Strong arms - struggling
To compensate
Up the stairs I watch her pull herself
With these arms
Her useless legs
Dangling

I experience a moment in her life - only
A moment
I live it vicariously
The pain
The frustration
The life she can not turn from
And forget

You were there for a moment -  forcing
Me to feel
I hadn't felt anything in a long time
Your passion
Your child like heart
Breathed
Life back into my soul

You had a way of seeing things
In color
And you painted the picture
Vividly
For my eyes to see
And you were there - forcing
Me to feel
A sickness in my stomach

I remembered why I had shut down
But didn't I used to say I'd rather
Feel pain
Than nothing at all?
I was like that once - full
Of laughter
And tears
But somewhere I stopped crying

And my world turned black and white - I used to
Love
To roll around in red
To cover myself in blue
To jump high and land in pools
Of green
Can I cry for you?

And will those tears fall like drops of blood
Painting my pillow
Blots of red in a room stained white
Color
Any color
Emotion
Anything to make me feel alive
Can I cry for you?

Blood red tears on field of green
Beneath a blue sky
Painting a spectrum of emotion
In a black and white
World

I miss you most when I'm in those places where you should be
And you're not
I find myself longing to look - if just one more time
At your perfect face
I want to drink you in - filling
The emptiness with your image
Your  spirit
As pure and devoted as a child's

I long for a different world
A different reality
One magic word that can change this thwarted
Love
Into a lifetime of happiness

Each moment with you was surreal
As if I had stepped into a
Dream
I felt my spirit
Outside looking in

From the first hello
When your eyes scintillated
Burning their mark into my
Soul
I was lost in you
Lost in your perfect beauty

You found your way into the deepest chambers
Of my heart
You saw and understood
You reached inside
Running your fingers across my pain
And I smiled

I stood outside
Listening as I spoke those inevitable words
Watching
Thwarted love played out on the big screen
It all happened so fast

Endless ocean -  broad horizon of emptiness
I sit alone in the world I created
A victim
Of my own choices

I've always been drawn to the dark side
Intrigued and seduced
Finally
Completely immersed in darkness
It is a paradox
How can the body remain alive
When the soul has died?

In the water I catch my reflection
I am but a silhouette
I see a child
Running, chasing rainbows
Dancing in the sand
I try to embrace her
But she slips through me
Then disappears

Was it so wrong to believe in castles in the sky?
I've always known
It had to be all or nothing
But I did not realize how
Infinite
Nothing is
I'm drowning in the void

Everyday I slip further into it, further
Into myself
Can they see the film over my eyes
I wonder
The pain is only a memory now
Images
Of someone else's life

I see a tiny girl, curled on the floor
Fighting for breath
I see but cannot feel the knife
Twisting, turning, twisting,
Turning
It was a slow death
But the end came suddenly

I remember the exact moment
I felt my spirit spill
Out
And the pain was gone
I exist now an empty shell
A shadow
A dark silhouette
I watch the child dancing in the
Sand
And try to remember
The little girl who believed in castles in the
Sky

Another heart cut down in its
Prime
A beloved father, brother, husband
Friend
Lost
And missed beyond words
A passionate soul
Whose energy could be felt
Upon entrance
And was solely missed upon
Departure

Another flickering ember stifled too
Quickly
A burned out fire leaving so many
Feeling cold
A lost talent, a thwarted dream
A world just a little more empty
It's color
A little more dim

I will miss your insights
Eloquently
Expressed in your writing
I will miss your stage presence
And the joy you brought to all
Who watched
I'll miss our long talks
The bond we formed
I'll miss your strength
Your fight
I'll miss your dancing eyes
That never lost hope
I will miss you my friend
This world
Will never be the same

I was taught at an early age
But I was too young
To understand
In youth
We are all helpless sheep
Powerless
In need of guidance
Direction
Sadly, we are often  are hurt most
By the ones we
Love
Trust

I was too young to be stripped of my
Innocence
Too young to understand
It was gone
But I bore the scars for a long time
The scars of violation
And control
But with time I grew
Strong enough
To reclaim my power
And heal