I broke last night.
I put on my boxing gloves and beat myself up.
I laid in bed and cried.
I prayed to God I would die last night.
I even wrote a goodbye letter to my family and ex-girlfriend.
But I'm still here.
I guess God has a reason for that,
Although I don't know what it is.
I just wish that plan involved the love of my life.
Why can't I just die already?

I'm not quite sure why,
But I'm extra depressed tonight.
Talking to you usually helped,
But you're no longer there for me.
Now you get to be some other guy's comfort.
So what do I have now?

Family?
They don't care.

Friends?
They wouldn't understand.

God?
I don't feel him anymore.

So that leaves me with nothing.
Nothing to comfort me when I feel like this.
So all I can do is pray to die in my sleep,
Because I'm too much of a coward to do it myself.

Opportunity knocks once,
If you hear more, it's the Devil.

Its impressive how you ruined my life all by yourself.

Sometimes I hate my mind.
I forget everything that's important that I need to remember,
But I can't forget the things I want to.
I wish I could forget you.
I wish I could forget all the amazing things that we did,
Because those memories hurt so much now.
I wish I didn't remember every single detail about everything with you.
I remember every conversation,
Every thing I thought,
Everything we did.
Why?
I can't even remember what I was doing yesterday,
But I remember the first time we started talking, over a year ago.
I can't remember to call the doctor or do my homework,
But I remember our smallest, stupidest, most unimportant talks.
I wish I could forget you,
Because then I wouldn't be in so much pain.

I wonder what will happen next time we wee each other.
Will you pretend you didn't see me?
Will I pretend I didn't see you?
Or will we say hi and carry on with our day?

I wonder if you would let me talk to you.
Would we be able to pretend we were still best friends?
Talking and laughing like the good old days.
Or would you tell me to leave and refuse to talk to me?

I wonder if you would go home and miss me.
Would you reminisce on our glory days?
Would you want me to be part of your life again?
Or would you just carry on with your day,
As if nothing ever happened.

I wonder if you would even recognize me.
Do you remember what I look like?
Or am I just a faint memory?

I won't have to wonder for much longer I hope.