contradict my colors
carry me with your cause
I'm building this house
on love, sir
& I bleed out
violent flaws

calm the wounded widow warrior
change the picture on
your page
I've burnt all I can of
the exterior
& they're booing me
off the stage

cherish only what you love
charity and all that grooves in the night
don't give one listen to what
you've heard of
about the man who lived
with his own
fright

speak
for once
& I promise I won't
stay so silent

I miss our
philanthropic musings
& every time you forgot I had
your CDs

why do I keep
writing about you?
you never read
these ****
things

I'm gonna get caught
some day
& not be able to
explain myself

at first I thought
I should always be this
slightly drunk
so I might tell you
not only the truth
but everything else in between

tomorrow I'll wake up
& know it was a
stupid idea

someday I'll grow up
my friend
someday I'll stop
thinking of
you

I could say so much
right now

but I couldn't bear to
give you away



I love my family
& I know you love yours
too

why are we so star-crossed?
maybe we're not


maybe its just
me

someday I swear to
swim in a cranberry bog






completely naked

I will drink a man
under the table







at an Irish pub

& I will prove that you
really do







**love me too

gold and gold
& glistening
prescription fire
for the blistering brain
to ashes
to dust
to fog he smiles behind
when I am asleep

leave this city

my dream-catchers stopped
working
& the sandman laughs at my
so-called nightmares
then steals my
covers
& puts me in a horrid
disposition

I am desperate for dance
but
I am fearful of chance

she's mostly in a mood for the blues
spring is springing
here in slow bunches
trees are budding
grass molding from pale
yellow to lush green
sun beating majestic warmth
along every pore

reminds her of the field
& everyone drinking
a stage set up in the middle
guitars louder than whispers
& drums replacing heartbeats

jello shots for everyone
& dancing just for the lady
'cause she thinks no one's watching

we all watch in the woods
but there's too many bugs out here
& she loves the taste of summer
so much she forgets
about the bite

sink the whole bottle
& sink our feet into the clay
sing a swamp song
sing for our sin and gin soaked souls



hope it lasts forever in the
never in my veins

my 30 gb iPod

the garter from my senior prom

a tiny golden cross that had
faith & hope
inscribed into it

the base to my son's car seat

& his monkey mirror

my husband's suit jacket

& seven years of my
life written into
various paper journals
with colored covers



these were all stolen in the
first car I ever owned

her name was Lydia
"She was the most glorious creature
under the sun."

that comes from a
Groucho Marx song if
you didn't know

my Papa used to sing it to
me all the time

anywho

she was a 2000 Dodge Neon
painted black

two stickers on the back
"COEXIST"
and
"SUPPORT THE ARTS
KISS A MUSICIAN"

I got her my first year
of college from
a man who's like a father
to me

we've been through many a
busted radiator hose
& flat tire

last summer my husband was on his way
to work when Lydia gave out on him
so he left her at the side of K-15 and MacArthur
in Wichita
& told the cops not to tow her away
'cause he'd be back for her

when he returned after his shift
she was gone
nowhere to be found
a vanishing act of pure mental hell
& unanswered questions
to this day



I miss her terribly.

when I realized
my birthday


falls on
friday
this year