This spot I sit at right now is simply amazing.
I only wish that this could be a painting,
then I could show you the loveliness of it.
For now I only have my mind to capture this moment.
Snap.
I only wish you were here.
Taking a puff of this cigarette makes everything stay still for one moment.
Time to get a hair cut.
I'll be home soon.

Inhale and hold it in.
You don't want to be called a *****
Even by your closest friend.

Exhale and let everything around you disolve.
There are no worries at this point.
There is nothing to think about.
Only the thoughts of what you have just done.
They start to sink in
And your thoughts come at you like never before.

The walls around you have only disolved, as the walls of your thoughts build up 10x as strong.
Tring to break through them only acts as a self distruct.
So you hit the button,
Once
Twice
More times than you thought was possible.
Especially after saying you wouldn't hit it after the first.

Running away is hopeless, as you end up where you left
Like many others.
You are not like them.
The ones who are lost in thier own loop.
Learn from thier mistakes.


Gulp, gulp, gulp...
Onto something new we see.
A different country, a different coulture.

Swallow and discover the opposite.
There are no worries.
There are no thoughts.
There is nothing at all.
The only thing that sinks is the liquid inside your empty stomach.

The walls are blured
And your perception on reality is fuzzed.
Like a kid in a bouncy castle,
you don't want to leave.

The echoing sound of your parents escorts you out though.
You follow them home
And before you lay into slumber
They remind you of school in the morning.

I'd stay up all night
Waiting for you to wake.
Time difference didn't matter
When I had you as my caffine.

Talking about a false future
And broken promises.
Did you know how the book was going to end?
I think we both did.
I've given you enough lives to know how the story goes.

Give up after the first chapter
Then throw me in the trash.
Just a distraction untill you find a worthy novel.

As the reader
Your perception on things is up to you.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm not right for your twisted mind
And if so, i ask you to never pick me up again.

Your eyes are no longer radiant over my pages
As they were fueled by my sadness.

I have run out of lives for you.
So I have no more sadness.

The paint on the walls have started to melt
dragging all the the colors I painted, down.
Drooping like my body in this heat.
The weatherman informs me of no change anytime soon.
As the summer creeps up from behind
and kisses my winter body.
Leaving me in a shock of goosebumps.
This feels so un natural
in the heat you made me feel.

My heart jumped at the sound of your voice
and flew at the hope of your sight.
Now it falls like an anchor entering the sea
hitting harder than the sand ever felt.
Everything jumped down
hoping to catch it.

We danced to many serenades
in the colorful ballroom of day dreams.
The queen of the night, you are.

Now the old wallpaper screeches
with high pitched misguides.
I had no intention of them revealing themselves so soon.

Based on a thought
will be the death of me.

Take my hand and come with me.
My sun could light your storm
and your storm would cool my sun.

Feed me your sadness
and I'll scoop it up in a spoon.
Like a fresh bowl of ice cream
I'll swallow it whole.
It'll descend into the gut
melting away my insides.
I'll let it dissolve everything I need
if it leaves you solidified in my sight.

My night sky has turned into a distant blur.
Staring out
I manage to lick the edge of it.
And I receive a now common taste
of numbed pain and sleep full nights.

Everything is a haze
and I'm the center of it.
Feeling everything I needed.

But what was that again?
Oh yeah, nothing.
Feeling better than before
I crawl into bed
and my dreams blossom more than the sun's sky.

Every morning I wake with the taste of the night before.
Feeling everything that wasn't wanted.
Feeling everything.
A sore head and an un easy tongue

I crawl into the shower
and thoughts start to fall on me.
I see the distant sky
and poke my tongue out at it.
Mr. moon tugs at it, and pulls me in.

Once sleepless nights have turned into slept in days.
That once wanted Lego set has turned into a pleasant lunch with grandparents.
The small things have become appreciated and those once big things are now small things.
Friends have become acquaintances and acquaintances have disappeared into thin air.

I wish to join them, into nothing, to be forgotten.  
Blow out the candles and it's done.
Be careful for what you wish for they said.
Should of listened.

Happy birthday my friend.