up and move on?
How could I when I'm nothing without you.
Of course I'm emotionally unstable.
Wouldn't you be if someone ripped out your heart and shattered it?

I miss you.
I know you aren't gonna ever love me.
I know things will never be the same between us.
I know your life is happier now than when I was part of it.
But you said I was your best friend.
And best friends don't just up and leave,
Never to return.
I miss my best friend.
I want her back.
Not as a girlfriend, although that would be nice,
But I just want my only true friend back.
Someone I can talk to and be me with.
Someone who knows my flaws and still accepts me.
I miss you.
Please come back into my life.

They tell me to move on,
As if its that easy.
They say things will get better,
But they haven't.
They say I'll find someone better,
But you were perfect for me.
They say I'll find true love someday,
But I had already found it.
They say I should hate you for what you did,
But I can't because I love you.

I'm numb to feelings now.
I'm in an eternal state of nothingness.
I care about nothing.

I know you're gone and aren't coming back.
I know nothing will ever be the same between us.
I know I should move on,
But I gave you my heart and its still yours.

I want you back.
I know things will never be the same.
How could they be?
But I don't care.
You're all I had and now I have nothing.
But you aren't ever coming back, are you?

Sometimes I hate my mind.
I forget everything that's important that I need to remember,
But I can't forget the things I want to.
I wish I could forget you.
I wish I could forget all the amazing things that we did,
Because those memories hurt so much now.
I wish I didn't remember every single detail about everything with you.
I remember every conversation,
Every thing I thought,
Everything we did.
Why?
I can't even remember what I was doing yesterday,
But I remember the first time we started talking, over a year ago.
I can't remember to call the doctor or do my homework,
But I remember our smallest, stupidest, most unimportant talks.
I wish I could forget you,
Because then I wouldn't be in so much pain.

The hardest day wasn't the day we got in trouble for sneaking out.
It wasn't the day you told me what you did with the other guys.
It wasn't even the day we got busted for messing around, and couldn't talk for 2 months.

The hardest day is everyday since you left me.
The hardest day is waking up knowing I lost you,
Knowing some other guy is holding you.
Some other guy is your happiness, your everything.

The hardest day is knowing I will never hold you in my arms again,
Never taste your lips,
Never see your smile.

The hardest day is hating my life,
Telling people I'm okay,
Pretending I don't care.

Everyday without you is the hardest day.

Its impressive how you ruined my life all by yourself.

There you go, messing with my heart again.
Do you think I'm here just for your amusement?
I don't exist just so you can come back to me whenever you get bored with whomever you ran off with.
Don't pretend like you want me back when we both know it's not true.

You broke me, but I came out stronger than ever.

I've finally accepted that you're gone and not coming back.
I don't like it, but if it makes you happy, then I'm ok with it.
I still carry around the key you gave me. The one to your heart.
I'm sure you will give him one too, but all that matters is I have one.
Maybe some day I will get to use it again.

You know how you told me you still love me,
After you broke my heart?
I wonder if you still feel that way,
Or if you were just saying that to make me feel better.
I feel like you've moved on and completely forgotten about me.
But if he treats you even a fraction of as good as I did,
Then you'll be the happiest girl in the world.
And if he can love you a small fraction of as much as I do,
You'll have more than enough.
I wish you the best my love.

They all said "Just give it time, it will get better."
But they lied, its getting worse.
I miss you more and more everyday.
I find it harder to keep from talking to you.
I slowly seclude myself from others as days go by.
They lied to me when they said time heals wounds.

You know whats pitiful?
I can't talk to anybody about how I really feel.
Not because they won't listen,
But because I don't want to burden them.
I mean who wants to listen to somebody else complain?
That's why I'm on this site.
I can say whatever I want and it doesn't matter.
Because I don't know any of you,
And none of you know me.
I'm so insecure that I make sure nobody knows who I am by using layers upon layers of false identities.
Thank you all for being here for me.

That moment when you don't know what's going on.
That moment when you hope its you she's talking about, but you aren't sure.
That moment when she says she loves you, but she loves him too.
That moment when she wants you back, but she still won't come back.
That moment when you pray that she'll come back, but you know she's moved on.
That moment when you know you should give up hope, but you can't.
That moment when you realize its over, what a sad day that will be.

