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Joanna Apr 2013
She says, “I want to **** myself, I want to die.”
I calmly say, “Not tonight.”
A night later she says she’s okay with pain.
I say she has feelings she needs to contain.
I try to tell her that she’s perfect.
And if she’s told otherwise those people have the defect.
But my words never work.
To her I’m nothing but another ****.
She tells me that no matter how close she gets she’s never there.
That no matter how she tries nobody cares.
Then what is that in the mirror I look into?
Am I the nobody that will never break through?
Are my words as empty as theirs?
Am I really invisible like air?
Because if that’s the truth I won’t try.
Because if that’s the truth I’ll be the one who dies.

Maybe  if I died those words you say,
Wouldn’t come out of your mouth another day.
Oh but my mistake.
I seemed to have forgotten that I’m someone you forsake.
So even if I weren’t there.
You wouldn’t seem to care.
Joanna Mar 2013
i think that if you'd let me
i'd treat you like the stars
connecting one to another
to search for
and to ponder at
i'd stare at you for
hours and
reach for you
always
i'd tell you
my secrets and
know they would be safe

i don't understand how you
see yourself
so poorly
because the things about yourself you
seem to hate
are a part of you
and i love you
therefore i love those parts too
Joanna Mar 2013
why the frown
little girl
?
i thought you knew
that dreams are like

the stars

.

i thought you knew

that they fall from
the sky

.
Joanna Feb 2013
Am I really

Am I really the one that you may possibly

love

or is it my imagination

It feels like it

with every taste of your lips

and every touch of your skin

It feels

I feel

And I can't decide if this is reality

or a dream world

until I sit up in bed
Joanna Jan 2013
Once upon a time there was a girl. She wasn’t pretty nor was she ugly. She was average at best. What she was though was a wannabe. She wanted to be so many things but none of those things were plausible because of who she was. Either she wasn’t focused enough for that, pretty enough for that, smart enough for that, musical enough for that, tall enough, short enough, fat enough, skinny enough, and the list goes on.
She had a million dreams and only two options. Either stay-at-home wife or to forever be some ***** in a cubicle. Of course, she wanted neither of those. She wanted to travel the world, take pictures and sell them, write music and make money off that *****, draw or paint and not **** at it, to write and have it actually be interesting. She wanted to be talented and to live life doing what she loved. But who doesn’t want that?
She lived between two worlds. Reality and her dream world. Unfortunately for her, her dream world seemed more realistic than her real life. But only to her. She would spend hours pretending and living so happily in a world that no one but her could see. She’d be so happy and then suddenly reality would come knocking at the door.
“Who is it?”
“Ice cream delivery!”
“Oh wonderful! I’ve been craving ice cream.”
She strolls over to the door and opens it to find a person in all black.
“Where’s my ice cream?”
The person throws a wicked smile on and pulls out a bat before proceeding to beat the girl with it.
“WHY?!”
“You’re long overdue for this.”
Once the person is finished the bat is dropped and the door is shut.
And the girl is left laying ****** and beaten on the floor until someone from her ******* imaginary world comes to ******* save her worthless and pitiful ***. Why? Because in her dream world they care. But only because she dreams them to. Only because she makes them.
Joanna Jan 2013
Darling you're far, far away.

But when the lights go out I swear I can see you.

I can feel your breath mixing with mine.

And the warmth of your hands as they crawl onto my cold skin.

I swear that you're next to me.

Holding me.

Keeping me warm in the cold, dark night.

Then I turn on the light and nothing.

You've vanished again.

I count the hours until I can turn off the lights and meet you again.

I obsess over the thoughts of being with you each night.

It's all I can think about.

I'm addicted to our dark.

And because you're around I cannot sleep.

In the morning I wake with blood shot eyes.

A collapsing body.

And a worn out soul.

But I wear a smile.

Even as my head screams lies that it's all pretend.

Even as my heart aches as though I didn't just see you in the night.

That smile stays.

Through the tears that follow each night.

And the tears that greet me when the night returns.

But when I turn off the lights you're there.

I swear it.

You're not gone this time.

And with each passing night that's more and more true.

I love you darling.

And nothing can take you away from me.

Except for the morning sun.
Joanna Jan 2013
the heartbreak
like a shipwreck
slowly sinking
and without thinking
i pushed against the walls
that only helped it all
losing my life
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