sleeping
ugly

wake up to reality

...further more
the parachutes
are
kept in
the store
room
where
you

1.
I have in my fingers
A blade of grass
For company.



2.
Nature helps the mind to see
How things change all the time.

Yes, I should welcome change more readily.



3.
It's just.....

It's just the secrets you keep all hid
From me
From us.

Like a new toy
You don't wanna share.

That,
I can't stand.



4.
Ever the near-invisible threads... barely touching
The outstretched branches show
So much.

Oh, how Nature plans
Yet
Accommodating

All.



5.
Ants and insects scurry along their busy path
Oblivious to the fray
Unseen by human eye.

Petals blossom, open eyes
In the the middle of the desert.

Perched high on treetops
Shiny leaves, nests nearby
Boast depth of intricacy and
Delicate motif.


Yet....



6.
Canst thee be content, also
To see also thorns upon thy path?

For, it's the background of it all
Which helps prepare our reading
Of some (hard) things we discover
Along the way.



7.
Why, naturally.




S T, 10 April 2013

swept
seas
of selfishness

where
only the
'fishing-men'
cast their nets


where
fishes
are
wishes

and
wishes
are

chocolate
and

and

i sometimes have a big feeling
that i think too much.

thoughts swirl like cotton candy in my
brain. there's no end to it.
at night i lie, eyes wide open
i watch the thoughts as they
fly across the darkness of my lids
sleep finds another door, shaking an
angry fist toward my direction
my lips lift in a surprised smile
and i collect my thoughts in my hands
i caress them. i compliment them.
i kiss them.
"thank you", i say.
for, without these thoughts
i would be empty.
empty.
empty.

being alone, it isn't so bad.
at first, it is well...lonely.

that hole in your chest widens
and the pain is painted fresh
on your skin,
just like your tears.
you wrap your arms around yourself
since no one else is there to do it for you.
you question. you become angry.

but being alone, it isn't so bad.

you died to be in that party
squeezed, with no room to breathe.
you longed to have the alcohol
dance in your veins
with the eyes of a stranger burning
your skull.
but when you are really there,
the loneliness is overwhelming.
you are alone there, more alone
than one will ever be.
the bass is pounding inside you
but you can't hear a thing.
there are people all around
but the conversations are miles away.

being alone, it isn't so bad.

you have you, which is all you need.
with your thoughts,
your imagination,
your feelings.
you don't always need someone.
your soul is bright enough.
your heart is big enough.
when you are alone, smile
instead of scowl.

for it's not so bad.

do you want me to tell you?
how i thought i was going to puke on the drive over?
how the sunshine temporarily blinded me,
and i couldn't see you?
how your arms felt like a weird version of home?

somewhere, in the back of my mind,
i knew you were going to kiss me that night.
somewhere, in the back of my mind.

i felt an ease. a maturity.
a big sigh of relief left my body.
...i cannot believe we spent the day together. the evening.
so many times i knew i should go.
each and every time i looked at you
and thought of reasons to stay.
but now you've left again.
disappeared.
but it's so familiar to me.
i'm used to this by now.
but i wish i could see you.
i felt comfortable with you. i felt safe.
but you are nothing more than a dream
so i'll see you with the stars.
...and i have someone, anyway
who is real.
and who i will see in the moonlight, in the daylight,
and in the sunset.

maybe, someday,
maybe.

i think i love you more than books
...and i really really love books
the romance begun when i was small,
the pages seduced me, the words entranced me.
for years i squeezed myself into the spine,
the bind becoming a welcoming embrace,
the smell evoked drool, the touch kindled an explosion.
i thought this was what real love felt like.

you prowled along, and without a blink swept me away.

for a minute, i forgot the dusty pages, the ink full of stories.
your eyes held all the passion i had read about.
your voice reminded me of all my favorite characters.
i became mesmerized.
and i had thought it was only possible in my books.
i stopped dreaming about my books. i started dreaming about you.
...i think i love you more than books.

i no longer need to escape,
i fall in your arms and i'm free.