speak up
make eye contact
sing to yourself to clear the silence
only take the back roads in daylight
make sure to hide your complex humor
behind a veil of long hair and thick perfume and lipstick
always make sure to wear a palate to paint the day’s mood
take cautious lefts and firm rights
and make sure to wipe the dogs paws after her daily walk
act like you don’t care but you are interested
act like his hands still give you goosebumps
and always second guess that set of constellations you found in his eyes
and when your sing make sure to stay in tune
no one wants to hear an angel sing of tragedy
always know who to waste your sins on
this is how you lie awake
strangled by your own love handles
this is how you **** it all in
this is where you let it all out
this is when you pity laugh for their respect
this is how you keep it all inside
keep in mind the breeze can bring you to collapse

words are evidence
his friendship was betrayal
eyes on fire in ignorance
sarcasm in the cruelest form

what does she see in him
other than lack of anyone else
bright young girl with a sad smile
his rein on her mind is clear

our dislike of him shows no dislike of her
it shows our love for her
how she is one of earth's diamonds
with a ***** lump of coal

but all of the work you inspired has dissolved

I wasn't born to be the other woman

the desire of the forbidden
will always veil the definition of love
and last night that veil was as dark as the river
and your lips taste of both of our darkest fears

We are scared of the truth
We ****** up

My infidelity stems from all of the "what we could have been"s
I regret not trying to know you until now

There is something in the heat of the air between two past lovers

but now the air is chilly and it's going to be fall

The leaves will bask in their vibrant shades while I will try to hide my memories under their dead cold shells.

We ****** up
and everything happens for a reason



Now I can only wait.

What do i do when all of my family dies?

Will i ever have a calling?

Will time try to cheat me?

Can i actually feel as much as her?

Did my eyes linger too long?

Will my writing always be subjective and unfeeling?

How far is too far?

Am i actually crazy?

If i started running now, how far could i make it?

Does he still think about her silk skin?

What do i do when i reach the next dead end?

What would have happened if she jumped?

Will i find satisfaction on this dumb grey space rock?

Am i truly left here to drown in my own thoughts?

Does she know i would never dismiss her?

Will anyone miss me after all of this ends?

Will i ever stop thinking of myself long enough to make an impact on someone else?

How bad does heartbreak hurt

and will i be lucky enough to skip it?

How did he escape untouched?

Will i ever fall asleep?

This fire is awful
And I'm starting to chill
And I will never be satisfied
Unless I am safe

The coals are hot
And we will trust
And he would love her more
If she would have let him in

Damage is inevitable
And I want to be music
And they will never know
Until I explain

you lie in bed as softly
as the fog caressing the street lights

outside the window is a dangerous world
but in this small white room
the night sounds are shifting springs and sighs

water drips from the pipes
cement floors radiate ice
your breath runs down my face in a hot rhythm
eyelashes and skin fall toward each other
and I have never been more warm

I can't get myself to move
as I watch you sleep

"I miss you"

these three words

I feel a sudden realization
of just how human we are

this morning was humid, mossy, and crowned with a peach color sky

it gave me hope

lace eyes
vintage and timeless
stream wild ideas across their filmy surface
beyond then and beyond now

how can one body hold so much innocence
and so much knowledge
like they go hand in hand

pale with a blue cast
she has never once looked cold
her voice grips on to the lingering notes
played by a blues guitarist
and the soft howl of a folk song

she never appears with a message
or reason

she is simply there to make me think

she is a celestial friend

and although it's just a dream

i know she loves me

We need to move
We need to start a fire
We need to get famous
We need to feel things before it's too late

your eyes cried love at the back of my head for years
and i ended up kissing your heels for attention
our anxiety ridden smiles match
i flirted through a funeral when you wore the color of lively cheeks and sun burnt toes
my mirror looks hold room for two
and when i wash my face
i look up hoping to see you
blazing purple like the subtle brilliant lights behind the milky way
that make it so wise
this story never had heroic start and will have a passive end
but in the meantime i can't bear to see your wedding day acted out in every silent moment that catches my calendar

Remember the night the trees were in the stars
And we were in the trees
And the earth was warm
And no one could find a reason to cry

Remember when we heard the sweetest lullaby
And hid secrets in the bark
And found joy in each other

The buzz of night
Happy shadows
Good auras of light
And yet the comfort of wandering alone

The ground glitters under leaves
I found graffiti on the trees
You still like to talk to me and
I found shelter in a cave
No one to find me there ashamed
I know they walk into the light
To hide from the fear of night
And when the light turns off
There’s chaos

I hear planes, trains and cop cars
But no dog barks in the city
Anymore for fear of water scorn
And I will swing at my own risk
I regret that one last kiss
On the chilly night in plaid
On the hillside when we found lost keys in the trash

I miss last fall because there was a ball
In the woods in pajamas
I eat the bark you eat the paper
Melted candy corn foil wraps needles shorn
Fire pain blood black ink we’re together in the sinking ship
That is time and we lay on needle pine
Forest floor no real cares no one’s true concern of bears
Running wild chilly air
First drunk night when I shared
My real feelings toward you behind sheen of royal blue
But you alertly wiped me off like a drunken sickened cough
I was a disease you used to catch but now you found your match
I lost my dignity that night
On the ashy rug when you found your true love
You kept me there out of pity so I moved into the city
To start over but I can’t start anything at all
The pen is too heavy to lift
I can’t listen I can’t learn
I found I’m not concerned about anything but last fall

we are all products of war
we learn to fire missiles
of flaming metal words
at anyone when we feel
empty

we never see the impact on the landing site
but we feel the bullet holes when they are fired back

I just want a peaceful exchange

but my generation lives for combat

we do learn
at our own expense
no room for knowledge
when we're being suppressed

no learning in solitude
other than limitation
only parents known
and there is only imitation

God can't be found with holy beads
and gold crested frames

and if God knows our names

he should know our struggle
with evil and good
counting the times
before sin we stood

you are mad at your mom
you are mad at God
you are mad at manners
you are mad at your ignorance

you found your Faust thoughts
hiding in the attic
and evil seems reasonable
because goodness pushed your parents
off the edge of disaster

open their minds with knowledge

and choose the balance

because no extreme is ever going to be worth it

Are you a collection of borrowed jokes and songs and ideas?

