i left behind a part of my heart in december of last year
i felt happier than ever in the snowfall,
buying gifts for everyone i loved
but before christmas even had the chance to arrive,
i felt myself start to fall apart
by the time it was january,
i was in pieces
i tried to pick myself up,
but i think i left a few shards behind
because i haven't felt like myself since

i left behind a part of my heart in july of this year
up at the top of the high roller of vegas
where i fell in love with the cityscape
it's probably still up there,
spinning in slow, 30 minute rotations
because when i left,
home didn't feel like home anymore

it's scattered,
inside cars and classrooms,
bedrooms and coffee shops
cities and mountain trails
here and there,
i leave behind a part of my heart
until i don't know where all of me is anymore

it's the first of july
i'm watching the sky
and the cars going by
i can't look you in the eye
your finger runs along the steering wheel, shy
hair awry
sad eyes, yet warm, like pie
we both know we shouldn't try
i feel hollow, i can't cry
i know this might be goodbye
cause we're young, and we're spry
i won't lose myself to some guy
so take care, and fly high

i know whats holding me back
i know the problem and i know the solution
the past is the fog thats blocking my vision of the now
a constant reminisce of the “good ol’ days” stops me from making new memories
insecurity is the clamp that keeps my mouth shut
stitches of paranoid possibilities weave my lips together inseparably
hope keeps my eyes open but doesn’t let me act
like im watching the blank tv, expecting it to turn on on its own
and the remote is in arm’s reach but anxiety is keeping me tied to the chair
depression are the handcuffs that force me to stay in bed
everlastingly napping because there’s nothing else i can do

i know the problem and i know the solution
i need to clear the air of being stuck in the past
i need to release and relax
i need to act and watch and learn
i need to get the key, it feels so far away but im sure i could reach if i just
tried

tick tick
goes the clock
as i spend another day alone
im always one second closer to my death
another minute closer to saying goodbye
the hours pass like the seconds,
i watch them go by and i can't bring myself to move
tick tick
i can hear the bomb
my impending doom
im going to waste my life away, i can see it coming
the people i love, they're getting farther away
i can't reach them anymore,
maybe it's not them who's drifting
maybe it's me
tick tick
it feels like im waking up just before my alarm
too soon
i feel like i'm already gone

green boy,
dandelions in the midst
of blades of grass slicing the breeze
unpredictable,
growing everlastingly.

blue boy,
bright-eyed and beautiful
excitable and dazzling,
nearly incomprehensible.

like the clouds at the top of the mountain,
you're close, but never close enough
before i know it you'll be gone,
like falling leaves,
morning frost,
or rain dew.

i must remember that you are temporary
as am i.
like a butterfly,
you must grow
and i must let you go.

i got a head full of flowers
blooming and blurring reality with fantasy
colorful thoughts of what could be
if you were with me
i got a head full of flowers
i know they'll wilt soon
but let me just enjoy this beauty for now
before summer takes its bow

love stabbed me in the back
it was unrequited all along
i looked at myself in the mirror, asked why i wasn't good enough
it was the killer of my self-confidence
my deteriorating self-esteem dripped red from my lips
my eyes sunk into their sockets like a corpse
just lay me into my grave already, love murdered me
and i don't know if i'll raise up this time