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Jim Timonere Apr 2016
We were the defiant ones who
ripped open the envelope back when
conscience and citizenship really meant
obedience to conformity.

We broke that with reason and gave our
blood too at times so those words up there
would have their ordinary meaning not
what the suits would have us believe.

We opened doors closed so long to more than half of
us who proved not to be the weaker ***
and brought outcasts into the debate because
we finally saw and listened and acted.

And we ushered in technologies that will bring us to
the stars; some of it is in my hand and
I can picture myself in an instant, but
that isn't me I see there.  It cannot be.

That man has gray hair, and wrinkles and his
skin sags.  He looks older than I could
ever want to be or ever would achieve
because I am one of those who changed the world.

The only part of me I see in him is in his eyes
where familiar fires burn deep within, but
who will see them now in this old face?  Who
will look?  Who will care?

This is not myself I see.  It is neither the self I know
or the self I am.  I still run across the yard lines
and down the base paths.  I make love with my
Precious on warm summer nights.

I am one of the defiant ones who changed it all,
and I will never get old.
Jim Timonere Apr 2016
the key to our situation
is surreptitiously
concealed under the doormat
where anyone who wanted in
would look…
and so, my love,
I will pretend to be
surprised I found your
key if you will pretend to be
surprised when I come home..
So, the last word of the poem, Should it be "home" or "in" or "back"?
Jim Timonere Apr 2016
Six letters making a sound that means so much.

The pressure of a month's uncertainty released.

The dark spell ended; the nightmare over;
the dawn burning hot with the promise of more life.

The glow had not faded and I thought of those who never heard
the word.  

Those now gone, those who suffer, and those who love them.

I wonder why I am the one who will sleep well tonight
while the only peace they will find is in their final rest.
Jim Timonere Apr 2016
Waiting for a biopsy result can be its own kind of hell
because you can't be sure whether time
will bring you something good or **** you.

It's not that I fear death yet, even though I know I will,
it's the anticipation of the death process ripping me down
from the inside out while people I love are sorrowful
and try to be brave for me.

And yet, the answer time is hiding could be life
full and warm and wonderful and long,
which is to say death will use a slower process to claim me
and those who love me will have more time to watch
as I fade to the Place we all must go.

It strikes me then these moments, even now
as I bare my soul to you, are something
to be enjoyed rather than spent in dread of what time could bring,
for the ultimate result has never been avoided.
Jim Timonere Mar 2016
You forced me to play twice,
But thanks to a friend, we got to you before you could dig in.

I was lucky, and I walked away and I was safe.

Two days after a check up
they told me you were back,
"this time it's in your pancreas".

Again it's early and I think I have a chance
but I keep hearing things in my mind like
"three strikes and you're out" or "third time's the charm".
        I would be lying if I said you didn't scare me, but
I'm more afraid of being a coward
And causing my people the extra pain
Of watching me whimper.

And I owe it to those who helped me before,
the ones less fortunate than me who you burned and crippled and killed,
Those who smiled and gave me courage as they were suffering.
  
So we start again...
Jim Timonere Mar 2016
They don't call me often, but I always  know it's them
When the calls come late at night, or
At moments that pressures from every other part my life
Are unbearable-

That's when they call

With life or death issues
Who is sick or leaving their spouse or
-God forbid I ever get this one again-
In the hospital having failed a suicide?

They call me and I know in their voices
Things are either wrong or very wrong

And something takes over in me, a calm in my voice
A clear head as my heart, which they can't detect,
Races into overdrive and I have to sit or I will fall.

I listen and hear my words as if they were spoken by someone else
Clear they are, and soft, and loving
I wonder how because they come from a man who feels
The pain of his child as his own pain
Yet the words don't betray that…not so far anyway.

These are the times they listen to me without the dismissal
Of the young for the generation above them.
This is when I am Dad, not "the old man"
I weigh more during these calls but I lose more of me to them.

But I don't miss what I have given
Any more than my mother missed what she gave me.
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