Does hate only reach a heart by reflecting from the heart of another?

Will you visit me in the city with a handful of wildflowers?

Do truely beautiful things have to call for attention?

Do we drink as a way to erase time and ourselves?

Do you still believe in the big thoughts we found in the snow?

There was a certain point
Of no return
When you were killed into art
And dreams were burned

I am still haunted by that night
In pieces at a time
I recited you a poem
But I forgot how to rhyme

I never knew that our lives would extend this far intertwined

****** the ticking of the clock

the passage of time
cannot be in your mind
and if you let it unwind
tracing life down your spine
vertebrae harder to climb

leave me sublime

****** the ticking of the clock

foolish system made by man
as if we have a higher plan
stick to this foolish clan
stick to this foolish clan
condense time in a can

someone extend my lifespan

****** the ticking of the clock

universe in each eye
skeleton hung out to dry
watch this man's bones learn to fly
he inspired us to try
but now he can only goodbye

shame we all have to die

someone PLEASE ****** the ticking of the clock

i feel
a relief
and a new burden

i feel
an ending
and beginning

i feel
panicked
and at ease

i want
a new life
with the good from the old

i want
a fresh brain
since the used one has been scribbled on
doodling your name
over
and over
and over again

i want
the old memories
when we were so new to each other
that the adrenaline kicked in
with every innocent glance

i need you

to be flexible
and new
and awake
and aware

please be ready

because i'm not ready to sit on this plateau
and pick the grass with you
because you have so much love to spend
and i need you

now lets journey

i see her disregard
the most genuine embrace i could muster
she cries and heaves
and whispers secrets to herself
as if i wouldn't listen

but where was the much needed moonlight

she writes down my advice
like they are her last words
like they could travel back in time
helping her learn life lessons
before it was too late

i hate hearing myself talk and not being heard

i smell her broken mindset
and unwillingness to repair it
i know she is addicted to the pain
through her
physical cuts
and unwillingness to let go emotionally

i thank myself
for holding on to my brown paper package full of hope
because her care package was ripped and spilled
along with her blood
the first time she decided to
never let go of the memory of him

he will be her grudge forever

i see the other two
caring for the broken one
who only wants to break
the word "them"

i admire their willingness
to give up a relationship
to drown in her pledge
to numb herself or get what she wants

and when they left
and talked in secret
about a fantasy first kiss

i talked her off the ledge
and into her warm bed

sure we were all intoxicated
but every raw emotion was on display that night

i am the one who knows that
this situation happened because
teenage love is ****** up

i am the only one who remembers that night as a whole

i am the keeper of these emotions and events

i am the witness of the truth

drunk night upon drunk night

my question to the DJ is


How can I become music?

You can tell how much you love someone by their hands and how well you hold them.

You can tell how much you love someone by the numbness in your brain and the tides in your chest.

You can tell how much you love someone when your favorite color is their eyes and your favorite place is their atmosphere.

You can tell how much you love someone by the conversations you hold when they aren't even there.

You can tell how much you love someone when their last touch stains your skin blue until the next.

Spots become sacred.
Your body becomes new again.
Love seems to make the rest of the world irrelevant.

But the danger of love is the loss of it.

Once love is gone, not only is the world irrelevant but it becomes cruel.
And this cruel world will eat you up until you find another source of love.

You need blue stains and hearts made of the ocean's tides to keep yourself sane.
You need their eyes and words to make you crazy again.

You need love.

if everything stems from chaos
then what will we produce?

Just go look at the moon and breathe

Starting a sentence with "I" makes me squirm but starting it with "you" makes it worse.

you are stripes of blue and yellow
the most comforting happy colors

you are shifting sandpaper hands
grains itching to hold melancholy melodies

you are thunderous shouts
contained in a small ribboned mason jar

you are moonlit walks
pondering the dark and hoping for the light

you are tangled tree limbs
supporting all invited to climb

you are i'm sorry and thank you and please
habits of manners hanging from your neck

you are heat
without the fear of a burn

Sad songs and words make me feel safe

because


there is always an underlying tragedy to the happiest lyrics

but there is always hope in a song about tragedy


I would rather find hope than fill my face with a smile until the next time I cry

I have this yearning in my soul for somewhere else
A place where I only need my whispers and your lips
And we stay warm with our bodies
And we write music and cry

But above all we laugh

The world will shake from our laughter
And the oncoming trains

Why do we cage birds
If their purpose is flight?

Is your best potential love always unrequited?

Everything is so small
Even you and I

You were all of my monumental firsts
And hopefully my endless lasts

Its kind of fun to know
I am teetering on the edge of insanity

there is ***** in my blood
a storm in my mind
and unlimited regrets strangling my chest

I steal things now just for possessions to hold
to prove I still exist
because I know that these memories won't last

let me roll down the hill
let me run through the woods
let me live those nights over again in my head

someone please let me live without thinking of you constantly

you haunt me like a ghost held prisoner in my mind

Sources of light getting smaller
All of our eyes are black in the dark
Forever it's strange to know
You're holding a person
with a motor heart

We search for change

But we hate that the conditions of this search aren't constant