I cannot describe the feeling of anticipation, waiting like in a food restaurant wondering!  Seen all there’s people munching. Drinking they fine wines away, all I can feel is the smell of the food around me.


I’ve been told my order will be out soon, not sure what it is?    The menu is in French I have this feeling of desperation! Wondering if what I’ve ordered would be good news to my palate.


Like been told you were adopted waiting on that park bench to meet your mom and dad for the first time. The time seems to go slow as you look around! Is that them? Hearts racing with anticipation.


I know what I want the outcome to be, but feel disappointed and sad at the thought that what I want to be would not be. See now I’m thinking why am I causing this emotion of lose through anticipating the worst outcome.


Fatigue and tired my brain becomes as these thoughts of been disappointed take’s over my mood. ~TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK~ the grandfather clock ticks but never stops i suppose it does in a way when you fall asleep.


Because for that moment your heart beats. Your brain is telling your body breath. As normality become thoughts. I now enter this dream this dream like state of emotion makes me remember that my mind is my temple.


It’s absolutely amazing this place I’m in. strange things in the world that my eyes have seen. And like a shadow fading in the distance light of this special place.    My thoughts stop been images and go back into my mind for only me to feel.


~ How Delighted ~ I am for waking up in the morning and breathing that first breath of life I will live for today and pray for tomorrow.

JidOs Reality 1.2.11

Respect could be described as a suttle word to describe the liar in yourself were does it begin?


Within our own bubble or out of your comfort zone, one man’s likes could be another man’s dislikes.


In such a situation respect is the one thing that has to bring the two together bonding in such a way that it brings smile to our faces.


Good morning mam would you like to take a seat? Please I must insist! That was the conversation I had the other day.


When an old lady jumped onto the bus with no were to sit down, no she said but thank you.


So we had bonded with that i stood up and offered my seat and as she sat down she looked at me and smiled and with a sweat voice she said thank you young man.


Funny faces on the bus looking at me! But I never cared at they Thoughts, I was happy with the respect I had shown the dear old lady.


Jidos Reality 8.1.10

Trouble Memories have made us today molded our character and minds created this un for seen future we have left behind.


Cause and effect I think! I lost 6 weeks of my life but gained a moment of reality with a mixed feeling of acceptance with one’s self.


Covered in a storm of happiness wish I had a camera to capture this feeling of completion, as my mind becomes one with my soul.


Like picking up my Knife and Fork cutting into this piece of stake that’s covered in mushroom sauce.


Thinking been waiting for this moment for some time, and as I take my first bite my smile gets a moment of clarity with its self.


Watching the sun set on a quiet Sunday morning, and a warm summers evening, Tingling moments of spontaneous randomness.


My sadness has become my happiness filled with days of loneliness watching the time pass by wondering when will I realize I’ve found myself.


Complete is the suttle word that comes to mind! At peace at last with these Trouble Memory’s.

  
Jidos Reality 1.1.10

Happy days often seem like lazy days taking absolutely no account of the time passing by, Blinded by the memory of happiness which seems to have been lost.


Shadowed and over taken over by the feeling of guilt and failure, I’ve come to terms with my illness.


My compassion to be more accretive with myself has grown, like a little baby who’s found the beauty of taking its first steps feels so pure and natural.


To make the same mistake twice would shawley make me a fool, a fool i was once always craved to be happy.


When i was little growing up in a situation were to be loved and cuddled, was almost to impossible to ask.


But for that second when you felt that love you would spend the rest of your day smiling, I found happiness and could not understand it so I let it go.


Now I’m ready and it’s too late because she’s gone and never coming back.


Jidos Reality 2.1.10

Life what an amazing word to give such a precious feeling we feel each day,

To breath to touch to smile I’ve laughed and cried in my dreams in my sleep all day every week.

  
Today’s another day just like yesterday and i pray and thank you for tomorrow, we truly are blessed without the little ant there would be no me.

  
Scared by sadness I see around me, my heart turns to stone, crumbling at every tear I see.

  
With one loved another is gone, another is born far away in a land of pure ecstasy,

Happiness cannot be a word I would use when I held your little body in my arms.

  
Happiness would be the feeling rushing through my every thought’s, but life is the word I would use so I say I pray for today and thank you for tomorrow.

  
Jidos Reality 7.1.10

I’m a plumb in a Fruit Basket that’s out of control, Two Apples ones green because the Banana forgot that he smelt see he was so old.

The Grape would always sit on its own in the corner in the cold, The Orange could never peel it’s self so the story goes.

The Kiwis always got a twin he aint really in a rush to want to go, Mangos getting weaker as they feel the muscles grow.

Crunch getting over taken by the hour glass that never grows, Sand dunes created by the sweet taste of the Tangerines we all loved to know.

Fruit salad created by the imagination our taste buds have grown to know Pears trying to mingle in this fruit basket that’s getting out of control.

See the birds all sing to the sweet taste of the Nectarines that I’m missing just thought you should know.

This fruit basket is getting heavy i can’t carry it anymore; I’m a Plumb in a fruit basket that’s gone out of control.

JidosReality 7.5.11

Just to let you know how you make me feel what you make me do, the love you give cannot be replaced your love is one in a million.

You make me smile all day and make my heart speak, Personality and the things you do makes me feel loved and yes I love you two.

Your smile your trust it goes on and on it gives me a good feeling all day long, I’ll be more than your brother I’ll be your best friend.

I’ll always hold you when you thinking about something that may hurt you, you my little sister and nothing will ever change that.

Happiness is a dream I would always with for you, because it’s true you my sister and i loves you two.

Jidos Reality 16.7.11