I look back on my past as if I am suddenly wiser, more mature, more intelligent.
I look back on my past and judge myself, wondering how I thought things could be a good idea when they obviously weren't.
I look back, even as recent as past weeks and months, and realize How immature I really am.
I speak like a child.
I think like a child.
I act like a child.
And I know that not too long from now, maybe even in he coming weeks, I will look back on this day and realize that I am a mere child in this world.
My life is but a blink of an eye in the life of this world.
Looking back I see how far I've come,
And how far I have yet to go.
But in the end,
We are all a child at heart.

I have a trending poem.
Whoop-de-frickin-do.
I could be the most famous poet in the world,
But nothing matters without you.

Can I see you just once more?
Maybe we could sneak out at bight again. Just once more.
We could hold each other and look at the stars. Just once more.
I could kiss an angel. Just once more.
I could love life. Just once more.
I could listen to your beautiful voice. Just once more.
And I could convince myself you love me. Just once more.

There are many reasons I should hate you:

You lied to me.
You tried to get me in trouble.
You hurt me.
You broke up with me through a txt.
You flirted with other guys.
You were dating within a week of leaving me.
You took me for granted.
You broke my heart beyond repair.
You moved on.
You left me to die.


Reasons I don't hate you:

I still love you.

I miss you.
You're the only person I ever loved,
The only person I could actually talk to,
The only person that seemed to care.
You made me happier than I ever thought possible.
You taught me how to have feelings.
You made my life so good I didn't want to go to heaven,
Because I couldn't imagine anything being better than life with you.
We had a future together,
Better than anything I could have ever imagined.

But now that you're gone,
My life is nothing.
I have nothing to hope for,
Nothing to live for,
Nothing to care about.
I waste away my days,
Doing nothing of importance.
All I do is gamble my life away.
I miss what we had, what we were.
I miss what we were going to be.
I miss us, and
I Miss You

You know our spot,
That place where we would sneak out to in the middle of the night?
Of course you do.
Well I snuck out there tonight,
Just like the old days.
It was a cold, clear night.
Stars shining, wind chilling.
I even went out at our usual time, 2:00.
It was pointless,
I knew you wouldn't be there.
But I can hope can't I?
My mouth even got dry on the way out there,
Just like it always did.
Yours would get dry too.
I miss those nights under the stars.
I would do anything, ANYTHING, for just one more of those nights.
But for now, I can only hope.

I don't know why I still check your poetry page every day.
I know you'll never be back.
You haven't been on since that day.
So why do I feel the need to check?
How could I possibly think you will ever go back to it?
Honestly, I don't know.
All I know is that I still love you,
And my life is nothing without you.

I can't enjoy anything any more.
I can't enjoy music or games or life. Nothing.
Because everything reminds me of you.
Every song I hear, every story I read, every movie I see.
These are things that I enjoyed so much when I had you.
We would laugh or cry, but no matter what we would enjoy them.
Because we were together.
But now that you left me, I'm constantly reminded of you.
I'm reminded of all the fun we had together.
And honestly, it *****.
I wish I could have you back, even for just a moment.
But I know that won't happen so I just sit here,
Wasting my away on memories of the past and wishes for the future.
Please allow me to enjoy life again.
Please come back

My thoughts are all I have anymore.
But the thoughts I think are so sick.
I think about how I could sneak to your house.
I could get you outside and **** myself in front of you
To make you see the pain you put me in.
I think about how I could hurt myself,
So that you would feel sorry and come back.
I think about writing you things,
Things that will eat you alive.
But in the end, they are just thoughts.
They will never become actions.
They will just continue to eat me alive,
Until I am nothing.

You know, when I said I'd die for you,
I didn't realize you would be the one that would **** me.

