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 Aug 2013 JL
Jenna
rant
 Aug 2013 JL
Jenna
you know that feeling where you don't want to get out of bed
you don't want to open up your blinds and see the world pour in through the sun's rays
because you know deep down it wouldn't make you happy anyway
you have nothing to look forward to
nothing to smile for

that is how i feel every day these days
and i wonder when it will go away

everywhere i turn
i am disgusted
my life seems to but nothing more than
a collection of disappointment and lies
soon enough it will drive me
off the edge
and i know i will go crazy
there-is-no-turning-back crazy
just like esther in the bell jar
that's what i think
that's why i sympathize and empathize with her
she is just like me
a person muffled and choked
by customs and expectations
 Aug 2013 JL
Jenna
primera.
 Aug 2013 JL
Jenna
I know what it means now
to love;
it kind of emanates from the core
somehow, somewhere
and makes my heart feel heavy,
but also warm, blown-up,
like it's expanded enough just so
that it hugs the insides of my rib cage gently.
 Aug 2013 JL
Jenna
the birds sing from my backyard
and the morning sun hits my window at an angle,
effusing its gold-tinted rays into the glowing room

i dig deeper for the warmth
beneath the bed covers.

moments like these, i think of you.
 Aug 2013 JL
Jenna
Bitter ruins.
 Aug 2013 JL
Jenna
there was this time in the park
a frosted, gray-misted November
me, myself
on the brown benches

my head seemed forever tilted
to the right
my head didn't know
but my heart knew

I was looking for a yellow spark
hidden in the crowd of wispy passerbys

I was waiting

for you.

it seems silly when i think about it
when I pause and force
my body to stop, halt
freeze, think rationally
it's terrible to be the only one
who leaves their entrails everywhere
nothing will come out
when I squeeze my heart anymore

I have this amazing way
of hurting myself
more than I need to be hurt
 Jun 2013 JL
Amber L Whittle
My mother twisted irregular ringlettes around her finger in the dead of the night. She pulled my head knee-level and spoke in whispers of places she would one day see. Some people are never meant to stay.
I grew up in the quiet, still nights of "don't get up or else." Else was a definition I never bothered to learn.
I would crawl hands and knees and open my ears as wide as they would go. You hear so many secrets when invisible.
I became an artist at the age of three, vivid image colored bifocals taped to the back inside of my eyelids. My mother wrote HOPE entwined with NO, four inch blade, small waves, when I would sleep so I could only dream of where she would one day go and where I would never see.
Inheritance breaks backs with unforeseen trauma. Seeing the crooked cat-walk back unfamiliar to the bitter taste of prophecy, daughters learn to expect good-byes.
My mother spoke of places I couldn't fathom. My mother bare-backed with the wind before I had a chance to learn some mothers want to stay and rock their curly-haired crying daughter to sleep.
It is self-preservation to believe people cannot be permanent. A mother's love is supposed to be the strongest love of all, a piece of you able to be seen without the truth-bearing soul of a mirror. And mine was the size of the wind. You sleep and cry, and I will find a way to leave before being left.
 May 2013 JL
Robert Graves
Love is universal migraine,
A bright stain on the vision
Blotting out reason.

Symptoms of true love
Are leanness, jealousy,
Laggard dawns;

Are omens and nightmares -
Listening for a knock,
Waiting for a sign:

For a touch of her fingers
In a darkened room,
For a searching look.

Take courage, lover!
Could you endure such pain
At any hand but hers?
 Apr 2013 JL
Nik Bland
Wasted breaths caught on my fingertips as I count the hours
Flickering stars twinkle like lights slightly low on power
And I wish I was sleeping but sleeping is a luxury
And it seems it cannot be afforded by me

I have wasted too much time with my eyes shut closed
Being foolish enough to think as I slept, time froze
Only to wake and see my day had turned to twinkling stars
And from today, now yesterday, I was so very far

If I asked politely for these hours to be returned to me
Would I expect my precious day to come back again freely
Or should I find a way to waken once more to sunlight
By closing my eyes once more tonight
 Mar 2013 JL
Duck
If you were the sky
Then I'd be the sea
And when you shined bright
It would reflect in me.
When you're at rest
Then I am steady.
If you wanna get rough
I'm always ready.
Past closing at the bars
If you show me the stars
I'll open right up
And cast them out far.
And on the darkest night
If you won't shine a light.
Then I'm silent alongside you
Until you feel right.
We'll meet at the horizon
Where lovers will stare
And wonder with passion
Why they can't meet there.
And you'll share me a kiss
As bright as two suns.
When they meet in the middle
I'll know the days done.
And I can tell that's your way of saying to me.
Goodnight my love.
If you were the sky and I were the sea.
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