take a walk in her shoes


impromptu parties
& people you know that
just love you
'cause you're one of the few
that remember how to

a very close game of
beer pong
birthday boy mixing all
the liquor in the
nearly empty bottle of
Jager
but ****, was it
dangerously delicious

you fall in love with anyone
who gives you the
least bit of
attention and you feel
like a siren
trying to draw in
all the men
so very lost at
sea
if only for a friendly
chat

then its closing time
for your schedule
& the next day you enter
into the world of all you call
home sweet home
back at your mother's
all the people you ever loved
minus one
have come to grace you with
a good old-fashioned
get together

the girl who had your back
since grade school
gives you the great gift
of fresh ink on your shoulder
she worried about ******* it up
you worry about how much
that needle's gonna sting
but it doesn't

the men gather upstairs
& we sing classic songs
of drugs
& love and grunge
you almost made the boy
cry with your voice



these days are too few and far
between

come by again sometime
we miss you where you are
& you'll always miss feeling so
alive

I was going to write a poem
about a boy
& a girl
but I got quite *******
this evening
& I'm feeling quite proud
of my curls

I dashed away a bit of
***
& thought
I'd rather have tequila
he touched my
hips
& his tongue slipped
"well, I'd rather
be your
dealer"

then deal me down
& send me
to the sharks
for I've lost my taste
in winning
I'll lick your sweet
disdain
whenever the rain
comes so you'll
know


*its only the beginning

just bad days turning
into worse here
just cold metal sinking
into bone
we are what we speak
& he's a *******
monster
& I am petty
moody
indifference
fluttering in and out
of concern
for our
verbally battered mentality

we had a lovely dinner
last night

asiago and roasted garlic tortellini
a glass of merlot

it won't matter if you say you
don't mean it next time
I'll already be





*gone

I can never really sleep
so I guess I never
will
I'd give you a bit
of my heart
but you'd probably
take your fill
& that's far more than I
can currently
bear


once upon a
time
I thought I could
share



now I'm not quite sure
where
I put the ******
beating
thing


they all stand
before me
with pointed fingers
& furrowed
brows



how dare you allow yourself
to be beaten down
& change your
mind?


how dare you shut out
the spirits
& drink the cold
blushed
wine?



the earth is no longer
kind



& it eats up my vision
as I begin to
unwind

to all lost within the
night
to all left behind in
the firefight


she became a caged bird
sullied and shamed
brave enough to sing
through bars in
whispers


the moon pulsates in
the clear dark
& gives her warmth and
wanderlust


she dreams about dancing
in sunlit prairie
meadows


she'll never tell you where
the wind goes
when it steals your hat
& never bothers
to tell you
goodbye


we must all roam the earth
a few times
before we ever come
back home

his solo journey made
its fresh, courageous start
on the waves of
*** and vicodin
& the bright, painful
color of it all
was nearly lost on her
heavy-lidded
& pale eyes

little did he know she was
a stowaway
steadily drinking up the
audacity
to make herself known
to him

but oh Lord, when
she did

you better believe he
never
forgot her

i see your lemon juice
in the fridge
with the instructions you
wrote to remind
me to drink more water
because you knew
i was a jaded
lush

i want to expel it
and christen it as garbage
but i don't, as
i hope you'll be back for it
someday

i put too much faith
in people
who don't really
give a ****
or simply aren't
required to

i put too much soul
into things
left behind here

the devil in the details

the almond oil left on the nightstand
by my son's father
who took his
own life
just last May

the striped journal i still
haven't written in
from my dearest friend
who abandoned me
because I loved my demons
too much

as a human
part of your survival
is to encourage
self-love
& my cup runneth
*******
empty


my memory is an endless
loop of love
that is long gone to me
now


when you've driven them
all away
where do you drive?


& would you choose water
over wine?

when no one is around
& the silence
surrounds

I can still hear you whisper
"close your eyes"

even in my wildest
day trips
& lapses from time

I never quite imagined I would
find a more intoxicating
drug to condone
than the skin above your
collarbone

or the intensity of your
gaze

but our lips at last
have met
oh, will me unto death!


for I'll beg
& beg
for them
for
days

she would watch for you
while you were at
sea
tangled in the scratched
& forgotten mess of
CDs
you would leave past
the door

all that harmony
you were wishing for
plays in the back
of her head
& she becomes a
land-locked
siren
crying out in
melodies
for you to come
back home

the chaos has come to
collect her now
the dust surrounds in
thick black clouds
fueled by fury

& it creeps up her
spine
to whisper into her
ear
that all is lost to
Father Time
& she doesn't have a
prayer's chance
of ever keeping you
near

one look at that girl
& you knew



she was gonna die young




if not by her hand
then by the forces
of her nature








she won't float forever
stop sewing sails
send her out in a boat
filled with
roses





