Do I bore you
When I read;
Read words I've written,
Ones I've discovered?
I listen to you words.
Words of passion on
Cars, cameras, music, your life.
My words are never really from my mouth.
That's not how I work.
Not how I speak.
I find my voice on paper.
I escape into a world I can create
One I wish you would enjoy
Love
Just give it a chance.
But I will not force it
Will not push it.
That simply isn't me.
I just can't do that.
I only wish you would see my passion
Is not in the objects you can touch
But in things you have to search for to truly see
The untold beauties of the soul
I wish you could see.

Finding the words...
Yes it is tough.
We all know it
But we just don't want to show it.
We don't let people see how
Upset
Hurt
Angry
We truly are.
But why?
Why not yell at the top of our lungs
Hoping maybe they will hear.
Maybe they will get the point
If you scream it loud enough
Yell in their face
Maybe, just maybe
They can see where you are coming from
See that you hurt too
That you KNOW you messed up
I may have not handled at as they would have
But I am not perfect.
I don't pretend to be.
I never have.
I'm ****** up
Insecure
Neurotic
And emotional.
Yeah...I'm just fine.
Don't you see that?
No. You can't see that I'm not perfect either.
I ****** up. I get that.
But I will know it tomorrow even if you don't remind me.
I promise you I will.

Maybe we are all too blind.
Too unwilling to really step back
And take a look
Inside the walls we live
Maybe a bit too closely
To see the absolute crazy
Within our close knit families.
Lies and truths never really exposed
Just swept under the rug
Never to be spoken of.
Never to be seen.
Maybe that's why you never saw
Me cutting myself
Wanting to **** myself
Because of your words.
Because I was not worthy
Of the love I thought I needed.
Maybe I hid it
Maybe you saw it and ignored it
Ignored the cuts,
My sleepless eyes,
All the pain I was in.
Maybe you decided it was too much to handle
That I wasn't worth it to you.
But maybe you just didn't see.
I have to tell myself you just didn't see.
That maybe it was all on me
All my fault.
Maybe we were all blinded
By too many secrets,
Too many lies.
Maybe we can't ever see past all the crazy
Past all the hurt
Of our close knit families.

It's in way we move--
Move as one--
Move like the ocean tides.
The way it ebbs and flows
So perfect;
So determined.

It's in the way you hold me close;
The way you pull me tighter in.
Even though there is no where else to go;
No where but to fall into your chest,
Feel your heart beat against mine,
Feel your warmth engulfing me,
Comforting me.

It's in the way you look into my eyes.
That soul-searchy stare you give me--
The one that makes my heart beat faster.
My eyes dart between yours
Trying to see what you see in me,
Why you even take the time
To search my soul.
To find the answers.

It's in the way you never hold back.
The way you are fearless--
Making me so.
The way you do not question
You just do.
You just know.
Simply know.
I will be here tomorrow and the next and the next
Forever holding on,
Forever wanting more,
Needing your kind words,
Love,
Protection,
Understanding.
Needing it all.
Wanting it all.
Loving you.

It's the way you love me.
So purely;
So perfectly.

It's the innocence really:
The way this all feels so young,
So fresh,
So free.
That makes it so beautiful.
It's knowing we have all the time in the world.
No more rushing.
No more hoping or wishing.
Just doing and loving.
Just us.
Simply, wonderful, perfect us.

I have arrived.
Back to the place I didn't think I would be for so long.
Back to the place I'm supposed to call home again.
Back to the place I want to call home.
The place that could be home--
Could be if I make it--
If I choose to let it.
If I decide this is where I am supposed to be,
Supposed to live,
Supposed to breathe.
Back to home
Where I may not belong
Where things may fit
Yet feels so wrong.
Back to places I only kind of know
Around people who I am scared to show
I am forever lost and broken.
Forever searching for home.
Forever wanting to find a place
Where I love what I do,
Who I am with,
Who I am.
I am home again searching.
Searching and searching forever
Hoping, waiting, and wishing
That maybe
Someday soon
I will find my home.

"Now...They must be twins?"
I answer each ignorant question
With a smile and patience
And begin to explain the obvious.
They are two people don't you see?
Tearani with her winning smile,
Contagious laugh, soulful eyes,
Extra height, bigger feet,
Longer hair now (hers is normally shorter),
Dressing to fit her mood, the best listener,
And my best friend.
Then there is Teia.
Her bright eyes; childish demeanor;
Soft, flowing clothes; disorganized and crazy;
Small nose; rounder face;
More freckles; and caught up in the world.
TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How can you not see?
The differences, they are just too obvious to me.
"I guess it's because I've lived with them,"
I answer with a sigh.
Or maybe others are to ignorant to see
The two completely different people
Their stupidity blinds them from seeing.
They are twins yes.
But they are so much more.
They are Tearani and Teia.

A day out in the sun
Results in a night of heat.
I splash my face with icy water
The kind that makes
The muscles in you hands tighten.
I try and wash away the heat
The sweat that was there
But forever wanting to keep the sunshine.
To show the sunshine on my face
The kind that makes more and more
Tiny cute freckles appear.