You know, I have been doing pretty good.
Pretending everything is ok and not letting anything bother me.
Thinking of you all day every day, but not actually thinking about you.
Finally realizing that you aren't ever coming back.
But now I sit here, at 1:13 in the morning, missing you.
Not the way I've missed you since I went numb.
Not even the way I missed you when you first left me.
Not missing how happy we were or anything, even though I do.
I just miss you.
I can't really explain it, and I'm not gonna try.
I'm not blowing it off, I'm not gonna cry.
I'm just gonna sit here, reminisce, and miss you.

They tell me I just have a bad case of "1st time heart break"
And that everyone has one.

That's where the're wrong.

What I really have is a really bad case of "you're the only person I will ever love and you took my heart and broke it and left me for dead and I'll die without you but that's ok because you're happy now and that's what matters"
Or something like that.

Every time I look at the moon I still think of you.
I think of all the times we would sneak out in the middle of the night
And lay under the stars.
I think of when we were separated,
And the moon was all we had.
I think about you.
When you look at the moon,
Do you still think about me

I don't lie, but I did today.
They asked whats wrong. I told them "nothing".
They asked if I was depressed. I said "no".
They asked if I would **** myself. I said "never".
But something is wrong, I am depressed, and suicide us a daily thought.
I don't lie, but I did today.

Opportunity knocks once,
If you hear more, it's the Devil.

It would be so easy to **** myself.
I've gone through every possibility,
They're all so easy.
So why am I still here?
I don't want to be.
What is keeping me here?
I really don't know.

You call me a baby for crying.
Don't you know that even Jesus wept?

Why can't you leave me alone?
Can't you see it hurts me?
You might have left me 2 months ago,
But you never really left.
You are in my mid every day.
Just running all over the place.
Aren't you tired of it?
You show up in my dreams and pretend you still love me.
Does it entertain you?
Why can't you leave me alone already?

Every night when I go to bed,
I pray to God that he would make me dead.
I hate my life more everyday,
Because you keep moving farther away.
You took my love and broke my heart.
That's when these feelings happened to start.
I'm too much a coward to do it myself.
That's why I pray to God to destroy my health.
God, please take me home tonight.
For I wish to finally give up the fight.

You destroy me.
You talk about him like he's so amazing,
But you still tell me that you love me.
You say things that bring me little bits of hope.
Even when I know you're gone.
Are you just playing me?
Why do you do this to me?
It tears me apart from every direction.
Please just tell me its over or you'll be back.
Don't leave and tell me you're coming back.
Because you know  I'll wait forever.
I would die waiting for you.
Even though I know you aren't coming back.

I wish my dreams were reality and reality disappeared.
In my dreams I'm the cool one,
I never mess up,
Its always fun,
There's always an adventure,
I can have a second shot at the same thing,
I can do anything I want,
But most importantly, you came back.
My dreams are the only place where you are still mine,
The only place we are happy together,
The only place I'm not constantly sad.
Too bad,
They are only dreams...

I gave my heart to you like you gave me mono.
Neither of us knew at first.
And now that you left me,
You still have my heat,
And all I'm left with is mono.

Its been over a month since you left me for dead.
They ask me how I'm not angry at you.
They don't understand I love you too much to be angry with you.
I still cry too.
Me, the guy who couldn't even cry when my dog died,
The guy who couldn't cry when my friend died,
I cry for you every day.
Now isn't that messed up.
I'm the guy who had no emotions.
I don't know what you did,
But you sure done it good.

I treated you too well.
That's what everyone tells me.
All my friends say you gotta be a little mean,
Teach her who's in charge.
Hit her around every once in a while.
They like it.
So I guess I will never be successful with you.
Because I could never do anything to hurt you.
And I'm not in control,
I would have done anything and everything for you.
I guess I'm just a sucker.

Well I really f**ked that one up. Didn't I?

The poems I write to tell a story are never popular.
It seems the ones I almost don't post,
The ones I'm writing just for myself,
Are the ones people like the most.
When I joined here it was just to express myself,
Not expecting anyone to actually read my poems.
I was astonished when I got my first like.
I didn't know how they found me.
So I used a fake name, so nobody will ever know who I am.
Because this isn't me.
I don't write poetry and have emotions.
I make fun of poetry because I have no emotions.
At least that's what everyone else thinks...
Thank you anonymous poetry for allowing me to be me and express me.

I need to die