& promise me
you won't go after
her

you are my constant


my only constant


you keep me living


although I may be livid


you might not see, dear


just what we’re here for


so don’t watch me waste


another beautiful day

& perhaps
the tragedy of it all
was that reality
never seemed to be a
bother
compared to her sense of
pareidolia

if at any moment she caught
a scent of any
deeper meaning
she took to the tips of her
toes
& stalked it





until the
silence
became too great

to bear as
tried and true
fate


then down came her shoulders

down came the flood gates

fueling the catacombs
of her
nerve-endings
with any drug that was
welcoming

sleepy days
& lucid nights

misplaced whispers
& constant fright



"something must have remained"

she'll tell herself
on the seldom, solemn
cigarette days





"some piece must have stayed"

she wanted to strip off
her shoes
& sprint through the
field of dying
wheat
glistening orange stalks
in the setting
sun

unraveling her delicate
bandaged wings
she reminisced upon how
she had never liked
to run
but it was all this
day
had to offer


"when will we stop being so afraid?"


her hair flew like dark sails
out from behind

brief footfalls on the
pavement
& she had half a
mind

to never stop


billions of stars blazed in
the sky
on two separate nights


& she had yet to
wish upon
that first falling
light


her lungs gave out once she
reached the land of
buried bodies
carefully planted near her
home


but at last she felt a glint
of hope



that much was left
to roam

interest piqued
breath fully swept
& a longing look to seal
the damages.
I took a long, hard drink
& watched the city swell and subside
I left everyone in my old world tonight

everyone except you

I filled myself with Samuel Adams
& the flavor of my newly altered daydreams
sailing the seven seas
with *** and songs and love
no longer ****** about the sand in my shoes

I'm too mad here, too bitter
I have to taste the summer air out where
your eyes shine the brightest
when no one is watching you but me
come sink under my covers
sink under my skin
where your words stop
is where my lips begin
breathe deep against your neck
& breathe in
I swear I could live forever
on your fingertips
all we have is only above the
surface of our flesh
& we are old and tired at our
tender ages


rest a while
for once



I'll wake you when its time
to run
for our lives

Gives a ****
If she wears her
Heart
On the back of her
Sleeve
At least she doesn’t
Have to look at it
All day
& courteous people
Will warn her of
The stain
So it doesn’t often
Embarrass her
She’ll just cover it
& presto
She’s the same ****
Introvert
You thought you were
So afraid of
****
Seventeen
& every God forsaken
Pity party
It was ever worth
& **** Fate for
Always
.always.
Bringing him
Back.

cunning and quiet
the room is shaking
& I've got no bread left
to take for the
breaking
I feel in my spine

I could have sworn you were mine

darling
my darkness is shed
upon your
bed
& the silence you
give
is the silence
I dread


I marveled upon you
one cold winter
night



& you left me with
nothing



but music
& plight

I'll float
& not soar
I won't sing, but I'll roar
& you won't know much about me
but you'll wish you
knew me
more

heaven help me
from the terrorizing




t                                                                  
w                                                      
i                                        
s                            
t                                
i                                        
  n                                                
            g                                                                  



                                                      
t
          u                
r                
n                      
i              
n    
    g





TREMENDOUS





*labyrinth

when I went to New Orleans last year I
visited the Voodoo Museum.
aside the lobby that had an area for
tarot/palm/misc. readings.

while I waited to pay for a mojo bag
filled with herbs and blessed for
protection and power;
a man walks in.

he looked like hell.

he rang for the reader
& she let him in.
they seemed familiar with each other.
I could just faintly hear him
beyond the curtain.

"I got the worms. I can feel them. they're all inside me!"

she then began to discuss remedies
& all I could think was,
"this must be a show." the privacy curtain
didn't conceal their conversation.

it wasn't until much later,
closer to recently,
that I began to realize...

...the worms are very real.

& they eat us from
the inside out.

Proverbs 31:6. "Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts."


I met you half dead in the desert ....
A drop of blood down the side of your head
Red lips and
dark haired killer
(whispered)
"Agua?" through the heat
Glimmering pistol handles
My canteen with a cross
Fresh filled at river
Cool and sweet

the last thing I remembered
was the taste of cherry
*****
& his daring death kiss
this ******* headache
kills
& I'll speak my own
broken spanish
to save the only life
I got left

Dust deals heat to the back of my throat
Sweat is thick on my forehead
You take the silver flask
As the hem of your dress lifts just enough
She was the devil
Like a lone roaming coyote looking for a meal
The silent circling vulture
The rattlesnake bite
The scorpion sting
She drinks as if she has been lost
A drop of sweat
Rolls down the back of my neck

I was terrified to say more
as if he already knew
I was lying somehow, some way
his eyes were that of a
cautious man
eyes you always trusted
even if they didn't
trust you
I could tell I was bleeding now
dizzy desert
sand on my tongue
sand in my head
& all these cautious eyes
around me

