He meekly approaches, saying
Hey, I hope this is cool
But I'm pretty sure we went
To the same school

I cut him short, said
What has that got to do with me?
That ship sailed long ago
Now we're all at sea

He laughs, saying
You're as spiky as back then
It's a kind of comfort to know you haven't changed
And to know we're still
not friends

I drop my basket and leave

Two beaten baboons
Cling to each other
His dear wives

Kids flinch
Cross banana fingers
Hope for the best

Flamingos are shallow as ****

'How do lions go?'
'Rrrrah'
'See him in the corner
Shall we go to the shop
And buy one'

The last time I was
At the zoo
I contracted
   Ragworm

Regal tangs
In aquariums
Across the globe
Are sick to the back gills
Of being called Dory
By over excited children

S
Lucy really wants to eat a mountain chicken frog
Lucy would touch that croc's
Xylophone tail
No issues
Lucy doesn't reckon
I could pass
As a zoologist

The man who
Lives under the
Flower beds
In st Andrew's park

Is a lonely
Bitter
Little man

Enduring his
Entire life
Without knowing of the beauty
That lay a worm's width
Above his eyebrows

The chickens aren't happy
They aren't laying

The farmer, concerned
Takes to praying

To a poultry god
He's always doubted

Hard times call
For hard and fast rules
To be flouted.

The origins of our hero
Neil Heaven
Is a tale that
following in the footsteps of a great many tales
Has been whispered and shouted
Twisted and doubted
Far too many times to mean much of anything anymore

This much I can confidently state as fact
Neil Heaven is a cat
Neil Heaven is the cat.

Neil Heaven was once so overwhelmingly chill
He slippped into such a
Dazed state complete with
Contented drooling smile
That concerned
Botanical garden staff felt compelled
To contact a feline psychotherapist
Who was able to assure everyone that
Neil Heaven
Was far from unwell
He was in fact
Wellness itself

Wellness catsonified.


Neil Heaven was once
Headhunted by the dogs
But politely declined
Reportedly stating
'All creatures are equal in the eyes of
Neil Heaven
I must respectfully decline but
Am ever so flattered by your
Interest'

Chatting to my pal
Neil Heaven
Recently
It came out he'd never
Seen the internet and
Was unsure exactly what it was for

So I explained that it was access to pretty much the
Collective knowledge of the
human race
Neil Heaven smiled gracefully
Turning to leave purrs
'But I already have that'

Neil Heaven
Takes an annual tour
of the vineyards at Châteauneuf-du-Pape
To share the fruits
Of his gifts in the field of oenology.

I recently decided to try my hand at being one of those peskytarians
I wasn't completely sure what had finally prompted it
Until, enjoying a lie in one
Monday morning
I noticed how clear
The mooing of the cows was
Drifting through my open window
I realised they must have been asking me to give it a rest on the whole eating them thing
So if any cows happen to be reading this then rest assured
Moossage recieved loud and clear
There'll be no beef past these lips
You have my word