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Joseph Martinez Nov 2016
this is one unique
property of doubt
the restless resignation
to endless regression
I want to crawl into a
vast, silent womb
and strip away
the human
Joseph Martinez Sep 2016
I am tired of watching, waiting, wondering
While the world at my door
Threatens to come apart
I am not safe in my own mind
I have no patience
Only eternal frustration
I want to **** something
There is no hope for me
I am tired of struggling
I can not pay
Or keep track
Nobody wants to know me
I do not want to know myself
I want to hurt those that I love
My wrist hurts and I cannot write
My eyes feel hot
They are slowly burning out of their sockets
No need to figure out the sad, beautiful mystery of love and affection
Why not for its own sake?
Joseph Martinez Sep 2016
We are heading for a strange future
Whose contours will remain unknown
But every so often the world pauses
And a rare blossom is shown
Then minds quickly explode

And yet
Maybe It's Just Me

A beautiful image: my dog in the sunlit yard, laying in the grass, eating little purple springtime flowers. My cat searches for aphids and desires to hunt the robins taunting him from telephone wires.

A squirrel is assaulted by sparrows in the humidity

I am annoyed with everything
Manic with caffeine and guilt
Last night I drank four beers and masturbated
Not in that particular order
Smoked three cigarettes
Not much there
Still feel guilty
And so lazy
I can't handle myself
My eyes can't focus
On anything in particular
My mind is a vague enemy
Joseph Martinez Aug 2016
This is the story of my daddy's sad rations, his mad reasons he left in the basement there, I found out directly, direct reasons for no other keepsake; no hallmark memories he tossed off left bottles broken in the bottom of a brown box in the bottom of the brown sun-burnt grass in the backyard where green onions grow in a big brown box outweigh the grass--they stand upright, strong & solid like ledgers--solid as baseball diamonds mingling in the summer heat cast shadows over the tired yard where children play--they yell and fall down over each other weakly, strongly, pathetically, unknowingly, hypnotic marvels in their silence, in their stupor, in their bliss imaginings, I am a child too far gone--too far off watching, I regard them as a stone villain, as a requisite somebody made of vinyl pinwheels, as a time-sprung witness to the watching world, the undone mechanisms spiral dignity. I was solid. I was solid. I was venturing a minute's glance at pity. I was lost in an eternity of forgetting. I was hung on lines too high to hold me. I was hauled out of a torn envelope in the fire pit, reassembled, reasoned to be dead forgotten.
Joseph Martinez Aug 2016
I am settled in the arugula palace
Everybody in the same scattered image
Seeking reconstruction or construction of the mind
I write this for myself to be unwinded & unrolled
He's a shifting plane of bisecting geometries
Now a thin woman shuttling kids in a minivan
Smoking newport cigarettes & feeling mucous gather in the sore spot in her throat. Her husband who is overworked & penniless--a clown frozen in a shipping container underneath a hi-low. He is fetching up the scraps of industry from inside a concrete bottle. He is messing with the intersecting circles coming off the streetlights. He is stacking up assumptions, wishing to be freed. Wishing he could reach that frightened child-monkey loser in the parking lot. He is clawing @ sensations he will never be able to name. He is secretly wishing for a vision. Secretly wishing to be known. He is tied & tethered to the clean-up crew. They are silent pretenders nodding at the recycling bins--never emptied. There he is formatted. There his eyes go staring out. There a picture--but what's a picture now that it's all beyond control, no longer static, no longer a container or reminder but rather a cloud passing, a moment's pause, a temporary fascination? A posing, a posturing, a big a-Ha!--*******! Stranger. You are not a part of me. The danger is madness. The danger is control. There are no static images. No peaches. No penumbras. No mandalas, maps, organizations or rebuttals. There is only standing water in the basement. There is only diet pepsi car keys hanging on the edge of a golden cloudburst.
Joseph Martinez Aug 2016
I've been feelin' like my
grandmother
about to explode
quiet as a lamb
gentle as the
first day of creation
I say yes to
everything
all that comes my way
yes to
forever & nowhere
everybody, everything & zero
yes to suffering with style
yes to all the holy malice of the day
yes to sun & moon broken up apocalypse

I have seen the human craters
absolving into fear pollution
pointed eyes
fearful w/ known suspicions
eyes full of disorder
far from freedom's glance
it' simple
here is where you strike
here is how you wound
the most easily observable
point of entry
is the way home
end the pointless suffering
take up
arms against arms against
all the
rows of rows of rows of

I got my powers
you got yours too
I am incapacitated
neck broke & delusional
I see all my dreams come true
how about you?

I am unfit
I am always winning
I am sour and taken into
strange abandoned factories
played out trumpet-songs
bring me to the place of no surrender
I am lone-born
son of man
father of none
made to taste the grey and pointed sky

I heard grandma's
endless soliloquy
spoken in the dark
nothing
nowhere
quiet as a lamb
besides, she had a good husband
I am watching light gather
volleyed off the mirrored room
spun into some strange flesh

I am all that's coming
all that was & nothing
nowhere
Joseph Martinez Jul 2016
I saw in my soul's window a million paranoid, knowing eyeballs resonate apocalypse planned as total fate

Saw a million lonely, scared faces seek to vibe with one aesthetic

Knew totality, balance, show hate, kindness, in the marshes of beyond

Surrender--final threshold to the Almighty Wisdom of Creation

Knew all the petty footfalls born in all personal hells

Wandered All before & After

Found myself still & unknowing

Realized ultimate futility & saw & knew the Eye that shivers with mistrust--symptom of essential human error--done collapsing

Tried to be transceiver for total consciousness,visions, intuitions, serpents of inbetween places, all dialed into the same direct knowing posture outward, upward, sideways & nowhere

Sought to riddle my apostrophes in the dream market, in the blind bank or else Jericho my soul to stall my own progression
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