oh, fight or flight
my old familiar fiend
come you to taunt me or
have you come to
feed?

recall a year ago
when I fought so hard for
love?
& now I'm clenching fists
just to keep my head
above

I long for the haven I
may never be blessed with
again
thanks to this jaded heart
& the loss of dearest
friends

am I being punished?
am I being tried?
& here I thought the worst of it
was buried when he
died

"Gold Dust Woman"
comes on
I must remember me.

the worst to come
cannot be measured in
how it makes you
bleed

it can only be held
against the strength of
everything you've
managed to
survive

I suppose that's why I've
endeavored to somehow stay
alive


though this wretched year
has left me with
every will
& intention to
die


I am still
in some way
given the grace
to allow myself to
shine.

a kind of
vibrant, violent
wave
hits the thick atmosphere
with puzzling
poise
& divine undertones

she tries not to drink from
the many glasses
offered to
her
but his had such a
taste of rose
& she'd forgotten she
didn't care for
floral gifts



she'd prefer the drink
instead.

it had become
quite clear
that her escape plan
lacked ingenuity
when she was drafted into
the coldest war in
her history,
her only armor
being her
slow, simmering
rage

but not a single weapon of
words

it was the cool,
unseasonable August breeze
that crept into the nape
of her neck
warning her to
speak not


for the art of effort
is poetry
alone

i see your lemon juice
in the fridge
with the instructions you
wrote to remind
me to drink more water
because you knew
i was a jaded
lush

i want to expel it
and christen it as garbage
but i don't, as
i hope you'll be back for it
someday

i put too much faith
in people
who don't really
give a ****
or simply aren't
required to

i put too much soul
into things
left behind here

the devil in the details

the almond oil left on the nightstand
by my son's father
who took his
own life
just last May

the striped journal i still
haven't written in
from my dearest friend
who abandoned me
because I loved my demons
too much

as a human
part of your survival
is to encourage
self-love
& my cup runneth
*******
empty


my memory is an endless
loop of love
that is long gone to me
now


when you've driven them
all away
where do you drive?


& would you choose water
over wine?

the trees perform
in the soft denim light
& my handwriting
could stand to
be prettier
but I am drunk on
sadness
& lack of fortune

I feel you in
the air
for once I confirm
I am not alone
although I *******
am

will it blend?
will it
mend?

the only two stars
remaining
helped me to
believe it
may

take a sip
take a breath
make a deal
& prepare to face
your depth

we've been dancing on
the fault line for
weeks
the earth crackles
beneath my
toes
& all you've left to
give me
is nowhere else
to go


hell is the earth on
which we've chosen to
live
& all my worldly desires
you can't want
or care to
give

the feeling of muted
rain
while standing beneath a
forest canopy
is the closest I've felt to
being alive
in many, many years

air thick enough to taste
& the sound of
your breath
playing in time with
the chorus of
all the life that sang
around us

& how I've given trust
to time
did not for a moment
reflect in the
longing for what could
never quite be
mine

but you still gave me
the courage
to shine
& I bared my
soul
without asking
a dime


now lend me your
wild
while I sing you
silver lines