but all of the work you inspired has dissolved

I wasn't born to be the other woman

the desire of the forbidden
will always veil the definition of love
and last night that veil was as dark as the river
and your lips taste of both of our darkest fears

We are scared of the truth
We ****** up

My infidelity stems from all of the "what we could have been"s
I regret not trying to know you until now

There is something in the heat of the air between two past lovers

but now the air is chilly and it's going to be fall

The leaves will bask in their vibrant shades while I will try to hide my memories under their dead cold shells.

We ****** up
and everything happens for a reason



Now I can only wait.

We need to move
We need to start a fire
We need to get famous
We need to feel things before it's too late

She filled 18 years with

anxiety
hopeful looks
lipstick shades
wishes on the promising stars
and candles extinguished
observations
hiding from attention
making her first grade teacher cry
being a dog's best friend
and catching frogs in a butterfly net
trying so hard to give music a formula
and singing songs made for someone else
ignoring the gut she is supposed to go with
and letting decisions slip out of her possession
questioning companionship
and loving anyone who loves her
no exceptions
thinking pianos are pretty
even when not played
hiding secrets in the lump in her throat
trying to avoid conflict
and stir up something not so new
equality
knowing her mother wants a sailboat
and her dad wants peace of mind and maybe
an extra 'I love you' here and there
her sister will only love her most current reality
and she will never be home again
it's been six years since she called anywhere home

it's been 18 long years
of the torturous perfect life

she forgot to say thank you for so long now
and that still keeps her guilt alive
in the nights she lies awake

Sources of light getting smaller
All of our eyes are black in the dark
Forever it's strange to know
You're holding a person
with a motor heart

Just go look at the moon and breathe

This fire is awful
And I'm starting to chill
And I will never be satisfied
Unless I am safe

The coals are hot
And we will trust
And he would love her more
If she would have let him in

Damage is inevitable
And I want to be music
And they will never know
Until I explain

Every syllable is an added
hot coal to my throat

Words peel my insides apart
as if their vibrations
could travel a path of destruction

I contemplate humanity in my room
for days on end
but nothing is being changed

My sad realization is

I can't save anyone
unless they are willing


I am safe with people
I am scared of people

I hate people
I have never loved anything more than people

I want to change people
I want people to change me