JL: Favorites

Nov 2013 JL

Victoria Isabel

I lay in darkness
my mind drifts
thoughts eating me alive
my body shifts
another thought and the anxiety grows
feels like the first time i tried blow
my body shifts
i think about your lips
and our passionate affair
but the thought of you with someone else
leaves me breathless, gasping for air
my body shifts
i stare into nothing
wondering when will i become something
feels like i can't stop running
my body shifts
its these sleepless nights that i fear
no candle or source of light near
i can't silence these thoughts
my body shifts
i close my eyes
and sigh
inhale and exhale
now i'm high
my body shifts
i feel my body less tense
my thoughts are now at rest
all it took was this blunt
now it makes sense
my body shifts
my mind drifts away
into the subconscious i go
ahead of me, there’s a lit up passageway
where will my dreams take me?
Who the **** knows
My body shifts

Oct 2013 JL

My Lover's Dead

Oct 2013 JL

Jenna

My Lover's Dead

My lover's dead
and I like him better that way.
When he was by my side,
I did not know what to say
as my heart was always
in a horrid, constant state
of incomprehensible joy,
my emotions so great,
they overtook my mind,
and all I could do
was let myself be loved
and sigh graciously in lieu.

My lover's dead,
but he still haunts my mind.
He hides silently, waiting
in every place I can find,
pulling me to him
with invisible strings
so he can entrap me in the felicity
that young love brings.
But I am tired, so tired,
of being in love,
of the pain that overtakes me
when I am floating above
in blessed happiness,
with him as my wings
waiting to fall,
because love is a capricious thing.

Oct 2013 JL

Indecisive

Oct 2013 JL

-

Indecisive

sometimes I want discipline
sometimes I want affection
sometimes I crave structure
sometimes I crave pleasure
sometimes I need isolation
sometimes I need protection

sometimes..

I want to be yours
sometimes I don't

terrible at making decisions
making choices
is something I can
but cannot do
I really can't

I sound like a player
but I'm really not
I just love too much

I love multiple people
which causes trouble
and creates chaos
my feelings run havoc
as I'm busy
trying to deny it

Oct 2013 JL

dead batteries

Oct 2013 JL

mark john junor

dead batteries

the setting moon
slips close to its watery grave
and she finally appears
walking slow carrying her broken shoes
she says that the night jumped her
and she had gotten lost in the
vast differences between what she hoped
and what the world always left her longing with
tears spread from her still young innocent eyes
i held her to reassure
but as i wait for our fears to subside

i see the lights approach
of thouse who would claim lordship over her wallet
and over her soul
bankers of the material world
doubling as demons from hells coldest corner
no fleeing the version where you need to change batteries
they are dead as the souls who manufacture them
she slips a pair of double a's from her
pocket rocket personal massage device
and plugs her mind back into the need to get on with her day

the moon has reached its last gasp
and she has romanced her way out of her dress
and you out of your noble intents
we all reach this impasse
with our pen and page
having sold off our forward momentum
for a desperado gamble at claiming that elusive perfect written word
we flounder at waters edge
unable to pull ourselfs back
unable to manufacture method to crawl further
we make mad dashes round and round the
proverbial gallows pole
hanging on a single idea or ideal
trying to express it clearly
it need not more clear than it is
in mind's eye
but her face lingers in your soul
urging you you recapitulate your dire love
to craft a better master plan for tearing yourself down

the moon has reached its invisible zenith
on the worlds opposite side
and you have yet to reconcile
your good natured laugh
to her dark predictions
she slips away again to seek
her rightful place in her world view
and you are the captain of your sinking rowboat
once more
sexton in hand
plot your thoughts
and row king james home
the moon will rise soon
and you need to be home
when she comes in need of a hugs
and a shoulder to weep on

the line is supposed to read "urging you to recapitulate..." my editor is off somplace making out with a spike and im not in the best of health...so....mistakes will go uncorrected.

Oct 2013 JL

confessions on gravity and distance //

Oct 2013 JL

wounded

confessions on gravity and distance //

they say gravity
is the force of
attraction
exerted by a
celestial body
upon objects near
it's surface

but you
are nowhere near
my skin, and i feel
miles turn molecular
when your words
move through
me, like electronic
particles teasing me

i want to whisper
lullabies to the
backs of your
knees
(tell me what
that means)

you say you
want to be in
arms length
of my clumsy
ways
to watch my
mouth when i speak
memorise the shapes
it makes

i say arms length
may still be
too far
i want palms
pressed together
i want to hear
the beat
of your
murmuring
heart

if you
drink wine
from a cracked bottle
you get your poison
and battle scars
at once

and if that's what
it would take
to kiss you
dear girl
consider it
done

Oct 2013 JL

everything i wish i would have said when you showed up at my front door

Oct 2013 JL

quinn collins

everything i wish i would have said when you showed up at my front door

countless were the minutes we spent apart,
and long were the nights i swam in my own regret.
you opened my eyes the day you came
back in my life,
and it was the easiest thing in the world
to tell you i love you like nothing had changed,
even though mountains separate us,
rivers and canyons that i can’t leap across.
it hit me like a punch to the stomach,
and i could see what i couldn’t before,
tears in the rain that had finally let up.
i hope you know that you awaken parts of me
that have lain dormant for too long,
an indescribable feeling that travels up my spine
and back down again.
the turn of the tide,
the changing of the seasons,
our own aging,
all of these things are inevitable in life,
and i want you and me to be one of them.
i could swear that yesterday was september,
and now it’s suddenly october,
and i can’t waste another minute drowning
without you there to save me,
so i’ll take my thoughts and false preconceptions
and wash them down the drain,
and this time i won’t let another opportunity pass by.
we all have demons that live inside us,
but you help me to forget mine.

Sep 2013 JL

you were home.

Sep 2013 JL

Julian Dorothea

you were home.

sometimes I think of you and die inside. and I end up crying in bathroom stalls. I miss you. I miss you.

sometimes I want to send you all these books I've read because they remind me of you but the truth is that no two people read the same book, no two people are in the same relationship, a conversation is not shared, a moment, a laugh, a look. We were never a we. There was a you and an I. A you with your thoughts and an I with mine.

sometimes I think that perhaps if I write you letters. endlessly. endlessly. and put them all into a box I would eventually come to realize that there will never be a possibility of you replying to them. And you turn into nothing more than a thing in the distance that my voice will be unable to reach. and slowly. slowly. I will accept that you have gone. that how we are is no longer what we once were and that we can never be that again.

we used to refer to each other as "home". are you a wandering vagabond just like me? are you a homeless, restless, soul? are you like Julian's tourist? I am. I am. I am. You were my ultimate symbol of acceptance. and now nowhere is safe. I have taken to walking the streets every chance I get. Every time my mind is not locked on some book. on some lecture. on some dream. I am walking. walking. walking. It is the only way I can survive. to stop. to pause. would only bring me to the loss of you. it is this reality I run from.

I read book upon book to escape you. blare music to my ears til I'm dead. but all the words contain you. every line has you. the songs sing in your voice. you are everywhere. there is nowhere to run.

I'm sorry for being too much like Tereza, you deserved more than that.

and I am too scared to open my journal.

Julian is Julian Casablancas and Tereza is Milan Kundera's character. This was only supposed to be the beginning of something but I don't think I have the strength to write it yet.