It was a love built
On time
Years spent and years
Lost
A love so complex
It could not be
Defined
In words
Only in touch
Your hand in mine
Said so much
Our eyes locked
Our souls eternally
Entwined

And then you were gone

We believe as long as we can
Then we learn what it means to pretend
We search for answers nowhere to be found
We want reasons, but they're too profound
For our minds, our simple minds to comprehend
We trapped on a circle that has no end

We inhale the poison, feel the pain melt away
We'll face the consequence, but on another day
We slip into a dream of what can never be
Blissful delusion sets our hearts free
When all is lost, all we can do is run
Until the sun, like the reaper, tells us our time's done

And I don't recall, did I put up a fight -
Or just hand you control?
You have no right to possess my soul
And I have no right to hate you -
For what I've done to myself

The sun falls down, day turns into night
Mama's little helper, turn this wrong into right
You're the thorn in my flesh, tearing into my soul
The sword in my side, a fire out of control
You were the start of my life, there was nothing 'til then
Now, my love, I fear you'll be the end

And I don't recall, did I put up a fight -
Or just hand you control?
You have no right to possess my soul
And I have no right to hate you -
But I hate you,  for what I've done to myself

When I looked into your eyes, and I saw her face
I thought I might die - but we always survive
(So I tell myself)
But I'm so tired, I hear my heart screaming out
As I go running through the rain
I can't believe
I can't believe
I'm loosing again
I see my face though a window
Lost
Like a child with no place to go
Can I just lie here and die
I don't want to survive
(But I always do)

Now, as I look into your eyes
I see a reflection of the promise that we made
And it all comes rushing back -
How dare you look at me that way!
I don't want to hear it
All the words you have to say
(But I always do)
I'm so tired, my heart's screaming out
As we're running through the rain
I can't believe
I can't believe
I'm falling again, like a child
That will not learn
How many times does it have to burn?

I close my eyes, and I try to turn away
It's better this way
It doesn't matter any more
The promise that we made
Only fools speak in the rain
Like children at play -
And if I opened up my eyes
If I looked inside yours
Whose face would I see?
It doesn't matter any more
The promise that we made
It doesn't matter any more
Only fools speak in the rain

Empty Hopes we burry deep in our minds
Empty promises turn to dreams we'll never find
Words lost in the heart lay silent on our lips
Unfulfilled desires never touch our fingertips
Opportunities lost we carry like a cross
Words left unsaid we cannot count the cost
Love turns scholars into fools
Time, we learn to live by her  rules

We see what we want, but we live with the truth
We get so tangled up, we can't cut ourselves lose
We need what we need, so we do what we do
No one ever knows how red turns into blue
So we live with our choices and the lives that we made
We walk down the road on the  paths that we pave
Regrets?  I guess I have a few
It hurts, sometimes, when I look at you

Do you feel it, what I'm feeling now?
Do you wonder, somewhere, somehow?
Do you wish, sometimes,
We had the power to undo time?

Do you hear it, what I'm trying to say?
Do you see the black and white, disguised as grey?
Open up your heart, read between the lines
Look into my eyes, you'll see the signs
Take another view, this picture isn't what it seems
There is no right or wrong -
We're caught in between
But divine truth is the law we were taught to live by
What I feel for you now, I can only whisper in a sigh

You told me you loved me once - I'm not sure why
What you meant was I love the person
You can be
Or rather, the person I can make you into
I tried so hard to transfigure
I was desperate
To fit into your box - but I was getting lost
In the shoes you insisted I wear


I loved you so much - the  way
You saw things
The faith you had in yourself
Your passion for life.   But I was
Suffocating
In your disapproval
I never understood what you saw in me

How could you say you loved me, then try to change
Everything about me?
It hurt
So much I told you to leave
More than once
But you kept coming back
Determined
You said to love me
But in reality all you wanted was to play
Hero
And I was supposed to be your damsel
In distress
I almost believed

You tried to get into places too sensitive to touch
You said, "How can I love you -
If you wont let me in?"
I didn't want to lose you, but I didn't have the key
To my own wall
It had gotten lost somewhere in time

Besides, this wall was my only source of protection
And strength
How could I open its door
And stand before you naked
Vulnerable
How could I survive your rejection?

I pushed you too hard -  or maybe
Too many times
In the end I cried out like a frightened child
But you would not turn back

I told you there are no heros

Time can be as violent as a river
Or as silent as a breeze
But it always takes a piece of us
Every time it leaves
Sometimes I feel so empty
It's hard for me to breathe
When the memories fly at me
They drop me to my knees

It's been so long since I've felt so alive
So long since I've wanted to die
It's been so long since I've done anything
Other than survive
It's been so long since the sun's been on
So long since the darkness fell
For so long
I've been nothing more
Than this empty shell

But I've  learned to laugh
And I've learned to smile
To paint the color of my skin
Every morning I perfect
The mask that hides the scars within
Sometimes, I try to remember who I used to be
Before the life left my eyes
But it's been too long
I've been too gone
I've drowned in my own lies

I hear something drop out of the sky
I look up
Bewildered
Until I see the bird descend after his meal
I laugh
As I watch him retrieve it
Only to drop it
Again
The fish is just a little too big

I turn back to my journaling
As I sit on the sand
I'm telling God how bored I am with
My life
I hear another thud just in front of me
Then to the side of me
The bird can't keep his food in his
Mouth
I can almost hear God,  laughing
With me, saying

"Careful,  you never know when a fish might fall from the sky."