She seemed to sway
Like a **** in the wind
She was gonna need bandages
For the cut on her head
I had half a bottle of liquor
In the sadlebags
She's dressed in dust
Wiping her lips with her hand
Cherry lipped
Tense as a jackrabbit
Ready to run


Its funny how you can
shoot a man in the
knee
& he'll tell you all
his secrets
but those ****** eyes
were leaving me wildly merciful
& in a blur of blood and sweat and dirt
I gave him the gun tied to my thigh
& took the shirt tied to his waist
it was my new wig
or my new pillow in my desert bed
god, let me sleep forever
with this stranger who has my gun
how can you tell if you're in shock?
will the sky ring with magenta
in the prelude to my death
or will it be quiet as this strange, strange
stranger?

Her gun always seemed to get me into trouble

Since I have taken it by the handle

There's been a strange wind on the east

Nights I try to sleep

It calls up from the holster

Speaking in tongues of dead men

Souls I had to deliver


Nothing can compare though
To the nightmares of you
In which We stole away in wagons
Flaming arrow full
I saw her eyes
In my mind
Burnt
Like a fever dream
Full of liquor bottles
Full of bullets
Full of her thighs
I could not tear my eyes away
No matter how I tried
You pulled me deep
Into velvet seas
Of blue
and Green
The taste of gin
The taste of whiskey
Beautiful and sweet

I want a man
who chooses to
hold conversation
using only the power
of his eyes

& I want to call it
mine

I want a man
who picks wildflowers
to stick them
within the ribbon on
my long-brimmed
black hat

& I want him as my
habitat

I want a man
who creeps up to
kiss my neck as I wash
dishes, singing of
magic

& I want to bathe in
the static

but

I want a man
who doesn't stare into
my fierce gaze to tell
me he doesn't want
to leave
this ******* bar,
but he does anyway

& I want to break his
casual sway

I want a man
who doesn't twist my
heart to turn my
head around
when I know **** well
he's already gone

& I want jukebox bitter
songs

I want a man
who doesn't remind me
that hope is a
dangerous thing to
have

& I want what I can
never


I came long enough
to see the
truth

I left soon enough
to know it isn't
you.

in everyone’s eyes
& she wouldn’t have seen
“.A Difference.”
For that moment that
Seemed to stand
So still
As chilled winter air
Ripe with bated breath
& unmentioned absences
Its as if you never
Faded
When all the stars
Burned into the
Bottom of the ashtray
She called “long ago”
& so far away
Take all the cake you
Need to make it through
This treacherous
Month
& save all your clever
Remembrances
For tomorrow’s morning
Rush
Of blood to every aching
Fingertip she knows
Had every mortal desire
To stand there with her just a little
While longer.

I secretly ventured the
borders of
your own clever tongue
& found no boundaries there
but a thin wall of
stones
thrown carelessly and clearly
for decoration only

you still keep me
out
but baby
I want in
I could soak my legs
within your sin
& save the rest for
dessert

it's 5 am on a tuesday
late november
& cold as
hell

another day

a few hours ago I was
informed by message that
my father was
dead

another so it goes.

we weren't close but my
older siblings are pretty upset
I somehow saw it
& felt it would be swift

another altar candle

the only grief I have is for
my family.
my sister and brother's guilt over not
doing more hit too close

another "same as it ever was"

.
.
.
.
.

sleep will not yet come
& the air is thick
with memories of all my
wrongdoings

an argument left without
pursuit

confrontation is key
but I lose those
**** tiny metal things
all the time
& I'm not really sure what
my point is
'cause in truth I'm quite terrified
to ever speak
at all

the world passes
we all age
our children are babes
& I still cannot say
a thing
to save my life

the autumn wind rises
in its full, achy
swing

I wipe my nose on
my jacket



& sometimes remember
to sing

empty water bottles everywhere
cheerios on the floor
I can never keep track of myself
or the food I bring out of the kitchen
I'm worse than a bachelor
& my Benadryl is almost gone

I need it to sleep
sleep and to dream
so maybe my nothing
will be something
that it seems

I cannot stop obsessing over
how lonely I feel
in my new married life
I feel better talking to people
I barely know
than I do my own husband
they say the first year
is the hardest

but I think I've just always felt
this way
when your heart clings to something
you can't have
the feeling never quite frays
never quite
erodes in its natural form

I find myself daydreaming about
things that don't happen
true love that doesn't come true
romance is not abundant in these parts
chivalry is carved on a tombstone
a few blocks from my
apartment
& I'm lucky to get a kiss on
the cheek whenever
I walk by



I want to believe that
there is some man out there
who would build me a bouquet of
wildflowers
& play me some classic rock
ballad about eternity
maybe he lives
in this house




maybe he lives
at all