I use a flashlight
Shine it
Shed light
On what?
On me?
I'm not creative
I don't deliver any talents worth mentioning
Keep that spotlight off of me

My words don't shine bright
Stand out
Its the same thing over and over
Repeat after me
I am not creative
My words don't shine bright
Stand out
Its the same thing over and over

I'm like that annoying cd that skips repeatedly
The same phrase, the same verse

I can't mold something new out of already hardened clay
I can't dream up beautiful rhyming words
I can't make a trending poem
Not one that paints a gorgeous portrait in the mind of its readers

We can talk about roses all day long if you want
Or tree's and sunshine
And blue sky's!!
Oh and rainbows and butterflys
If that's what makes a poem worth reading
We can talk about love
And hearts
We can hold hands and blows kisses
Peace and harmony

Or we could talk about the real stuff
The Shadows
The dark stuff
Teardrops
The shattered mirrors
All of our fears
The things that bring about nightmares
The truth
The ugliness
The misery
The dark and twisted stuff
They say the mentally disturbed are the most creative

Its up to you
Dear poet
Person sitting there at the steering wheel
Staring at the road ahead
Put the car in drive
Steer it in the right direction
Or is there a right direction?

Its all just space
Blank space
The pen just sits there in your hand
Waiting for an idea to take shape
Hope its going to be worth the struggle
The self loathing
Worth picking and prodding at your ego
Telling you, you **** at writing
So why bother right?

It's more than just a poem
Its more then just a page in your story
A direction in your life
A struggle
A meaning
A life
Its your life

I just sit there silence
Its all noise and clutter
Where there are numbers I see white space
When you speak its like your speaking in tongue

Where I used play math like a game
Now turns my brain into mush
I can't turn X into brilliance
Into something that has meaning

I sit and stare at the clock
Hoping and willing the minutes to pass
I watch and listen as everyone else finds answers
Like they are all geniuses and I"m just your average joe

I imagine someone beating the answers out
One, Two, Three The X's won't come loose
Keep pounding till it becomes clear
The path to X is  there I know it!!

Of course I don't want to be average I want to be something
I want to solve X
Fix X
Define X
Who exactly is X?
Does X have boundaries?
Does it lie on the X and Y plane?
It's just a boring old line.
If I can't find X it will be the death of me

I have not a creative bone in this body
All 206 are exactly the same
I can't force life into my words
I can not make the ugly duckling, beautiful
I can not write of love
Make hearts beat widely

Only make the heart stop
The music slowly fade
This pathetic soul that I parade
If only these words could show

The Starry Night within me
The workings of artistic ability
The music we all sing along to
Or that one hit wonder

All are nice ideas
Ones I wish could dig down deeply for
From the deep unconsciousness of my mind
Though these words a creative bone I will then find

Then shall I cut off my ear?
I will continue to search far and wide day and night
Hope to find words that fit together just right
I must perfect every line
Breathe breath into this dream that is mine
Reveal the secret of the pen, the love of every letter left hanging
Making a world forever changing

I just want to be heard
My boring tale to be cured
My words to flourish
Be the poem that every English class is reading
To bring new meaning
To every heart beating

For that is my goal
To reach deep, deep within the soul
And maybe find the surprise
Lying at the bottom of the cereal box
That every child wishes he will find

Every red droplet that flows
Replaces every tear no one knows
I sever my heart into pieces
Let everyone see
But I go closing this wound back up

This black, vacant space is now where it used to be
It was swallowed up whole by what was inside of me
I feel like my insides are being  devoured
By something, something so callous and sour

These extreme  feelings inside
That I continue to try to hide
I block out the pain with this blade
Knowing someday the scars will then fade

And, maybe just maybe My heart can be brought back to life
The veil covering this ugly worthless person I've become then lifted
And the tool used to shock the heart will succeed and this code blue
Will then hopefully be over soon

Lost at sea
That's what they say
When you don't know where your life is going

Someone threw me the ring
But I refused
I told myself I could swim

I could hold myself afloat
I could keep holding on
I didn't need a savior

I woke up on the shore
Choking
Choking
Choking
Trying to catch my breath

But
I realized
It was just another
Nightmare
Another entry in my journal of thought

Death is scary
But maybe that's Where I am
Deep in the hollows of the grave
Or maybe that's where I'm going
I see the roses growing

I don't want to
But  the acid is atrocious
It eats me up inside
Tears everything up that is I

I'm internally burning
The ashes are falling
Maybe its better that way
I don't have to open up

Spill my guts
They are ashes
I am free

I am not important matter
Please ignore me
If I fall if fate brings me to the grave
I can pick myself up and dust myself off
I will keep living in the shadows
Because that's how it should be

This life is a police chase
That only I should face

I don't have a get away car
So I won't get too far

Its me
Not you

I'm the cause for this life
I'm the one who holds on to this knife

Its me
Not you

If I can't get ahead
I'm the one who fled

Its me
Not you

I'm the one who filled the clouds  
I'm the one who shouldn't be around

Its me
Not you

Its my matter
If everything shatters

Its me
Not you

Nothing makes sense
Because I built the fence

Its all me me me
I should be left alone to fight my battle, my burden not you
Please don't worry about me I need to take the world on alone
Not let my feelings be shown I have the weapons for this war
But I can not fight
I have lost sight
I keep
s
  p
i
  r
a
  l
l
  i
i
  n
g
down
I'm caught in the wind
Hung by the rope
I am choked
But its better that way
Better to be forgotten I say
I'm worthless
of no use
I don't deserve  anyone to care
Not even of these feelings I share
I'm  disgusting
I need duct tape
To hold onto my shape
Keep all my internal organs from spilling
I fear
It is ever so clear
the unavoidable
I must find a way to disappear
I must
grow wings
and fly