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Joe Halliday Mar 14
Bert likes chewing on ***** old socks
The lady is a supertramp
She plays a guitar made of sticky tin cans
With a wheely bin for an amp

Bert smears custard across her cheeks
Then lets wail her battle cry
She ducks and dives from the dreaded flannel
Makes it clear she won’t comply

Bert hurls her broccoli
Like a vegetable javelin
At first we sigh and shake our heads
But in the end we all join in
Joe Halliday Dec 2019
He said she said
Complicated
She gave him
An affidavit

They said
You said
We said
Nothing

We said
You said
I’m not
bluffing

She said He said
Constipated
He gave her
An affidavit

They said
We said
You said
Nowt

We said
They said
Shut
Your mouth

He said she said
Consecrated
On their
Cosigned affidavit
Joe Halliday Dec 2019
A conveyor belt
Of pressed blue suits
In every one a snide

We cannot let
All hope be crushed
By a cruel landslide

All those fearful
Little Englanders
Primed with nationalistic pride

We must not let
All hope be crushed
By a cruel landslide

The delusional deniers
Scoff at the
Rising plastic tide

We shall not let
All hope be crushed
By a cruel landslide
Joe Halliday Dec 2019
The country is a vicious dog
So feed it what it wants
De Pfeffel looks on gleefully
The mongrel slobbers as it chomps

The mutts were not to know
As they proudly wolfed It down
The chocolate lies now sickly
The dog has been put down
Joe Halliday Aug 2019
I met a gorilla
Gardener
In a jungle
Of native species

She kept her oxeye
Daisy on me the whole time

A cowslips past unnoticed
By the blush red columbine

Lily of the valley was
Sporting a foxes glove

The cornflower and the cardinal
Seek guidance from above

A swamp of soured milk weeds
Seeps past your eyes

The firmly rooted ragged robin
Looks up awestruck at the skies

The bergamot was wild
Running circles round the yarrow

Black eyed Susan moped along
With her bluebell filled wheelbarrow

Good dogwood sets paw after paw
Creeping through the common nettle

As lance-leaved coreopsis
Charges in to test his mettle

I left a gorilla
Gardening
In a jungle
Of native species
Joe Halliday Aug 2019
Boris Johnson is PM
I beg your pardon
Come again?
Boris Johnson is PM

Let’s assume that I’ve misheard
What I’m hearing sounds absurd
I can’t believe a single word
Boris Johnson is PM

Boris Johnson is PM
Calm yourself, count to ten
Close your eyes, read it again
Boris Johnson is PM

I implore you please say you misspoke
Is this some cruel disheveled joke?
Democracy gone up in smoke
Boris Johnson is PM

Boris Johnson is PM
Watermelon smiles in number ten
Chant it to the garden bridge and back again
Boris Johnson is PM
Boris Johnson is PM
Boris Johnson is PM
I know that it is hard to swallow
But chin up Blighty let us not wallow
It is with further great regret
I must inform you of his cabinet...
Joe Halliday Jan 2019
There was once a young girl named Betty
Who watched the boats sail from her jetty
She sometimes got wet
Splashed by a fisherman’s net
That soggy little sailor our Betty
——————————————-
The intrepid explorer known as Betty
Set off in search of the yeti
She looked high and low
With Lucy and Joe
Then showered the beast with confetti
——————————————
Cooking up a storm with Betty
Her speciality is scrumptious spaghetti
We’ll wolf it all down
She’ll feed half the town
Then wash it down with a Birra Moretti
——————————————-
Have you seen that beauty called Betty?
It was love just as soon as she met me
A head of silk hair
An inquisitive stare
I would eat her if only she’d let me
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