Gonna have to serve somebody
It may be the devil or it may be the Lord
I am running lips over teeth
Serve somebody
He thinks it's a game
Literally
This is an attempt at transcription
How many seas of immaculate color?
No memory
This is a page
This is a phase
Blowing In The Wind
How many years?
Absolutely odd angles

This is a hangover
From old days gone by
Old thoughts grown older
Gnarled & tangled
Essence of confusion
Tired and tried
Why can't I sleep?
I deserve to sleep
Earlier I fell into a dream
That was unpleasant
Now on antihistamines
I feel the pull of undiscovered rest
Again at my door
There are lessons in dreams
There are images I fail to recognize
I feel sad & sick & hungry for the world to open up
Hungry for myself to open up
I am trying
I am tired
I am beaten down w/ too many
Images
Thoughts
Sounds that hold no bearing
I am standing in the kitchen alone
Standing at absolute zero
Nowhere
Gone
My proteins come apart
My collective memory urges
Some insistence
Which cannot be known
It is a curse--******* it
God bless it
I love it
Earlier I didn't want to
Have ***
Or talk
Or think
Or know
Or see
Or walk
Or Be
Now I am
Wondering what I
Always want
Rats of the same breed
Learn the same tricks
Quicker
There is evidence for this
Hypothesis
For fixed laws
Constants of nature
These are used
To convince us
of what?
Fundamentals?
Why is there
an interest
in anything above
or below
what is possible of meat?
Old libraries
Hold volumes
Of thoughts
Thrown away
When new replacements
Drop onto the heads
Of failure-minds
Decimal points
Line the walls of thought
With tiny values
Of whatever you want
Whatever sense you make of it
There is no science of this
No way to explain
These years
These images
This nose
Could the speed of light explain it?
If so, what are the implications?
Is it constant?
Is it known?
What is known?
What has slowed and what has grown and what is hiding in the shadowed distance
In the minds of intellectual freak-boys
How can you be sure of present values?
Can there be such things?
In existence?
Can you SOLVE it?
Can you change?
Define a thing
Now you are insane
Now you are an instant thought
Unbound
Volume pleases
Now unbound
Now just pointing
At a clown
Changing
Changing
Changing
Changing
Changing

I see others friendly, looking well
I'm in Hell, I think

What a sad feeling to stumble into all the old familiar footfalls

The suffering still fresh
And there
I feel the omnipresence
of the bleak shadow of the
world upon me
in malignant faces
at the grocery store
check-out
they operate in slow, sedated
methodologies of madness
I am sprung up from the
cool tile floor
like a misplaced statue bound
in frozen forms of observation

I park in a thrift store parking lot and cry
for you and for myself
mostly for myself

Time's ashes are diffuse and ever-present
living history in the living now
a ******* of the sacred cow is laughing
on coasts of crooked filth
and candy wrapper oases where
dead bird bones mingle in the
putrid ferns

No time to be found relaxed
no patience to be born to anything
but
slow agony of empty wishes called back
reflections, false assumptions
selfishness and neglect

Thank god for this momentary reprieve
from pointless self-analysis in the
broken mirror halls of control

no no no
thank you

I feel saddle-bagged
lost with worry
in some constant vague arrest
plucking at the chicken's feet

the fear itself unreal
broken, beaten, gone
phantoms of this self
all the world is polished chrome
and I am but an image
looking back

amazing how at time minutes
stretch off to infinity showers
& I **** the thicket therein
gone is now but
never ending
shalom
shalom
again

I'm sheltered in the maggot crop

My being is in
constant reproach
stuck
like an
invisible threat
implicit everywhere

I will always be with you
In the small spaces of
Your mind
In every
Act or
Semblance
Or familiar form

In the dining hall
The men are fed
Each one staring
At the other's bread
Each one wishing
He had said
That which lived
In the other's head
No more time
And no more sound
Each one's eyeballs
Moving 'round
The meal is set
Their mouths grow wet
They gorge themselves on tender meat
Each one grows heavy in his seat
The sailors pay
A heavy toll
For that which they put in their bowl
A little meat
A little fish
Each man anchored
To his dish
Each one feeling
He's done well
When answering
The dinner bell
The meal is earned
The supper's bought
And each man sitting there
Thought not
They'd any more
Than they deserved

this love is now & new & once again
stabbing @ me like durga-like diety
with sweet golden daggers
an essential togetherness
teasing out of these odd surroundings
I was listening to Jack Kerouac on the way
home in his mad
bop rhapsody apocalypse
streaming out my speakers
while familiar streets crawl past
once again
I'm thinking
as the day old glum spread over me
& out to envelop all I see
how little different to be watching
seeing street signs all opening
into cul-de-sacs and open storefronts
paraded in the endless traffic flow
now bent slow over
feeding my cat crab cakes
that my mother made
myow myow, he goes
& I acknowledge
myow myow, he goes
& I answer
what?
what in god's name is
the matter with you?
myow myow
his solemn reply
licking @ a piece of
exposed claw meat
nestled among old bits
of dry brown kibble
how about this soul?
how about this life?
this sickness?
how about this always seeking I?
how about he music of my mind
in untraceable car rides alone?
wherefore to I wander
ceaselessly in search of what
wonders where I might be
born on the road of least descent
cat paws, grabs @ bottle caps on
grained wood table
my media
fizzles & searchlights
in my window
there is something I'm not facing
something inescapable, my love
like you
born of locusts in the dust, my love
like you
my weary dune-mother
how solemn are the tunes that run
thy face, o' mother and thy will
how broken are the lines upon thine
shining brow in bedroom windows
open to the world like peace
stolen in the sad glance I gaze @ everything
stolen is the cup I fill @ leaking kitchen
sink pipe strands of scent or bark
of neighbor dogs amusing grass flow
weather flowers under well I'm never
knowing what--I never will
no matter, all is well
another's all is nothing now
where knock goes streaming
crashing loud
like anvils in the rain
it's only me
how now, my dear contender?
like a shadow fallen into sound
how now the planets unwatered?
how now the roots are killed?
we all inhabit the same fears
how rabbit hides his smear
to give me a surprise
for me, none so dear
than the mystery
& April dies today